ONZ Onzin voor je leven!
Vrolijkheid troef in dit lieve forum vol humor.
quote:Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 02:17 schreef xericax het volgende:
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML
Zerg schreef:
1/1 is 1. 2/2 is 2. Basisschool breuken.
1/1 is 1. 2/2 is 2. Basisschool breuken.
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out. With a man. FML
Zerg schreef:
1/1 is 1. 2/2 is 2. Basisschool breuken.
1/1 is 1. 2/2 is 2. Basisschool breuken.
quote:Op zaterdag 18 april 2009 02:17 schreef xericax het volgende:
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her : my 17 year old cousin. I went to my unoccupied parents’ bedroom. My sister's baby walkie talkie was on and the whole family heard me. FML
quote:Op zondag 19 april 2009 12:29 schreef Mikkie het volgende:
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out. With a man. FML
quote:Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
quote:Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
quote:Today, my wife went to the hospital because she had been gaining weight recently and had missed her period the last three months. We thought it was menopause. Turns out she's pregnant. I've been sterile since the day I was born. FML
edit:
quote:Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML
quote:Today, I was eating nacho chips with my nieces when I started to feel that some were wet. I look at my niece and notice she was sucking on the chips, and putting them back in the bag. FML
[ Bericht 29% gewijzigd door waht op 19-04-2009 14:46:44 ]
The problem is not the occupation, but how people deal with it.
Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokemon game. FML
ik kom er na een stuk of 50 van die dingen gelezen te hebben, pas achter dat elke begint met 'today'
die zou ik eigenlijk op die site moeten posten
die zou ik eigenlijk op die site moeten posten
They say I have ADD but I just don't understa...OOOHH!! Look!! A Kitty!!
Screw worldpeace! I want a Pony!
Screw worldpeace! I want a Pony!
quote:
When the priest killed a maiden in the metal church
Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter
Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids
To kiss the Queen in crimson glory
Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter
Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids
To kiss the Queen in crimson glory
Tűűűűűűűűűrlijk!!!!quote:Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
quote:Today, as soon as I got home, my girlfriend was waiting for me at the door. She told me she was breaking up with me, the reason? She found a girl's shirt in my closet and that she didn't need a cheating boyfriend. That shirt was mine. FML
tvpquote:Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML
Tevens tvpquote:Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
quote:Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML
quote:Today I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the fucking thing. FML
When the priest killed a maiden in the metal church
Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter
Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids
To kiss the Queen in crimson glory
Armored saints and warlocks watched the slaughter
Rage of the slayer forced the pretty maids
To kiss the Queen in crimson glory
Kankergeniaalquote:Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we weere joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
quote:Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
Today, I bought a $1.09 burrito from taco bell with my debit card, unfortunately my overdraft fee was $25. I spent $26.01 on a burrito. FML
Op vrijdag 27 februari 2009 22:30 schreef andre347 het volgende:
God weer he, altijd die God weer met zijn uitvindingen.
God weer he, altijd die God weer met zijn uitvindingen.
wtf dit is geniaaaal
Op vrijdag 19 januari 2007 05:02 schreef RottePeer het volgende:
je bent zelf een slechte kaolo-kloon boeler. pitoes smoken is da shizznit
met je homo-ass poppetje met make-up op z'n wangen
je bent zelf een slechte kaolo-kloon boeler. pitoes smoken is da shizznit
met je homo-ass poppetje met make-up op z'n wangen
Sommige zijn best zielig:
quote:Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML
Ik schijn nogal ongeduldig te zijn
Zal iedereen af en toe maar stilzetten dan (klik)
Zal iedereen af en toe maar stilzetten dan (klik)
Die vent kan niet eens rekenenquote:Op donderdag 23 april 2009 20:26 schreef IkkuhNL2 het volgende:
Today, I bought a $1.09 burrito from taco bell with my debit card, unfortunately my overdraft fee was $25. I spent $26.01 on a burrito. FML
Op maandag 14 mei 2012 23:55 schreef Sjoegerd het volgende:
Volgens mij wordt geen enkele auto zo onderhouden en geliefd als de jouwe :)
https://www.facebook.com/groups/linkshandigen/
Volgens mij wordt geen enkele auto zo onderhouden en geliefd als de jouwe :)
https://www.facebook.com/groups/linkshandigen/
quote:Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML
quote:Today, after a late night at the bars, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response, "I live here." FML
quote:Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML
Owned..quote:Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML
OWNED!
This crypto stuff is all hype anyway, nothing will ever replace Windows 10.
Er zitten ook een heleboel mietjes tussen.
"Boehoe, mijn grootmoeder zei dat een sporter een 'nice package' had. M'n grootmoeder praatte over sex tegen mij. Fuck my life!"
(Ik kon de exacte quote niet terugvinden, maar er staan er meer van dat soort mietjes tussen.)
"Boehoe, mijn grootmoeder zei dat een sporter een 'nice package' had. M'n grootmoeder praatte over sex tegen mij. Fuck my life!"
(Ik kon de exacte quote niet terugvinden, maar er staan er meer van dat soort mietjes tussen.)
Take Sick Boy, for instance, he came off junk at the same time as me, not because he wanted to, you understand, but just to annoy me, just to show me how easily he could do it, thereby downgrading my own struggle.
rofl wtf, die is echt slechtquote:Op donderdag 23 april 2009 17:52 schreef powerlite het volgende:
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I proceeded to pee on myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
quote:Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML
ik ben de jager met de pet.
quote:Today, me and my bootie-call were doing the dirty on the lower bunk bed while his roommate was passed out drunk on top. Right when we were about to finish, I said "this is so bad, we're probably going to wake up your roommate." From the top bunk we heard..."yup." FML
quote:Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML
quote:Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
Op vrijdag 4 november 2011 09:39 schreef Blik het volgende:
"Sinds wanneer is maart de derde maand van het jaar?"
61% van alle statistieken zijn nutteloos.
Vind je dat ik een internet verdien? Klik hier!
"Sinds wanneer is maart de derde maand van het jaar?"
61% van alle statistieken zijn nutteloos.
Vind je dat ik een internet verdien? Klik hier!
quote:Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tired my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. The next day my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML
[b]Op maandag 20 augustus 2012 10:56 schreef robdriessen het volgende:[/b]
Kom niet aan DW, want ze heeft een heel leger achter zich. Letterlijk. ;)
[b]Op maandag 8 mei 2017 22:33 schreef KaBuf het volgende:[/b]
Bek houden tegen DW hè :(
Kom niet aan DW, want ze heeft een heel leger achter zich. Letterlijk. ;)
[b]Op maandag 8 mei 2017 22:33 schreef KaBuf het volgende:[/b]
Bek houden tegen DW hè :(
Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML
;;D;D;D;D;;D;D:d:d:d
;;D;D;D;D;;D;D:d:d:d
Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML
Mietje?quote:Op donderdag 23 april 2009 23:10 schreef Caspian het volgende:
Er zitten ook een heleboel mietjes tussen.
"Boehoe, mijn grootmoeder zei dat een sporter een 'nice package' had. M'n grootmoeder praatte over sex tegen mij. Fuck my life!"
(Ik kon de exacte quote niet terugvinden, maar er staan er meer van dat soort mietjes tussen.)
Waarschijnlijk was dat in een kampergezelschap maar ik zou dat toch wel heel erg vinden als m'n oma dat zou zeggen.
ge-wel-dig! dikke tvp
Can you picture what we'll be, So limitless and free?
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
quote:Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML
Can you picture what we'll be, So limitless and free?
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
quote:Today, I was on the London underground. My feet were aching, so I really wanted a seat. A mother and child got off the train and I heard her say, 'why didn't you wait?' Going to sit down I wondered what he was supposed to wait for, then proceeded to sit in his (still warm) piss. FML
Ik zou me ongemakkelijk voelen, en er zeker niet blij mee zijn, maar om dat nou als een "Fuck my life"-waardig moment te zien. Nee.quote:Op zondag 26 april 2009 14:43 schreef Mefistoteles het volgende:
[..]
Mietje?
Waarschijnlijk was dat in een kampergezelschap maar ik zou dat toch wel heel erg vinden als m'n oma dat zou zeggen.
Shrug it off, pussy.
Take Sick Boy, for instance, he came off junk at the same time as me, not because he wanted to, you understand, but just to annoy me, just to show me how easily he could do it, thereby downgrading my own struggle.
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML
anti-climax
Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML
anti-climax
Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML
quote:Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML
hoe slecht ben je dan =
Can you picture what we'll be, So limitless and free?
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
[TK] Heroes seizoen 2 DVD-Box Blu-Ray Geen subs
