Komische Voetbal Quotes deel 2

quote:

Three in one game? That's good for me - it's usually four or five!

England's Steven Gerrard on the number of positional changes he had against Argentina.

quote:

Brooklyn's probably better than me at Spanish!!

Becks vows to brush up on his Language skills.

quote:

My ceiling's broken, my car's got a puncture and we've just lost two matches. But I've got my health and I'll ask the big man upstairs why he didn't give us a point.!

QPR manager Ian Holloway reflects on the 2-1 defeat by Reading.

BBC.

quote:

For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle nil...

Billy Connelly

Hebben jullie ook het gevoel dat.......

'Over twintig seconden hang ik om je nek'
_{Arjen Robben spreekt zijn vertrouwen uit in Robin van Persie vlak voordat Van Persie scoort uit een vrije trap.}

quote:

Op maandag 19 juni 2006 01:43 schreef dndiek het volgende:
'Over twintig seconden hang ik om je nek'
_{Arjen Robben spreekt zijn vertrouwen uit in Robin van Persie vlak voordat Van Persie scoort uit een vrije trap.}

Ja maar is dat echt gezegd ?

Geen idee, maar kan me er wel iets bij voorstellen... heb het van vi.nl

'De kans van Vieira? Het was geen goal, want de uitslag is 1-1'
_{Dick Advocaat over de wel-of-niet goal van Patrick Viera.}

Als Dick dit zegt is het grappig

De voetbalquotes van de BBC, een paar briljantjes hoor Voor andere sporters zie Hilarische sport quotes. Om te lachen.

SEXISM IS ALIVE AND WELL

"She shouldn't be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots."
Luton manager Mike Newell blames assistant referee Amy Rayner for the 3-2 defeat by QPR.

"If we are not careful we will be playing in high heels and skirts and playing netball. It is so frustrating."
Birmingham manager Steve Bruce, another 'new man', is not impressed with referee Howard Webb after his side's Carling Cup defeat by Liverpool.

"Next time I'll learn to dive maybe, but I'm not a woman."
Thierry Henry's views on Barcelona after Arsenal's Champions League final defeat.

THE WARNOCK AND MOURINHO SHOW

"He is almost a Yorkshireman with a Portuguese accent."
Warnock on Mourinho.

"My wife will be glad about Mourinho coming to Bramall Lane because he's a good looking swine, isn't he?"
Warnock warms up for the Barclays Premiership after Sheffield United's promotion is confirmed.

"Places like this are the soul of English football. The crowd is magnificent, saying '**** off Mourinho' and so on.
Mourinho revels in the abuse he received from Blades fans at Bramall Lane.

"My big dislike is traffic jams and that's why I'm going to live in Cornwall when I retire. The only traffic jam there is when the tractor pulls up at the post office."
Warnock on why he didn't take the Chelsea job when he was offered it by Ken Bates in 1991.

"The worst thing about playing Chelsea is having to listen to Mourinho afterwards."
Barcelona defender Edmilson.

"It's seven years today, my anniversary, and it was my birthday yesterday - it's been a great weekend for me. I better be careful with the missus otherwise I will probably put her in the club!"
Warnock celebrates seven years as Sheffield United boss with a 2-1 win against Charlton.

COMMENTATORS' CLASSICS

"Snakes on a plane? What's that all about?"
ITV's Andy Townsend, when asked about the film Snakes on a Plane on Talksport.

"Most managers would give their right arm for a European Cup, and Bob Paisley had three."
Football Focus presenter Manish Bhasin.

"The sight is in end."
TV commentator David Pleat gets in a muddle during the Champions League final. Minutes later, Barcelona equalised against Arsenal.

"Scholes walks away a bit gingerly."
David Pleat after Paul Scholes had been hurt during Man Utd's Champions League game against Celtic.

"People need to understand what kind of goldfish Wayne Rooney lives in."
Graham Taylor on Rooney.

Commentator: "Did you ever have a lucky charm Graham?" Graham Taylor: "Yes, my wife. But I never laid her on the touchline."
Taylor on Stuart Pearce's daughter's toy horse, which he had been placing on the touchline.

"Where did you get the nickname Dickie Dosh from?"
Ray Stubbs to Walsall manager Richard Money.

BEST OF THE REST

"We went to watch a show - Billy Joel. Half of the foreign lads weren't quite sure who Billy Joel was, but I enjoyed it anyway. For the Charlton game I'll really punish them - I'll take them to see Mamma Mia."
Portsmouth boss Harry Redknapp celebrates the 3-1 win over Fulham in unconventional style.

"It's been harder this year, Liverpool have got better, Man U have got better, Arsenal have got better, and Tottenham have joined the quartet of five teams."
Chelsea's Joe Cole celebrates winning the title against Man Utd - you do the math.

"By the time you read this we'll have had a scan on Fabregas. His foot blew up after the game and that's not the best sign."
Arsene Wenger on Fabregas's 'explosive' foot.


"I think they are disingenuous. Their behaviour doesn't surprise me - they sell d***os for a living."
Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan on Birmingham owners David Sullivan and David Gold.

"There's no problem with Jermain. I wouldn't swap him for Miss World - he would probably swap me for Miss World though."
Martin Jol on Jermain Defoe's future.

"You have to take it on the chin - or in my case, chins!"
Steve Bruce reacts to Birmingham's 7-0 thrashing by Liverpool in the FA Cup.

"Our lads all wore black armbands in training. We were going to have a minute's silence, but Jimmy Bullard couldn't keep quiet that long."
Wigan manager Paul Jewell on the disappointment of seeing Alan Mahon go on loan to Burnley.

"When I looked down the leg was lying one way and my ankle was pointing towards Hong Kong - so I knew I was in serious trouble."
Manchester United's Alan Smith on the horrific injury he suffered against Liverpool in the FA Cup.

"Don't be fooled by the way I look. People say you eventually start to grow to look like the missus but I wouldn't be that unkind to my Sandra."
Harry Redknapp.

"He says he's a Red, but they all say that when they sign, don't they?"
Steven Gerrard is suspicious about new team-mate Craig Bellamy's claim to be a lifelong Liverpool fan.

"He taught me a new phrase because he said he was 'over the moon' to be back at Liverpool and I had never heard that before."
Robbie Fowler impresses new Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez with his wide-ranging vocabulary.

"Every time I looked down, I saw a mouse. There were loads of them."
Burton defender Ryan Austin discovers some unwelcome visitors on the pitch at Old Trafford during the FA Cup third round replay.

"Suddenly, I win the derby and people are talking about England again. It is absolutely pathetic."
Stuart Pearce - and there was us thinking he was too big to be a jockey.

"At Madrid we all kiss each other before we go out. Against Jamaica, Aaron Lennon was waiting to replace me and as I approached I reached forward to kiss him, but then thought 'no, better not'."
David Beckham on the difference between English and Spanish customs.


"You only have to fart in the box to concede a penalty these days."
Leeds manager Kevin Blackwell bemoans a penalty decision given against them.

"I have no regrets, but it is a big surprise to me because he cancelled his contract to go abroad. Have you sold Portsmouth to a foreign country? No."
Arsene Wenger expresses his surprise upon hearing that Sol Campbell is poised to join Portsmouth.

"The players have got plenty of food in the dressing room so he couldn't have been hungry!"
West Ham keeper Robert Green attempts to defuse the Jermain Defoe bite row.

[ Bericht 1% gewijzigd door BliksemSchigt op 29-12-2006 19:09:36 ]

Deel II:

WORLD CUP WORDS OF WISDOM
"I certainly didn't call him a terrorist; I am ignorant, I don't even know what an Islamic terrorist is; my only terrorist is her."
Marco Materrazi denies calling Zinedine Zidane names in the World Cup final, while revealing his bizarre pet name for his 10-month-old daughter.

"He's the future King of England and I've just done a dance for him - I think it's a bit surreal."
England striker Peter Crouch entertains Prince William with his 'Robokop' dance during a training session.

"For a game played in Cologne, that stunk."
Mark Lawrenson after sitting through 120 mind-numbing minutes of Switzerland v Ukraine.

"You can't play crap for five games and still expect to go through. But for £120,000 a week, they should be able to take ******* penalties."
Watford president Sir Elton John sums up the mood of the nation after England's exit to Portugal.

"If Brazil are the best team in the World Cup then I am Geri Halliwell."
Elton strikes again.

"I've got the passion but no idea of tactics - I'd be like a black Kevin Keegan."
Ian Wright stakes his claim for the England job.

"I'm not married to David Beckham - I'm not even engaged to him."
England coach Sven-Goran Eriksson on the relationship with his captain.

"The big man's back in town!"
How 5ft 10ins Wayne Rooney announced himself as he arrived back in Germany, following a positive scan on his injured foot.

"Wrighty, are you a fan of S&M?"
World Cup presenter Gary Lineker asks panellist Ian Wright for his views on Serbia & Montenegro.


"I'm surprised at Tony Blair saying he was going to fly the St George's flag - I thought he would have been supporting America."
George Galloway gets his oar in.

"The world and his wife enjoy the Olympics but the world, the cook, the thief, his wife and her lover are totally consumed by the World Cup."
Broadcaster Nicky Campbell.

IAN HOLLOWAY SECTION
"I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season."
Holloway is quite pleased after QPR beat Cardiff.

"We have to look at that Luton game on Tuesday and try to win it because I was expecting at least three points from this game."
After Plymouth are beaten by Leeds.

"If I'd known this was going to happen I'd have got a bigger garden!"
On spending several weeks on 'gardening leave' from QPR.

"He's going to be what?! Oh for God's sake. Sir David Beckham? You're having a laugh. He's just a good footballer with a famous bird."
Reacting to the news that Beckham was being tipped for a knighthood.

"We looked more like Queens Park Strangers out there."
Commenting on the five debutants he had playing against Leeds.

"Maybe they're just jealous that he's got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything. I thought his bum cheeks looked very pert. If anybody's offended by that they ought to go and see the doctor."
On Joey Barton's bottom-baring antics.

"I watched Arsenal in the Champions League the other week playing some of the best football I've ever seen and yet they couldn't have scored in a brothel with two grand in their pockets!"
On Arsenal failing to take their chances.

BEST OF THE REST
"I not only like to have the TV and light on to help me sleep, but also a vacuum cleaner. Failing that, a fan or a hairdryer will do. I've ruined so many hairdryers by letting them burn out. So far I haven't set fire to anywhere."
Wayne Rooney reveals his strange habits in his autobiography My Story So Far.

"My dad used to referee me when I was a kid. I remember him booking me - and asking my name."
Coventry's Kevin Kyle.

If he was on fire I'd dial 998."
Notts County manager Steve Thompson talking about the referee after he sends off two players during their defeat at MK Dons.

"Before the match my daughter said: 'Beenie the horse wants to sit next to you by the drinks holder on the touchline'. It is difficult to tell a seven-year-old: 'This is the Premiership, I'm known as Psycho and I'm a hard man'."
Man City boss Stuart Pearce on the role a cuddly toy horse played in the defeat of West Ham.

"He's been in a different class in training and on the pitch. He's a lovely guy and if I had a daughter, I'd let him marry her. But I haven't got a daughter and he's already married, so there you go."
Terry Butcher about Sydney FC midfielder Robbie Middleby.

"Football's a difficult business and aren't they prima donnas?"
The Queen gives her verdict on the beautiful game to Premier League chairman Sir David Richards.

"We'll see you in the second half for the next part of the Uriah Rennie show."
Stadium announcer at Deepdale has a swipe at the referee during the Preston-Palace game.

"I have not got accustomed to English life. The food is truly disastrous and it rains all the time."
Manchester United's French defender Patrice Evra is settling in well.

"I wouldn't say it's a must win, but it's definitely a game we need to win."
Peter Crouch on Football Focus discussing the Arsenal match.

"We probably wouldn't be allowed in the Premiership. I can't imagine they would let the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea come here. The ground would fit in the back gardens of some of their players!"
Colchester striker Jamie Cureton on their Premiership dream.

"Glenn Roeder has stood up all his life and he will always stay standing up whatever happens to him."
Glenn Roeder doesn't believe Glenn Roeder needs a rest.

"We were told the side an hour before kick-off and the lads looked round in astonishment when we kept the same team!"
Liverpool's Steven Gerrard on learning Rafa Benitez was to play an unchanged team for the first time in 99 matches.

"The man knows everything about you, what your parents' names are, your sister's name, your brother's name."
Phil Neville on Fergie's 20 years.

"People ask me about other clubs, but it is as if my wife is dying and you are asking me if I am thinking of going with another woman."
Sam Hammam on whether he'll invest in another club after reliquishing his majority shareholding at Cardiff City.

"I am enjoying being manager - except for Saturday afternoons."
Bournemouth manager Kevin Bond.

"He doesn't have to call me Big Sam!"
Bolton boss Sam Allardyce (6ft 3ins) on signing 6ft 9ins Yang Charpeng on loan.

"I sometimes put on my kids' Power Rangers outfits to chill out."
Trevor Sinclair admits some interesting habits on Radio One.

"I played for Clydebank 10 years and five stone ago."
Ex-Clydebank goalkeeper Gary Matthews on helping his current team Glenafton into the second round of the Scottish Junior Cup, at the expense of his former club.

"I got hit in the nose again - and with the size of my nose I'm surprised they didn't have to evacuate the Riverside!"
Robbie Savage gets a nosebleed at Middlesbrough.

"This place hasn't changed since I was here as a player 21 years ago. The wallpaper is still the same in Tel's old office. It's got the same desk, the same leather chair he used. His wallet's not there, though!"
Newly-appointed QPR boss John Gregory reveals the spirit of Terry Venables lives on at Loftus Road.

"My worst fears were confirmed as Thierry and I sat in the centre circle after the final whistle. His name was sung from the rooftops, while my contribution was recognised by a deafening silence. It was like I was the invisible man."
Poor old Ashley Cole.

"They called me in for a drugs test afterwards. Perhaps they couldn't believe how I made that save when I'm 39."
Ed de Goey on the save that ensured Stoke victory over Walsall in the FA Cup.

"Last week I was so low I could have walked under a door with a top hat."
Ipswich manager Jim Magilton.

"I will never shut the door on David Beckham's international career. It will never be open... er, closed."
New England manager Steve McClaren believes David Beckham's England future is an open and shut case.

"Grimsby was a really bad place to live. The town was really old and there wasn't much to do there. It was full of fishermen and it smelled of fish all the time."
Brentford midfielder Thomas Pinault kicks up a stink over his spell with the Mariners.

BANNER OF THE YEAR

"Premiership. Buy one get one free."
Spotted at Stamford Bridge.

tvp

Maar weer eens wat nieuw leven inblazen:

Chants of the season

By Chris Charles

As Rangers took on Zenit St Petersburg in the Uefa Cup final, shouts of "We're gonna deep-fry your vodka!" echoed around the City of Manchester stadium. This was the latest adaptation of a chant begun by Scotland fans in Italy with pizzas, amended to croissants in France and incorporating tapas when Aberdeen travelled to face Atletico Madrid. But the Scots don't have a monopoly on witty ditties. We have picked out our favourite chants of the season - plus a few crazy stadium announcements - sent in by you, dear readers.

REWRITING POP HISTORY

Leeds fans (to the tune of Kaiser Chiefs' Oh My God):
"Oh my God I can't believe it, we've never been this good away from home!"
(Admittedly not heard this weekend - Ed)

Middlesbrough (Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer):
"Ohh! We're half way there! Ohh-ohh! Aliadiere!"

Man City (Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall):
"We don't need no Phil Scolari,
We don't need Mourinho,
Hey! Thaksin! Leave our Sven alone!"

Bishop Stortford (Toni Basil's Hey Mickey - sung to St Albans goalkeeper Nick Eyre):
"Hey Nicky you're so fine, you're so fine, you're two behind, hey Nicky!"

Arsenal (The Jackson 5's Blame it on the Boogie):
"Don't blame it on Henry, don't blame it on the injuries, don't blame it on the referees, blame it on Eboue!"

Man Utd (Black Lace's Agadoo):
"Anderson-son-son, he's better than Kleberson,
Anderson-son-son, he's our midfield magician,
To the left to the right we'll dance the samba beat tonight,
He is class, our midfield brass, and he dumps on Fabregas!"

Newcastle (The Beatles' Let It Be):
"When we find ourselves in times of trouble, Kevin Keegan comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, Geremi!"

Tottenham (Elvis Presley's The Wonder Of You):
"That's Ju-ande, Ju-ande Ramos!"

Everton (Black Lace/The Tweenies' Music Man):
"I am the Music Man. I come from far away. And I can play (what can you play?) I Play The Pienaar! Pi Pi Pi Pi Pienaaaaaar!"

Chester (The Outhere Brothers' Boom Boom Boom - to Simon Yeo):
"Boom, boom, boom, let me hear you say Yeo, Yeooo!" (Also used for Paul Mayo by Notts County fans - Ed).

Blackburn (Christmas standard Santa Claus Is Coming):
"You better watch out,
You better beware,
He's good on the ground and he's good in the air,
Santa Cruz is coming to town."

Newcastle (Happy Days theme tune):
"Sunday, Monday, Habib Beye
Tuesday, Wednesday, Habib Beye
Thursday, Friday, Habib Beye
Saturday, Habib Beye, rocking all week with you!"

Man City (The Proclaimers' I'm Gonna Be (500 miles)):
"Oh you can freeze 500 million, and you can freeze 500 more, Cos Thaksin's got another billion underneath his bedroom floor, Shin-a-watra! Shin-a-watra!"

WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?

"You're just a fat Paris Hilton."
Arsenal fans to Liverpool's Andriy Voronin.

"There's only one Tina Turner!"
Doncaster's big-haired Jason Price gets the treatment from Forest.

"You're just a fat Annie Lennox!"
No More I Love Yous from the Spurs fans to West Ham's Dean Ashton.

"There's only one Roland Browning."
Bognor Regis fans taunt big-boned Eastleigh sub Steve Watts.

"You're just a fat Kevin Doyle!"
Reading fans to Robbie Keane.

"He's big, he's Scouse, he looks like Mickey Mouse!"
Sheffield Wednesday fans take the mickey out of Franny Jeffers.

"You're just a fat Eddie Murphy!"
Fans of several Championship clubs to Cardiff's Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. Also used by Aberdeen and St Mirren fans to Rangers' Jean-Claude Darcheville - Ed.

"You're supposed to be a gnome!"
Millwall fans to Northampton's pint-sized full-back Danny Jackman.

"Sit down, Pinocchio!"
Spurs fans to Boro boss Gareth Southgate.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"Oh when the beans,
Come out the tin,
Oh when the beans come out the tin,
You put the bread in the toaster,
Oh when the beans come out the tin."
Birmingham fanz meanz business at West Ham.

"Andy Reid, plays left wing, he loves McDonalds and Burger King!"
Sunderland fans to their fast food hero.

"I'd rather be a sausage than an egg!"
More food fun with Birmingham fans.

"Swing low, sweet halibut!"
Grimsby supporters as news of England's win over Australia in the Rugby World Cup filters through.

GALLOWS HUMOUR

"Que sera sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
We're going to Forest Green,
Que sera sera."
Newly-relegated Wrexham fans against Hereford.

"Can we play you every week?"
Man City fans while 6-0 down to Chelsea.

"Can we play you every week?"
Man City fans while 7-0 down to Middlesbrough. Anyone spot a theme developing here? Ed.

"Easy! Easy! Easy!"
Man City fans when the score reached 8-1. That's answered that question - Ed.

"We're going down in a minute!"
Gillingham fans at Leeds.

"Who needs Mourinho, we've got Dave Pacio."
Droylsden fans get behind their manager as they finally win their first game of the season - at the 14th time of asking.

"We should have stayed at the funfair."
Watford fans after going 2-0 down to Southend.

"Let's pretend we've scored a goal!"
Bradford City fans during a 3-0 home defeat to Accrington Stanley, followed by all participants going crazy.

BEST OF THE REST

"You don't know what you're doing!"
West Brom fans after a fan had his marriage proposal accepted by his girlfriend during half-time v Scunthorpe.

"Strawberry blond? You're having a laugh!"
Crystal Palace's ginger-haired midfielder Ben Watson gets a ribbing from QPR.

"Oh Kasper, whoah, whoh, oh,
Oh Kasper, whoah, whoh, oh,
He stands between our posts,
He's named after a ghost."
Cardiff fans to keeper Kasper Schmeichel.

"Does your livestock know you're here?"
Colchester fans to Norwich.

"Oh Moses, whoah oh-oh,
Oh Moses, whoah oh-oh,
He comes from Norbury,
He parted the Red Sea."
Victor Moses is highly rated at Crystal Palace.

"Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie, rub your beard all over my body! Bill Oddie, Bill Oddie..."
Reading fans against Derby - to the tune of Madonna's Erotica.

"We can see you washing up!"
Swindon fans to the occupants of the flats in the corners of Leyton Orient's ground.

"I love Tottenham more than you!"
Spurs fans to their loved ones back home while watching Tottenham on Valentine's Day in Prague.

"Jim Bullard, Bullard, He's better than Steve Gerrard, He's thinner than Frank Lampard, Jim Bullard, Bullard."
Fulham fans salute Jimmy Bullard.

"Are you Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in disguise?!"
Wrexham fans.

"Does your butler know you're here?"
West Ham to Fulham fans.

"We'll race you back to London!"
Arsenal fans to Man Utd during their 4-0 FA Cup defeat at Old Trafford.

"Can we play you every week?"
Havant & Waterlooville fans when 1-0 up against Liverpool at Anfield in the FA Cup.

"If Robin Hood was real, he'd be dead!"
Oldham supporters at Forest.

"We're the famous Tartan Army and we're here to save the snail."
Scotland fans in Paris.

"Vera's dead, Vera's dead, Vera's dead!"
West Ham fans away at Man City following the death of the character Vera Duckworth in Coronation Street.

"We can't see you sneaking out!"
Worcester City fans celebrate their abandonment at Nuneaton Borough when the floodlights failed with Nuneaton 2-0 up in the 82nd minute.

"You should have banked with The Woolwich!"
Derby fans to Northern Rock-sponsored Newcastle.

"It's neat, it's weird, it's Rafa's goatee beard!"
Liverpool fans salute Benitez's strange growth.

"You only sing at the Boat Race!"
Cambridge United fans to their Oxford counterparts.

"You should have gone Christmas shopping!"
Man City fans to Reading after going one-up.

"You only sing at your weddings!"
Hibs fans to their Gretna counterparts.

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENTS OF THE SEASON

"The next match here at the Banks's Stadium is on New Year's Day, which this year falls on 1 January."
Walsall stadium announcer at half-time in their league match with Millwall.

"There is a no-smoking policy in all parts of the Layer Road ground. Anyone who is caught smoking will be taken away, strapped to an electric chair and electrocuted until they are dead. Thank you."
Colchester announcer at half-time against Leicester.

"There is a no-smoking policy at Layer Road. Anyone caught smoking will be taken to a darkened room, where they will be imprisoned for 27 hours and forced to listen to Will Young records for all of that time. Thank you."
Colchester announcer tops his previous effort at half-time against Crystal Palace.

"Scorer for Kilmarnock, number 16 Dick Turpin."
Fir Park announcer when Kilmarnock striker Rhian Dodds scored a last-minute winner against Motherwell in a game which the home side dominated.

"Please stand for the national anthem of the Republic of Northern Ireland."
The MC at St Mary's puts his foot in it before the start of the England Under-21 international with the Republic of Ireland.

"Can the people trying to break into the boardroom please be aware you are on CCTV."
Mansfield stadium announcer after the Stags lost to Rotherham.

"A text has come in from Leighton James. He apologises for what he said about Cardiff City and has asked that fans stop sending pizzas and taxis to his house at three in the morning. But Lee Trundle has been speaking to Leighton and has said feel free to send as many pizzas as you like to his house."
Cardiff's stadium announcer tickles the Bluebirds faithful with tales of two former Swansea City favourites.

"His wife always dreamed of a hunky fireman, but all she got was a chunky tyre-man."
Announcer at Man Utd-Villa, introducing one of the participants in the half-time penalty shoot-out.

"And now the Olympiakos team sheet...wish me luck!"
Chelsea announcer before reading out a list of players including Zewlakow, Patsatzoglou and Djordjevic.

"There's a mustard-coloured Peugeot in the car park, registration XXXXXXX. You've left your windows open. Chances are if your car is a mustard colour you want it to be nicked, but just to let you know."
Announcer before the Plymouth-Burnley match.

"If there is a qualified referee in the ground, please can he make himself known to a steward."
Half-time at Fulham v Boro after a few questionable decisions.

"Would the owner of a silver car, registration XXXXXXX - please move it immediately. If they can find it."
At a fog-bound match between Stevenage Borough and Forest Green Rovers.

"There is a taxi waiting in the car park."
(5 minutes later) "There is a greyhound tied up in the car park. We are not yet sure whether the taxi is for the greyhound!"
Histon announcer.

"Mr Coombes in L1, your wife has just gone into labour."
At Leicester v Barnsley.

"Attention please. Congratulations Mr X, you have just become a father."
At Mansfield v Middlesbrough.

"Mr John Smith - your wife is waiting under the scoreboard, it's your turn to feed the baby."
During Leicester Tigers match. You obviously get more 'new men' at the rugby - Ed.

"The scorer for Belper....someone wearing a yellow shirt."
Baffled stadium announcer Roger Skinner during the Colwyn Bay v Belper Town UniBond League match.

"Would the owner of vehicle number XXXXXX, please go to reception, as they have your keys and the windows are wide open. Oh and I got this message five minutes ago."
At Home Park, Plymouth.

Paar erg grappige tussen. Vooral die Colchester announcer .

Leuk topic

BS

Jim Bullard Bullard
He's Better than Steve Gerrard
He's Thinner than Frank Lampard
Jim Bullard Bullard

Ook wel een mooie van onze kant!

Heerlijk, ik lees ze elke dinsdag op de site van de bbc.

En een serie nieuwe:

"I love you all - I've come to spread peace!''
Sir Alex Ferguson comes over all Mahatma Gandhi in his last press conference before the Champions League final.

"Can I go?"
Avram Grant's first question at his press conference. 'Yes', was the answer a week later.

"She's a nosey b****r, isn't she?!"
Fergie cuts GMTV's Fiona Phillips down to size when she asks who was on the other end of his phone when it interrupted her vital questions about the Manchester United hotel.

"He's said to me half a dozen times, 'I played centre-half for the school you know'. I said: 'Yes, but not against Didier Drogba'."
The United manager tries to curb Wayne Rooney's enthusiasm. !

"It would be cool just to turn up and play Test cricket."
Shane Warne strikes fear into the heart of Englishmen everywhere by hinting that he would prepare to make a comeback in next year's Ashes if required.

"I could murder a cup of tea."
Doncaster boss Sean O'Driscoll looks forward to a drop of the hard stuff after seeing off Leeds in the play-off final.

"Thanks for giving me the best night of my life - but please don't tell my wife!"
1999 Champions League hero Ole Gunnar Solskjaer reveals the sentence he hears most when meeting Manchester United fans.

"Kanu? He's about 47."
Harry Redknapp when asked the age of FA Cup final winner Kanu, who claims to be 31.

"I might have to get my mum to bully him into starting me on Saturday."
Bristol City midfielder Lee Johnson reveals his cunning plan to get dad Gary to pick him for the Championship play-off final. It didn't work.

"Welcome to the MLS, baby!"
What FC Dallas star Adrian Serioux allegedly said to David Beckham after scything him down during LA Galaxy's 5-1 win.

"It's about the driver with the biggest balls who can get closest to the barriers."
Lewis Hamilton reveals Viz character Buster Gonad (and his unfeasibly large testicles) would be an ideal candidate to win the Monaco Grand Prix.

"Referees in the Premier League as well as the Champions League come to see me before the matches to tell me 'today, we don't dive, eh?' I would love to reply 'I'm a footballer, not a swimmer', but I think they wouldn't listen."
Didier Drogba before heading for an early bath in Moscow.

"I don't promise nothing, I don't promise nothing to my mum, I don't promise nothing to the supporters.''
Ronaldo keeps everyone guessing about his future - but at least he can talk proper, innit?

"United are looking to make the Glazers double Glazers."
Clive Tyldesley during the Champions League final, with the Manchester United owners looking to win the double. (Dan, England).

"Drogba is down for Chelsea and appears to be clutching his back. I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict he'll be fine in about two minutes."
From ESPN Gamecast during the Champions League final. (John, USA).

"Well, well, well, some of you did get out of bed the wrong side this morning. Come on chaps, let's get things into perspective. When you find yourself getting a bit angry about tonight's match, take a deep breath and think to yourself: there but for the grace of God, I could be 73cm tall, live in Inner Mongolia and smoke 40 a day. Even worse, you could be Kerry Katona."
A legendary quote from Ben Dirs on 606 in the build-up to the Champions League final. (Bhav Trivedi, UK).

"This is even bigger than the Bolton game."
Petr Cech putting the Moscow final into perspective. (Bhav Trivedi, UK).

"The curvaceousness was better than Dolly Parton!"
Ray Hudson, GolTV commentator, on Wesley Sneijder's goal during the Real Madrid-Levante match. (Recliner Queens, USA).

"Josh Lewsey, with his first touch since the previous one."
Miles Harrison commentating for Sky Sports on the Premiership semi-final between Wasps and Bath. (Piet, England).

"So Portsmouth have won the Cup, and I don't want to alarm you, but the last time that happened World War Two broke out."
Gary Lineker on the Cup final. (Chris Plowman, Cornwall). !!!

Setanta reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas were Motherwell better than you today?
Gordon Strachan: "Mainly that big green one out there." (Frank, England). !!

"I don't really understand why Jason Koumas has not got lots of caps for England. He has certainly got the ability so it's a mystery to me."
'Expert' analyst Paddy Crerand on MUTV. Might be because he plays for Wales, Paddy!! (Glyn Llewellyn, England).

"And here comes Stringfellow in to bowl... er Sidebottom rather."
Henry Blofeld on TMS during England-New Zealand. (Matt Jackson, England).

"He's much like the abominable snowman. Much spoken of but never actually seen."
Archie MacPherson on elusive Rangers player Thomas Buffel. (Philip Craig, Scotland).

Eamonn Holmes: "Why are they building a statue of Gandhi instead of you in Leicester?"
Gary Lineker: "They didn't have enough bronze for my ears."
(Andrew Jones, England).

"And the umpire is showing as much interest in that appeal as I do in the Spice Girls."
IPL commentator Damien Fleming on the umpire rejecting an lbw appeal. (Rahul, India).

"When it becomes a two-horse race it's a different kettle of fish..."
Bristol City manager Gary Johnson mixes his metaphors with the aplomb of a skilled cocktail barman in the run-up to the Championship play-off final. (Drew Savage, England).

"This could still definitely go either way."
David Pleat during extra-time in the Champions League final. (Alun, Swansea).

"And they will be the pies at next years Scottish cup final."
Queen of the South chairman David Rae pointing to some cows on his farm during a TV interview ahead of the Scottish Cup final. (Fraser, Glasgow).

"There's no feeling quite like shaking hands with Prince Albert."
F1 commentator James Allen at the Monaco GP. (Brits on Pole, UK).

"He's a big unit - and if he's Junior Agogo, I certainly wouldn't like to meet Senior Agogo."
Fox Sports commentator Simon Hill during the Australia v Ghana match. (Daniel Dunkinson, Australia).

"I overheard the Russian guys talking earlier and frankly I couldn't understand a word they were saying. And quite rightly so, because I don't speak Russian."
Lewis Moody, co-commentating on the Twickenham Sevens for the BBC. (Steff Harries, Wales).

"Gordon Strachan is staying at Celtic after a third straight SPL triumph and will be handed £20 to spend in the summer. (Daily Mirror)."
BBC Gossip Column. (Hassan Hussain, UK).

"One of these teams will be in the Champions League as the holder next year."
Commentator during the Champions League final. Well done... (Ollie, England).

"When I held Mourinho in my arms I couldn't hold back my tears - it was too much."
Didier Drogba reveals the truth about his relationship with Jose, in his soon-to-be-released autobiography. (Shiraz, Harrow, England).

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK
"We would like to remind everyone that Tynecastle is a no-smoking stadium. We would also like to remind you that there are no cameras in the toilets or behind the burger stalls."
Hearts stadium announcer. (Christopher Skene, Scotland). .

Mooie kick BS. Zo maar even doorlezen.

Die laatste

"Let's pretend we've scored a goal!"
Bradford City fans during a 3-0 home defeat to Accrington Stanley, followed by all participants going crazy.

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quote:

"The curvaceousness was better than Dolly Parton!"
Ray Hudson, GolTV commentator, on Wesley Sneijder's goal during the Real Madrid-Levante match. (Recliner Queens, USA).

Deze is ook wel mooi

"I am what you see. I like to play, I like jokes, but my wife knows me best - get in touch with her."
Luiz Felipe Scolari shows who wears the trousers during his first press conference as Chelsea manager in waiting.

"It's a great job but it carries enormous responsibility. Sometimes it is as if it is bigger than being Prime Minister or President."
Big Phil hopes he'll become as popular as Gordon Brown.

"Maybe I can call my old friend Slaven Bilic and ask him to play his mother-in-law as a striker."
Poland coach Leo Beenhaker on his side's chances of making the second round at Euro 2008 ahead of the final group game with Croatia.

"Maybe he wants to show he is a big boy."
Beenhakker won't be having Howard Webb round to dinner for a while after the English referee's controversial penalty award in the 1-1 draw with Austria.

"As the Prime Minister I have to be balanced and collected but on Thursday night I wanted to kill."
Polish PM Donald Tusk gets his teeth into Webb.

"I'd buy Luton Town Football Club."
Monty Panesar is clearly mad for the Hatters after revealing what he'd do with the £500,000 on offer for winning one of the lucrative games - if selected.

"Scolari behaves like those people who ask to borrow our car, full of gas, they use it for a week and then they abandon it in a street somewhere, without gas, and don't even have the good manners to ring us up and tell us where the car is."
Manchester United assistant Carlos Queiroz will be delighted to see Big Phil next season if his previous comments about the treatment of Ronaldo are anything to go by.

"Most Passes Completed: Portugal 150%"
Euro 2008 official website's statistics page - (Big B, UK).

"Tomas (Rosicky) has had surgery on his knee and we expect him to be flying by pre-season."
A fairly bold claim from Arsenal and England physio Gary Lewin. (Ed, England).

"If a spaceship landed in the centre circle, direct from Mars, I wouldn't be surprised."
ITV's Jon Champion, commenting during the Czech Republic-Turkey game, is clearly not a man to bother organising a surprise party for. (Bryan Beard, Belgium).

"Koller was literally, literally, right up his backside there."
Andy Townsend commenting on Jan Koller's positioning in the Turkish penalty box. (Owain Loft, London).

"Magnus Hedman - another man familiar with these shores."
Steve Rider before Spain v Sweden, forgetting Switzerland and Austria are landlocked. (Andy, UK).

"I am not superstitious. It brings bad luck."
French coach Raymond Domenech at a press conference before Holland-France. (Eef, The Netherlands).

"We know France are going to have to score if they are going to win this game."
Bolo Zenden on France v Romania. (Aidan Bryan, Wales).

"There's more than one way to shave a cat."
Andy Gray during the France-Holland game.

"This is a Dutch oven and the French just got roasted."
Adrian Healey during the same match. (Chris Riding, United States).

"The careless foul on Wesley Sneijder was given away by Lambrusco.....er sorry, Lambretta."
Commentator on Eurosport about Italian player Gianluca Zambrotta! (Chris Hart, England).

"Republic of Czechoslovakia."
ITV commentator David Pleat invents a new country during the Portugal-Czech Republic match. (Philip Craig, Scotland).

"We are playing against the world champions and if you don't score against Italy then you can't win"
Romania coach before their group game with Italy. But how can you win if you don't score? (Prince Dornu-Leiku, Ghana).

"Welcome to the Uefa Euro 2008 Water Polo Tournament."
ESPN commentators during the rainy Switzerland-Turkey match. (Kailyn LeAnne, Kentucky, USA).

"Ronaldo!!! Great ping from 35 yards with his swinger! Cech firmly palms away."
Eurosport text commentary on the Portugal-Czech Republic game at Euro 2008. (Pradeep Silva, India).

Ray Stubbs: "Marcel, would you say that so far Spain have been the best team in the tournament?"
Marcel Dessailly: "Definitely. For me, Germany have been the best."
Stubbsy and Desailly confuse everyone following Spain's victory against Russia. (Stephen F, UK).

"The Italians will be asking - would Holland have scored the second goal if they hadn't already got the first?"
Clive Tyldesley referring to the Netherlands' controversial first goal against Italy but struggling with the idea of whether two comes before, or after, one. (Shaun Donnelly, Middlesbrough).

"And they'll be attacking their own fans in the second half..." Irish TV commentator during Austria v Croatia. Steady on, lads. (Ross, Ireland).

Jonathan Pearce: "That's the first pass Senna has wasted." Mark Lawrenson: "Have you been looking at the half- time stats?"
Pearce: "I have a sad life." (Marcus Jackson, UK).

Mike Atherton: "The European Championships are coming up. Who will you be supporting, Bumble?"
David 'Bumble' Lloyd: "Brazil."
Banter during the cricket. (Jon, Wales).

"They will have to beat both the Netherlands and the Dutch."
Football expert on BBC World Service assesses French chances at Euro 2008. (Adam Roberts, Cayman Islands).

"Rat has a chance to build for the Romaniacs."
Classic quote from Irish commentator Jimmy Magee on Romania's Razvan Rat. (Jerry Gardner, Ireland).

"In Italian football that would be called an own goal."
BBC commentator on the Netherlands v Italy. So what is it in English footie, then? (Jacqueline, Hong Kong).

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