https://medium.com/@sp4uR(...)ukraine-810373b05d49========================================================================
Accept You’re Already Dead: Interview Three with an American Legionnaire in Ukraine========================================================================
This interview is with an American serving in Ukraine’s International Legion. He talked to me about his thoughts and feelings about risking his life in Ukraine and how he has dealt with knowing death is not just possible but likely. These are his own words, edited only to remove repeat words and with minor grammatical edits for clarity.
War is hell. Like, the movie won’t do it. The only way you will truly understand is to see your best friend there blown up in front of you, crying for his mom, his wife. Or him telling you “Hey, tell my baby I love him.” That’s the best way to explain. War is the absolute worst thing on this earth. But there’s people like myself that are ready to fight for it. But it’s just people need to understand that war is not a fucking joke. It’s not a joke. This shit happens. This isn’t fucking Call of Duty. You die, you die. There’s no redo. There’s no hold up can I go back and maybe tell my wife that I love her one last time? You’re done. It’s over. You’re dead.
My wife keeps asking me why I’m willing to do this. And I’ll say, because these people deserve freedom. Would they do it for my country? Probably not. But is it the right thing to do? Yes. And for me? For me personally, when I meet Allah, he will judge me upon my actions and Allah will judge me upon fighting for the independence and freedom of people that deserved it but were not able to have it.
The best way as a soldier is to accept the fact that you’re already dead. You are a dead man walking. You are dead. Like, you have no tomorrow. That is the best way to accept, especially where we’re going in the East. Obviously, you can’t say where we’re going, but you can put in the East. You know that. You’re dead, man. You are a dead man walking. You’re not alive anymore. Do your job as a soldier. Do anything you can as a soldier. But you’re dead, you’re already dead. If you’re if you’re already dead, you’re not going to think about it too much. You’re going to do your job as a soldier. You’re going to perform well. If you’re sitting there thinking, Oh, am I going to die? You’re going to freeze up and you are going to die, and then you’re going to get other people killed with you. What if you’re thinking, Hey, I’m already dead. It doesn’t matter. You perform well as a soldier.
I tried to just be like a machine. Like, don’t think about anything. I don’t think about my life. I don’t think about my friends. I think about how many bullets are my mag, how many grenades we’ll have, how many rockets are on my on my back right now. What’s in front of me? What is the objective? The objective is get in this trench 25 meters in front of me. Alright 25 meters. Got it. How fast can I run 25 meters? 10 seconds, 15 seconds? That’s 15 seconds. In an open field where someone can kill me, is there cover? Can I move left? Can I move right? Like, what can I do to get in this trench and destroy whoever is in front of me like that? Only tactical and technical thoughts go through my head. It has nothing to do with my life, my family, beer, drinking, or anything at all like that. It’s all technical or tactical. Like, what can I do to achieve my goal so I can destroy the enemy?
We joke about it. Like we’re dead in a month so why does it matter? Nothing matters. Accept death. Have fun with the world you’re in right now. Live it right now because in an hour, you might be dead. You don’t know. Enjoy what you have in the moment, it’s right in front of you.