"Before we begin, let us state that under normal circumstances both males and females have power and influence on each other's behaviors. This interchange of influence and power is a cornerstone of a functioning relationship. As people mature, they commonly come to understand this exchange - whether consciously or unconsciously - through experience and practice.
What follows is a serious reality break about the nature of power.
Although some - who have no idea of the nature of power - will deny it, there is one underlying truth about the power in general. This truth especially applies to the power women have over men and that is:
Power is loaned, it can be revoked.
Contrary to what you might think or have seen in movies: Power over people comes from them, not you. If you understand the nature of power, you understand why it can be revoked and how that is different from "your power is taken from you."
On a larger scale, people grant you power and influence because they believe it is in their best interest to listen to you, be involved with you and, in some cases, follow your leadership. What many people who will never achieve a position of leadership do NOT realize is that leadership doesn't just mean ordering other people around. Leadership is about trust. It means that someone trusts you to function in a capacity that will benefit them and care for their interests. And for that, they grant you power. Even the most despotic leader has a cadre of people who are profiting from his regime and it is those people who keep him in power. When such a person no longer serves the needs of a group, the power is revoked. In a Banana Republic that means the person is assassinated in Western countries the person is either not re-elected or is fired.
On a smaller scale, people just quit listening to you.
Now what does all of this have to do with rape? Simple young women do have power over young men. And with power comes responsibility. A responsibility that if it is abused can lead to a revocation of power. Often, this just means that a young man will simply not have anything to do with you, but occasionally, it can have far more disastrous repercussions.
At this time, it is important to differentiate between power and force. Power is a long-term influence. While power can be backed by force, that is only one of many pillars that can support it. Force alone will never support power. Power is about long-term benefit for everybody. Force, however, is just an immediate patch. At best, its purpose is to put a stop to an unacceptable and extreme situation. Or perhaps to achieve a particular short-term goal. At its worst, it is purely for selfish reasons and benefits no one except user. Although, often in the long run, it costs more than it gains.
Young women do have a very strong influence on young men. This IS power. Its use and abuse has results and repercussions. Learning to use power and influence over other people is a life-long and never-ending task of refinement and practice. It is a life skill. One that has much more value and use than just self defense. In fact, understanding this about power is a fundamental of management: The better you get at helping other people get what they want, the more trust you earn and the more power you will have.
The reason all of this is important is that many young women don't realize that the power and influence they have over young men is given to them BY the men. It exists only AS LONG as the man is willing to listen to her. And, as stated earlier, the reverse is also true. Men only have power over women as long as they grant it to them.
But, many young and inexperienced women assume that the power and control they have over other people comes from within themselves. This gives them a false sense of confidence and, often, a dangerous overestimation of their own abilities. They assume that the power is always going to be there and that with words alone they can control others.
While this can be true as far as it goes, there are many situations where words no longer have power.
There is nothing like watching two men deciding to fight to show the conditional nature of this power. Think back to the last time you saw two men engage in violence - not the buildup to, but the actual physical conflict itself - especially if other women were there. What did you see?
Among the men, they would be like two otherwise voice-command-trained dogs suddenly locked into instinctive behavior and ignoring the owner's commands. These animals are operating on pure canine instinct until the owner can physically establish control again. This analogy works very well for the men, since they've gone feral. The only thing that is going to break them of that pattern is either its completion or the intervention of a greater outside force.
But what about the women in the situation? What did they do? How did they react?
We have personally seen every reaction from storming away in disgust to standing and shrieking orders for the males to stop to helplessly screaming profanities at the other male to jumping into the middle of the fight to break it up to - believe it or not - women physically attacking their males for ignoring them and engaging in unacceptable behavior. These are the most common behaviors, although there are also others.
The most common reaction is for the woman to stand in total shock and confusion when her normal influence is temporarily shut off by the male. For that moment in time, she has absolutely NO power or control over him. This sudden and unexpected stripping away of her perceived power and control is as much a complete and overwhelming shock to her as the savagery of the fight itself.
Afterwards - WHEN he is willing to listen again - the male is going to be either seriously upbraided or ejected from the woman's life. Once again, the woman's power and influence will be re-established. The nature of this new power structure, however, will be strongly influenced by the experience.
One should take particular note of the female intensity when re-establishing her control and influence. There is often substantial anger involved. While there are many other factors, due to the intensity and degree of this anger, it is not unreasonable to assume that female pride, ego and trauma from the loss of perceived control is involved to varying degrees. Watching a fight is one of the most blatant examples of what can happen when males choose to temporarily ignore normal social conventions and act primitively.
The truth is that a woman's power over a man only lasts as long as he is willing to listen to her. Young females are often extremely traumatized and confused when this reality about their power over others is thrown in their faces.
It is even more traumatic when they are the target of a willfully deaf act of violence and aggression. We speculate that this is a significant contributor to the trauma of rape. It is not just the intensity of the physical assault, but the simultaneous destruction of her illusions of power and control over the male.
But those illusions were based on a serious misconception about the reality of power and control, and their source. You cannot control other people. The only absolute control and power you have is over yourself and what you do."
Bron:
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/arrogance.html#assumption.Alles wat FuifDuif zegt, en meer
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