Frappante filmwetten deel II

quote:

Op maandag 6 februari 2006 16:30 schreef Quarks het volgende:

Voor de rest: http://en.wikipedia.org/w(...)s_by_general_subject
Erg leuk om te lezen.

”Troubled” American teenagers live in a very large house, drive their own car (usually a well-worn TransAm or Firebird), have several cool friends and live next-door to an attractive girl/boy.

Er is altijd wel iemand in de buurt die morsecodes kan vertalen, zelfs op plaatsen waar je normaalgesproken nooit morseberichten zou ontvangen.

Dit valt me ook wel eens op: auto's in films of TV-series zijn altijd verschrikkelijk slecht uitgebalanceerd, de chauffeur moet continu corrigeren door druk aan het stuur te draaien, al rijd hij op een lange rechte weg.

quote:

Op woensdag 15 februari 2006 13:17 schreef Berkery het volgende:
Dit valt me ook wel eens op: auto's in films of TV-series zijn altijd verschrikkelijk slecht uitgebalanceerd, de chauffeur moet continu corrigeren door druk aan het stuur te draaien, al rijd hij op een lange rechte weg.

En een afgeragde Cadillac Seville kan met gemak een Europese sportauto bijhouden in een achtervolging.

Als de nachtwaker dan eindeljik het monster/de terrorist/de vloedgolf aan ziet komen, zal hij altijd zeggen: "What the..."

quote:

Op dinsdag 7 februari 2006 11:48 schreef katlief het volgende:
En die extreme regenbuien die er altijd zijn, het moet altijd met rivieren tegelijk uit de lucht vallen.

De extreme regen in films heeft een technische reden: een 'normale' regenbui word bijna niet geregistreerd door een filmcamera. Vandaar dat ze altijd enorme regentorens moeten gebruiken die zorgen voor zware regen. Anders zie je de regen niet op film. Nadeel is idd dat de personen in de regen altijd met twee seconden compleet doorweekt zijn, en dat ziet er soms wat vreemd uit.

In oorlogsfilms wordt altijd de beste maat van de hoofdrolspeler dodelijk verwond en de hoofdrolspeler stelt zijn eigen leven in de waagschaal om hem te redden.

quote:

Op woensdag 15 februari 2006 15:03 schreef Quarks het volgende:

[..]

En een afgeragde Cadillac Seville kan met gemak een Europese sportauto bijhouden in een achtervolging.

Eitje. Zelfs een 18wheeler truck kan dat nog....

Handboeien krijg je eenvoudig met een paperclip open.

quote:

Op maandag 6 februari 2006 22:55 schreef Berkery het volgende:
The Movie Telephone Time Vortex.
How often have you seen something like this:
Phone rings. Hero/Heroine picks it up. "Hello. Yes. O.k. Right. Thanks, Goodbye." (Total elapsed time on phone: 5 seconds.)
Hero/Heroine turns to other character: "That was John. He says that the Marilyn left for the lawyer's office about an hour ago, and she should have been there by now. He's called the lawyer's office but Marilyn apparently never got there. He also called Bill's, thinking she'd stop by there, but Bill hasn't seen her. John says he's going to call Anne, as Marilyn said she and Ann were going to go shopping sometime today. If she's not at Anne's, he's going to call the police. He suggests that we drive over to Mario's and check with him as to whether or not Marilyn told Wally about the statue. However, he thinks this is unlikely as Marilyn doesn't trust Wally, she only trusts us and Fransisco. John also suggests we try to get in touch with Fransisco . . . ."

quote:

Op donderdag 26 januari 2006 17:39 schreef ziggyziggyziggy het volgende:
Ik heb in films trouwens nog nooit een mobiele telefoon gezien die geen bereik had.

Tenzij de speler gedoomt is te sterven... Of de accu is leeg.

Mensen die niet belangrijk zijn gaan direct dood als ze een kogel in hun krijgen, waar dan ook. Helden liggen nog zolang als nodig is te kreperen, zelfs al zijn ze in hun hart geschoten.

Waar de slechterik 600 keer moet schieten om iets te raken kan de held dat in 1, hooguit 2 keer.

24 duurt 24 uur, maar er wordt niet gepoept, gepist of gegeten...

Explosies enzo die je hoort in de ruimte... euhm? Vacuum?

Bij een achtervolging is de afstand in eerste instantie 500 meter. De achterste kan altijd bijkomen tot op 10 meter afstand, maar vervolgens nooit de voorste inhalen. Maar zo passen ze wel in een shot.

In de toekomst zijn altijd nieuwe technologieen waarvan de huidige zoals wij die kennen vele malen handiger is. En onbelangrijke dingen gaan daar nog zoals in de vorige eeuw.

Alles kan snel, behalve als iemand op tijd staat. Kopieren op een computer, zoeken op internet of het vinden van een wapen gaat dan ineens heel traag of langzaam.

Auto's hoeven in films (bijna) nooit opslot. Je zet ze neer, je stapt uit en loopt weg. Natuurlijk wordt ie dan niet gejat.

Als je iemand ziet bellen heeft ie direct na het laatste cijfer of het groene bel knopje contact.

En digitale film (camera's oid) spoelen terug als een oude videoband.

[ Bericht 2% gewijzigd door oZner op 20-02-2006 16:27:07 ]

Chuck Norris wetten:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.

Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.

Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.

Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.

Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.

The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.

Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.

On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.

Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.

Chuck Norris invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Chuck Norris’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.

Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.

The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".

The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.

Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.

Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.

When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.

chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?

There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.

MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.

Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.

Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.

Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.

When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.

July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not.

Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.

The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.

What many people dont know is chuck norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.

Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.

A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.

Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.

Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as "acts of God."

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.

For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more "Missing in Action" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.

Chuck Norris' penis has a Hemi.

Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Chuck Norris CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.

Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.

For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.

During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.

Chuck Norris once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.

Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.

Chuck Norris actually built the stairway to heaven.

Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.

Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.

Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.

Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.

Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.

Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.

Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

Chuck Norris actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.

Chuck Norris doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.

En als je nu nog niet gestorven bent aan een "roundhouse kick":

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops.

Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

"One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.

People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper.

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown.

Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated.

In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming.

Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.

Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

The wind of Chuck Norris’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away

Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.

Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down

Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000

The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma.

When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one

You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris

No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.

Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''

On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.

Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!

Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.

Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris.

The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.

The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard.

When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money.

In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device.

When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon.

The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.

Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years.

When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg.

Chuck Norris invented the question mark.

Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child.

Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg.

Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.

The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.

Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!

Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.

When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next.

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb

Ja leuk hoor. Het heeft alleen niks met frappante filmwetten te maken

quote:

Op maandag 20 februari 2006 16:11 schreef Frollo het volgende:
Ja leuk hoor. Het heeft alleen niks met frappante filmwetten te maken

Ga dát maar eens aan Chuck Norris vertellen als je durft!

quote:

Op maandag 20 februari 2006 16:17 schreef NT-T.BartMan het volgende:

[..]

Ga dát maar eens aan Chuck Norris vertellen als je durft!

Geen tijd, ik heb het te druk met lachen

Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.



Degene die dit geschreven heeft verdient de Nobelprijs voor Chuck Norris.

Seksen in een auto op een afgelegen plaats is vragen om problemen.

quote:

Op woensdag 15 februari 2006 15:03 schreef Quarks het volgende:

[..]

En een afgeragde Cadillac Seville kan met gemak een Europese sportauto bijhouden in een achtervolging.

Zo kan men ook met een taxi, een 40 meter grote hagedis ontvluchten

Iedereen wordt altijd met de achternaam aangesproken

De gewone soldaat valt dood neer als hij wordt geraakt door een pijl, al is het in zijn schouder. De held daarentegen kan gemakkelijk met 3 pijlen in zijn lijf vijanden tegenhouden. Dit geldt ook voor de prominente schurk.

De populairste jongen en het populairste meisje zitten altijd in het laatste jaar. Hoe kan het dan dat ze al jaren populair, quarterback of aanvoerdster van de cheerleaders zijn lang voordat ze laatstejaars zijn.

Na het doorlezen van een groot gedeelte van de topics mistte ik de volgende nog:

* Autobanden van auto's die wegrijden, zachtjes remmen of slechts een flauwe bocht maken, produceren altijd een overdreven piepend geluid. Zèlfs op zandweggetjes.

* Hoofdpersonen, vooral vrouwen, hebben in kamerscènes waar een belangrijk plotonderdeel wordt blootgelegd vaak een balkvormig spotje op hun ogen gericht.

quote:

Op vrijdag 17 februari 2006 14:25 schreef Agrippina het volgende:
Handboeien krijg je eenvoudig met een paperclip open.

Dat komt omdat handboeien meestal geen echte sleutel hebben, maar een simpel dingetje, omdat toch alle agenten dezelfde sleutel gebruiken (IRL)

quote:

Op donderdag 30 maart 2006 10:51 schreef ArtyShock het volgende:
Na het doorlezen van een groot gedeelte van de topics miste ik de volgende nog:

* Autobanden van auto's die wegrijden, zachtjes remmen of slechts een flauwe bocht maken, produceren altijd een overdreven piepend geluid.

Da's vanwege de 70.000 mijl (120.000 km) garantie die ze op banden voor standaard auto's leveren. (FR70-15 op een Caprice bijvoorbeeld, van General of van Sears huismerk). Kei- en Keihard en totaal geen grip.

quote:

Zèlfs op zandweggetjes.

Da's dan weer wel uniek. En op gras.

Oh ja:

Zodra in een slaapkamer 's nachts het licht wordt uitgedaan, zie je het héél even donker worden voordat op magische wijze een ongeïntroduceerde persoon een gedimd blauwe lamp aanknipt.

_{...of is het áltijd driedubbel volle maan op het moment dat wij getuige zijn van een belangrijke slaapkamerscène.}

TVP

quote:

Op donderdag 30 maart 2006 10:56 schreef ArtyShock het volgende:

[...]

_{...of is het áltijd driedubbel volle maan op het moment dat wij getuige zijn van een belangrijke slaapkamerscène.}

In sommige films spelen de climaxen in de slaapkamerscenes zich onder felle spots af hoor

quote:

Op donderdag 30 maart 2006 14:00 schreef rameijer het volgende:
In sommige films spelen de climaxen in de slaapkamerscenes zich onder felle spots af hoor

Ja, maar dat zijn die films waarbij het "verhaal" de kapstok is om de kleren aan op te hangen.
_{En ik had het nergens over een climax hoor...}

Een climax lijkt me toch wel een belangrijke scene

De (oude) bokser die door de boef wordt gedwongen om te vallen weigert altijd en wint de wedstrijd met een knock-out

Als mensen langs een rots omhoog klauteren verstapt iemand zich waardoor er enkele keien naar beneden vallen

Je adem inhouden voor 5 minuten en ondertussen door onbekende volgelopen gangen onder water zwemmen is gemakkelijk

Als in een Amerikaans gezin ouders een moeizame relatie hebben met hun kind kun je er donder op zeggen dat de ouder "we need to talk" gaat zeggen

Hoewel menig 12jarige meid er niet aan moet denken, dragen filmvrouwen nooit een string. Tenzij ze een stripper, hoer of een sletje zijn. Nette meisjes dragen immers altijd een witte katoenen slip.

De nieuweling wordt altijd verliefd op de eerste persoon die in hun nieuwe omgeving aardig tegen hem/haar doet.

Dè biatch van school draagt altijd korte rokjes en wordt altijd vergezeld door twee andere meisjes

Computers zijn altijd Flashy animaties en bewegende venstertjes. Ook elke letter die je intypt geeft een geluidje. Ook gebruiken ze nooit een muis ofzo en raggen een beetje wat toetsen in.

Nog een slaapkamerwet;

In thrillers; Amerikanen hebben nooit gordijnen dicht in de slaapkamer, en het raam staat altijd open. Weer of geen weer. Vaak onweert het, en komt het monster/ buitenaardse wezen door het open raam naar binnen.

Kinderen die zeuren over een monster in de kast hebben het vaak bij het rechte eind. Ouders geloven dit natuurlijk nooit.

Is iemand wel eens in een gewoon Amerikaans woonhuis geweest? Ik niet, en daarom vraag ik me al jaren af: zit de voordeur in Amerikaanse huizen nou echt nooit op slot en komt ie nou echt direct uit op de woonkamer, of is dat alleen in sitcoms?

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Op woensdag 7 juni 2006 21:30 schreef Frollo het volgende:
Is iemand wel eens in een gewoon Amerikaans woonhuis geweest? Ik niet, en daarom vraag ik me al jaren af: zit de voordeur in Amerikaanse huizen nou echt nooit op slot en komt ie nou echt direct uit op de woonkamer, of is dat alleen in sitcoms?

Ik zag bij Roomraiders ( ) dat je bij sommige huizen inderdaad direct de huiskamer in komt lopen!

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Op donderdag 26 januari 2006 16:30 schreef RM-rf het volgende:

Ook leuk zijn die 'beeldbewerkers' die van een vage grofkorrelige foto opeens een raszuiver haarscherp gedetailleerd beeld kunnen maken, alsof daarvoor een speciaal photoshop-filtertje bestaat in de Hollywood editie van Photoshop

In de serie Las Vegas zegt de hoofdpersoon een keer "gooi dat ene filtertje er eens overheen, die ene die ik eigenlijk helemaal niet mag hebben" en dan wordt een korrelig stukje film van 10x10 pixels haarscherp en fullscreen.

Filmwet:
Als een van de 'good guys' een bad guy blijkt te zijn, heeft alleen de hoofdpersoon dit door en weet niemand van zijn gelijk te overtuigen.

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Op maandag 6 februari 2006 17:01 schreef Quarks het volgende:

In Serenity is dit niet het geval, maar de scene's zijn nog wel spectaculair.

Maar in Firefly wordt 'lichtjaar' dan weer als een maat voor tijd gebruikt.

In een film kan een willekeurig object nooit gewoon op worden gepakt, er zit altijd een aarzeling in.

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Op woensdag 15 februari 2006 15:03 schreef Quarks het volgende:

[..]

En een afgeragde Cadillac Seville kan met gemak een Europese sportauto bijhouden in een achtervolging.

En wat er tijdens de achtervolging ook gebeurt, we blijven gesellie doorkarren en de verzekering betaald wel.

In een vliegtuig zit altijd wel een verdachte Arabier aan boord.

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Op donderdag 13 juli 2006 23:39 schreef m021 het volgende:

[..]

In de serie Las Vegas zegt de hoofdpersoon een keer "gooi dat ene filtertje er eens overheen, die ene die ik eigenlijk helemaal niet mag hebben" en dan wordt een korrelig stukje film van 10x10 pixels haarscherp en fullscreen.

Dat deden ze van de week in 'The Truman Show' ook

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Op vrijdag 14 juli 2006 10:01 schreef Mr-Coffee het volgende:
In een vliegtuig zit altijd wel een verdachte Arabier aan boord.

Vooral in films gemaakt na 2001

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Op woensdag 7 juni 2006 21:30 schreef Frollo het volgende:
Is iemand wel eens in een gewoon Amerikaans woonhuis geweest? Ik niet, en daarom vraag ik me al jaren af: zit de voordeur in Amerikaanse huizen nou echt nooit op slot en komt ie nou echt direct uit op de woonkamer, of is dat alleen in sitcoms?

Yep, ik heb er een jaar gewoond. Vooral de wat kleinere huizen hebben dat inderdaad.

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Op woensdag 7 juni 2006 21:41 schreef gekkehoedenmaker het volgende:

Ik zag bij Roomraiders ( ) dat je bij sommige huizen inderdaad direct de huiskamer in komt lopen!

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Op vrijdag 14 juli 2006 10:49 schreef ziggyziggyziggy het volgende:

Yep, ik heb er een jaar gewoond. Vooral de wat kleinere huizen hebben dat inderdaad.

Dus toch!
Ik beschouwde het altijd als een standaard sitcomtrucje om personages zonder vertraging op 'het toneel' te krijgen.
Maar het is dus echt zo. Raar hoor. Je laat toch steeds regen, sneeuw en kou naar binnen, snappen die Amerikanen dat nou echt niet?

zo vroeg ik me ook altijd af of er echt van die huisfeesten werden georganiseerd zoals in de films. Waarbij iemand een feestje geeft en dan de halve school komt opdagen en gaat neuken op de slaapkamer van de ouders van een vreemde. Maar op een Amerikaans forum zeiden ze dus dat dat echt gebeurd zo.

Hier in Griekenland stap je ook altijd de keuken of de woonkamer binnen hoor...

Maar hier heb je niet zoveel regen, sneeuw en kou

_{Hoewel, de afgelopen winters...}

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Op maandag 6 februari 2006 16:20 schreef japzooi het volgende:
- In westerns zijn alle paarden kogelvrij.

In principe is alles kogelvrij zolang er niet op geschoten wordt

De helden zijn trouwens vrijwel altijd racistisch, de blanke jongen krijgt het blanke meisje en de zwarte jongen krijgt het zwarte meisje.

De zwarte jongen is óf de lolbroek, óf de in zichzelfgekeerde lichtelijk crimineel maar met een gouden hart.

Bij een wilde achtervolging door een winkelcentrum wordt er niemand aangereden.

Bij dezelfde achtervolging is de aangereden kinderwagen altijd van een dakloze.

Eindgevechten vinden altijd plaats in fabrieken, boorplatformen of bouwterreinen.

Rechercheurs hebben een contactpersoon op straat die de meest geheime informatie kan verschaffen. Deze informatie klopt altijd.

Je hebt helemaal geen training nodig voor het besturen van helicopters, tanks, schepen of space shuttles.

Een kogel of speer/projectiel is niet dodelijk als je wraak neemt op de slechte meneer die je broer/gezin heeft laten uitmoorden.

Deze kogel of speer/projectiel is dat wel voor de bergen huurlingen van de betreffende slechte meneer.

De eerder genoemde kogel of speer/projectiel komt bij de held altijd in de schouder of dijbeen terecht.

Een mes wordt altijd in de zij gestoken van de held.

Een mes wordt altijd langzaam in de keel gestoken van de slechte meneer.

Voordat de slechte meneer doodgaat legt hij altijd uit wat zijn plan is en waar je de geheime manier kan vinden om het plan ongedaan te maken.

Na deze uitleg barst de slechte meneer in lachen uit, let niet op, en wordt door de side-kick van de held op zijn hoofd geslagen.

Ontvoerders kunnen geen knopen leggen.

Handboeien zijn altijd roestig en zwak, of je komt er nu achter waarom de held dat haarspeldje van zijn ex-vrouw (die hij gaat neuken op het eind) in zijn broekzak heeft bewaard.

Als je door een etalage valt heb je nooit snijwonden.

Het is niet erg een halve stad op te blazen om de zwager van de broer van je oude buurman's collega te wreken als je agent bent.

Batterijen van zaklampen hebben de neiging stuk te gaan als het donker wordt.

Soms kan je ze repareren door wild met je zaklamp te zwaaien en er een paar keer op te slaan.

Als de telefonische verbinding wordt verbroken moet je tenminste 3x "Hello?" roepen.

Een autobom, hoe zwaar ook, slaat nooit een krater in het asfalt.

Als er iets gaat ontploffen moet je heel hard recht vooruit rennen en op het moment dat het explodeerd naar voren duiken. Rondslingeren brokstukken komen niet voor.

Van een schietpartij in een tunnel hou je geen gehoorbeschadiging over.

Heb je een nachtmerrie, dan wordt je rechtop wakker.

Bliksem maakt geluid, *kflssshhssss!*

ALs Onze Held in het kader van een onderzoek een expert nodig heeft, heeft hij/zij altijd op school gezeten met/gewerkt met/is familie van/geneukt met iemand die de expert op dat gebied is.
Bijvoorbeeld: Agent is op zoek naar een linkshandige seriemoordenaar die altijd met een bijl werkt. Dan bel je toch gewoon die ex-zwager van je die gepromoveerd is op linkshandige seriemoordenaars!

Het leuke is dan vaak dat die zwager altijd een presentatie over linkshandige seriemoordernaars stand-by heeft staan. Ook als je hem zonder afspraak treft.

Als je een vrouw bent (bij voorkeur blond met lange benen en grote borsten) en je wordt achtervolgd dan ren je altijd een steegje/het donker in en dan val je op een hele plakkerige vloer. Eénmaal gevallen is het onmogelijk om op te staan dus kruip je maar wat vooruit en ga je heel hard kermen omdat je niet gevonden of gehoord wil worden.

Sterke, strijdbare vrouwen hebben kort haar of zien er latina achtig uit.

Als je voorover buigt valt je bril altijd in het water.

In een enge film schrik je meestal twee keer. De eerste keer vanwege een kind of een kat, de tweede keer van het monster/de maniak.

Huurmoordenaars gaan lange, filosofische gesprekken aan met hun slachtoffers.

Brandstof in auto's raakt nooit op, tenzij de vloedgolf er aan komt.

Als de auto met de slechte meneren die je achtervolgt wordt aangereden door een trein of vrachtwagen, zal die trein of vrachtwagen nooit remmen of stoppen na de aanrijding maar slechts luid toeterend door rijden.

Gordels weigeren dienst als je vastzit met je auto op het spoor en er komt een goederenwagon aan. Deze trein stopt ook niet maar toetert slechts.

Hoe gewelddadig de maniakale moordenaar is, hij zal nooit dieren martelen of een asiel in de fik steken en dan memorabele oneliners brabbelen.

Als rechercheurs een zoontje of dochtertje hebben wordt dat kind ontvoerd.

Dat kind weet altijd te ontsnappen door de huurling op de tenen te trappen.

Al heb je een hele fles wodka op, als de monsters/slechte mannen komen kan je nog steeds richten met je .44.

Sherrifs in kleine plaatjes zijn altijd dikke, blanke rednecks.

Banken beschikken altijd over aanzienlijke hoeveelheden cash geld.

In de werelden die bevolkt worden door draken, trollen en andere grote enge beesten kunnen vrouwen makkelijk overleven in hun gepantserde leren bikini.

Dit kunnen dezelfde vrouwen ook als het heel erg sneeuwt.

Deze vrouwen hebben tevens altijd heel mooi lang shampoo haar wat nooit klit en prachtig gemanicuurde nagels.

De mannen in die werelden hebben trouwens beschikking tot de zogeheten anabolendieren waardoor ze groot en breed en gespierd worden.

Ook deze mannen hebben het nooit koud.

Ruimteschepen zijn altijd (nuja, op de Borg na dan) aerodynamisch vormgegeven.

Grotten, kelders en andere ruimtes waar geen daglicht kan komen beschikken over een eigen groen of blauw licht.

Het leven voor tieners begint pas als ze te horen krijgen "you're grounded!"

In vuurgevechten is er niemand die op hoofden richt.

De Golden Retriever blijkt een onverwoestbare hond. Ontploffende flatgebouwen, instortende bruggen, brandende bossen, niets krijgt dit beestje er onder.

De contactgestoorde, geestezieke, straatarme en sadistische wetenschapper heeft een peperduur en zeer uitgebreid laboratorium ergens in een verlaten fabriekshal.

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Op vrijdag 14 juli 2006 15:23 schreef Elegy het volgende:

Huurmoordenaars gaan lange, filosofische gesprekken aan met hun slachtoffers.

en wachten met de eigenlijke moord tot er iemand komt om het slachtoffer te redden.

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Op woensdag 25 januari 2006 20:08 schreef Muzzie het volgende:
Mensen kijken vrijwel nooit tv, behalve het journaal als ze er zelf in voorkomen, en zetten het meestal nog uit ook (vooral wanneer het negatief is), voor het item afgelopen is!

en als ze tv kijken is het altijd een zwart-wit detective film

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Op vrijdag 14 juli 2006 16:35 schreef Maraca het volgende:

[..]

en als ze tv kijken is het altijd een zwart-wit detective film

Meestal iets met Humphrey Bogart

- Als er wordt gegeten in een film, zie je nooit een vies bord op het einde of een lege pan.
- De man en de vrouw die voor elkaar 'bestemt' zijn, hebben altijd in de laatste twintig minuten van de film ruzie. In de laatste vijf minuten zijn ze weer dolgelukkig met elkaar.

gezinssituaties:

de man des huizes heeft een goede maar zeer drukke kantoorbaan

hij heeft het zo druk dat hij zijn gezin verwaarloost

hij heeft of één kind: een jongetje, of twee kinderen: een jongetje en een meisje, waarvan het meisje het jongste is.

vader mist altijd de sportwedstrijden van zijn kind

de baas van papa is een onredelijke maar zeer succesvolle zakenman die van hem eist dat hij in het weekend doorwerkt aan een project

dat project is belangrijk voor: behoud van zijn baan of een promotie

zijn vrouw heeft een of ander lullig baantje als lerares of koekjesbakster (hoewel dat nooit expliciet genoemd wordt)

op het eind van de film weet hij alles perfect te combineren, zijn kinderen geven hem inspiratie voor het project waar zijn baas in eerste instantie niets inziet maar de Arabische of Japanse client vindt het te gek, uiteraard gepresenteerd uit het losse bolletje nadat hij iets te laat op de vergadering binnenwandelt, waardoor hij niet alleen zijn baan behoudt maar zelfs promotie krijgt én meteen minder werktijd regelt.

middeleeuwen:

de koning zit altijd alleen maar op de troon. De goede koning in een rijkelijk verlichte troonkamer met dienaren om zich heen. De slechte koning in een donkere kamer helemaal in zijn eentje en krijgt hoogstens bezoek van zijn trouwe rechterhand die hem op de hoogte stelt van alles.

prioriteiten stellen

de protagonist die een persoon, een vrouw of een kind, wil redden doet hij dat ten koste van tientallen onschuldige omstanders