[Deel 685] His master's voice

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Connectthedots was once Connecticut, but the Nike Revolution of 2006 replaced the border with a bunch of dots.

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Dead babies
From Uncyclopedia
"I once killed a baby, I held open its mouth and poured sugar down its throat until it choked."

~ Oscar Wilde on Dead babies

The best selling ingredient for foodstuffs on the entire planet: Dead babies make up 97% of every living creature's primary diet. They are harvested soley by Nestle, who currently hold the patent on the extraction procedure invented by Coca Cola's Eric Cartman.

Similar to chicken, no one could quite nail down exactly what dead babies taste like, but since there's no doubt that every single food product ever produced contains a significant portion of them, it's been concluded that they are the very the definition of flavour, and that everything else simply tastes like dead babies

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Saddam Hussein
From Uncyclopedia

Everybody loves mashed potatoes! - SaddamSaddam Hussein is the current and 41st president of the United States of America, following George W Bush's failed re-election campaign. He is affiliated with the Republican party and promises to "downsize America", good news to those who have always wanted smaller government. His platform included such memorable slogans as "an inflatable funhouse in every garage", "Vote for Old Baghdad" and "Harems for everyone!"

Before Saddam was elected, he was best known for his hit song, Macarena. Celebrity gossip magazine CIA has reported that he's been seen around town with the reclusive Al-Qaida leader and homicidal record producer Osama Bin Laden, but this has since been cast into doubt as the two are, in fact, mortal enemies following an unfavourable review of Hussein's pop career on Bin Laden's Jukebox Jihad! show on MTV.

During his brief tenure as the Iraqi minister for Civic Artworks, he decorated the streets and buildings of many of the country's cities with what he deemed to be "the most beautiful of God's work": sculptures and posters of his own face. This led to a popular misconception that Saddam was, in fact, the President of Iraq. Not so - during his tenure as Civic Arts minister, the president was in fact Keanu Reeves, whose despotic and incredibly wooden rule was brought to a bloody end by Operation Iraqi Freedom, as part of the United Nations wider War Against Terrorism.

Upon losing his position as Iraqi Civic Arts minister Hussein was forced to consider other career options, as the U.S. led forces had a distinct dislike for his Stalinesque visage. Forced into an aesthetic corner, his choice was to face poverty and obscurity, or shave off his moustache and start again. He chose another option: run for U.S. President.

[edit]Trivia
Saddam Hussein...


Hey, I don't wear briefswon a lawsuit against The Sun for publishing fake photographs of him wearing briefs, as he has proven in court he's a "boxer type of guy".
is known for his Teletubby hugging Fetish, that helped him getting the votes of the former Ashlee Simpson voters.
Is leader of the Baathists, even though inside sources say he is prefers to take showers
was good friend with Albert Einstein and Michael Jackson, especially their nipples.
sports a $60,000 designer moustache made of insulin, old notebooks and orange bubble gum.
was formerly married to Paul Simon, until Simon divorced him for extra-marital affairs with Martha Stewart.
is a well known collector of postage stamps, kittens, Blix and WMD.
temporarily lost the office of U.S. president in 2010 to George W. Bush, but regained it back in the next election.
See also
Moisture

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The French can be detected from far off by a strong smell of garlic and outrageous stripy clothing with berets. The French are also known to run in terror at the slightest hint of danger (see World War II) and surrender instantly to any threat. They are also very renouned for being very unthankful (again, see World War II).

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Life Expectancy: 74 years (dependent on ability to run away)

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 13:33 schreef Monidique het volgende:
Hallo. Ik bekijk de topicnummers van de POL-SC en het lijtk alsof er gemiddeld zo'n 300 a 400 topics tussen elke POL-SC zitten.

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French military defeats
From Uncyclopedia
(Redirected from French military victories)

Long list of French military defeats:

* Valmy
* Lodi
* Arcole
* Marengo
* Austerlitz
* Eurovision 1977
* Iéna
* 2012 Olympics
* ...and the list goes on.

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Canadian Idiot
From Uncyclopedia

The album cover for Canadian IdiotCanadian Idiot is an Alternative/Punk Opera by Green Day. A Punk Opera had not been attempted since Andrew Lloyd and the Webbers' Phantom of the Opera, and many industry insiders felt it was doomed to fail.

They were correct.

[edit]Story
The story follows Gangster of Suburbia, a confused and alone Canadian gangster. His lifegets more tangled when he meets St. Ronnie, a guy who represents the freedom of sin. There is also a girl only know as Whothehellwasthatgirlagain,eh? who he broke up with.

Due to excessive kitten huffing by band members, the song that gives the album its name, Canadian Idiot, is completly unrelated and is about a guy named Barney who lives in a small town outside Quebec and has trouble figuring out how to use the ATM machine. He is mocked by the townspeople and goes on a rampage, cutting down three trees and scaring the town dog.

[edit]Tracks
Canadian Idiot
Gangster Of Suburbia
Lol-iday
Boulevard Of Broken Windows
Why Are Waiting
St. Ronnie
Give Me Dyclonine
She's An Imperial
Ordinary Girl
Nastygram
Go To Sleep When September Starts
Homecumming
Whothehellwasthatgirlagain,eh?
Dude, Where's My Albatross?
[edit]Notable Lyrics
"Maybe I'm the faggot Canadia" - Canadian Idiot
"Don't want to be a Canadian Idiot, eh" - Canadian Idiot
"Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot - one nation controlled by the maple leaf!
And can you hear the sound of socialism?
They think they're better with their free healthcare!" - Canadian Idiot
"Yo sup my homedawg crackas, lets go drink some of my dad's beer yo, and terro-ize da culdosack see?" - Gangster Of Suburbia
"It's a LOLIDAY LOLIDAY LAUGHING-OUT-LOUD-IDAY COME LAUGH OUT LOUD WITH ME!" - Lol-iday
"We're cumming on home again!" - Homecumming
"Now I wonder how Whowasthatgirlagain has been" - Whowasthatgirlagain

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French Revolution Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French and beat them in the race to retreat and surrender first.

War on Terrorism France, keeping in mind its recent history, retreats and surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France retreats?" or maybe even "has the French surrendered yet?".

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

"The French are Pussies"
~ Oscar Wilde on France

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In 1998 France legally changed their name to "The Artist Formerly Known As France." Then when nobody was looking they changed it back, and secured long-term industrial strength copyrights on the word "France." Now every time you pronounce it correctly you owe them a quarter.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 13:42 schreef MrX1982 het volgende:

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Last week, a German guy was crowned Emperor of France. He forgot to set the parking brake on his car one night and it rolled across the border, thinking this was a military invasion the French surrendered and and crowned him.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 10:42 schreef Monidique het volgende:

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Dit?
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_{[ http://www.washingtonpost(...)005082402321_pf.html ]}

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During the Battle of the Bulge, France earned the honour of being the only nation to surrender 4 times during a single battle.

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Bassie en Adriaan
From Uncyclopedia

Bassie en Adriaan, also known as Bas van Toor and Adriaan van Toor or Bassee and Adrian, are two bounty hunters from the Netherlands. Fighting terrorism all over the world. They also fought the Taxman for quite a few years. Adriaan claims he is an acrobat, but, that can't be. He's much too fat! Bassie is in fact Ronald McDonald in Disguise. For a while, there was also a ridiculous robot, called Robin. The vocabulary of this magnificient piece of technology only insists "HA HA HA HA".

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The French

* Edward Kimber
* DJ Tiesto
* Jacques gascon pierre richelieu de gaulle, duke of truffles.
* Jean-Marie Le Pen

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Nazi Party

The Nazi Party is a European pleasure society that has its roots in the roaring 20's

Started by a group of German frat boys, the initial gentleman's club setting grew into a Kraut craze with the influx of svelte flapper playgirls and salacious Jewish mathematicians.

A notable Jewish scholar, Albert Einstein, joined the society in 1929, and drastically altered the club dynamics with his Unified Theory of Cockulations. Einstein's pioneering of the field of cockulations lead to an exponential increase in the local value of p (party).

Ever since, the Nazi Party has been a never-ending orgy of decadence, especially popular among the Nigerian upper-class eager to spend their newfound SPAM wealth, as well as most of the Jewish population. The Nazi Party is shrouded in secrecy, but regular partygoers say that it is, "a gas".

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Some wars the Germans have never fought

* The War of the Worlds I
* The War of the Worlds II
* Star Wars
* Vietnam War
* Iraq War I
* Iraq War II
* The Great War
* The Tiny War
* Waring around the clock
* Random Middle-East War
* Korean War
* Warren Beatty
* Dionne Warwick
* War of the worlds
* War of middleearth

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Islam
For other uses, see Islam (disambiguation).

An Islam is a follower of Islamism. The leader of Islamism is Evil Bert from the Nigers Street. Islamism is just like any other club: if you leave, you will be killed by the evil Lord Voldemort. As such, Islamism is in all fundamental aspects identical to Christianity, Judaism, and Buddhism. Recently, the words Muslam, Moslem, or even Muslim have been used to describe Islams, and confusingly the word Islam has been used to refer to Islamism.


To avoid this ambiguity, this article will use "Islam" to refer to a follower of Islamism, and not to Islamism itself, unless (of course) it is being used to refer to the latter instead of the former.

Something is Islamist if it is related to, or represents, an Islam. Confusingly, the word Muslim is sometimes used in this sense. Recently, Islamist has been used as a noun, to refer to an Islam; this article will use it only as an adjective. The word Islamic, meaning a Muslim Islamist, is considered derogatory.

This movement is an attempt to undermine public transportation systems as bus stops and taxis are frequently blown up to draw attention to their demands. A famous Jihadist, Robin Williams, has been quoted as saying, "ah, to hell with it, lets blow some stuff up!" He then detonated twenty tons of thermonuclear weapons, creating what we now call Arizona. So Great is the hate of Jihadists towards transportation that at least one car will blown up in public daily. These "car bombings" have been misinterpreted as intentional attacks upon the public at large. This is patently untrue, as Jihadists actually hold human life to be of the utmost importance and mourn every single innocent death incurred in the world. Unforunately, Jihadists favorite form of mourning involves the explosion of their hated vehicles in public spaces. It is thought that things will escalate until 2037, when something else will happen instead. Those that fail in their goals are ousted from the group and sent to exile in the managerial staff of 7-11 or Dunkin Donuts.

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He then detonated twenty tons of thermonuclear weapons, creating what we now call Arizona.

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Humomed purportedly "thought God was speaking to him", "heard voices", and frequently "went" into a "trance-like state" in which he spoke in incoherent, foreign syllables (a language now called Arabic). These facts point to one of two possibilities:

1. Hoemado was a prophet from God, and God was controlling his neural cells to send him holy messages.
2. Memmemed was suffering from schizophrenia, although a small minority contends that it was actually epilepsy.

Most Islams believe the first explanation is the likely one, but most niggers believe the second. Mr. Occam is a member of most humans.

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Bert
Evil Bert is the evil half of Bert and Ernie. His Islamic name is Al Queda and he founded tourism with Osama bin Laden.

Something went very wrong after Bert's successful career as an entertainer and educator in Sesame Street. Alongside playing a mild mannered next door neighbor who would share a good laugh with Ernie. He has been a shadowy figure in every conspiracy known. He has been associated with many evil dictators including Pol Pot, Hitler and Stalin.

The CIA recruited fellow entertainer Chuck Barris to track him down, but Mr. Barris is just a hot air baloon.

American traitor and right hand man of Osama bin Laden. He is also known to be Jack the Ripper's and the Unabomber secret identity, member of the Ku Klux Klan, the Manson Family, and share a homosexual relation with just anyone willing.

Mugshot of the San Francisco Police Department

Evil Bert, aka Al Queda, next to Osama bin Laden.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 14:22 schreef MrX1982 het volgende:

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 14:42 schreef Finder_elf_towns het volgende:
The Great war hebben de Duitsers zelf (onder meer) gestart, ei.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 14:30 schreef MrX1982 het volgende:

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 14:43 schreef MrX1982 het volgende:

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Wees anders even wat minder serieus en lees die site

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BN'ers snel klaar met Nigerese lunch

Een aantal Bekende Nederlanders (BN'ers) was gisteren snel klaar met een lunch in Nigerese stijl, waarvoor ze 35 euro moesten neerleggen. Een Amsterdams restaurant serveerde hen slechts een paar rijstkorrels, grassprietjes en wat water. Dat is precies wat mensen in Niger, Mali, Mauretanië en Burkina Fasso dagelijks binnen krijgen.

Onder meer Paul Rosenmöller, Jasmine Sendar, Anouk van Nes, Lucille Werner, Jan Vayne en Humberto Tan kwamen opdagen voor de karige lunch. Het geld gaat naar het Rode Kruis, dat de BN'ers had uitgenodigd. De lunch was tevens de start voor een sms-actie die veel geld voor de hongerende Afrikanen moet opleveren. Ongeveer 8 miljoen mensen lijden onder het voedseltekort en hebben snel hulp nodig.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 13:29 schreef ExtraWaskracht het volgende:

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[afbeelding]

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Vhiper lijkt begeesterd met het bevoogdende betwetisme dat ons allen tracht te verleiden. Geen van ons is er volledig immuun voor. Tijdig een blik werpen op waar dat in extreme vorm toe zou kunnen leiden helpt ons tegen te gaan dat we deze vermoeiende dwaalwegen blijven bewandelen.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 14:59 schreef sizzler het volgende:
De enige juist aanpak is om te investeren in landbouw, industrie en onderwijs.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:01 schreef RichardQuest het volgende:
Niks natuurlijk evenwicht, politieke wil. Als de Afrikaanse regeringen willen kunnen ze hun hele bevolking voeden.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:07 schreef sizzler het volgende:

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Weet ik niet. Niger heeft een democratisch gekozen bestuur en geen dictatuur zoals in -bijvoorbeeld- Mozambique.

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Niger's President, Mamadou Tanja, has denied that his country is experiencing a famine.

He told the BBC that "the people of Niger look well-fed" and said food shortages were not unusual for Niger. The president said that the idea of a famine is being exploited for political and economic gain.

The UN estimates that almost a quarter of Niger's 12 million people are suffering severe food shortages.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:02 schreef Monidique het volgende:

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Correct, en de mensen die nu lijden te helpen.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:11 schreef sizzler het volgende:

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Nee dus. Die mensen die je nu helpt vormen het surplus bovenop het populatie-evenwicht. Dat surplus zorgt er na de hulp voor dat de behoefte aan voedsel groter is dan zonder hulp (er zijn immers meer mensen die het hebben overleeft). Gevolg: in plaats van een evenwicht is er een blijvende hongersnood.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:11 schreef sizzler het volgende:

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Nee dus. Die mensen die je nu helpt vormen het surplus bovenop het populatie-evenwicht. Dat surplus zorgt er na de hulp voor dat de behoefte aan voedsel groter is dan zonder hulp (er zijn immers meer mensen die het hebben overleeft). Gevolg: in plaats van een evenwicht is er een blijvende hongersnood.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:11 schreef sizzler het volgende:

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Nee dus. Die mensen die je nu helpt vormen het surplus bovenop het populatie-evenwicht. Dat surplus zorgt er na de hulp voor dat de behoefte aan voedsel groter is dan zonder hulp (er zijn immers meer mensen die het hebben overleeft). Gevolg: in plaats van een evenwicht is er een blijvende hongersnood.

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Op donderdag 25 augustus 2005 15:00 schreef Tafkahs het volgende:
Raad de quote