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Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don't make eye contact while eating a banana...

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I TOOK A DRUG TEST THE OTHER DAY AND THE TEST RESULTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE. WHICH MEANS MY DEALER HAS SOME F*CKING EXPLAINING TO DO...

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There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military & bikes. How is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

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No woman will ever be satisfied, because no man has a chocolate downstairs that ejaculates money.

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The most exciting moments in a woman's life are when she spots other women who are fatter than she is.

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Me without you is like a pot head not high, a plane that don't fly, a best with no buy, a hooker with no luck and a hoe that won't suck.

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When I'm depressed I cut myself .....................a piece of cake.

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Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.

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You're 12. You smoke. You're not a virgin. Your boyfriend is 17. Are you proud of yourself?

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My mom thinks "LOL" means "Lots Of Love". She texted me, "Your grandma had just died. LOL"

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Perfect boyfriend doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't cheat on his girlfriend... and doesn't exist.

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Dinosaurs were lies, fed to us to cover up the existence of Pokemon.

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Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.

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I secretly race against people that are walking near or next to me. 30 September 2010 11:23:32 via SocialOomph

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Booty Shorts, Uggs, and a Hoodie...? You weather confused whore.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:08 schreef Desunoto het volgende:

[..]

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"Kidnapping" is such a strong word. I prefer to say "Surprise Adoption".

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"Rape" is a strong word... I prefer "Surprise Sex"....

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Playing with sofa/seat material that goes dark when you wipe it one way and light when you wipe it the other...

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2 guys walk into a bar... I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:13 schreef Desunoto het volgende:

[..]

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:02 schreef ReWout het volgende:
hahahah grappig.

Duckstad is ook altijd lachen.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:38 schreef So_Surreal_Baby het volgende:

[..]

Welke is dat ?!

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:05 schreef So_Surreal_Baby het volgende:
Het is nog echt waar ook
[..]

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 10:56 schreef So_Surreal_Baby het volgende:
En hij woont in Amerika heh

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 00:39 schreef Biogarde het volgende:
Die laatste in de OP

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month? well..I've been told October is Breast awareness month. I'll be keeping a lookout.

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You can't spell The word ''Pedophile'' without Pope.

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I heard Lady Gaga was using the meat dress to hide his cock?

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If I could pick winning football teams half as well as I pick the stupidest, slowest cashier in Walmart, I could afford to shop elsewhere.

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I was winning Mario Kart then found out I wasn't looking at the right screen...

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Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute".

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I'm not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example.

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OMG! You Smoke? You're SO COOL. LOL Jk, have fun with cancer.

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Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?" ...Your mind = Blown.

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For those who can't afford a breast lift, try piercing your nipples and wearing a magnet around your neck.

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I really need to brush up on math. This morning I had to pull my pants down to count to eleven.

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Friends are God’s ways of apologizing for our families.

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Every time I hear a recording of my own voice, I'm convinced that I would not be friends with me if I were someone else.

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DO NOT CALL ME IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE BACKGROUND!!!!!

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One of the biggest benchmarks of true adulthood is when you come to the realization that all teenagers are douche bags.

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Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 16:48 schreef SuperwormJim het volgende:
Sommige zijn zo herkenbaar

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DO NOT CALL ME IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK TO EVERYBODY ELSE IN THE BACKGROUND!!!!!

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 16:52 schreef Crutch het volgende:

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Idd, vooral deze die SSB net quote:
[..]

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Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
about 14 hours ago via SocialOomph

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While driving this morning I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
about 10 hours ago via SocialOomph

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I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
about 12 hours ago via SocialOomph

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 11:21 schreef Dyr. het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]

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I hate when you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here?

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 17:16 schreef So_Surreal_Baby het volgende:
de nieuwste
[..]

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When I'm depressed I cut myself .....................a piece of cake.

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 18:08 schreef tochweerhenk het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 18:08 schreef tochweerhenk het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 18:08 schreef tochweerhenk het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]

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I'm always disappointed in myself when I realize I've been watching the commercials on something I recorded.
about 1 hour ago via SocialOomph

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Warning. Going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent Monday. There is no cure.

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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I hate when my browser starts playing sound out of nowhere and I have to guess which tab it's from.

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I always plug in the USB cord wrong the first time, every time.

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Ever feeling your phone ringing, even when it isn't in your pocket?

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When writing the word "Wednesday", I sound it out in my head, like "wed-nes-day".

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I push the "STOP" button on the microwave before time runs out, in order to avoid that annoying beeping noise.

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I NEVER use the "I'm feeling lucky" button on Google. Is there really even a point to it?

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I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

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The tiny person who lives in my GPS does not count as a designated driver. Now I know, officer.

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I never believed in horoscopes until I found a magazine that accurately predicted what I was going to be doing today. Thank you, TV Guide.

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Op maandag 11 oktober 2010 09:37 schreef Snuf. het volgende:

[..]

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ZwareJongens: ♫♪♫♪♫♪ Roof, steel, pik, jat, grijp, graai en ontfutsel… ♫♪♫♪♫♪

Mickey_MouseNL @ZwareJongens: Een schande dat jullie je twijfelachtige beroep op een dergelijke manier verheerlijken!

ZwareJongens @Mickey_MouseNL ♫♪♫♪♫♪ Laat ons! Laat ons! ♫♪♫♪♫♪

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 16:52 schreef Annnet het volgende:
`~Ik zou hier bijna een account voor aanmaken. Family guy

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Op maandag 11 oktober 2010 14:46 schreef Hooidraad het volgende:

[..]

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Op donderdag 7 oktober 2010 08:40 schreef ThaTim het volgende:
Het is dat ik geen twitter heb, anders zou ik hem echt volgen.

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Op woensdag 13 oktober 2010 02:20 schreef omg-rmc het volgende:
Jammer dat het een soort Tweet Greatest Hits is, met dingen die iedereen bekend voorkomen, woordgrappen, peter opmerkingen, grappige afkortingen enzovoort...

Als er nou niet elke dag 450 keer werd getweet en iets meer gespecialiseerd, dat zou echt was fantastisch.

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Op zaterdag 9 oktober 2010 18:08 schreef tochweerhenk het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]

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Op woensdag 13 oktober 2010 15:50 schreef Rasher het volgende:
A p*nis has a sad life. His family is nuts, only has 1 eye, his neighbour is an a**hole, his bestfriend is a p*ssy and his owner beats him..

I love you. You love me. Barney gave me HIV. It started with a hug. And ended on the floor. I was raped by a dinosaur.

Dear math, grow up and solve your own problems.

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Op woensdag 13 oktober 2010 02:20 schreef omg-rmc het volgende:
Jammer dat het een soort Tweet Greatest Hits is, met dingen die iedereen bekend voorkomen, woordgrappen, peter opmerkingen, grappige afkortingen enzovoort...

Als er nou niet elke dag 450 keer werd getweet en iets meer gespecialiseerd, dat zou echt was fantastisch.

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Op donderdag 14 oktober 2010 14:42 schreef Hooidraad het volgende:

[..]

"Everyone follow and check out @dirtymustache for the original source of some of my Tweets. Funny stuff on his timeline!"

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I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

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I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

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Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.

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I'm a careful driver. I always look left and right before I run someone over.

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Sometimes I think I'm using Twitter wrong, because I tend to share too much information and I wear my girlfriend's stockings.

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I feel so unmotivated, I can’t even finish a

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My relationship is definitely gaining ground. The judge reduced the restraining order from 400 to 100 feet.

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I shaved my hair off to look sexy, but when I walked outside people were laughing at me. Maybe I should try it again with my clothes on.

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I once dated a microbiologist. Every time we had sex, she had an organism.

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I bought a used sex doll. It’s not that I’m cheap, I just like a woman with experience.

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That awkward moment when you got in the van and there was no candy

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Op maandag 6 december 2010 09:21 schreef Crutch het volgende:
Valt me op dat Peter Griffin en Bender the king vlak achter elkaar twitteren.

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"Boob" is the perfect word. The B looks like an aerial view of them, the 2 o's look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view.

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Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

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Op vrijdag 24 juni 2011 19:30 schreef monkyyy het volgende:

[..]

en ik snap de connectie met je username ook wel hoor

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Op zaterdag 25 juni 2011 00:07 schreef jesperrrrsss het volgende:
waarom is hij nou gebanned