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  donderdag 8 juni 2017 @ 10:42:04 #26
267336 Splackavellie02
Ma gavte la nata
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Zowel thuis tussen boeken door, als in de auto via audioboek (gelezen door Carlin zelf):


Hilarisch! Illustreert perfect waarom Carlin een van mijn favoriete komieken was. Vooral zijn stuk over verloedering van grammatica vind ik persoonlijk geniaal. Het is helaas anno 2017 alleen maar relevanter geworden:

I’m tired of television announcers, hosts, newscaster, and commentators, nibbling away at the English language, making obvious and ignorant mistakes. If I were in charge of America’s broadcast stations and networks, I would gather together all the people whose jobs include speaking to the public, and I would not let them out of the room until they had absorbed the following suggestions. I’m aware that media personalities are not selected on the basis of intelligence. I know that, and I try to make allowances for it. Believe me, I really try. But still … There are some liberties taken with speech that I think require intervention, if only for my own sake. I won’t feel right if this chance goes by, and I keep my silence.

The English word forte, meaning "specialty" or "strong point," is not pronounced "for-tay." Got that? It is pronounced "fort." The Italian word forte, used in music notation, is pronounced "for-tay," and it instructs the musician to play loud: "She plays the skin flute, and her forte [fort] is playing forte [for-tay]." Look it up. And don’t give me that whiny shit, "For-tay is listed as the second preference." There’s a reason it’s second: because it’s not first!

Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence. If two baseball palyers from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father’s it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence. Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." For instance:

• If a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck, he is the victim of an accident. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. But if the truck was delivering insulin, ah! Then he is the victim of an irony.
• If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein’s army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large.
• Darryl Stingley, the pro football player, was paralyzed after a brutal hit by Jack Tatum. Now Darryl Stingley’s son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. It will be coincidental. If Darryl Stingley’s son paralyzes someone else, that will be closer to ironic. If he paralyzes Jack Tatum’s son that will be precisely ironic.

I’m tired of hearing prodigal being used to mean "wandering, given to running away or leaving and returning." The parable in the Book of Luke tells of a son who squanders his father’s money. Prodigal means "recklessly wasteful or extravagant." And if you say popular usage has changed that, I say, fuck popular usage!

The phrase sour grapes does not refer to jealousy or envy. Nor is it related to being a sore loser. It deals with the rationalization of failure to attain a desired end. In the original fable by Aesop, "The Fox and the Grapes," when the fox realizes he cannot leap high enough to reach the grapes, he rationalizes that even if he had gotten them, they would probably have been sour anyway. Rationalization, that’s all sour grapes means. It doesn’t mean deal with jealousy or sore losing. Yeah, I know you say, "Well many people are using it that way, so the meaning is changing." And I say, "Well many people are really fuckin’ stupid too, shall we just adopt all their standards?"

Strictly speaking, celibate does not mean not having sex, it means not being married. No wedding. The practice of refraining from sex is called chastity or sexual abstinence. No fucking. Priests don’t take a vow of celibacy, they take a vow of chastity. Sometimes referred to as the "no-nookie clause."

And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was concieved in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That’s all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.

Proverbial is now being used to describe things that don’t appear in proverbs. For instance, "the proverbial drop in the bucket" is incorrect because "a drop in the bucket" is not a proverb, it’s a metaphor. You wouldn’t say, "as welcome as a turd in the proverbial punchbowl," or "as cold as the proverbial nun’s box," because neither refers to a proverb. The former is a metaphor, the latter is a simile.

Momentarily means for a moment, not in a moment. The word for "in a moment" is presently "I will be there presently, Dad, and then, after pausing momentarily, I will kick you in the nuts."

No other option and no other alternative are redundant. The words option and alternative already imply otherness. "I had no option, Mom, I got this huge erection because there was no alternative." This rule is not optional; the alternative is to be wrong.

You should not use criteria when you mean criterion for the same reason that you should not use criterion when you mean criteria. These is my only criterions.

A light-year is a measurement of distance, not time. "It will take light years for young basketball players to catch up with the number of women Wilt Chamberlain has fucked, "is a scientific impossibility. Probably in more ways than one.

An acronym is not just any set of initials. It applies only to those that are pronounced as words. MADD, DARE, NATO, and UNICEF are acronyms. FBI, CIA, and KGB are not. They’re just pricks.

I know I’m fighting a losing battle with this one, but I refuse to surrender: Collapsing a building with explosives is not an implosion. An implosion is a very specific scientific phenomenon. The collapsing of a building with explosives is the collapsing of a building with explosives. The explosives explode, and the building collapses inwardly. That is not an implosion. It is an inward collapsing of a building, following a series of smaller explosions designed to make it collapse inwardly. Period. Fuck you!

Here’s another pointless, thankless objection I’d like to register. I say it that way, because I know you people and your goddamn "popular usage" slammed the door on this one a long time ago. But here goes anyway:

A cop out is not an excuse, not even a weak one; it is an admission of guilt. When someone "cops a plea," he admits guilt to some charge, in exchange for better treatment. He has "copped out." When a guy says, "I didn’t get to fuck her because I reminded her of her little brother," he is making an excuse. If he says, "I didn’t get to fuck her because I’m an unattractive schmuck," he is copping out. The trouble arises when an excuse contains a small amount of self-incriminating truth.

This one is directed to the sports people: You are destroying a perfectly good figure of speech: "Getting the monkey off one’s back" does not mean breaking a losing streak. It refers only to ending a dependency. That’s all. The monkey represents a strong yen. A loosing streak does not compare even remotely. Not in a literary sense and not in real life.

Here’s one you hear from the truly dense: "The proof is in the pudding." Well, the proof is not in the pudding; the rice and raisins are in the pudding. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. In this case, proof means "test." The same is true of "the exception that proves (tests) the rule."

An eye for an eye is not a call for revenge, it is an argument for fairness. In the time of the Bible, it was standard to take a life in exchange for an eye. But the Bible said, No, the punishment should fit the crime. Only and eye for an ey, nothing more. It is not vindictive, it is mitigatory.

Don’t make the same mistake twice seems to indicate three mistakes, doesn’t it? First you make the mistake. Then you make the same mistake. Then you make the same mistake twice. If you simply say, "Don’t make the same mistake, " you’ll avoid the first mistake.

Unique needs no modifier. Very unique, quite unique, more unique, real unique, fairly unique, and extremely unique are wrong and they mark you as dumb, although certainly not unique.

Healthy does not mean "healthful." Healthy is a condition, healthful is a property. Vegetable aren’t healthy, they’re dead. No food is healthy. Unlesss you have an eggplant that’s doing push-ups. Push-ups are healthful.

There is no such thing or word as kudo. Kudos is a singular noun meaning praise, and it is pronounced kyoo-dose. There is also a plural form, spelled the same, but pronounced kyoo-doze. Please stop telling me, "So-and-so picked up another kudo today."

Race, creed, or color is wrong. Race and color, as used in this phrase, describe the same property. And "creed" is a stilted, outmoded way of saying "religion." Leave this tired phrase alone; it has lost its usefulness. Besides, it reeks of insincerity no matter who uses it.

As of yet is simply stupid. As yet, I’ve seen no progress on this one, but of course I’m speaking as of now.

Here’s one you can win money on in a bar if you’re within reach of the right reference book: Chomping at the bit and old stomping ground are incorrect. Some Saturday afternoon when you’re getting bombed on your old stamping ground, you’ll be champing at the bit to use this one.

Sorry to sound so picky, folks, but I listen to a lot of radio and TV and these things have bothered me for a long time.
George Carlin _O_
  Redactie Frontpage vrijdag 9 juni 2017 @ 08:55:32 #27
165583 crew  bazbo
& his rubber chicken

'Slechte gedichten bestaan niet; er bestaan alleen slechte mensen' (Willem Bierman)
Meer informatie op www.bazbo.net
Gister gekocht:

  vrijdag 9 juni 2017 @ 15:12:45 #29
226981 Gehenna
registreer om deze reclame te verbergen
Fijn stukje blasfemie :)

  vrijdag 9 juni 2017 @ 15:31:47 #30
45206 Pietverdriet
Ik wou dat ik een ijsbeer was.
1s.gif Op woensdag 7 juni 2017 22:16 schreef snorvanJohanDerksen het volgende:


Ik heb hem vorig jaar ook gelezen. Lees je de Engelse versie? Vet!
Ja, ik moet zeggen, Boris is eloquent en hilarisch
In Baden-Badener Badeseen kann man Baden-Badener baden sehen.
1s.gif Op vrijdag 9 juni 2017 15:31 schreef Pietverdriet het volgende:


Ja, ik moet zeggen, Boris is eloquent en hilarisch
Deze had ik vorige week gelezend, leuk geschreven over de persoon Boris

[ afbeelding ]
registreer om deze reclame te verbergen
Hallo, ik zoek een boek uit mijn kindertijd. Waar kan ik met die oproep terecht hier op het topic?
  zondag 11 juni 2017 @ 21:24:20 #33
78780 deedeetee
rustig doorgaan met ademhalen
0s.gif Op zondag 11 juni 2017 21:20 schreef Caktus het volgende:
Hallo, ik zoek een boek uit mijn kindertijd. Waar kan ik met die oproep terecht hier op het topic?
Topic openen hier in TTK ? Probeer daar in duidelijk uit te leggen/omschrijven welk boek je zoekt.
Ga fietsen jij !! ikke niet hoor..
0s.gif Op zondag 11 juni 2017 21:24 schreef deedeetee het volgende:


Topic openen hier in TTK ? Probeer daar in duidelijk uit te leggen/omschrijven welk boek je zoekt.
Zal ik doen, bedankt!
  zondag 11 juni 2017 @ 21:28:19 #35
362868 Slobeend
of all places
Echt geweldig leuk geschreven.


I reject reality and substitute my own
  Moderator maandag 12 juni 2017 @ 08:20:39 #37
42184 crew  DaMart
Opnieuw een boek van Indridason.

  maandag 12 juni 2017 @ 20:49:53 #38
78780 deedeetee
rustig doorgaan met ademhalen
Dat is toevallig ik begin vandaag in dit boek :

Ga fietsen jij !! ikke niet hoor..
na alle enthousiaste reacties nu dan ook:


wow! :o

Leuk boek! Benieuwd naar de volgende twee.
  woensdag 14 juni 2017 @ 17:07:10 #41
82453 friskvind
vivere pericoloso
Omzien in verwondering heb ik nu uit. Meer dan 600 pagina's over het leven van Annie Verschoor en dat van haar man Jan Romein en de tijd waarin ze leefden. Veel aandacht krijgen hun marxistische sympathieėn. En hun wederwaardigheden op de universiteiten van Leiden en Amsterdam, naar mijn mening, wel wat te veel. Met het hele gedoe van benoemingen en de daarbij behorende wrijving en na-ijver. Maar goed, je leert er iets van over die kringen. Verder komt regelmatig de moeite die ze had om een goede verdeling te maken tussen huisvrouw zijn en werk (schrijven, lezingen) aan de orde. Al met al een boek dat ik met genoegen gelezen heb. Ook omdat ze zich erg zorgvuldig en duidelijk weet uit te drukken.
Als het leven geen zin heeft dan maakt het maar zin.
  woensdag 14 juni 2017 @ 17:09:57 #42
6990 golfer
Ouwe jongere
0s.gif Op dinsdag 13 juni 2017 11:46 schreef NoralyZ het volgende:
na alle enthousiaste reacties nu dan ook:

[ afbeelding ]

wow! :o
Indrukwekkend hč?
Poef.....gone! ©golfer
  woensdag 14 juni 2017 @ 17:10:36 #43
6990 golfer
Ouwe jongere

Het vervolg op Ma, over de demente moeder van Hugo Borst.
Poef.....gone! ©golfer
  donderdag 15 juni 2017 @ 11:06:06 #44
45206 Pietverdriet
Ik wou dat ik een ijsbeer was.
In Baden-Badener Badeseen kann man Baden-Badener baden sehen.
  donderdag 15 juni 2017 @ 11:14:27 #45
61646 Copycat
I am a trigger hippie

Bizar, maar o zo boeiend. Met heel veel foto's en met een essay over een van mijn favoriete films: Freaks en het korte verhaal waarop Freaks gebaseerd is achterin. En als bonus ook nog het essay dat Sir Frederick Treves schreef over The Elephant Man.
Curiosity cultured the cat
Hoge dames vangen veel wind
Whadda ya hear! Whadda ya say!
What is any ocean but a multitude of drops?
  donderdag 15 juni 2017 @ 11:50:38 #46
226981 Gehenna
Turn the world into your dance floor.
  Moderator vrijdag 16 juni 2017 @ 11:35:21 #48
42184 crew  DaMart
0s.gif Op donderdag 15 juni 2017 14:40 schreef norich het volgende:
[ afbeelding ]
Daar ga ik vandaag ook in beginnen.
14s.gif Op woensdag 14 juni 2017 17:09 schreef golfer het volgende:


Indrukwekkend hč?
ja! zeker!

ook erg indrukwekkend, erg mooi maar flink tranentrekkend, en in lightning speed uitgelezen:
  Moderator / Redactie FP zaterdag 17 juni 2017 @ 14:37:27 #50
168091 crew  Cobra4
Alba gu brąth
Deze net uit:


0s.gif Op dinsdag 13 juni 2017 11:46 schreef NoralyZ het volgende:
na alle enthousiaste reacties nu dan ook:

[ afbeelding ]

wow! :o
En ook net aan deze begonnen. Inderdaad wow.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
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