[Name of Person]. On the surface, she might seem like the average blond. Pretty face, avarage body (for an American), not too smart (although, that's why we like her) and as loud as an ice trucker's work day. To add to all of this, she is probably the cheapest ride in town. As a matter of fact, stating that she is "cheap" is an exaggerated overstatement. This girl will not cost you a penny. She is too easy. But this is not a good quality, and I'll tell you why.
She is as open as a corner store, perhaps even a McDonald's (open 24/7 in most areas). For many of the guys that know her, she seems to be the perfect "friend" to have. She's always there when you need a quick screw. Sure, her sex isn't the greatest, but at the end of the day - sex is sex; no matter how bad. What is it exactly, that makes sex with [Name of Person] such an awful experience? The fact that she gives a handjob like a monkey tugging on a tree branch? The fact that she chokes you with her tongue when she kisses you?
Perhaps the fact that, at age 17, her vagina is like that of a 40 year old porn star? I'm not joking here, by the way. Fornicating with her is like running down a mansion hallway. If you run in a zig-zag; your shoulders might just touch the walls. But run in a straight line, and you won't even graze the paint. You'd be much better off whipping your [bleep] out and dry-humping the summer breeze. You might be thinking that the latter option is a bad idea due to all the bacteria in the air these days, but that is where this twist comes in...
...Not only is dear [Name of Person] the cheapest "cab ride" in Doha, she is also the number one source of multiple STD's. Want crabs? Call [Name of Person]. Want the sif? [Name of Person]'s your gal. Herpes? [Name of Person] can arrange it. Is it her life goal to be the biggest carrier of STDs in the world? Only she will know (though my guess is a quality 'yes' on that note).
Why am I taking time out of my busy day to write "negatively" about someone I clearly care so little for? The answer is: I feel sorry for the army of girlfriends who have had their boyfriends cheat on them with this vile, disgusting, disease carrying, gutter pig. I would like to put all the blame on her, but the gents who have falled victim to her over-active, stretched out vagina have to take some blame too. They should know better than to let someone who smells of last night's [bleep] go near their private areas, but as soon as they see [bleep] (see 'colposinquanonia'), they forget about all the possible STDs that this autolaterous, basorexic, constantly-capernoited, gymnophoric, jumentous, krukolibidinous, saprostomous, slubberdegullious, steatopygic, vesthibitionistic pig-[bleep] might carry. That's the extent of my vocabulary. I'll tell you another word in my vocabulary that clearly has no place in hers - condom. Might this be a lack of education? Or just a lack of respect towards herself and every guy she has opened her legs to?
This message is a mere warning for those who might not already know. Girls beware, the [bleep] is on the prowl. Even if she has a boyfriend nothing can stop this corner-[bleep]. She will let him plow her like a farmer plows his land. She will let your man hit her like she was Hiroshima. She even goes as far as dumping her own boyfriends because their sex gets "boring" (that's not [bleep]ty, is it?).
And guys, you must beware most of all. If you stick your [bleep] in there without a rubber, you're pulling out a biological weapon capable of killing millions. So please, make sure you dress for the occasion before you go to the party.
So, as this message comes to an end I will leave you with one final thought. If you are a girl, be afraid of [Name of Person]. She will do anything to get your man in bed. Or the table. Even the nearest port-a-potty. She does not care who or what kind of guy he is. She is a [bleep] with a mission. So lock up your boyfriends and make sure to keep her as far away as humanly possible. And if you're a guy - don't even waste your time. You're going to have a life scarring experience and the price you pay will be an STD that could ruin your life. No regrets? Think again.
[Name of Person], may you enjoy the time you have left in Doha. I hope this message brings on the same level of pain that you have brought on so many others.
We "love" you, [Name of Person].