quote:Today, my 6 year old son says to me: 'You smell nice daddy'. Surprised, but very flattered I thank him, he adds 'I like the smell of cheese!'. FML
quote:Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out somewhere special, so I called in sick for work. Turns out he had made reservations for the restaurant I worked at. FML
quote:Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
quote:Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML
quote:Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML
quote:Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML
quote:Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML
quote:Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no...Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML
quote:Today, I found out my crush has a colostomy bag because she has no anus. FML
TevensVPquote:Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML
quote:Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML
0wnedquote:Today I found my daughter on facebook after years of looking for her after the divorce. It turns out it was my ex pretending to be my daughter so she could track me down. FML
quote:Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
dan baal je hardquote:Op woensdag 11 februari 2009 20:52 schreef MaGNeT het volgende:
Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML
omgquote:Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML
quote:Op woensdag 11 februari 2009 21:13 schreef MaGNeT het volgende:
Today, I sent my boyfriend some nude pics of me. Later I get a text from my dad asking me when I had gotten a tatoo. FML
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quote:Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
quote:Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML
OMFGquote:Op woensdag 11 februari 2009 15:21 schreef Vuile het volgende:
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
quote:Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML
quote:Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML
quote:Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
quote:Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML
quote:Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML
quote:Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML
quote:Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
LOL!quote:Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I said that at least I was always there for him when he needed me. He said "When did I need you?" FML
quote:Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
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