een variant op de bekende regels, maar dit keer voor randonneurs:
quote:
In the Audax and cycling community the wearing of event jerseys has become a sign of accomplishment and fashion. Choosing just the right jersey for that special occasion can be a daunting and difficult task. The following guidelines have been compiled (in fun), to help the responsible jersey wearer avoid potential embarrassment and/or elevate their perceived status in their cycling community.
Note: This is meant to be a tongue-in-cheek review of the sometimes superstitious regard cyclists have for their finisher jerseys. My personal view: I don't care if you wear your jerseys wrapped around your head in an ever-expanding turban...so please, no complaints in the replies below. Have fun.
Jersey Etiquette Guidelines:
1. A jersey cannot be worn unless the wearer has participated in the event. There is an exception, though: "significant others" and volunteers are exempt.
2. Any event jersey, less than 1000km, shouldn’t be worn to LEL. It simply doesn’t represent a high enough "cool factor” and sends a red flag regarding your newbie status. It's like taking a knife to a gunfight. It's probably best just to wear a generic name-brand jersey, and go hide in a corner until the event starts.
3. When wearing an event jersey from an event you have previously finished, then wear the jersey from the first year you completed it. Don’t short-change yourself by wearing the most recent jersey. It doesn’t adequately display the feat of accomplishment or the consummate veteran status that you are due.
4. Do not wear the LEL 2017 event jersey during the event. Only rookies do this. It displays a total lack of integrity and might put the bad-heebee-jeebee-mojo on you for the event. Wearing the LEL 2017 jersey at the event, while currently riding said event, is discouraged. It’s like being at work and constantly announcing "I’m at work". Besides, you won’t have the correct post-event jersey then...unless you like to wear sweaty, pitted-out clothes on a regular basis. If you do, then go back to the swamp.
5. Never wear the event jersey unless you finish within the time limit. To wear the event jersey is to say "I finished it". Exceptions: see guideline #1.
6. A DNF’er may wear the event jersey if... the letters DNF are boldly written on the jersey in question (using a fat permanent marker).
7. During the event, the wearing of jersey from a previously completed year is acceptable. Wear the oldest LEL jersey you have (see guideline #3). This is probably a good practice because you now have no excuse to drop out since you’ve done it before.
8. If possible, riders should buy significant others T-shirts which can be worn without regard to riding the event. (see guide #1). Keep in mind, they support your cycling more than you think. They also have ways of punishing you that you can't even imagine. Or maybe you can.
9. Volunteers have full T-shirt and jersey rights and all privileges pertaining thereto. So there. Remember, you can always volunteer for LEL and get a shirt or jersey. I encourage this as your civic duty to be a member of the audax community. Events don't happen without volunteers.
10. No souvenir jerseys: therefore, friends or anyone else not associated with the event may not wear a LEL 2017 event jersey. If your mum thinks that your LEL 2017 jersey is lovely, tell her to enter for herself. A downside to this: she still has plenty of time to write you out of her will between her training events for LEL 2021. Note that your mum CAN wear your finisher's jersey under one of these 4 conditions- 1) you still live with your mother; 2) she funded your trip to LEL 2017; 3) she recently bailed you out of prison; or 4) All of the above. There is an exception to this guideline: (refer to # 1...If you are a "non-traditional family," and your mum actually is your Significant Other).
11. Wear the event jersey of your last event at LEL 2017 registration. The more recent the event, the better. This is a good conversation starter. However, avoid the tendency to explain how that it was a training ride for this, and this is just a training ride for the next, etc. It just sounds like your rationalizing mediocre performances. Sometimes it’s best to live in the here and now.
12. Your jersey should be kept clean, but dried blood stains are okay. If you're a mountain biker, you can even leave in mud and grass stains, (and hedgehog quills). Not washing-out the badger scent is pushing the macho thing a bit too far, though.
13. Never wear a jersey that vastly out-classes LEL 2017. It’s like taking a gun to a knife fight. Or like unleashing an atomic bomb among neanderthal natives. You get the idea.
14. Also: never wear a blatantly prestigious jersey down the pub or at the shopping centre among non-cycling ilk. People will just think you have a big head, which you do. You'll also get stupid questions, like, "how long was that ride? How many days? Did you sleep?" They will just think you're totally nuts, which (of course), you probably are.
15. Never, ever, borrow a LEL 2017 finisher's jersey from another cyclist to wear to an event. If you do, remember that in Dante's Inferno, he wrote about a special Hell for characters such as you; right between Tax Collectors and Lawyers.
16. The Bad Organisers Guideline: All children, nieces and nephews, and grand children can wear hand-me-down LEL finisher's jerseys. When they are asked, "did you cycle in that 1400km event?" They can proudly respond, "no, but my dad, mother, uncle, auntie, granddad, grand mother did." If your relatives has put-up with you being an long distance cyclist, they have said rights too. They've put up with a lot of crap (or outright neglect) over the years, and deserve to wear them.
17. If LEL 2017 is cancelled at the last minute, but the event jerseys were already given out, you can't wear the jersey unless you actually cycled the event on the days the event was planned for. This means you will have to cycle your own unsupported event, through snow storms, hurricanes, or whatever lame excuse we come up with for cancelling LEL 2017. If you still want to wear the jersey, you have to mark it with a fat permanent marker, "I didn't cycle this lousy event, and I'm all the better for it, thank you," across the front of it.
18. This next one is a big one, and has something to do with the need for more good taste and aesthetics in this sometimes ugly world. Never wear a jersey or bib shorts that are so old, thin, and threadbare that you can see the colour of your nipples, chest hair, or religion through it. This seems to be just a "guy thing," especially and old-codger-cyclist-guy thing. Here's the test: if you're too scared to machine-wash your 1978 Eddie Merxx 5 timer jersey and shorts for fear of them wafting down the drain as subatomic particles, then it's probably too transparent to wear in public. If you can (still) remember your great performance at that particular event and you want to save it for posterity, PLEASE have it framed so that you can keep it on the wall of your den or your "I love me" room, and (at least) out of public view. Better yet, have it sewn into a quilt. You can then sit on your couch and read back-copies of Cycling Weakly, cuddled up with a glass of warm milk.
19. By the way, if you don't know what terms like DNF, volunteer, or Significant Other are, then you shouldn't wear any LEL jersey until you know what they mean, and you shouldn’t have any meaningful relationships, either. You should probably become a hermit and/or New Age "Tantric" cyclist, sitting at home in the lotus position performing virtual rides in your mind, while sniffing used glue packets, incense, and patchouli.
Jerseys must be used sensitively. Worn responsibly, they can help expand one's consciousness and immerse you in a great conversation with your cycling brethren. Worn stupidly, they can cause fright, horror, vacant stares, sprained ankles, and general social unrest. Don't be a "Jersey Terrorist." Follow proper jersey etiquette to do your part for world peace.