quote:

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

quote:

Op vrijdag 17 april 2009 23:22 schreef Philip10 het volgende:
Misschien ken je het wel.

quote:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

quote:

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

quote:

Today, I stumbled upon my boyfriend's Facebook. His second Facebook. On which I also stumbled upon his second girlfriend. FML

quote:

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and proceeded to walk up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:32 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:
Ik hou daar niet van lachen om de ellende van anderen!!!!!!!

...normen en waarden kinderen denk erom!

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:33 schreef raaavi het volgende:

[..]

heb je wel mooi een tvp in een topic waar je extreem tegen bent

quote:

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:32 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:
Ik hou daar niet van lachen om de ellende van anderen!!!!!!!

...normen en waarden kinderen denk erom!

quote:

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:37 schreef RoW_0 het volgende:

[..]

HAHAHAHAAHA

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:37 schreef Quir het volgende:

[..]

Dat zit er gewoon ingebakken, zhe.

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:39 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:

[..]

hou-hart-vast- al die sleutelkids...zucht

quote:

Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:39 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:

[..]

hou-hart-vast- al die sleutelkids...zucht

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:40 schreef raaavi het volgende:

[..]

Oja, jij was die user met die smerige FoBo.

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:43 schreef Quir het volgende:

[..]

Sleutelkids? Verklaar u nader.

quote:

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:45 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:

[..]

kids zonder emoticons! Je weetz wel tog?

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:46 schreef Quir het volgende:

[..]

Emoticons hebben we genoeg hier. In overvloed, zelfs.
Hoe kom je trouwens bij dat woord?

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:46 schreef Kerol het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:47 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:

[..]

Je moet niet zulke moeilijke vragen stellen als het nacht is enzo,..hoor

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:50 schreef Quir het volgende:

[..]

De nacht is nog jong.

quote:

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

quote:

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:50 schreef zhe-devilll het volgende:

[..]

Neuken??????

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 01:10 schreef AngryNerd het volgende:
Today, my father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to "surprise mom later". Anxious to see him without his life-long beard, I willingly agreed. About half an hour later he exited the bathroom. Beard fully intact. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 01:11 schreef raaavi het volgende:

[..]

hmm.... nadere uitleg het is al laat.

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 01:11 schreef AngryNerd het volgende:
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 01:11 schreef AngryNerd het volgende:
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

quote:

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins are still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid runs out and shoots me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and he ruined my new suit.

quote:

Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found a sexually transmitted disease in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I'm 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 01:11 schreef AngryNerd het volgende:
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

quote:

Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML

quote:

Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found a sexually transmitted disease in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I'm 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML

quote:

Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML

quote:

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 02:17 schreef xericax het volgende:
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 02:17 schreef xericax het volgende:
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 12:29 schreef Mikkie het volgende:
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out. With a man. FML

quote:

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

quote:

Today, my wife went to the hospital because she had been gaining weight recently and had missed her period the last three months. We thought it was menopause. Turns out she's pregnant. I've been sterile since the day I was born. FML

quote:

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

quote:

Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 15:10 schreef powerlite het volgende:
fucking briljant! TVP

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 14:37 schreef waht het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]



edit:
[..]


[..]

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 07:26 schreef theKiD het volgende:
Ff een tvp..

quote:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML

quote:

Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML

quote:

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

quote:

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

quote:

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

quote:

Today I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the fucking thing. FML

quote:

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

quote:

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:04 schreef JanusAnus het volgende:

[..]

Kankergeniaal

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:06 schreef JanusAnus het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:06 schreef JanusAnus het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:26 schreef IkkuhNL2 het volgende:
Today, I bought a $1.09 burrito from taco bell with my debit card, unfortunately my overdraft fee was $25. I spent $26.01 on a burrito. FML

quote:

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

quote:

Today, after a late night at the bars, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response, "I live here." FML

quote:

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

quote:

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:06 schreef JanusAnus het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 17:52 schreef powerlite het volgende:
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

quote:

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

quote:

Today, me and my bootie-call were doing the dirty on the lower bunk bed while his roommate was passed out drunk on top. Right when we were about to finish, I said "this is so bad, we're probably going to wake up your roommate." From the top bunk we heard..."yup." FML

quote:

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

quote:

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 25 april 2009 07:26 schreef theKiD het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op zaterdag 25 april 2009 07:47 schreef delano.888 het volgende:

[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tired my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. The next day my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 23 april 2009 23:10 schreef Caspian het volgende:
Er zitten ook een heleboel mietjes tussen.

"Boehoe, mijn grootmoeder zei dat een sporter een 'nice package' had. M'n grootmoeder praatte over sex tegen mij. Fuck my life!"

(Ik kon de exacte quote niet terugvinden, maar er staan er meer van dat soort mietjes tussen.)

quote:

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

quote:

Today, I was on the London underground. My feet were aching, so I really wanted a seat. A mother and child got off the train and I heard her say, 'why didn't you wait?' Going to sit down I wondered what he was supposed to wait for, then proceeded to sit in his (still warm) piss. FML

quote:

Op zondag 26 april 2009 14:43 schreef Mefistoteles het volgende:

[..]

Mietje?
Waarschijnlijk was dat in een kampergezelschap maar ik zou dat toch wel heel erg vinden als m'n oma dat zou zeggen.

quote:

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

hoe slecht ben je dan =

quote:

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

quote:

Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML

quote:

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

quote:

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she'd couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

quote:

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They proceeded to have sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

quote:

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

quote:

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

quote:

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

quote:

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

quote:

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

quote:

Today, I went to Ralph's to get bread and a snack. While paying, an 80 year old lady, in a walker, took my bag while I wasn't watching. That's right, I got jacked by an 80 year old in a walker. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 mei 2009 12:05 schreef Casino.Bob het volgende:
HIER MOET IK GEWOON GEPOST HEBBEN

quote:

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

quote:

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML

quote:

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

quote:

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

quote:

Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up". I certainly wasn't aware. FML

quote:

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

quote:

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

quote:

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

quote:

Op zondag 17 mei 2009 13:32 schreef neo2000 het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a mars bar. I said that would be great and she proceeded to throw one at me, catching me off guard. The mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

quote:

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

quote:

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

quote:

Today, I was visiting my sick grandmother in the hospital when my cousin and I were playing in some empty wheelchairs. After goofing off I said, "They're fun, but I would kill myself if I was in a wheelchair." A little boy rounded the corner and said, "Tell me about it." He was in a wheelchair. FML

quote:

Today, I had sex for the first time with the guy I've been seeing about a month. When we finished, all he wanted to do was kiss and cuddle, and all I could think about was how soon he would leave so I could cry. FML

quote:

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

quote:

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 21 mei 2009 21:03 schreef FixYou het volgende:
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 15:04 schreef Philip10 het volgende:

[..]

Wehehe, die eerste

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 00:31 schreef Noorseviking het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 15:40 schreef Geqxon het volgende:

[..]

Deze snap ik niet.

quote:

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 15:43 schreef Magic-IRC het volgende:

[..]

Hij bood een leuk uitziende meid een rit naar haar huis.
Zij zegd dat ze al thuis is en loop naar de dichtbijzijnde woning, wat zijn huis is.

Ze wou dus geen lift van hem en loog er over.

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 15:52 schreef neo2000 het volgende:
Whehehehe...
[..]

Categorie: You deserved that one..

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 17:20 schreef TimKuik het volgende:
De reacties onder deze ook

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2209832

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 mei 2009 12:05 schreef Casino.Bob het volgende:
HIER MOET IK GEWOON GEPOST HEBBEN

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 17:20 schreef TimKuik het volgende:
De reacties onder deze ook

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2209832

quote:

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 years old skinny girl and I'm 17 years old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

quote:

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I proceeded to create an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

quote:

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend. I called him and started yelling at him over the phone. He told me that if I wanted to end the relationship I should just hang up the phone right then. Before I could say I still love him and don't want to break up, my phone battery died. FML

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 21:19 schreef Annnet het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 17:20 schreef TimKuik het volgende:
De reacties onder deze ook

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/2209832

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 21:19 schreef Annnet het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

quote:

Op zondag 24 mei 2009 21:19 schreef Annnet het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

quote:

Today my uncle came from another country to visit us and it was the first time he came to our country, when he came upstairs for a tour with my mother they caught me wanking in my room. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 26 mei 2009 23:42 schreef Acinonyx het volgende:
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

quote:

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

quote:

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

quote:

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

quote:

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 26 mei 2009 22:46 schreef Trafasi het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra.

quote:

Op donderdag 28 mei 2009 00:49 schreef ratatat het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

quote:

He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open

quote:

Op donderdag 28 mei 2009 02:09 schreef xericax het volgende:

[..]

Jaja, dat stukje heeft ze er gewoon bij verzonnen

quote:

Hi, my name is TS and today i started this really funny topic. Too bad the moderators noticed, and i got myself a ban. Now i don't even have internet friends. FML

quote:

Today I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

quote:

Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML

quote:

Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML

quote:

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

quote:

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my balls. FML

quote:

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

quote:

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "because you can't find a real girl I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

quote:

Op maandag 8 juni 2009 21:32 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op maandag 8 juni 2009 21:32 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op maandag 8 juni 2009 21:32 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op maandag 8 juni 2009 21:32 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op dinsdag 9 juni 2009 00:49 schreef Teezie het volgende:
Today Kaká signed to Madrid. FML.

JULLIE DENKEN VERKEERDE TOPIC + JE HEBT CAPSLOCK AAN

VERWACHTE REACTIES:
IS HET AL CAPSLOCKDAG?
JE ZIT IN VERKEERDE TOPIC VRIEND
KAKA? DAT IS TOG EEN EITJE

quote:

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML

quote:

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

quote:

Today, it was my girlfriends birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

quote:

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

quote:

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

quote:

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

quote:

Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML

quote:

Today, I was walking around at my cottage barefoot when I suddenly got a sliver in my foot. I sat down on a chair so that I could try to get the sliver out. I sat on a wasp and it stung me. FML

quote:

Op maandag 8 juni 2009 19:26 schreef Dubbelzuurrr het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 25 juni 2009 15:00 schreef -Willempie- het volgende:

[..]



_kickje

quote:

Today, I ran into my crush of three years ago. We used to always walk our dogs together. He still remembered my dog's name. He didn't remember mine. FML

quote:

Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed "Tell him Happy Birthday for me!" and as I pressed send I remember her dad was dead. FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

quote:

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

quote:

Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML

quote:

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

quote:

Op donderdag 25 juni 2009 15:42 schreef Geqxon het volgende:

[..]

KONING.

* BroesWillems krijgt een Dumb&Dumber flashback, waarbij ze halfbevroren van de brommer stappen

quote:

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 30 juni 2009 15:14 schreef Bart het volgende:

[..]

Zo, das kut

quote:

Today, I sent pictures to my ex of me and my new boyfriend in bed. He sent them to my dad. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 30 juni 2009 15:25 schreef Bart het volgende:

[..]

Dan ben je ook dom

quote:

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend went on a trip to see her "sick" father with her young attractive male friend. I asked if I could come too but she said there isn’t enough room in the car. I didn't mind till I realized that she drove a 4 door SUV and her father died 2 years ago. FML

quote:

Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML

quote:

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction… “I love Los Angeles too!” FML

quote:

Today, after a party, I brought a girl to the flat I share with my 2 best friends. While we are doing it, she asks me "You're not afraid your friends could hear us?". The only answer that spontaneously came out of my mouth: "Don't worry, they're used to it". FML

quote:

Today, my little cousin came to visit my family. I haven't seen him in a while so I figured he missed me. Thinking so, I tried to hug him. While going in for the hug, he punched me in the balls and called me a faggot. FML

quote:

Today, through AIM, I told my ex boyfriend that I still have really deep feelings for him. The message I sent him was really long and took me almost an hour to write. His response? "Dun dun dunnn, the plot thickens!" Then he signed off. FML

quote:

Today, my boss fired me because arriving at 8 and leaving at 9 is unacceptable and I should work at least 8 hours a day. For the past week I have been working 13 hours a day to finish a project. I got fired because my boss does not know the difference between am and pm. FML

quote:

Today, I left something in my boss' office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breast feeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

quote:

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

quote:

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 7 juli 2009 15:06 schreef HoneyPop het volgende:
Geweldig topic dit

quote:

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

quote:

Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML

quote:

Today, I finally got Wii Fit to lose some weight. Came home and set it all up only to be told that I weigh too much to use the board. FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

quote:

Op woensdag 8 juli 2009 10:26 schreef -Willempie- het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

quote:

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

quote:

Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML

quote:

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

quote:

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

quote:

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

quote:

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

quote:

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 21:42 schreef svefn het volgende:
ik kom er na een stuk of 50 van die dingen gelezen te hebben, pas achter dat elke begint met 'today'



die zou ik eigenlijk op die site moeten posten

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 21:42 schreef svefn het volgende:
ik kom er na een stuk of 50 van die dingen gelezen te hebben, pas achter dat elke begint met 'today'



die zou ik eigenlijk op die site moeten posten

quote:

Op donderdag 20 augustus 2009 19:06 schreef Trafasi het volgende:
Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. After 10 minutes, when we change the position he shouted: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

quote:

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

SPOILER

tvp

quote:

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

quote:

Op vrijdag 21 augustus 2009 01:17 schreef Graseter het volgende:
Oud topic ?

quote:

Today, my boyfriend threw me a going-away party. During the party, I caught him in my bedroom hooking up with my friend because "you're leaving soon anyway so it doesn't matter." I'll only be gone for 6 weeks. FML

quote:

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 22 augustus 2009 10:50 schreef 2cv het volgende:
Gevalletje van vergissing in de dag en een zwaar overtrokken reactie van die muts (lijkt mij).

quote:

Op zaterdag 22 augustus 2009 11:46 schreef Mikkie het volgende:

[..]

Als je je vergist in je trouwdag ben je wel een enorme droplul. Dat bestaat niet.

quote:

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 22 augustus 2009 14:07 schreef Magic-IRC het volgende:

[..]

Ik ben het niet met jou eens:
[..]

Ze zijn intussen gescheiden, na hooguit 2 jaar getrouwd te zijn.
Wie gaat er dan op de trouwdag zelf (terwijl je intussen gescheiden ben) nog bij je ex langs?

quote:

Op zaterdag 22 augustus 2009 14:09 schreef Mikkie het volgende:

[..]

Ik lees het anders: vanaf haar 13e vond ze hem leuk, vanaf haar 15e een stelletje, op haar 22e heeft hij haar gevraagd. Nu is ze 24 en zouden ze gisteren eindelijk gaan trouwen, maar daar is ie dus niet op komen dagen. En daarom is het nu dus haar ex.

quote:

Op zaterdag 22 augustus 2009 14:09 schreef Mikkie het volgende:

[..]

Ik lees het anders: vanaf haar 13e vond ze hem leuk, vanaf haar 15e een stelletje, op haar 22e heeft hij haar gevraagd. Nu is ze 24 en zouden ze gisteren eindelijk gaan trouwen, maar daar is ie dus niet op komen dagen. En daarom is het nu dus haar ex.

quote:

Today, there was a car taking up 3 spaces. I left a note on the windshield that said "I hope your children come out retarded." As I was walking back, I saw the owner of the car loading her crippled son into the backseat, she needed the extra room to maneuver his wheelchair up into her car. FML

quote:

Gisteren kreeg ik een smsje van een jongen die ik al een tijdje leuk vind. Er stond in dat hij mij ook erg leuk vind, maar dat hij dat niet durfde te vertellen. Ik stuurde heel blij terug: “Ik vind jou ook hartstikke leuk!” Waarom ik terug kreeg: “Oww, sorry, ik heb ‘t smsje naar de verkeerde gestuurd!” MDWK

quote:

Op dinsdag 6 oktober 2009 22:33 schreef Saucijzenbroodje het volgende:
Lekkere bump van een maandje.. Heb nu ook een Nederlandse ontdekt: www.mijndagwas.nl

Staan wel een paar leuke tussen:
[..]

quote:

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 6 oktober 2009 23:20 schreef Editeur het volgende:
Kut kick

quote:

Vorige week vertelde een vriend op MSN dat zijn vader overleden was. Ik wilde als antwoord een “wink” sturen van een huilend poppetje. Ik klikte per ongeluk verkeerd, en verstuurde een dansend varken. MDWK

quote:

Op woensdag 7 oktober 2009 06:34 schreef Bart het volgende:

[..]

Welnee, iedere kick herinnert mij eraan weer eens een kijkje te nemen op FML, en dan lig ik weer in een deuk

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 oktober 2009 03:55 schreef Editeur het volgende:

[..]

Klopt, wil gewoon een beetje stoer doen op internet

quote:

Op dinsdag 6 oktober 2009 22:53 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, I stopped at the light when someone crashed on to my motorcycle making me fall. The guy claimed it was my fault because I stopped too fast. I got really mad, so I attempted to spit on his face and was ready to start a fight when I noticed that I forgot to lift the helmet shield. FML

quote:

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

quote:

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

quote:

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

quote:

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

quote:

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

quote:

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 oktober 2009 10:07 schreef Bart het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]


[..]


[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 oktober 2009 11:21 schreef TimKuik het volgende:

[..]

Haha, die middelste, wat een koning!

quote:

Op zaterdag 10 oktober 2009 19:52 schreef JawohlNein het volgende:

[..]

Haha, ik heb speciaal een account aangemaakt om te zeggen dat "de middelste" van 6 niet kan.. Tel ik het nog eens na en waren het er 7.. Maar je hebt gelijk, die is geniaal!

quote:

Op zaterdag 10 oktober 2009 19:52 schreef JawohlNein het volgende:

[..]

Haha, ik heb speciaal een account aangemaakt om te zeggen dat "de middelste" van 6 niet kan.. Tel ik het nog eens na en waren het er 7.. Maar je hebt gelijk, die is geniaal!

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 12:45 schreef Editeur het volgende:

[..]

Je gaat te fur

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 14:42 schreef powerlite het volgende:

[..]
whoah nog een persoon die "te fur" zegt

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 15:14 schreef Editeur het volgende:

[..]

OMQ, weve got a connection, you and I. Vrienden?

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 15:14 schreef Editeur het volgende:

[..]

OMQ, weve got a connection, you and I. Vrienden?

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 16:02 schreef powerlite het volgende:

[..]

ja graag! eindelijk sociaal contact ongekend voor Fokkers

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 16:52 schreef Casino.Bob het volgende:

[..]


[..]

fags

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 18:13 schreef powerlite het volgende:

[..]

ah voel je je achtergesteld? *knuffel*

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 20:26 schreef neo2000 het volgende:

[..]

Today, i was online at a forum i hang out a lot since I have no real life. Since i'm having difficulties making a real life connection with someone, I was overjoyed someone seemed to be into the same things as I was for a change. That is, until someone made a stupid remark at us in the middle of our conversation. Turns out the other guys' gay and was only interested in having suprise buttsecks with me. FML.

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 20:26 schreef neo2000 het volgende:

[..]

Today, i was online at a forum i hang out a lot since I have no real life. Since i'm having difficulties making a real life connection with someone, I was overjoyed someone seemed to be into the same things as I was for a change. That is, until someone made a stupid remark at us in the middle of our conversation. Turns out the other guys' gay and was only interested in having suprise buttsecks with me. FML.

quote:

Vandaag reed ik in de auto naar m’n werk. Ik hoorde iemand achter me toeteren dus ik toeterde boos terug en stak mijn vinger uit. Eenmaal aangekomen op mijn werk vroeg mijn baas waarom ik mijn vinger naar hem opstak, terwijl hij mij groette. MDWK

quote:

Vorig weekend had ik een date naar de bioscoop. In de pauze ging ik naar de WC. Toen ik terugkwam was ze weggegaan. MDWK

quote:

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

quote:

Op zondag 11 oktober 2009 20:26 schreef neo2000 het volgende:

[..]

Today, i was online at a forum i hang out a lot since I have no real life. Since i'm having difficulties making a real life connection with someone, I was overjoyed someone seemed to be into the same things as I was for a change. That is, until someone made a stupid remark at us in the middle of our conversation. Turns out the other guys' gay and was only interested in having suprise buttsecks with me. FML.

quote:

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 13 oktober 2009 13:12 schreef BazzieK het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op dinsdag 13 oktober 2009 13:12 schreef BazzieK het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

quote:

Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML

quote:

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

quote:

Op dinsdag 13 oktober 2009 23:04 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:

[..]

Die snap ik niet. Of zijn nieuwe gf gaat vreemd?

quote:

Op dinsdag 13 oktober 2009 23:08 schreef aight1 het volgende:

[..]

Z'n (ex-)vrouw wou blijkbaar niet bij hem in bed slapen, dus verzon ze dat hij snurkte zodat hij ergens anders moest slapen

quote:

Op woensdag 14 oktober 2009 15:15 schreef haakon het volgende:
Met carnaval in Duitsland hadden we van een Duitse vrouw haar hoofddeksel afgepakt, een fiets gestolen en een groot verkeersbord met lampen meegenomen. De terugweg werden we aangehouden door de politie.. voor het hoofddeksel. MDWG

quote:

Op woensdag 14 oktober 2009 15:21 schreef Suusje-V het volgende:

[..]

Waar staat MDWG voor?
En wat is de Nederlandse site dan?

quote:

Op woensdag 14 oktober 2009 15:47 schreef haakon het volgende:
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

quote:

Op woensdag 14 oktober 2009 15:54 schreef Bart het volgende:

[..]

Waarom kopieer je de 2e post van dit topic?

quote:

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing happy birthday with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

quote:

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

quote:

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

quote:

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

quote:

Today, I stepped out of a bar in order to make a phone call. While I was outside, the bouncers arrived and ropes were put up. They wouldn't let me back in, claiming I was too young and they hadn't seen me come out. I was celebrating my 26th birthday, the legal drinking age is 18. I also have a beard. FML

quote:

Op zondag 13 december 2009 13:37 schreef DeHovenier het volgende:
Goede kick man
[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

quote:

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

quote:

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife? FML

quote:

Vandaag ging ik naar de dokter voor mijn jodokus. Daar aangekomen zegt de dokter: “Hier is mijn assisente.” De assisente komt eraan en wat blijkt: Het was m’n zus. MDWK

quote:

Op zondag 13 december 2009 13:43 schreef powerlite het volgende:

[..]

was dat nou sarcastisch?
[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Op zondag 13 december 2009 13:47 schreef vosss het volgende:

[..]

Whehehehe

quote:

Today, I found out the weekly coffee talks my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend stopped involving coffee about 2 years ago. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I chose to date him. After going on for five minutes about how unique and funny he is, I ask him the same question. His reply? "You were the first person to ask me out." He then rolled over and fell asleep. FML

quote:

Today, I got a new smart phone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

quote:

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML

quote:

Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML

quote:

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

quote:

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date, destination unknown. I dressed up, he had a tux on. We went to McDonalds. FML

quote:

Op maandag 11 januari 2010 20:23 schreef Trafasi het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Op dinsdag 12 januari 2010 00:46 schreef Lindgren. het volgende:
Vandaag was ik in een serieus gesprek met een vriend, over mijn ex die het vorige week uitgemaakt had. Ik zat bijna te huilen, toen hij opeens zei: “Wist je dat Hitler maar 1 bal had?” MDWK

Held

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 15:05 schreef Editeur het volgende:

[..]

MaakMeDoodKlootzak?

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 15:15 schreef Lindgren. het volgende:

[..]

Ja, dat lijkt inderdaad bijna op de afkorting MDWK. Mijn Dag Was Kut.

quote:

Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML

quote:

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

quote:

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

quote:

Today, my girlfriend asked me "is it in yet?". FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 16:02 schreef Roi het volgende:

[..]


[..]


[..]

quote:

Today, I realized that one of the people I was friends with on Facebook had a profile picture where the background was my living room. She's never been to my house, and I live alone. I'm scared. FML

quote:

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

quote:

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 18:59 schreef Lindgren. het volgende:
Deze heb ik ingestuurd
http://www.mijndagwas.nl/3003

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 18:59 schreef Lindgren. het volgende:
Deze heb ik ingestuurd
http://www.mijndagwas.nl/3003

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 19:12 schreef powerlite het volgende:

[..]

fake?

quote:

Op zaterdag 16 januari 2010 19:16 schreef Annnet het volgende:

[..]

Je krijgt wel lieve reacties.

quote:

Op zondag 19 april 2009 21:42 schreef svefn het volgende:
ik kom er na een stuk of 50 van die dingen gelezen te hebben, pas achter dat elke begint met 'today'



die zou ik eigenlijk op die site moeten posten