De allerbeste Monty Python sketch

- Bicycle Repair Man
- de 'Spam'-sketch
- 'Nudge nudge wink wink'

... en vast nog meer. Think...

Ik ga dan toch niet voor een sketch, maar een scene uit de film "The life of Brian". De Romeinen zijn naar 'm op zoek en hij verstopt zich in een oude kleine woning, achter een douchegordijn die hij met zijn armen omhoog houdt. Tientallen Romeinen stampvoeten de kamer van ongeveer 4 bij 4 binnen, en 2 seconden later weer naar buiten met de medeling "nee, hier is-ie ook niet".

ROTFLOL ---> iedere keer als ik het zie weer!

laat ik nou toevallig zo'n beetje alle mp sketsjes hebben....

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Op 15 juli 2000 15:17 schreef Zanderrr het volgende:
Naast de bovenstaande sketches:
- 'Nudge nudge wink wink'

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say no more say no more !!!

en natuurlijk the Ministry of Silly Walks

e.v.a.

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Op 15 juli 2000 18:11 schreef DIGGER het volgende:
Ik lig trouwens ook altijd dubbel om die sketch met de olympiade voor mensen zonder levenslust......

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Of wat dacht je van de marathon voor incontinenten, om de 2 meter moet er een lossen om even tegen een boom aan te plassen.
De 100 meter horden (ofzo) voor mensen met een probleem met hun richtingsgevoel is ook heel leuk. Na het startschot holt de hele meute een andere kant op (behalve de goede).

Allereerst Dig, die scene die jij zei met de vastgebonden konijnen en onder een balk doorlopen enzo was de 'Twit of the year' contest..

Anyway mijn top.. (uit mijn hoofd geciteerd, dus euh niet al te critisch, ja?). Hrm er zijn er ZO veel. Ik heb geen echte volgorde..

1/ Scene bij de cave of caer-bannhog (cave of death).. "THERE HE IS! - What, behind the Rabbit? - it IS the rabbit!"

2/ Appeal on behalf of insanity. "Good evening. There are people amongst us, who, through no fault of their own.. are sane. Some of them were born sane, some of them became sane later in their life. It is up to people like you and me, who are out of our tiny little minds, to help these people overcome their sanity"

3/ The miracle of Birth. "There the baby is! Scare it!. <navelstreng.. *hak*> - okay take it away. We'll send you the videotape." - "Is it a boy or a girl?" - "Do you want to impose rolemodels on it already?? Tsk."

4/ Fish slapping scene. *DIT* is namelijk, dames en heren, de origine van een bekende internet term. Ik dacht namelijk dat het forel was.. "trout" - en dus daar, heb ik, de term "puntloos slaps you with a large trout" bedacht. Achteraf bleken het dus herrings te zijn.. - maar wel lekker duidelijk dat het dus mensen zijn die mij copieren - gebeurt niet vaak dat mensen jouw citaten terug naar jou citeren

5/ Beethoven's Mynah Bird. "You don't fool me you stupid bird, I'm not deaf yet! Gott im himmel I never get any peace here!!"

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Op 15 juli 2000 18:11 schreef DIGGER het volgende:
Ik lig trouwens ook altijd dubbel om die sketch met de olympiade voor mensen zonder levenslust, waarbij ze o.a. onder een balk door moeten lopen (die op 1.80 ligt), een reeds vastgebonden met gespreide poten vlak boven het gras hangend konijn doodschieten, een slapend persoon wekken door met de autodeur te slaan, maar vooral het moment waarop die mannen vrouwelijke etalagepoppen van hun BH moeten ontdoen waarbij ze over de vrouw heen struikelen, armen en benen eraf vliegen, hoofden achterstevoren gedraaid worden etc.

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Die is idd heeeeeeeeel erg grappig

Of de sketch met het job-interview en het belletje

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Narrative Interlude

Narrator: Sir Launcelot had saved Sir Galahad from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Grail. Meanwhile, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Oh, that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden swallows' flights away-- four, really, if they had a coconut on a line between them. I mean, if the birds were walking and dragging--
Crowd: Get on with it!
Narrator: Oh, anyway. On to scene twenty-four, which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, although I think you can hear a starling-- oooh!
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Scene 23

[gurgle]
Galahad: There it is!
Arthur: The Bridge of Death!
Robin: Oh, great.
Arthur: Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four!
Bedevere: What is he doing here?
Arthur: He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions--
Galahad: Three questions.
Arthur: Three questions. He who answers the five questions--
Galahad: Three questions.
Arthur: Three questions may cross in safety.
Robin: What if you get a question wrong?
Arthur: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.
Robin: Oh, I won't go.
Galahad: Who's going to answer the questions?
Arthur: Sir Robin!
Robin: Yes?
Arthur: Brave Sir Robin, you go.
Robin: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go?
Launcelot: Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--
Arthur: No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--
Galahad: Three questions.
Arthur: Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.
Launcelot: I understand, my liege.
Arthur: Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you.
Bridgekeeper: Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Launcelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Launcelot: My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Launcelot: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Launcelot: Blue.
Bridgekeeper: Right. Off you go.
Launcelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
Robin: That's easy!
Bridgekeeper: Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.
Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?
Robin: 'Sir Robin of Camelot'.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?
[pause]
Robin: I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Bridgekeeper: Stop! What... is your name?
Galahad: 'Sir Galahad of Camelot'.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Galahad: I seek the Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?
Galahad: Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!
Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?
Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.
Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?
Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.
Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
Bridgekeeper: Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!
Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?
Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

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Op 15 juli 2000 22:04 schreef puntloos het volgende:
4/ Fish slapping scene. *DIT* is namelijk, dames en heren, de origine van een bekende internet term. Ik dacht namelijk dat het forel was.. "trout" - en dus daar, heb ik, de term "puntloos slaps you with a large trout" bedacht. Achteraf bleken het dus herrings te zijn.. - maar wel lekker duidelijk dat het dus mensen zijn die mij copieren - gebeurt niet vaak dat mensen jouw citaten terug naar jou citeren

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Dus dankzij jou zit er in elke Mirc versie de trout slapping optie?

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Op 18 juli 2000 13:07 schreef Herald het volgende:
Dus dankzij jou zit er in elke Mirc versie de trout slapping optie?

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Vermoed van wel. Zoals ik beschreef, ik heb zelf het foute 'slaps you with a large trout' bedacht (want het moest dus herring zijn) - de kans dat iemand anders ook nog eens dezelfde fout maakte is aanwezig, maar ik acht em niet waarschijnlijk.

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Op 16 juli 2000 03:51 schreef risk one het volgende:
Of de sketch met het job-interview en het belletje

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Dat is die van "goooooodbyeeeeeedingdingdingdingdingdingding" ?
Die is leuk ja

Ook wel leuk is die met "five penny please", waarbij een man de kwaal heeft dat iedereen altijd dubbel ligt om alles wat hij zegt. Dat stuk waarbij hij ontslagen wordt, geweldig!

En die expeditie naar de twee toppen van de Kilimanjaro

This man is Ernest Scribbler... writer of jokes. In a few moments, he win have written the funniest joke in the world... and, as a consequence, he will die ... laughing.

<snip>

It was not long before the Army became interested in the military potential of the Killer Joke. Under top security, the joke was hurried to a meeting of Allied Commanders at the Ministry of War.

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Op 18 juli 2000 13:01 schreef Lord of the Backstage het volgende:
Er was ook een scene met 'typisch' Britse sport die bestond uit verminkte onderdelen atletiek, met zelfbedachte golftermen, en fluisterend plechtig (duo)verslag.

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Was die niet van Jiskefet? Of hebben die het nagedaan later?

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door Mr. Orange op 18-07-2000 20:33]

(de show die ze voor de duitse tv opnamen, DUITS gesproken. Met het origineel van de lumberjack song)

Overigens een gevaarlijk onderwerp, het valt zo op als je op je werk luis zit te lachen

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Op 19 juli 2000 07:18 schreef Ulx het volgende:
Ik vond de duitse show ook geweldig

(de show die ze voor de duitse tv opnamen, DUITS gesproken. Met het origineel van de lumberjack song)

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Dit gebeurd allemaal zo droog. Echt fantastisch!

Het is trouwens onderdeel van een grotere scene waarin nog veel meer die sloot ingekieperd wordt.

Verder zijn ook alle hiervoor genoemde scenes erg goed. Als ik die scriptjes doorlees dan zie ik de scenes weer helemaal voor me.

Yeap ik ben een behoorlijke fans en heb op 4 series na alla flying circuses en films

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door PaRoDiUzZ op 25-07-2000 11:29]

There's your book! Nooow... BUY IT!!!

De "Lifeboat sketch" waarin een paar drenkelingen op een vlot overleggen hoe te overleven en besluiten een van hen op te eten.

"Let's eat Johnson."
"He's not kosher!"
"That depends how we kill him sir."

Of die sketch waarin iemand met zijn dode moeder bij een begrafenisondernemer komt en dan voor de keuze gesteld wordt:
"Well we can bury her, after which she'll be eaten by maggots. We can burn her, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quit dead. Or if you were very fond of your mother, we could ofcourse could eat her."
"EAT her?!?"
"Yes, she'll be delicious"

Of "Confuse-a-cat, ltd"

God, er zijn er zoveel... Toch maar eens kijken of ik nog ergens een Betamax op de kp kan tikken om ze allemaal nog eens terug te zien.

NOBODY expects the spanish inquisition....

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 03:15 schreef Bannie het volgende:
This parrot is deceased, dead, pushing up daisies, feeding the worms, gone to meet his maker, etc etc.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 03:17 schreef MeneerTim het volgende:

[..]

The Daisies.

.

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Op zaterdag 15 juli 2000 15:17 schreef Zanderrr het volgende:
Naast de bovenstaande sketches:

- Bicycle Repair Man

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Met al die supermans die rondfietsen.

Typisch dat nog niemand de SPAM scene heeft genoemd. Dat is toch ook een internet-slang dat van MP afkomstig is (en grappig)

Van die killer-joke vind ik die Duitse variant ook grappig:

Der ver zwei peanuts, valking down der strasse, and von vas... assaulted! peanut. Ho-ho-ho-ho.

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Op zaterdag 15 juli 2000 22:04 schreef puntloos het volgende:

Allereerst Dig, die scene die jij zei met de vastgebonden konijnen en onder een balk doorlopen enzo was de 'Twit of the year' contest..

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1/ Scene bij de cave of caer-bannhog (cave of death).. "THERE HE IS! - What, behind the Rabbit? - it IS the rabbit!"

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En vervolgens de Holy Handgranate

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Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dumdum dum the night.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore,
Dum de dum dum plight.
He steals dumdum dum
And dumdum dum dee
Dennis dum, Dennis dee, dum dum dum

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The Architec Sketch is ook briljant

Client 1: Excuse me.
Mr. Wiggin: Yes?
Client 1: Did you say 'knives'?
Mr. Wiggin: Rotating knives, yes.
Client 2: Do I take it that you are proposing to slaughter our tenants?
Mr. Wiggin: ...Does that not fit in with your plans?

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door cptmarco op 28-04-2002 11:40]

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Op zaterdag 15 juli 2000 16:32 schreef bixister het volgende:
en natuurlijk the Ministry of Silly Walks

e.v.a.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 11:37 schreef cptmarco het volgende:

Dennis Moore is erg leuk

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Inspector: Uh huh.

Man: I'm terribly sorry but I was sitting on a park bench over there, took my coat off for a minute and then I found my wallet had been stolen and £15 taken from it.

Inspector: Well did you er, did you see anyone take it, anyone hanging around or...

Man: No no, there was no one there at all. That's the trouble.

Inspector: Well there's not very much we can do about that, sir.

Man: Do you want to come back to my place?

Inspector: ... Yeah all right.

Ministry of Silly Walks is bijv. erg visueel, terwijl The Arguement Sketch weer briljante dialoog is. Sommige sketches zijn erg kort, andere duren een complete aflevering.

De meeste mensen kennen alleen de sketches die op de compilatievideo's staan. En, zo bijzonder is de Dead Parrot sketch toch echt niet

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 12:58 schreef beeer het volgende:
Arguement Clinic vind ik de meest humoristische.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 13:09 schreef Acathla het volgende:

Is MP nog op teevee te zien op het moment?

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Maargoed, who needs tv when you've got:

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 12:25 schreef Acathla het volgende:
Cut to a policeman standing in a street man comes up to him.)
Man: Inspector, inspector.

Inspector: Uh huh.

Man: I'm terribly sorry but I was sitting on a park bench over there, took my coat off for a minute and then I found my wallet had been stolen and £15 taken from it.

Inspector: Well did you er, did you see anyone take it, anyone hanging around or...

Man: No no, there was no one there at all. That's the trouble.

Inspector: Well there's not very much we can do about that, sir.

Man: Do you want to come back to my place?

Inspector: ... Yeah all right.

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Hebben jullie toen die "30 jaar MP" op de BBC gezien...daar zat een een stukje live in. Gingen ze de Parrot scetch live opvoeren, maar aangezien iedere fan dat stukje kent roept de hele zaal bij het binnenkomen van John Cleese "I'D LIKE TO FILE A COMPLAINT!!" Supergrappig...

Er schieten heel veel scenes door m'n hoofd nu, maar nog niet genoemd: die scene met die picknick die in een bloedbad uitloopt, met al die afgerukte benen en afgehakte vingers...

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 14:41 schreef Hik het volgende:

Hebben jullie toen die "30 jaar MP" op de BBC gezien...daar zat een een stukje live in. Gingen ze de Parrot scetch live opvoeren, maar aangezien iedere fan dat stukje kent roept de hele zaal bij het binnenkomen van John Cleese "I'D LIKE TO FILE A COMPLAINT!!" Supergrappig...

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Er schieten heel veel scenes door m'n hoofd nu, maar nog niet genoemd: die scene met die picknick die in een bloedbad uitloopt, met al die afgerukte benen en afgehakte vingers...

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Lionel: Hello everybody.
All: Hello Lionel.
Lionel: I say what a simply super day.
All: Gosh yes.
Woman: It's so, you know, sunny.
Lionel: Yes isn't it? I say, anyone for tennis?
Julian: Oh super!
Charles: What fun.
Julian: I say, Lionel, catch.

Erg leuk! Die kop van Cleese als hij balend kijkt naar zijn bloeder-spuitende polsen, waar de piano-klep zo wreed de handen vanaf heeft gerukt!

Colonel (Graham Chapman): get some discipline into those chaps, Sergeant Major!
Sargeant (John Cleese, shouting throughout): Right sir! Good evening, class.
All (mumbling): Good evening.
Sargeant: Where's all the others, then?
All: They're not here.
Sgt.: I can see that. What's the matter with them?
All: Dunno.
Chapman (member of class): Perhaps they've got 'flu.
Sgt.: Huh! 'Flu, eh? They should eat more fresh fruit. Ha. Right. Now, self-defence. Tonight I shall be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit.
(Grumbles from all)
Palin: Oh, you promised you wouldn't do fruit this week.
Sgt.: What do you mean?
Jones: We've done fruit the last nine weeks.
Sgt.: What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?
Palin: Can't we do something else?
Idle (Welsh): Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?
Sgt.: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...
All: We done the passion fruit.
Sgt.: What?
Chapman: We done the passion fruit.
Palin: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...
Jones: Whole and segments.
Palin: Pomegranates, greengages...
Chapman: Grapes, passion fruit...
Palin: Lemons...
Jones: Plums...
Chapman: Mangoes in syrup...
Sgt.: How about cherries?
All: We did them.
Sgt.: Red *and* black?
All: Yes!
Sgt.: All right, bananas.

(All sigh.)

Sgt.: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
Palin: Suppose he's got a bunch.
Sgt.: Shut up.
Idle: Suppose he's got a pointed stick.
Sgt.: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.
Chapman: 'Arrison.
Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that, that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me! Come at me then! (Shoots him.)
Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)
Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)
Palin: You shot him!
Jones: He's dead!
Idle: He's completely dead!
Sgt.: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now 'elpless.
Palin: You shot him. You shot him dead.
Sgt.: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.
Jones: But you told him to.
Sgt.: Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.
Idle: And pointed sticks.
Sgt.: Shut up.
Palin: Suppose I'm attacked by a man with a banana and I haven't got a gun?
Sgt.: Run for it.
Jones: You could stand and scream for help.
Sgt.: Yeah, you try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.
Jones: A pineapple?
Sgt.: Where? Where?
Jones: No I just said: a pineapple.
Sgt.: Oh. Phew. I thought my number was on that one.
Jones: What, on the pineapple?
Sgt.: Where? Where?
Jones: No, I was just repeating it.
Sgt.: Oh. Oh. I see. Right. Phew. Right that's bananas then. Now the raspberry. There we are. 'Armless looking thing, isn't it? Now you, Mr Tin Peach.
Jones: Thompson.
Sgt.: Thompson. Come at me with that raspberry. Come on. Be as vicious as you like with it.
Jones: No.
Sgt.: Why not?
Jones: You'll shoot me.
Sgt.: I won't.
Jones: You shot Mr. Harrison.
Sgt.: That was self-defence. Now come on. I promise I won't shoot you.
Idle: You promised you'd tell us about pointed sticks.
Sgt.: Shut up. Come on, brandish that raspberry. Come at me with it. Give me Hell.
Jones: Throw the gun away.
Sgt.: I haven't got a gun.
Jones: You have.
Sgt.: Haven't.
Jones: You shot Mr 'Arrison with it.
Sgt.: Oh, that gun.
Jones: Throw it away.
Sgt.: Oh all right. How to defend yourself against a redcurrant -- without a gun.
Jones: You were going to shoot me!
Sgt.: I wasn't.
Jones: You were!
Sgt.: No, I wasn't, I wasn't. Come on then. Come at me. Come on you weed! You weed, do your worst! Come on, you puny little man. You weed...

(Sgt. pulls a lever in the wall--CRASH! a 16-ton weight falls on Jones)

Jones: Aaagh.
Sgt.: If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, just pull the lever and the 16-ton weight will fall on top of him.
Palin: Suppose there isn't a 16-ton weight?
Sgt.: Well that's planning, isn't it? Forethought.
Palin: Well how many 16-ton weights are there?
Sgt.: Look, look, look, Mr Knowall. The 16-ton weight is just _one way_ of dealing with a raspberry killer. There are millions of others!
Idle: Like what?
Sgt.: Shootin' him?
Palin: Well what if you haven't got a gun or a 16-ton weight?
Sgt.: Look, look. All right, smarty-pants. You two, you two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each.
Palin: No guns.
Sgt.: No.
Palin: No 16-ton weights.
Sgt.: No.
Idle: No pointed sticks.
Sgt.: Shut up.
Palin: No rocks up in the ceiling.
Sgt.: No.
Palin: And you won't kill us.
Sgt.: I won't.
Palin: Promise.
Sgt.: I promise I won't kill you. Now. Are you going to attack me?
Palin & Idle: Oh, all right.
Sgt.: Right, now don't rush me this time. Stalk me. Do it properly. Stalk me. I'll turn me back. Stalk up behind me, close behind me, then in with the redcurrants! Right? O.K. start moving. Now the first thing to do when you're being stalked by an ugly mob with redcurrants is to -- release the tiger!

(He does so. Growls. Screams.)

Sgt.: The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the redcurrants. Tigers however do not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile. Right, now, the rest of you, where are you? I know you're hiding somewhere with your damsons and prunes. Well I'm ready for you. I've wired meself up to 200 tons of gelignite, and if any one of you so much as makes a move we'll all go up together! Right, right. I warned you. That's it...

(Explosion.)

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 16:49 schreef Hik het volgende:

Self-defense against Fresh FRUIT

<lap tekst die ook in een link had gekund>

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 16:51 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:

[..]

* DennisMoore releases the tiger.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 16:58 schreef Hik het volgende:

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"Looks like a penguin."

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:17 schreef pazuzu het volgende:
"What's on the television then?"

"Looks like a penguin."

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:17 schreef pazuzu het volgende:
"What's on the television then?"

"Looks like a penguin."

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GRAHAM CHAPMAN, co-author of the "Parrot Sketch," is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace, he has kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the Great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky, and I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, such capability and kindness, of such intelligence should now be so suddenly spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.

Well, I feel that I should say, "Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard! I hope he fries." And the reason I think I should say this is, he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste. I could hear him whispering in my ear last night as I was writing this, "Alright, Cleese, you're very proud of being the first person to ever say 'shit' on television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to be the first person ever at a British memorial service to say 'fuck'!"

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Ook héél goed!

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:55 schreef cptmarco het volgende:
ik heb nog ergens de Monty Python Complete waste of time CDrom liggen. Ik denk dat ik deze maar weer eens geïnstalleren op m'n pc.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:33 schreef speknek het volgende:
Niet echt een sketch, maar nog het meest dubbel heb ik gelegen om de begrafenis van Graham Chapman (live uitgezonden op tv):
[..]

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Alvast bedankt !

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 18:40 schreef detulp050 het volgende:
Iemand een goedkoop adresje voor de Monty python serie?

Alvast bedankt !

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of de geniale zin:

and now for something completely different

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 20:10 schreef MadScientist het volgende:
Ik vind het mooi dat sommige zaken regelmatig terugkomen, zoals dat 16 ton blok

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of de geniale zin:

and now for something completely different

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The Spanish Inquisitie (alle delen, alle versies)
The Dead Parrot Sketch
The Cheese Shop Sketch
Dennis Moore

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 20:13 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Dat 16-ton blok is zelfs een begrip op zich geworden, kom je ook buiten MP-afleveringen nog wel 's tegen!

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Heeft nog een keer in een Simpsons intro gezeten

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:33 schreef speknek het volgende:
Niet echt een sketch, maar nog het meest dubbel heb ik gelegen om de begrafenis van Graham Chapman (live uitgezonden op tv):
[..]

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Maar het idee is leuk!

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Op maandag 29 april 2002 01:20 schreef MeneerTim het volgende:
(...) is ook de helft van dit bericht totale wartaal voor mij.

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Op zondag 28 april 2002 17:17 schreef pazuzu het volgende:
"What's on the television then?"

"Looks like a penguin."

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Op maandag 29 april 2002 10:53 schreef Frollo het volgende:
Ongelofelijk dat dit topic 2 jaar dood is geweest...

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Op maandag 29 april 2002 19:54 schreef GEsTOoRD het volgende:
Stop this topic, it's silly!

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Op zaterdag 15 juli 2000 22:04 schreef puntloos het volgende:
1/ Scene bij de cave of caer-bannhog (cave of death).. "THERE HE IS! - What, behind the Rabbit? - it IS the rabbit!"

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Dit is ook een hele leuke, de scene bij de 'the bridge of death':
[bridgekeeper:] "STOP! Who wants to cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, there the other side he see..."
[sir lancelot:] "Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper, i'm not afraid!"
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your name?"
[sir lancelot:] "My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your quest?"
[sir lancelot:] "Too seek the Holy GRAIL."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your favorite colour?"
[sir lancelot:] "Blue."
[bridgekeeper:] "Right..., off you go!"
[sir lancelot:] "Oh, thank you... very much."
(sir lancelot crosses the bridge in safety)
[sir robin:] "That's easy!"
[bridgekeeper:] "STOP! Who approaches the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, there the other side he see"
[sir robin:] "Ask me the questions bridgekeeper, i'm not afraid..."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your name?"
[sir robin:] "My name is Sir Robin of Camelot."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your quest?"
[sir robin:] "Too seek the Holy GRAIL."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is the capital of Assyria?"
[sir robin:] "I don't know that?!"
(sir robin is cast in the gorge of eternal peril)
[bridgekeeper:] "STOP! What is your name?"
[sir calahan:] "Sir Calahan of Camelot."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your quest?"
[sir calahan:] "I seek the grail..."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your favorite colour?"
[sir calahan:] "Blue..., no, yell...ooooohhw......"
(sir calahan is cast in the gorge of eternal peril)
[bridgekeeper:] "Hehehe"
[bridgekeeper:] "STOP! What is your name?"
[king arthur:] "It is Arthur, king of the Britains!"
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is your quest?"
[king arthur:] "To seek the Holy Grail."
[bridgekeeper:] "WHAT is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
[king arthur:] "What do you mean, African or European swallow?"
[bridgekeeper:] "Uh..., what..., i don't know that...?"
(bridgekeeper is cast in the gorge of eternal peril)
[sir bedivere:] "[i]How do you know so much about swallows?"
[king arthur:] "Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know..."

Beste film van Monty Python die ik gezien heb is 'The Life of Brian'. De leukste scenes uit die film:
1) De steniging van 'Mathias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath'
2) Romanus eunt domus --> Romani ite domum
3) Kidnappoging van Pilatus's vrouw (en het hele gezeur met Pilatus's spraakafwijking en de naam van zijn vriend 'Biggus Dickus', en diens vrouw 'Incontinentia Buttocks')
4) Welease Wogew, Wodewick, Weginald, ..., etc. (Release Roger, Roderick, Reginald)
5) Aan het kruis: 'Suicide squad, attack!'
6) ik ben er vast een vergeten...
7) ik ben er vast nog een vergeten...
8) ik ben er vast nog een vergeten...

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door Jerome81 op 07-07-2002 22:18]

De beste monty python scene

Dan komen ze weer terug ("there's one place we haven't looked"), gaan weer met z'n twintigen het huis binnen, zoeken en komen weer naar buiten zonder iemand gevonden te hebben. ("sorry for the trouble")

Geniaal!!

Priest: ...you have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so as a blasphemer...

Women disguised as bearded men: Ooh...

Priest: ...you are to be stoned to death!

Women disguised as bearded men: Aah!

Matthias: Look, I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was: "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehova!".

Women disguised as bearded men: Oooh!

Priest: Blasphemy! He said it again!

Women disguised as bearded men: Yeah! Yes! Yes!

Priest: Did you hear him?!

Women disguised as bearded men: Yeah! Yes! Yes!

Woman: Really!

Priest: Are there any women here today?

Women disguised as bearded men: Uh...ooh...no...

Priest: Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me...

Rock thrown at Matthias: [Bladonk]

Women disguised as bearded men: Ooh...

Matthias: Oh, lay off! We haven't started yet!

Priest: Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on!

Women disguised as bearded men: She did! She did! &#8230;.. He did! He did! He did!

Woman: Sorry, I thought we'd started.

Priest: Go to the back!

Woman: Oh, dear...

Priest: Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?

Matthias: Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehova"!

Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih! He did!

Priest: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehova, Jehova, Jehova!

Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih!

Priest: I'm warning you! If you say Jehova once more...

Rock thrown at Priest: [Bladonk]

Priest: Right! Who threw that?

Matthias: Hehehe...

Priest: Come on! Who threw that?

Women disguised as bearded men: She did! She did! She did! Him! Him! Him!

Priest: Was it you?

Woman II: Yes.

Priest: Right...

Woman II: Well, you did say Jehova!

Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih!

Rocks thrown at Woman II: [Multiple Bladonks]

Priest: Stop! Stop! Will you stop that! Stop it! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand? Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say Jehova!

Women disguised as bearded men: Aiiih!

Rocks thrown at Priest: [Multiple Bladonks]

Priest: Aaargh!

Large boulder crushing Priest: [Bladonk]

Woman III: Good shot!

Women disguised as bearded men: [Applause]

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Op zondag 14 juli 2002 05:51 schreef marbe het volgende:
Ik vind inderdaad heeeeeeel veel sketches leuk maar ik mis toch een die nog niet genoemd is en waarop ik compleet plat ga en dat is de scene van de voetbalwedstrijd tussen de duitse filosofen en de griekse filosofen. Iedere keer als ik weer de grieken het veld op zie gaan met die lange gewaden en daaronder voetbal sokken kan je mij wegdragen. Erg komisch.

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ik vind die scene erg leuk die laatst op tv was met alle monthy python's reunited en graham chapman dan in de urn en gaan ze daar een beetje mee klooien.BTW een van de actuers van monthy python was laatst nog in een natuurfilm(nee niet zo een) op discovery ofzo ben vergeten wie...

"From Westminster, a parliamentary report for Humans:

In the debate, a spokesman accused the goverment of being silly and doing not at all good things. The member accepted this in the spirit of healthy criticism, but denied that he had ever been naughty with a choir boy. Angry shouts of 'What about the Watermelon then?' were ordered then by the speaker to be stricken from the record and put into a brown paper bag in the lavvy. Any further interruptions would be cut up and distributed amongst the poor. For the Government, a front-bench spokesman said the Agricultural Tariff WOULD have to be raised, and he fancied a bit. Whats more he argued, this would give a large boost to farmers, and a lot of fun to him, his friends, and Miss Moist of Knightsbridge. From the back benches there were opposition shouts of 'Postcards for sale' and a healthy cry of 'Who likes a sailor then?' from the Minister Without Portfolio. Replying, the Shadow Minister said he could no longer deny the rumors, but he and the Dachsund were very happy. And in any case he argued Rhubarb was cheap, and what was the harm in a sauna bath?"

"Mrs. Lewis: (taking bible) I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway, I said to her, I said, they can't afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get up your nose, I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg, I don't know how she puts up with it after all the trouble she's had with her you-know-what, anyway it was a white wedding much to everyone's surprise, of course they bought everything on the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean you've got to be cruel to be kind so Mrs Harris said, so she said, she said, she said, the dead crab she said, she said. Well, her sister's gone to Rhodesia what with her womb and all, and her youngest, her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish, the goldfish they've got whooping cough they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys, well, they do don't they, I mean you can't, can you, I mean they're not even married or anything, they're not even divorced, and he's in the KGB if you ask me, he says he's a tree surgeon but I don't like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and banging every night till the small hours, his mother's been much better since she had her head off, yes she has, I said, don't you talk to me about bladders, I said..."

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Op zondag 14 juli 2002 23:10 schreef MetalMaupio het volgende:

[..]

die was wel al genoemd

ik vind die scene erg leuk die laatst op tv was met alle monthy python's reunited en graham chapman dan in de urn en gaan ze daar een beetje mee klooien.BTW een van de actuers van monthy python was laatst nog in een natuurfilm(nee niet zo een) op discovery ofzo ben vergeten wie...

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argument clinic, dead parrot scene, ministry of silly walks (en die scene waar schapen proberen te vliegen)

dat zijn toch wel mijn favorieten

This is a frightened city. Over these houses, over these streets hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking defenseless, fit young men.

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 20:43 schreef cptmarco het volgende:
INTERVIEWER: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of Britain's leading skin specialists - Raymond Luxury Yacht.
RAYMOND: That's not my name.
INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry - Raymond Luxury Yach - t.
RAYMOND: No, no, no - it's spelt Raymond Luxury Yach - t, but it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove".

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en de scene uit The Holy Grail met de Black Knight is ook geweldig

Arthur: "Now stand aside worthy adversary"
Black Knight: "Tis but a scratch"
Arthur: "A scratch?? Your arm's off!"
Black Knight: "No it isn't"
Arthur: "What's that then?"
Black Knight: "I've had worse"
Arthur: "You liar!"

en op het einde van die scene, dat de Black Knight geen armen en benen meer heeft, dat Arthur zn zwaard wegstopt en heel droog zegt "Allright, we'll call it a draw"

German: Will you stop talking about the war!
Basil: Me? You started it!
German: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland!

- Fawlty Towers, "The Germans"

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 21:04 schreef cptmarco het volgende:
Geen Monty Python, maar wel erg leuk:

German: Will you stop talking about the war!
Basil: Me? You started it!
German: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland!

- Fawlty Towers, "The Germans"

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_{Sorry voor de nietwetende}

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 22:48 schreef Mr. Orange het volgende:
De beste vind ik nog altijd de Hilter sketch.

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 22:48 schreef BlaatschaaP het volgende:

[..]

refresh my mind?

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 22:41 schreef Mr. Orange het volgende:
Why is it that nobody remembers the name of Johann Gambolputty... de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingle-dangle- dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz- ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer- spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein- nurnburger-bratwustle-gernspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut- gumberaber-shonedanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 22:48 schreef BlaatschaaP het volgende:

refresh my mind?

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 23:19 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:

[..]

Mr Hilter, Ron Vibbentrop, Heinrich Bimmler, und that nice Mr McGoering.

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 23:17 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Dat heb ik dus ooit een keertje helemaal uit m'n hoofd geleerd

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*gniffel*

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Op woensdag 31 juli 2002 13:09 schreef Frollo het volgende:

LOL! Ken je dan toevallig ook de klaagzang op het massatoerisme (Eric Idle in het reisbureau) uit je hoofd?

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"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so anyway..."

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Op woensdag 31 juli 2002 13:09 schreef Frollo het volgende:

[..]

LOL! Ken je dan toevallig ook de klaagzang op het massatoerisme (Eric Idle in het reisbureau) uit je hoofd?

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Set: A tobacconist's shop.

Text on screen: In 1970, the British Empire lay in ruins, and foreign nationalists frequented the streets - many of them Hungarians (not the streets - the foreign nationals). Anyway, many of these Hungarians went into tobacconist's shops to buy cigarettes....

A Hungarian tourist (John Cleese) approaches the clerk (Terry Jones). The tourist is reading haltingly from a phrase book.

Hungarian: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Clerk: Sorry?
Hungarian I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Clerk: Uh, no, no, no. This is a tobacconist's.
Hungarian: Ah! I will not buy this *tobacconist's*, it is scratched.
Clerk: No, no, no, no. Tobacco...um...cigarettes (holds up a pack).
Hungarian: Ya! See-gar-ets! Ya! Uh...My hovercraft is full of eels.
Clerk: Sorry?
Hungarian: My hovercraft (pantomimes puffing a cigarette)...is full of eels (pretends to strike a match).
Clerk: Ahh, matches!
Hungarian: Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya! Do you waaaaant...do you waaaaaant...to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Clerk: Here, I don't think you're using that thing right.
Hungarian: You great poof.
Clerk: That'll be six and six, please.
Hungarian: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I...I am no longer infected.
Clerk: Uh, may I, uh...(takes phrase book, flips through it)...Costs six and six...ah, here we are. (speaks weird Hungarian-sounding words)
Hungarian punches the clerk.

Meanwhile, a policeman (Graham Chapman) on a quiet street cups his ear as if hearing a cry of distress. He sprints for many blocks and finally enters the tobacconist's.

Cop: What's going on here then?
Hungarian: Ah. You have beautiful thighs.
Cop: (looks down at himself) WHAT?!?
Clerk: He hit me!

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Op donderdag 01 augustus 2002 15:16 schreef FK het volgende:
The Parrot Sketch!

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The Parrot Sketch is alleen maar heel erg bekend!
En wordt daarom heel erg veel genoemd!
Maar is niet heel erg bijzonder goed!

Proprietor (John Cleese): Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

C: Er, yes. Do you have a copy of 'Thirty Days in the Samarkind Desert with the Duchess of Kent' by A. E. J. Eliott, O.B.E.?

P: Ah, well, I don't know the book, sir....

C: Er, never mind, never mind. How about 'A Hundred and One Ways to Start a Fight'?

P: ...By?

C: An Irish gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment.

P: Ah, no, well we haven't got it in stock, sir....

C: Oh, well, not to worry, not to worry. Can you help me with 'David Coperfield'?

P: Ah, yes, Dickens.

C: No....

P: (pause) I beg your pardon?

C: No, Edmund Wells.

P: I... *think* you'll find Charles Dickens wrote 'David Copperfield', sir....

C: No, no, Dickens wrote 'David Copperfield' with *two* Ps. This is 'David Coperfield' with *one* P by Edmund Wells.

P: 'David Coperfield' with one P?

C: Yes, I should have said.

P: Yes, well in that case we don't have it.

C: (peering over counter) Funny, you've got a lot of books here....

P: (slightly perturbed) Yes, we do, but we don't have 'David Coperfield' with one P by Edmund Wells.

C: Oh...how 'bout 'Grate Expectations'?

P: Yes, well we have that....

C: That's 'G-R-A-T-E Expectations', also by Edmund Wells.

P: (pause) Yes, well in that case we don't have it. We don't have anything by Edmund Wells, actually: he's not very popular.

C: Not 'Knickerless Knickleby'? That's K-N-I-C-K-E-R-L-E-S-S.

P: (taciturn) No.

C: 'Khristmas Karol' with a K?

P: (really quite perturbed) No....

C: Er, how about 'A Sale of Two Titties'?

P: DEFINITELY NOT.

C: (moving towards door) Sorry to trouble you....

P: Not at all....

C: Good morning.

P: Good morning.

C: (turning around) Oh!

P: (deep breath) Yesss?

C: I wonder if you might have a copy of 'Rarnaby Budge'?

P: No, as I say, we're right out of Edmund Wells!

C: No, not Edmund Wells - Charles Dikkens.

P: (pause - eagerly) Charles Dickens??

C: Yes.

P: (excitedly) You mean 'Barnaby Rudge'!

C: No, 'Rarnaby Budge' by Charles Dikkens. That's Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author.

P: (slight pause) No, well we don't have 'Rarnaby Budge' by Charles Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author, and perhaps to save time I should add that we don't have 'Karnaby Fudge' by Darles Chickens, or 'Farmer of Sludge' by Marles Pickens, or even 'Stickwick Staplers' by Farles Wickens with four M's and a silent Q!!!!! Why don't you try W. H. Smith's?

C: I did, They sent me here.

P: DID they?

C: Oh, I wonder...

P: Oh, do go on, please.

C: Yes...I wonder if you might have 'The Amazing Adventures of Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet and her Intrepid Spaniel Stig Amongst the Giant Pygmies of Beckles'...volume eight.

P: (after a pause for recovery) No, we don't have that...funny, we've got a lot of books here...well, I musn't keep you standing here...thank you,--

C: Oh, well do, do you have--

P: No, we haven't. No, we haven't.

C: B-b-b-but--

P: Sorry, no, it's one o'clock now, we're closing for lunch--

C: Ah, I--I saw it--

P: I'm sorry--

C: I saw it over there! I saw it...

P: What? What? WHAT?!?

C: I saw it over there: 'Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds'.

P: (pause; trying to stay calm) 'Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds'?

C: Yes...

P: O-L-S-E-N?

C: Yes....

P: B-I-R-D-S??

C: Yes.....

P: (beat) Yes, well, we do have that, as a matter of fact....

C: The expurgated version....

P: (pause; politely) I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that...?

C: The expurgated version.

P: (exploding) The EXPURGATED version of 'Olsen's Standard Book of British Birds'?!?!?!?!?

C: (desperately) The one without the gannet!

P: The one without the gannet-!!! They've ALL got the gannet!! It's a Standard British Bird, the gannet, it's in all the books!!!

C: (insistent) Well, I don't like them...they wet their nests.

P: (furious) All right! I'll remove it!! (rrrip!) Any other birds you don't like?!

C: I don't like the robin...

P: (screaming) The robin! Right! The robin! (rrrip!) There you are, any others you don't like, any others?

C: The nuthatch?

P: Right! (flipping through the book) The nuthatch, the nuthatch, the nuthatch, 'ere we are! (rrriiip!) There you are! NO gannets, NO robins, NO nuthatches, THERE's your book!

C: (indignant) I can't buy that! It's torn!

P: (incoherent noise)

C: Ah, I wonder if you have--

P: God, ask me anything!! We got lots of books here, you know, it's a bookshop!!

C: Er, how 'bout 'Biggles Combs his Hair'?

P: No, no, we don't have that one, funny!

C: 'The Gospel According to Charley Drake'?

P: No, no, no, try me again!

C: Ah...oh, I know! 'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying'.

P: No, no, no, no, no,...What? WHAT??????

C: 'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying'.

P: 'Ethel the Aa--' YES!!!YES!!! WE'VE GOT IT!! (throwing books wildly about) I-I've seen it somewhere!!! I know it!!! Hee hee hee hee hee!!! Ha ha hoo ho---WAIT!! WAIT!! Is it?? Is it??? (triumphant) YES!!!!!! Here we are, 'Ethel the Aardvark goes Quantity Surveying'!!!!! There's your book!! (throwing it down) Now, BUY IT!!!

C: (quickly) I don't have enough money.

P: (desperate) I'll take a deposit!

C: I don't have ANY money!

P: I'll take a check!!

C: I don't have a checkbook!

P: I've got a blank one!!

C: I don't have a bank account!!

P: RIGHT!!!! I'll buy it FOR you! (ring) There we are, there's your change, there's some money for a taxi on the way home, there's your book, now, now..

C: Wait, wait, wait!

P: What? What?!? WHAT?!? WHAT???!!

C: I can't read!!!

P: (staggeringly long pause; very quietly) You can't...read. (pause) RIGHT!!! Sit down!! Sit down!! Sit!! Sit!! Are you sitting comfortably??? Right!!! (opens book) 'Ethel the Aardvark goes quantity surveying...' (fade out)

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Op maandag 05 augustus 2002 14:56 schreef Crayne het volgende:
Customer (Graham Chapman): (entering the bookshop) Good morning.

Proprietor (John Cleese): Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

<knip>

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Maar die dingen werden wel 's vaker in verschillende versies opgenomen...

Kijk daar eens, alle teksten van films/series online

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Op maandag 05 augustus 2002 15:09 schreef popolon het volgende:
http://www.stone-dead.asn.au/main.html

Kijk daar eens, alle teksten van films/series online

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De offiële, www.pythonline.com, is offline, zie ik

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Op maandag 05 augustus 2002 15:07 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Hmm... in mijn mp3'tje klinkt ie toch als Terry Jones, en niet als Graham Chapman.

Maar die dingen werden wel 's vaker in verschillende versies opgenomen...

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Bloody flying sheep!

[sub] (Any picture requests?) [/sub]

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Op dinsdag 30 juli 2002 22:48 schreef BlaatschaaP het volgende:

[..]

refresh my mind?

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Landlady: Ooh planning a little excursion are we Mr Hilter?
Hilter: Ja! Ja! We make a little hike für... for Bideford.
Johnson: Oh well, you'll be wanting the A39 then... no, no, you've got the wrong map there, this is Stalingrad. You want the Ilfracombe and Barnstaple section.
Hilter: Ah Hein... Reginald you have the wrong map here you silly old leg-before-wicket English person.
Bimmler: I'm sorry mein Führer... (Hitler slaps him) Mein Dickie old chum.
Landlady: Lucky Mr Johnson pointed that out, eh? You wouldn't have much fun in Stalingrad would you, ha, ha, ha...
Hilter: (through clenched teeth) Not much fun in Stalingrad, no...

The quest of sir Robin

Het liedje dat zijn minstrelen zingen vind ik zo goed
Tekst is fantastisch

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 00:19 schreef Scrunch het volgende:
Herkennen jullie de volgende scene? Ik wil em graag nog es zien.. maar weet dus niet hoe ie heet... 't speelt zich af in een soort club voor rijke lieden, en al gauw beginnen de gasten tegen elkaar op te bieden over hun afkomst en jeugd. De verhalen worden steeds banaler en erger, ik herinner me dat dr één in een kartonnen doos woonde en één op de bodem van de vijver.. Ik heb echt strak gelegen bij die scene...

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Mijn favorieten blijven toch wel "Argument Sketch", "Cheeseshop", "Dead Parrot", "Spanish Inquisition", "Pet License" en mijn absolute favoriet: 'Hungarian Phrasebook".

ps: 'I object to all this sex on the television...I mean, I keep falling off!"

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 00:19 schreef Scrunch het volgende:
Herkennen jullie de volgende scene? Ik wil em graag nog es zien.. maar weet dus niet hoe ie heet... 't speelt zich af in een soort club voor rijke lieden, en al gauw beginnen de gasten tegen elkaar op te bieden over hun afkomst en jeugd. De verhalen worden steeds banaler en erger, ik herinner me dat dr één in een kartonnen doos woonde en één op de bodem van de vijver.. Ik heb echt strak gelegen bij die scene...

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Eric Idle: Very fussable, isn't it? Very fussable.

All: Right, all right.

Graham Chapman: Good glass of Chateau de Chasselas, ain't just that, sire?

Terry Jones: Oh, you're right there, Obadiah.

Graham Chapman: Right.

Eric Idle: Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh?

All: Aye, aye.

Michael Palin: Them days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea.

Graham Chapman: Right! A cup of cold tea!

Michael Palin: Right!

Eric Idle: Without milk or sugar!

Terry Jones: Or tea!

Michael Palin: In a cracked cup and all.

Eric Idle: Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper!

Graham Chapman: The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

Terry Jones: But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.

Michael Palin: Because we were poor!

Terry Jones: Right!

Michael Palin: My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, son!"

Eric Idle: He was right!

Michael Palin: Right!

Eric Idle: I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in the roof.

Graham Chapman: House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twentysix of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!

Michael Palin: Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old watertank on a rubbish tip. We'd all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!

Eric Idle: Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!

Graham Chapman: We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!

Terry Jones: You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!

Michael Palin: A cardboard box?

Terry Jones: Aye!

Michael Palin: You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to go up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out, for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would slash us to sleep with his belt!

Graham Chapman: Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot grubble, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

Terry Jones: Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold grubble, work twenty-four hours a day at mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!

Eric Idle: Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!

Michael Palin: Aah. Are you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!

All: No, no they won't!

Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his penis...

liedje 2, nadat robin was gevlucht van zijn vijand

Brave Sir Robin ran away,
Bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin.

liedje 3, toen robin bij de rest aankwam

He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.

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Op woensdag 19 juli 2000 07:43 schreef yvonne het volgende:
Met stip, the ministry of silly walks ))

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 02:30 schreef B het volgende:

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Op zondag 13 juli 2003 23:33 schreef ASSpirine het volgende:
The quest of sir Robin

Het liedje dat zijn minstrelen zingen vind ik zo goed
Tekst is fantastisch

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Voor het liedje, klik mijn sig.

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 18:57 schreef Brave_Sir_Robin het volgende:

[..]

Voor het liedje, klik mijn sig.

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 19:20 schreef Wile_E_Coyote het volgende:
Er is maar 1 masterscene van MP: The Bookshop!

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 19:47 schreef joris007 het volgende:

[..]

Die is idd te gek, maar er is er nog zo een, The Cheeseshop, gaat ongeveer hetzelfde...

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"Well, I don't like them! They wet their nests!"

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 19:48 schreef Wile_E_Coyote het volgende:

Mwah, bijna net zo leuk, maar iets te eentonig. Bookshop is leuker..

"Well, I don't like them! They wet their nests!"

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Op maandag 14 juli 2003 23:32 schreef Sloggi het volgende:
the black knight in de holy grail

meesterlijk

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.

In "The Meaning Of Life" ziet men, na the battle tussen de Engelsen en de Zulu's, een ontzettend slachtveld met vele doden en gewonden. De Britse officieren lopen flegmatiek langs de lijken en Ainsworth ziet een afgehakt hoofd liggen:

Ainsworth: Nasty wound you've got there, Potter.

Afgehakt hoofd: Thank you very much sir!

Met onder meer Tarquin Fintimlinbinwhinbimlim Bus Stop F'tang F'tang Ole Biscuit-Barrel (Silly Party) en Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer) Thomas Moo... (sings) "We'll keep a welcome in the..." (fires gun) William (makes silly noise) "Raindrops keep falling on my" (weird noise) "Don't sleep in the subway" (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo... Smith... (Very Silly party)

En natuurlijk Crunchy Frog.

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PO: Am I right is thinking there's a real frog in here?

H: Yes a little one.

PO: What sort of frog?

H: A dead frog.

PO: Is it cooked?

H: No.

PO: A raw frog??

H: Oh we use only the finest baby frogs. Dew picked and flown from Iraq. Cleansed in the finest quality spring water. Lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent swiss quintuple smooth treble milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

PO: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!

H: What else?

PO: Well, don't you even take the bones out?

H: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it.

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 02:56 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE: Uhh,... I think I'd better come clean with you about this. It's, um,-- it's not a virus, I'm afraid. You see, a virus is what we doctors call very, very small. So small, it could not possibly have made off with a whole leg. What we're looking for here is, I think,-- And this is no more than an educated guess. I'd like to make that clear. ...Is some multi-cellular life form with stripes, huge razor-sharp teeth, about eleven foot long, and of the genus Felis Horribilis: what we doctors, in fact, call a 'tiger'.

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 04:27 schreef Nimrod2253 het volgende:

Albatros!

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_{Meaning of life, ziekenhuisdirecteur}

I am not a looney!

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 04:27 schreef Nimrod2253 het volgende:
Albatros!

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A section of the audience rises up in revolt and invades the set, remonstrating with the performers and banging the counter, etc., breaking up the sketch.


Zoom away from them and into caption machine; roll credits. The National Anthem starts. The shouting stops. Mix through credits to show audience and everyone on set standing to attention. As the credits end, fade out.

.

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door DennisMoore op 15-07-2003 12:33]

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 12:23 schreef Frollo het volgende:
Vooral dat grotdroge "She's in the sack"

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Any screenshot requests? .

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Op zaterdag 15 juli 2000 16:32 schreef bixister het volgende:

en natuurlijk the Ministry of Silly Walks

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 13:12 schreef Maud_Dib het volgende:

En die paralimpics ofzo. 100 meter dash for people with a weak blater. En die dat ze elkaar met die vissen staan te slaan.

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deze is in mijn mening t leukst

Counsel (Cleese): I'm sorry I'm late m'lud I couldn't find a kosher car park. Er... don't bother to recap m'lud, I'll pick it up as we go along. Call Mrs Fiona Lewis.

A pepperpot walks into the court and gets up into the witness box.

Clerk of the Court: Call Mrs Fiona Lewis.

Fiona Lewis (Chapman): I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway, I said to her, I said, they can't afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get up your nose, I ask you, four and six a pound, and him with a wooden leg, I don't know how she puts up with it after all the trouble she's had with her you-know-what...

Anyway it was a white wedding much to everyone's surprise, of course they bought everything on the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean you've got to be cruel to be kind so Mrs Harris said, so she said, she said, she said, the dead crab she said, she said.

Well, her sister's gone to Rhodesia what with her womb and all, and her youngest, her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish, the goldfish they've got whooping cough they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys, well, they do don't they, I mean you can't, can you, I mean they're not even married or anything, they're not even divorced, and he's in the KGB if you ask me, he says he's a tree surgeon but I don't like the sound of his liver, all that squeaking and banging every night <sub>^{till the small hours...}

..his mother's been much better since she had her head off, yes she has, I said, don't you talk to me about bladders, I said...</sub>

That's what I call rambling on! .

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 19:39 schreef Astronaut_Jones het volgende:

"Good evening Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the refreshment room here at Blatchley. My name is Kenny Luss and i'm your compére for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure and my privilage to welcome here at the refreshment room some of the true great international artists of our time. And tonight we have one such artist. Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom i've always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than any other performer. A man, well more than a man, a God, a great God whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful. My feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically (amateuristic). Someone whose boots i'd gladly lick clean untill holes wore through my tongue. A man who's so totally and utterly wonderful that i'd rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth than dare tread on the same stage with him. Ladies and gentlemen the incomprebly superior human-being Harry Fink!"

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quote:

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voice offstage: He can't come!
Kenny Lust: Never mind, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

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TRUNK AMPUTATION SCENE

DOCTOR SMITH (John Cleese): Morning, Richards.
RICHARDS (Eric Idle): Morning, doctor.
DOCTOR SMITH: Can I help you?
RICHARDS: Yes doctor, I'd like you to amputate everything but my trunk!
DOCTOR SMITH: Amputating limbs is quite expensive, sir! Are you quite sure you can afford such luxury?
RICHARDS: Well doctor, what would it cost me?
DOCTOR SMITH (grabs calculator): Let's see... 400 quid for each leg... 300 for each arm... and 600 for the head. That would make 2000 pounds, sir!
RICHARDS: Two thousand quid?! For a few limbs?! Have you lost your bloody marbles?
DOCTOR SMITH: Sir, I'm a doctor! Not a butcher!
RICHARDS: Then I think I should go and see hím. Goodbye!
DOCTOR SMITH: No, wait! There IS another option!
RICHARDS: Which is...?
DOCTOR SMITH: You could decide to ONLY have your trunk amputated. That would
cost you a mere one thousand quid! Not a butcher in the world cheaper than that!
RICHARDS: Well, then I'd like to have one trunk amputation please.
DOCTOR SMITH: I have to warn you though. Trunk amputation might be cheaper, but it DOES involve a risk.
RICHARDS: A risk?
DOCTOR SMITH: Yes Richards, there have been numerous reports of people having phantom aches. In fact, I'm having a stomach-ache right now!
[DOCTOR SMITH lifts his shirt and shows the gaping hole in his belly].

[Hospital corridor. A mother-to-be is being wheeled very fast down the corridor on a trolley, which crashes through several sets of doors. A nurse with her slips into a consultant's room, where one doctor is throwing beer mats through the crooked arm of another.]

First Doctor: One thousand and eight!

Nurse: Mrs Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor.

First Doctor: Good. Take her into the foetus-frightening room.

Nurse: Right.

[They pass through the delivery room.]

First Doctor: Bit bare in here today. isn't it?

Second Doctor: Yeees.

First Doctor: More apparatus please, nurse.

Nurse: Yes doctor.

First Doctor: Yes, the EEG, the BP monitor and the AVV, please.

Second Doctor: And get the machine that goes 'Ping'!

First Doctor: And get the most expensive machines in case the administrator comes.

[Apparatus starts pouring into the room. The mother is lost behind various bits of equipment.]

First Doctor: That's better, that's much better.

Second Doctor: Yeeees. More like it.

First Doctor: Still something missing, though.

[They think hard for a few moments.]

First and Second Doctors: Patient?

Second Doctor: Where's the patient?

First Doctor: Anyone seen the patient?

Second Doctor: Patient!

Nurse: Ah, here she is.

First Doctor: Bring her round.

Second Doctor: Mind the machine!

First Doctor: Come along!

Second Doctor: Jump up there. Hup!

First Doctor: Hello! Now, don't you worry.

Second Doctor: We'll soon have you cured.

First Doctor: Leave it all to us, you'll never know what hit you.

First and Second Doctors: Goodbye, goodbye! Drips up! Injections.

Second Doctor: Can I put the tube in the baby's head?

First Doctor: Only if I can do the epesiotomy.

Second Doctor: Okay.

First Doctor: Now, legs up.

[The patient's legs are put in the stirrups, while the Doctors open the doors opposite.]

First and Second Doctors: Come on. Come on, all of you. That's it, jolly good. Come on. Come on. Spread round there.

[A small horde enters, largely medical but with two Japanese tourists with cameras and video equipment. The first doctor bumps into a man.]

First Doctor: Who are you?

Man: I'm the husband.

First Doctor: I'm sorry. only people involved are allowed in here.

[The husband leaves.]

Mrs Moore: What do I do?

Second Doctor: Yes?

Mrs Moore: What's that for?

[She points to a machine.]

First Doctor: That's the machine that goes 'Ping'!

[It goes 'Ping'.]

First Doctor: You see. It means that your baby is still alive.

Second Doctor: And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital.

First Doctor: Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds.

Second Doctor: Aren't you lucky!

Nurse: The administrator's here, doctor.

First Doctor: Switch everything on!

[They do so. Everything flashes and beeps and thuds. Enter the administrator...]

Administrator: Morning, gentlemen.

First and Second Doctors: Morning Mr Pycroft.

Administrator: Very impressive. What are you doing this morning?

First Doctor: It's a birth.

Administrator: And what sort of thing is that?

Second Doctor: Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy.

Administrator: Wonderful what we can do nowadays. Ah! I see you have the machine that goes 'Ping'. This is my favourite. You see we lease this back to the company we sold it to. That way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. [They all applaud.] Thank you, thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on.

[He leaves.]

Nurse: Oh, the vulva's dilating, doctor.

First Doctor: Yes, there's the head. Yes, four centimetres, five, six centimetres...

First and Second Doctors: Lights! Amplify the ping machine. Masks up! Suction! Eyes down for a full house! Here it comes!

[The baby arrives.]

First Doctor: And frighten it!

[They grab the baby, hold it upside down, slap it, poke tubes up its nose, hose it with cold water. Then the baby is placed on a wooden chopping block and the umbilicus severed with a chopper.]

Doctor: And the rough towels!

[It is dried with rough towels.]

Doctor: Show it to the mother.

[It is shown to the mother.]

First and Second Doctors: That's enough! Right. Sedate her, number the child. Measure it, blood type it and... *isolate* it.

Nurse: OK, show's over.

Mrs Moore: Is it a boy or a girl?

First Doctor: Now I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now a world of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression. PND is what we doctors call it. So it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS and Super 8.

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door metalheadBOC op 16-07-2003 13:36]

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Op woensdag 16 juli 2003 01:34 schreef Bazyx het volgende:
Mijn favoriet is toch de (nooit uitgezonden of uitgebrachte, doch briljante):

TRUNK AMPUTATION SCENE

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Op dinsdag 15 juli 2003 11:49 schreef heijx het volgende:

[..]

Bugger off! I'm stuffed!

[afbeelding]

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Op woensdag 16 juli 2003 11:04 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Hoe kom je daar dan aan? .

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I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavat'ry
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flow'rs
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

centurion>Where is brian of Nazareth?
brian>You stupid bastards
wiseguy>Ehm I'm Brian of Nazareth
Brian> what?
Wiseguy>Yeak, I-I-I'm Brian of Nazareth
Centurion>take him down
Brian>I'm Brian of Nazareth
Crusified man 1>I'm Brian
Bignose>I'm Brian
Crusified man 2> look,look, I'm Brian
Brian>I'm Brian
Brearded man> I'm Brian and so is my wife!
Crusifixion party>I'm Brian!
Centurion>right! take him away and release him!
Wiseguy> No i'm only Joking. I'm not realy Brian!No,I'm not Brian!! I was only... Believe me, it was a joke. I'm only pulling your leg! It's a joke! Im not him, Im just having you on! Put me back! Bloody romans.just can't take a joke!

echt geweldig

dat stuk erna is ook goed

Crusifixion assistant 1> The judean People's front!
Centurion>The judean People's front!
The judean People's front commander> forward, all!!
Crusifixion assistant 2> look out! The judean People's front!
Crusifixion assistant 3>The judean People's front!
Crusifixion assistant 4>The judean People's front!
The judean People's front commander> We are The judean People's front,crack suicide squad... ATTACK!!
The judean People's front committing suicide> AUGH!! argh!
The judean People's front commander> that showed them,huh?
Brian> you silly sods!!

echt super!

hier kan je btw alle scripts enzo vandaan halen
montypython scripts

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 10:27 schreef Hawk het volgende:
[afbeelding][afbeelding]

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I work all day
He's a lumberjack and he's OK
He sleeps all night and he works all day

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavat'ry
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I love to press wild flow'rs
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspendies and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa
He cuts down trees...
He's a lumberjack...

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"O Biff, I thought you were such a tough guy.."

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 10:36 schreef kamagurka het volgende:

"O Biff, I thought you were such a tough guy.."

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Of uit Monty Python's Duitstalige (!) 'Fliegender Zirkus':

Ich bin ein Holzfäller und fühl mich stark
Ich schlaf des Nachts und hack am Tag

Ich fälle Bäume, ich ess mein Brot
Ich geh auf das WC
Am Mittwoch geh ich shopping
Kau kekse zum kaffee

Ich fälle Bäume und hupf und spring
Steck Blumen in die Vas
Ich schlupf in Frauenkleider
Und lummel mich in Bars

Ich fälle Bäume, trag Stockelschuh
Und Strumpf und Bustenhalter
Wär gern ein kleines Mädchen
So wie mein Onkel Walter

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 10:51 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:

[..]

"Oh Bevis! And I thought you were so rugged!"

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Ik zat in de buurt, though...

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 10:59 schreef kamagurka het volgende:

Ik doe het tenminste zonder zoekmachine

Ik zat in de buurt, though...

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Erg knap trouwens, die Duitstalige aflevering... Alles fonetisch Duits uit hun hoofd geleerd .

En hier het volledige script.

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 11:03 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:

[..]

Dat ene zinnetje wist ik er zonder google ook nog wel uit te persen .
Het Duitse lied natuurlijk niet.

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Die duitse versie is idd erg... apart

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Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 13:00 schreef basket.case het volgende:
en wat dachten jullie van de speech van John Cleese op de begrafenis van Graham Chapman.... De beste speech ooit!!!

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Receptionist: Yes, sir?
Man: I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what is the cost?
Receptionist: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
Man: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
Receptionist: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Receptionist: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
Man: Thank you.

(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)

Mr Barnard: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Man: Well, I was told outside that...
Mr Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
Man: What?

Mr Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
Man: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Mr Barnard: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Man: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Mr Barnard: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

Man: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Mr Barnard: Not at all.
Man: Thank you.
Mr Barnard: (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

(Man walks down the corridor)
Man: (Knock)
Mr Vibrating: Come in.

Man: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
Mr Vibrating: I told you once.
Man: No you haven't.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I have.
Man: When?
Mr Vibrating: Just now.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: You didn't
Mr Vibrating: I did!
Man: You didn't!
Mr Vibrating: I'm telling you I did!
Man: You did not!!
Mr Vibrating: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
Man: Oh, just the five minutes.
Mr Vibrating: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
Man: You most certainly did not.
Mr Vibrating: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
Man: No you did not.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.

Man: No you didn't.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: No you didn't.
Mr Vibrating: Yes I did.
Man: You didn't.
Mr Vibrating: Did.
Man: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
Mr Vibrating: Yes it is.
Man: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: It is!
Mr Vibrating: It is not.

Man: Look, you just contradicted me.
Mr Vibrating: I did not.
Man: Oh you did!!
Mr Vibrating: No, no, no.
Man: You did just then.
Mr Vibrating: Nonsense!
Man: Oh, this is futile!
Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: I came here for a good argument.
Mr Vibrating: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
Man: An argument isn't just contradiction.
Mr Vibrating: It can be.
Man: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
Mr Vibrating: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
Man: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
Mr Vibrating: Yes it is!
Man: No it isn't!
Man: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
Mr Vibrating: No it isn't.
Man: It is.
Mr Vibrating: Not at all.
Man: Now look.
Mr Vibrating: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
Man: What?
Mr Vibrating: That's it. Good morning.

Man: I was just getting interested.
Mr Vibrating: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
Man: That was never five minutes!
Mr Vibrating: I'm afraid it was.
Man: It wasn't.
(Pause)
Mr Vibrating: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
Man: What?!
Mr Vibrating: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
Man: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
Mr Vibrating: (Hums)
Man: Look, this is ridiculous.
Mr Vibrating: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
Man: Oh, all right.

(pays money)
Mr Vibrating: Thank you. (short pause)
Man: Well?
Mr Vibrating: Well what?
Man: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.

Mr Vibrating: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
Man: I just paid!
Mr Vibrating: No you didn't.

Man: I DID!
Mr Vibrating: No you didn't.
Man: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
Mr Vibrating: Well, you didn't pay.

Man: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I got you!
Mr Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.

Mr Vibrating: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
Man: Oh I've had enough of this.
Mr Vibrating: No you haven't.
Man: Oh Shut up.

(Man walks down the stairs. Opens door.)
Man: I want to complain.
Complainer: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.

Man: No, I want to complain about...
Complainer: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
Man: Oh!
Complainer: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.

(Man slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)

Man: Hello, I want to... (Spreaders hits man on the head) Ooooh!
Spreaders: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again. (He hits him again.)
Man: Uuuwwhh!!

Spreaders: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
Man: No.
Spreaders: Now.. (He hits him)
Man: Waaaaah!!!
Spreaders: Good, Good! That's it.
Man: Stop hitting me!!
Spreaders: What?
Man: Stop hitting me!!
Spreaders: Stop hitting you?
Man: Yes!
Spreaders: Why did you come in here then?
Man: I wanted to complain.
Spreaders: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
Man: What a stupid concept.


Detective Inspector Fox enters.
Fox: Right. Hold it there.
Man and Spreaders: What?
Fox: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad.
Man and Spreaders: Flying Fox of the Yard?
Fox: Shut up! (He hits the Man with a truncheon.)
Man: Ooooh!
Spreaders: No, no, no! 'Waagh'!

Fox: And you! (He hits Spreaders)
Spreaders: Waagh!
Fox: He's good! You could learn a thing or two from him. Right, now you two me old beauties, you are nicked.
Man: What for?
Fox: I'm charging you two under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act.
Man: The what?
Fox: You are hereby charged that you did wilfully take part in a strange sketch, that is, a skit, spoof or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public.(to camera) Evening all.
Spreaders: It's a fair cop.
Fox: And you tosh. (He hits Man)
Man: WAAAGH!
Fox: That's excellent! Right, come on down the Yard.

Another Inspector arrives.
Inspector: Hold it. Hold it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Thompson's Gazelle of the Programme Planning Police, Light Entertainment Division, Special Flying Squad.
Fox: Flying Thompson's Gazelle of the Yard?

Inspector: Shut up! (hits him)
Fox: Waaagh!
Spreaders: He's good.
Inspector: Shut up! (hits Spreaders)
Spreaders: Oooh!
Man: Rotten. (he gets hit) WAAGH!
Inspector: Good! Now, I'm arresting this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behavior contrary to the 'Not in front of the children' Act; two, always saying 'It's so and so of the Yard' every time the fuzz arrives; and three, and this is the cruncher, offenses against the 'Getting out of sketches without using a proper punchline' Act; four, namely, simply ending every bleeding sketch by just having a policeman come in and... wait a minute.

Another policeman enters.

Policeman: Hold it. (puts his hand on Inspector Thompson's Gazelle's shoulder)
Inspector: It's a fair cop.

A large, hairy hand appears through the door and claps the policeman on the shoulder.

Caption: 'THE END'

. Een van de meest briljante sketches! .

I like Chinese

from Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album

(spoken) The world today is absolutely cracked.
With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high.
There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger.
It's depressing, and it's senseless, and that's why...

(singing) I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're always friendly and they're ready to please.
I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today,
You'd better learn to like them, that's what I say.
I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute, and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.
I like Chinese food,
The waiters never are rude,
Think the many things they've done to impress,
There's maoism, taoism, eging and chess.
I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their ying and yang-eze.
I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucius taught,
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.
So, I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They only come up to you knees,
Yet they're wise, and they're witty, and they're ready to please
Wo, I chumba run, Wo, I chumba run, Wo, I chumba run, Ne hamma,
Ne hamma, Ne hamma chi chen.
I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They're food is guaranteed to please,
A fourteen, a seven, a nine and li-chese
I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin and yang-eze
I like Chinese, I like Chinese, (fade out....) .

[JARRING CHORD]

[Biggles holds out two ordinary modern household cushions]

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

[Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture]

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez [angrily hurling away the cushions]: Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

[JARRING CHORD]

[Zoom into Fang's horrified face]

Fang [terrified]: The...Comfy Chair?

[Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one]

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

[They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair]

Ximinez [with a cruel leer]: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. [aside, to Biggles] Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

quote:

---

Op donderdag 17 juli 2003 13:09 schreef metalheadBOC het volgende:
niet gehoord... post hem maar

---

quote:

Op vrijdag 14 mei 2004 11:11 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Well, the one furthest away on the right...

quote:

Op vrijdag 14 mei 2004 11:43 schreef Frollo het volgende:

The elm?

quote:

Op vrijdag 14 mei 2004 12:44 schreef Frollo het volgende:

A willow!

quote:

Op vrijdag 14 mei 2004 12:59 schreef Frollo het volgende:

C: Er, how about "A Sale of Two Titties"?
P: DEFINITELY NOT.

quote:

Host: Good evening and welcome to 'Stake Your Claim'. First this evening we have Mr Norman Voles of Gravesend who claims he wrote all Shakespeare's works. Mr Voles, I understand you claim that you wrote all those plays normally attributed to Shakespeare?

Voles: That is correct. I wrote all his plays and my wife and I wrote his sonnets.

Host: Mr Voles, these plays are known to have been performed in the early 17th century. How old are you, Mr Voles?

Voles: 43.

Host: Well, how is it possible for you to have written plays performed over 300 years before you were born?

Voles: Ah well. This is where my claim falls to the ground.

Host: Ah!

Voles: There's no possible way of answering that argument, I'm afraid. I was only hoping you would not make that particular point, but I can see you're more than a match for me!

Host: Mr Voles, thank you very much for coming along.

Voles: My pleasure.

quote:

Host: Next we have Mr Bill Wymiss who claims to have built the Taj
Mahal.

Wymiss (Eric Idle): No.

Host: I'm sorry?

Wymiss: No. No.

Host: I thought you cla...

Wymiss: Well I did but I can see I won't last a minute with you.

Host: Next...

Wymiss: I was right!

Host: ... we have Mrs Mittelschmerz of Dundee who cla... Mrs
Mittelschmerz, what is your claim?

Mittelschmerz (Graham Chapman in drag): That I can burrow through an elephant.

Host: (Pause) Now you've changed your claim, haven't you. You know
we haven't got an elephant.

Mittelschmerz: (Insincerely) Oh, haven't you? Oh dear!

Host: You're not fooling anybody, Mrs Mittelschmerz. In your letter
you quite clearly claimed that ... er ... you could be thrown off
the top of Beachy Head into the English Channel and then be
buried.

Mittelschmerz: No, you can't read my writing.

Host: It's typed.

Mittelschmerz: It says 'elephant'.

Host: Mrs Mittelschmerz, this is an entertainment show, and I'm not
prepared to simply sit here bickering. Take her away, Heinz!

Mittelschmerz: Here, no, leave me alone!

(Sound of wind and sea).

quote:

Op woensdag 9 maart 2005 22:45 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:
Don't say the text, vic, don't say the text!

.

quote:

Op zondag 7 mei 2006 17:04 schreef Balthar het volgende:

En het irritante bezoek.

quote:

Op maandag 8 mei 2006 11:18 schreef Frollo het volgende:

Je bedoelt die met dat stelletje rustig op de bank en dat dan die luidruchtige vriend binnenkomt, die voor het gemak ook maar gezellig een schapenhoeder, een stel flamboyante nichten, een brandweerkoor en nog allerlei anderen uitgenodigd heeft?

quote:

Op maandag 8 mei 2006 18:17 schreef DennisMoore het volgende:

[..]

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dúng! .

quote:

Op maandag 8 mei 2006 21:33 schreef Kiepkantel het volgende:

Eric Idle komt het huis van zijn ouders (arbeidershuisje) om hen op te biechten dat hij mijnwerker wil worden. Hij krijgt van zijn ouders (Terry Jones en Graham Chapman) om zijn oren omdat vader zijn hele leven hard heeft moeten werken als acteur en moeder is moe en afgeleefd van het avond aan avond over die rode loper lopen. En dan heeft zoon de gore moed om hen te komen vertellen dat hij mijnwerker wil worden !