F*** my life

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Op donderdag 11 juni 2009 00:28 schreef Bolter het volgende:

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Op woensdag 10 juni 2009 18:36 schreef Afwazig het volgende:

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Op woensdag 10 juni 2009 10:37 schreef r8ality het volgende:

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Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

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Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one who knew. FML

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Op zaterdag 13 juni 2009 19:22 schreef delano.888 het volgende:
F*** My Life
Dubbellll

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Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML

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Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from facebook requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

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Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

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Today, I was reading through a local wedding mag's advice page. A mother in law to be was writing about how to handle wanting her son to break off his engagement. I thought, "Wow. That must suck. I'm glad I like my mother in law to be." And then I saw her name. FML

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Today, I had sex with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML

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Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

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Op donderdag 11 juni 2009 16:16 schreef padlarf het volgende:

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Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

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Op maandag 15 juni 2009 09:06 schreef hipy123 het volgende:

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Driedubble tvp

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Op maandag 15 juni 2009 09:31 schreef jitzzzze het volgende:

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Stomme newbie

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Op maandag 15 juni 2009 08:10 schreef jitzzzze het volgende:
Die laatste

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Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

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Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

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Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

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Op maandag 8 juni 2009 14:43 schreef Wackyduck het volgende:

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