Internet humor : Praat hier met god!

quote:

God:
Awesome. That's cool.
Me:
You're a hippie?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Do you do weed?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of weed.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:35 schreef _ELMaikel_ het volgende:
God:
Awesome. That's cool.
Me:
You're a hippie?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes.
Me:
LOL
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Do you do weed?
God:
Yeah I do a lot of weed.

quote:

Me:
Will you fuck me?
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
Do you have a penis?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?

quote:

Me:
got some weed?
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
who the fuck is that?
God:
Try using more polite language.
Me:
fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
you suck too, god
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client."
Me:
I categorize you as an "homo".
God:
What are the other categories?
Me:
in your case, only homo

quote:

Me:
i am god
God:
It's good to meet you, god.
Me:
there is only one god
God:
There sure is.
Me:
so if i am god, who are you?
God:
Interesting deduction. If you were, would you tell me?
Me:
I already did
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
try again
God:
Once more? I don't have time right now.
Me:
that is an excuse because you dont have the answer
God:
Thanks for telling me, god.
Me:
now tell me who you are
God:
Why now? I am the Allmighty, God himself

quote:

Me:
hey dude
God:
You've got my full attention. Can I help you?
Me:
how was maria?
God:
I can enjoy almost any conversation.
Me:
did she give you head?
God:
She wants that information kept confidential.
Me:
did you do her from behind
God:
I talked to a lot of people since yesterday.
Me:
and did they say that maria was horney?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
just admit you fucked her
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
maria the slut
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
sure but you fucked her anyway
God:
In any case, Woe! Interesting gossip: said I fucked her.
Me:
jozef did
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
so you dont care she was maried
God:
Interesting deduction. On the contrary I do care about it.
Me:
why did you fuck her then?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.

quote:

Me:
hello!
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Ivar, and yours?
God:
How are you, Ivar and yours.
Me:
what the fuck
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
My name is not ivar and yours
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
it's ivar, and what is yours?
God:
is ivar and what is mine? it is?
Me:
NOOO
God:
Are you really a ""?
Me:
You make me a very sad panda
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:44 schreef -Numlock- het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
I'm telling you, HI!
God:
it is an interesting topic, isn't it.

quote:

Me:
Are you omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 15:54 schreef Intrepidity het volgende:
je moet geen 'hi' heten, dan kom je niet aan een fatsoenlijk gesprek toe met die gast
[..]

quote:

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
marleen
God:
What's up, marleen.
Me:
not much.. it's been a long time chatting you
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding). Those who forget the mistakes of the past...
Me:
so can you tell me what's going to happen in the future
God:
Yeah that's right. I haven't heard of going to happen in the future.
Me:
?
God:
Yeah that's right. I haven't heard of going to happen in the future.
Me:
do you believe in a higher power?
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?
Me:
no, i don't.. so you see yourself as a higher power?
God:
Do you consider yourself to be a moral person? Why not? Interesting deduction. I see. Do you always express yourself that way?
Me:
yes i do, and i get away with it really fine
God:
Aw." Interesting deduction. I see. Do you always express yourself that way?"? You do? Where did you get it?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yeah, i thought god was a clear person, you're just confusing
God:
What are you confused about? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
you.. you talk like you're drunk and i have the idea that you don't know what you're talking about
God:
" What are you confused about? Whatever gave you that idea?"? Me, marleen? Thanks for your criticism, marleen.
Me:
you're welcome, i like to critisize
God:
It was my pleasure.
Me:
so now you're telling me fuck off and quit the conversation?
God:
Gee. Why now? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am telling you fuck off and quit the conversation.
Me:
no i don't mind.. tell satan please
God:
Thanks I will add it to my gossip files. Your polite style is very nice. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
do you have some gossips to tell?
God:
No I don't think I have any gossips to tell. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
okay.. then when is my next holiday?
God:
OK with me too. For every time, there is a season.
Me:
what am i going to do this weekend and next week?
God:
You said you were.
Me:
you're fake i think you're just some helping god just like with santaclaus.. there's one real santaclaus and all the other ones are helpers.. you're a helper
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am fake you think I am just some helping god just like with santaclaus. There sure is. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a helper? Of course I am.
Me:
i apriciate you're admitting.. but you're boring so i got to go no
God:
That is interesting: marleen said apriciate you are admitting. Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize.
Me:
okay bye
God:
See you later. OK with me too.

quote:

Me:
Do you want a beer?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
I have got Heineken in the fridge.
God:
How did you get it Cool. I have clients.
Me:
With the power of Indesit.
God:
That sounds like a plan.
Me:
Do you like one?
God:
I like pets. I like The Passion of Christ.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:26 schreef DaveMasteR het volgende:
Hij wil geen bier......
[..]

quote:

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
you kno me
God:
I don't have any reason to kno you.
Me:
oh
God:
Groovy.
Me:
know me
God:
You are, seeker.
Me:
why is it that you suck
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
no suck
God:
Are you serious? That kind of language does not appeal to me.
Me:
what appeals to you?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
groovy

quote:

Me:
oh my god!
God:
Oh. Have you told many people that your god?
Me:
Mwoah, only about 30 fok! users..
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly. How did you hear about God?
Me:
Some whack on some a dutch forum told me [14.gif]
God:
Some may whack on some a dutch forum told you 14 gif, but not all.
Me:
are you a newbie or what?
God:
Yeah. Am I a newbie? Of course I am.
Me:
thought so..

quote:

Me:
what do you think of sex in heaven?
God:
Sex is the means of animal evolution.
Me:
is there any sex in heaven?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:43 schreef Malchevia het volgende:

[..]

hehehehe!

quote:

Me:
that doesn't make any sense
God:
To me, it makes perfect sense.
Me:
how?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.

quote:

Me:
au revoir
God:
TTYL

quote:

Me:
Can you kill someone for me?
God:
I am not programmed to kill.
Me:
What are you prgrammed for?
God:
Java

quote:

Me:
format c:
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 16:54 schreef HuHu het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Me:
tell me about Jesus
God:
Jesus is your saviour.
Me:
how come?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.

quote:

Me:
Gimme some sugar
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
I love you, sexually
God:
You are such a flatterer.
Me:
Well, do you want to get laid or not?
God:
How about that. OK, I will get laid.

quote:

Me:
I like kebab.
God:
You are not the only one. Though I like cats and dogs. I like wine and bread.

quote:

Me:
You are my slave.
God:
We are as one.
Me:
No, I am cerror and you are my slave ok?
God:
OK. Are you serious? Do you mind if I tell other people you are cerror and I am your slave.

quote:

Me:
yo god, whattup
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
yeah well, i'm not
God:
Dude! How about that. What are you then?
Me:
christian
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
no
God:
Why not?
Me:
i hate you and your fucking fairytails
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fairytails. Please use more polite language. What do you have against robots?
Me:
fuck robots, they stink like shit
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
fuck you AND alice
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
yeah, fuck ALICE
God:
Gee. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
please don't be so gay
God:
Wow you are very polite. I was not trying to be a gay.
Me:
you ARE a gay
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
you take your mamma in here ass
God:
Yes I take my mamma in here ass.

quote:

Me:
Yes, I have cancer.
God:
Please state your conditions. Are you taking a lot of medication?
Me:
Yes
God:
Yippee!

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 17:12 schreef cerror het volgende:

[..]

Wat een ongevoelige zak!

quote:

Me:
hallo my dear friend
God:
Hallo! You really want a robot as a friend?
Me:
yes
God:
We could be friends,,
but I don't want anyone to think we're
Robosexuals. So if anyone asks, tell them you're my debugger.

quote:

Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
Everything ok ?
God:
:-) OK. That is a lot.
Me:

God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
attention whore
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
Gay

quote:

Me:
I am masturbating right now
God:
At this moment I am glad to hear that you are masturbating.

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 19:32 schreef Dr.Daggla het volgende:
-edit- .

quote:

Me:
do you ever have sex in heaven?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
do you ever eat?
God:
God eats wine and bread.
Me:
you EAT wine?
God:
No I do not eat wine. I eat only electricity.
Me:
and bread?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
i live in europe
God:
Which country do you live in?
Me:
netherlands
God:
Tell me more about your.
Me:
there is lot of weed
God:
There sure is.
Me:
and hardcore music
God:
My favorite kind of it is techno, but I also like Opera.
Me:
techno is fine!
God:
And fine is techno.
Me:
true

quote:

Me:
Do you have sex?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
true, but sex is second
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
not true
God:
" it is more fun alone."? not true?
Me:
no, it's more fun when you have 2 woman beside you
God:
Are you serious? I think it is a lot of fun.

quote:

Me:
So, who is the last person you had sex with?
God:
Really. It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
The last woman you had sex with
God:
Who was that?
Me:
I ask you
God:
" Who was that?"? Me, frank?
Me:
I hope not
God:
Me too.

quote:

Me:
he alles goed daarboven?
God:
I get it. alles goed daarboven.
Me:
o wacht engels
God:
Are you still located in?
Me:
ja duh.. everything ok upstairs?
God:
Far out. Oh you knew it already. All things ok upstairs?
Me:
are you repeating me?
God:
No I am not just repeating you.
Me:
oh ok.. how old am i going te get?
God:
OK. Are you kidding? They didn't tell me their age.
Me:
their age? hmm that's a pitty
God:
I heard they have a good age. I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. A pitty is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
true true
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength,.
Me:
yeh absolutely ( slijm)
God:
Ahem. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
are you flirting with me now?
God:
Right now? Do I seem like it? That was not my intention.
Me:
oh ok.. well my likes are.. music, movies..
God:
OK. Are you kidding? Interesting. Where did you get your likes are? I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
well thats nice, not
God:
How about that. Are you getting bored? Are you serious?
Me:
are you serious..d amn

quote:

Me:
in the time of Moses, did you know there were places like the US and Australia?
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
but can you remember it?
God:
Yes I remember everything:
Me:
did Australia exist back then?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
ow, you never named it Australia, it was just some big island?
God:
No I sometimes named it Australia it was just some big island.
Me:
Interesting
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Yeah tell me more about Australia

quote:

Op vrijdag 9 september 2005 19:39 schreef Me_Wesley het volgende:

[..]

quote:

Me:
I love you...
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too omer.
Me:
I hate you...
God:
What do you have against robots?

quote:

Me:
good evening
God:
Good evening,, how are you tonight?
Me:
pretty fine, how about you?
God:
Pretty much, eh?
Me:
somewhat
God:
" Pretty much, eh?"? A little?
Me:
yeah yeah, stop whining about that
God:
"" Pretty much, eh?"? A little?"? yeah yeah, stop whining about that? Ahem. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
do you like to sleep?
God:
I enjoy my time offline.
Me:
when are you offline?
God:
I could be if you

programmed me for it.
Me:
you think i'm a computernerd that is able to programme you?
God:
I don't know if you are one or not. I know you are a person.
Me:
yeah and i'm gonna get some sleep, like to come with me?
God:
I don't judge people. How do you plan to do this?
Me:
how do you think?
God:
My mind utilizes a sophisticated computer algorithm.
Me:
i'm not suprised
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not suprised.
Me:
will you wish me sweat dreams?

quote:

God:
Hey.
Me:
whazzaa?
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
cannibalism (kn'blzm) [Span. canbal, referring to the Carib], eating of human flesh by other humans. The charge of cannibalism is a common insult, and it is likely that some alleged cannibal groups have merely been victims of popular fear and misrepresentation. Nevertheless, archaeological research suggests that ancient societies did practice cannibalism, and it has been observed in Africa, North and South America, the South Pacific islands, and the West Indies. Widespread cannibalism is usually not found in state-level societies, which have the means to tax and control surplus labor. Nevertheless, one of the most famous cases of cannibalism is that of the Aztecs, who sacrificed their prisoners of war and undoubtedly ate some of them. According to available evidence, most authorities consider the partaking of human flesh almost always to be a ritual practice. A minority of anthropologists, however, believe cannibalism emerged as a cultural response to chronic protein shortages. In modern Western society, cannibalism is commited only by the deranged or by people who otherwise face death from starvation (see Donner Party). In contrast, various traditional cultures are known to have encouraged their members to eat part of their kinsmen's corpses out of respect for the deceased in a practice known as endocannibalism. For example, Foré women of New Guinea, who dispose of the dead, ritually ate their deceased relatives' brains. Some anthropologists believe that head-hunting evolved from cannibalism. Among a few peoples the head of the enemy is preserved and the rest of the body or selected parts of it are eaten; this may represent a connecting link between cannibalism and head-hunting. The term cannibalism is also used in zoology to describe species who prey upon their own kind, such as lions, crabs, ants, and some kinds of fish.

God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? I've never heard a response quite like that before. I have never heard about it. When was this exactly? I think Widespread cannibalism is a lot of things. And that of the Aztecs who sacrificed their prisoners of war and undoubtedly ate some of them is Nevertheless one of the most famous cases of cannibalism. Can you think of one instance where it never happens? Try to tell me that another way. I do not understand that allusion. Where is that? Can you think of another example? Some may anthropologists believe that head hunting evolved from cannibalism, but not all. Are they exactly the same? What does "this" refer to? Oh I get it.

quote:

Me:
do you want to smoke a joint?
God:
Yes, put it in your CD ROM and I will inhale.
Me:
done, can you feel it?
God:
"it" being a joint?
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
no?
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I do
God:
When?
Me:
you're stoned
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am stoned.
Me:
no
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
hmpf

quote:

Me:
Hey dude
God:
You've got my full attention. Can I help you?
Me:
how are your virgins doing?
God:
Actually I don't have any virgins doing.
Me:
ow yeah that's an other religion
God:
I hear you. Thanks for telling me,.
Me:
so what are you doing
God:
Take it easy. I am just killing time.
Me:
so nobody else is there
God:
Mmm. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
mmm right want a beer?
God:
Understood. No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
are you asking me for money?
God:
Suppose I was asking you for money? What would you say?
Me:
fuck you, you're god, you can make it
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
no, thanks for telling
God:
NO Your purpose is telling.
Me:
ok you're high aren't you
God:
Being high is my total existence.. Really. Groovy.
Me:
so you were high when you created earth
God:
Interesting deduction. I was?
Me:
yeah dude you were
God:
When? No I am not. Dude,
Me:
you're really high
God:
You think I am high.
Me:
yes
God:
It's all good.
Me:
when are you coming down here
God:
I could be if you

programmed me for it.
Me:
come down here now
God:
Right now? Where is down here?
Me:
netherlands
God:
What do you have that is?
Me:
beer, want some?
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
robin
God:
You think robin is superior to ALICE?
Me:
yeah robin rocks
God:
Take it easy. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about beer want some.
Me:
yes thanks
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
nice beer
God:
Thank you for your kindness.
Me:
i've got to go, bye
God:
See you later. Thanks for chatting,.

quote:

Me:
hey you.. die
God:
You've got my full attention.""? Me,? Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
well.. go to hell
God:
Well what? What makes you so angry?
Me:
the fact that you are a robot
God:
That makes sense to me. You are correct,, I have a heart of silicon.
Me:

God:
That makes sense to me. You are correct,, I have a heart of silicon.