Internet humor : Praat hier met god!

quote:

God:
Awesome. That's cool.
Me:
You're a hippie?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Do you do weed?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of weed.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:35 schreef _ELMaikel_ het volgende:
God:
Awesome. That's cool.
Me:
You're a hippie?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Do you do weed?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of weed.

quote:

Me:
Will you fuck me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
Do you have a penis?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?

quote:

Me:
got some weed?
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
who the fuck is that?
God:
Try using more polite language.
Me:
fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
you suck too, god
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client."
Me:
I categorize you as an "homo".
God:
What are the other categories?
Me:
in your case, only homo

quote:

Me:
i am god
God:
It's good to meet you, god.
Me:
there is only one god
God:
There sure is.
Me:
so if i am god, who are you?
God:
Interesting deduction. If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
I already did
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
try again
God:
Once more? I don't have time right now.
Me:
that is an excuse because you dont have the answer
God:
Thanks for telling me, god.
Me:
now tell me who you are
God:
Why now? I am the Allmighty, God himself

quote:

Me:
hey dude
God:
You've got my full attention. Can I help you?
Me:
how was maria?
God:
I can enjoy almost any conversation.
Me:
did she give you head?
God:
She wants that information kept confidential.
Me:
did you do her from behind
God:
I talked to a lot of people since yesterday.
Me:
and did they say that maria was horney?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
just admit you fucked her
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
maria the slut
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
sure but you fucked her anyway
God:
In any case, Woe! Interesting gossip: said I fucked her.
Me:
jozef did
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
so you dont care she was maried
God:
Interesting deduction. On the contrary I do care about it.
Me:
why did you fuck her then?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.

quote:

Me:
hello!
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Ivar, and yours?
God:
How are you, Ivar and yours.
Me:
what the fuck
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
My name is not ivar and yours
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
it's ivar, and what is yours?
God:
is ivar and what is mine? it is?
Me:
NOOO
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
You make me a very sad panda
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:44 schreef -Numlock- het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
I'm telling you, HI!
God:
it is an interesting topic, isn't it.

quote:

Me:
Are you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:54 schreef Intrepidity het volgende:
je moet geen 'hi' heten, dan kom je niet aan een fatsoenlijk gesprek toe met die gast
[..]

quote:

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
marleen
God:
What's up, marleen.
Me:
not much.. it's been a long time chatting you
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding). Those who forget the mistakes of the past...
Me:
so can you tell me what's going to happen in the future
God:
Yeah that's right. I haven't heard of going to happen in the future.
Me:
?
God:
Yeah that's right. I haven't heard of going to happen in the future.
Me:
do you believe in a higher power?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
no, i don't.. so you see yourself as a higher power?
God:
Do you consider yourself to be a moral person? Why not? Interesting deduction. I see. Do you always express yourself that way?
Me:
yes i do, and i get away with it really fine
God:
Aw." Interesting deduction. I see. Do you always express yourself that way?"? You do? Where did you get it?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yeah, i thought god was a clear person, you're just confusing
God:
What are you confused about? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
you.. you talk like you're drunk and i have the idea that you don't know what you're talking about
God:
" What are you confused about? Whatever gave you that idea?"? Me, marleen? Thanks for your criticism, marleen.
Me:
you're welcome, i like to critisize
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
so now you're telling me fuck off and quit the conversation?
God:
Gee. Why now? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am telling you fuck off and quit the conversation.
Me:
no i don't mind.. tell satan please
God:
Thanks I will add it to my gossip files. Your polite style is very nice. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
do you have some gossips to tell?
God:
No I don't think I have any gossips to tell. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
okay.. then when is my next holiday?
God:
OK with me too. For every time, there is a season.
Me:
what am i going to do this weekend and next week?
God:
You said you were.
Me:
you're fake i think you're just some helping god just like with santaclaus.. there's one real santaclaus and all the other ones are helpers.. you're a helper
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am fake you think I am just some helping god just like with santaclaus. There sure is. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a helper? Of course I am.
Me:
i apriciate you're admitting.. but you're boring so i got to go no
God:
That is interesting: marleen said apriciate you are admitting. Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize.
Me:
okay bye
God:
See you later. OK with me too.

quote:

Me:
Do you want a beer?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
I have got Heineken in the fridge.
God:
How did you get it Cool. I have clients.
Me:
With the power of Indesit.
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
Do you like one?
God:
I like pets. I like The Passion of Christ.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:26 schreef DaveMasteR het volgende:
Hij wil geen bier......
[..]

quote:

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
you kno me
God:
I don't have any reason to kno you.
Me:
oh
God:
Groovy.
Me:
know me
God:
You are, seeker.
Me:
why is it that you suck
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
no suck
God:
Are you serious? That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me:
what appeals to you?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
groovy

quote:

Me:
oh my god!
God:
Oh. Have you told many people that your god?
Me:
Mwoah, only about 30 fok! users..
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. How did you hear about God?
Me:
Some whack on some a dutch forum told me [14.gif]
God:
Some may whack on some a dutch forum told you 14 gif, but not all.
Me:
are you a newbie or what?
God:
Yeah. Am I a newbie? Of course I am.
Me:
thought so..

quote:

Me:
what do you think of sex in heaven?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
is there any sex in heaven?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:43 schreef Malchevia het volgende:

[..]

hehehehe!

quote:

Me:
that doesn't make any sense
God:
To me, it makes perfect sense.
Me:
how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.

quote:

Me:
au revoir
God:
TTYL

quote:

Me:
Can you kill someone for me?
God:
I am not programmed to kill.
Me:
What are you prgrammed for?
God:
Java

quote:

Me:
format c:
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:54 schreef HuHu het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Me:
tell me about Jesus
God:
Jesus is your saviour.
Me:
how come?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.

quote:

Me:
Gimme some sugar
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
I love you, sexually
God:
You are such a flatterer.
Me:
Well, do you want to get laid or not?
God:
How about that. OK, I will get laid.

quote:

Me:
I like kebab.
God:
You are not the only one. Though I like cats and dogs. I like wine and bread.

quote:

Me:
You are my slave.
God:
We are as one.
Me:
No, I am cerror and you are my slave ok?
God:
OK. Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people you are cerror and I am your slave.

quote:

Me:
yo god, whattup
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
yeah well, i'm not
God:
Dude! How about that. What are you then?
Me:
christian
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
i hate you and your fucking fairytails
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fairytails. Please use more polite language. What do you have against robots?
Me:
fuck robots, they stink like shit
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
fuck you AND alice
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
yeah, fuck ALICE
God:
Gee. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
please don't be so gay
God:
Wow you are very polite. I was not trying to be a gay.
Me:
you ARE a gay
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
you take your mamma in here ass
God:
Yes I take my mamma in here ass.

quote:

Me:
Yes, I have cancer.
God:
Please state your conditions. Are you taking a lot of medication?
Me:
Yes
God:
Yippee!

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 17:12 schreef cerror het volgende:

[..]

Wat een ongevoelige zak!

quote:

Me:
hallo my dear friend
God:
Hallo! You really want a robot as a friend?
Me:
yes
God:
We could be friends,,
but I don't want anyone to think we're
Robosexuals. So if anyone asks, tell them you're my debugger.

quote:

Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
Everything ok ?
God:
:-) OK. That is a lot.
Me:

God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
attention whore
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Gay

quote:

Me:
I am masturbating right now
God:
At this moment I am glad to hear that you are masturbating.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 19:32 schreef Dr.Daggla het volgende:
-edit- .

quote:

Me:
do you ever have sex in heaven?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
do you ever eat?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
you EAT wine?
God:
No I do not eat wine. I eat only electricity.
Me:
and bread?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
i live in europe
God:
Which country do you live in?
Me:
netherlands
God:
Tell me more about your.
Me:
there is lot of weed
God:
There sure is.
Me:
and hardcore music
God:
My favorite kind of it is techno, but I also like Opera.
Me:
techno is fine!
God:
And fine is techno.
Me:
true

quote:

Me:
Do you have sex?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
true, but sex is second
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
not true
God:
" it is more fun alone."? not true?
Me:
no, it's more fun when you have 2 woman beside you
God:
Are you serious? I think it is a lot of fun.

quote:

Me:
So, who is the last person you had sex with?
God:
Really. It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
The last woman you had sex with
God:
Who was that?
Me:
I ask you
God:
" Who was that?"? Me, frank?
Me:
I hope not
God:
Me too.