The cutesy approach. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover but there are only eight ways to leave this airplane, so please listen as we explain the safety features. Funny at first, but then I start to wonder: Will this flight attendant still be making jokes as we crash-land?
• The scare-you approach. We will be traveling in this cylindrical tube full of flammable liquid five miles in the air and at over 500 miles per hour, so listen up. OK, now I am too busy worrying about my last will and testament to listen to the safety procedures. I say, just stick to the script.
Safety cards. In the seat-back pocket is a safety card that says this: If you are unable to read these instructions, please notify a flight attendant. So, let me get this straight. If you can’t read the card, you should tell me? But if you can’t read the card, how would you know to tell me? Oh yeah, from reading the safety card!
Stowage instructions. Detachable wheels, also known as wheelies, should go under the seat in front of you and not in the overhead bin. Does anyone use these detachable wheelies anymore? I haven’t seen a pair in years.
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