ONZ Onzin voor je leven!
Vrolijkheid troef in dit lieve forum vol humor.
komt een man bij de dierenarts met een konijntje met drie poten.
de dierenarts zegt: "ja, die moet ik afmaken"
een paar dagen later komt de man terug en vraagt aan de dierenarts:
"en, issie al af?"
er was een kok, en die had een konijntje klaargemaakt,
dus daarna kwam dat konijntje elke dag terug...
de dierenarts zegt: "ja, die moet ik afmaken"
een paar dagen later komt de man terug en vraagt aan de dierenarts:
"en, issie al af?"
er was een kok, en die had een konijntje klaargemaakt,
dus daarna kwam dat konijntje elke dag terug...
dief! die heb je van youp!quote:op zaterdag 7 januari 2006 16:07 schreef m.e.g.a.t.r.o.n. het volgende:
komt een man bij de dierenarts met een konijntje met drie poten.
de dierenarts zegt: "ja, die moet ik afmaken"
een paar dagen later komt de man terug en vraagt aan de dierenarts:
"en, issie al af?"
er was een kok, en die had een konijntje klaargemaakt,
dus daarna kwam dat konijntje elke dag terug...
zou je denken!quote:
in een bar gaat een man naar de barman toe en zegt: doe mij een biertje.
hij drinkt het biertje leeg, zeg het glas 5 meter verderop en zegt tegen de barman:
zullen we wedden om 300 euro dat ik vanaf hier, zonder een druppel te missen, dat glas volpis.
dus die barman neemt de weddenschap natuurlijk aan, die man haalt ze leuter uit ze broek, en begint heel de bar, barman en weet ik veel wat allemaal onder te pissen.
de barman begint heel hard te lachen, int zijn 300 euro en vraagt aan die man of die echt dat dat het zou lukken. de man zegt: zie je die drie dudes daar bij de pooltafel staan? ik heb voor 500 euro met ze gewed dat ik heel de bar en barman onder kon pissen, en dat de barman er nog blij om zou zijn ook.
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
Ik ben niet onhandelbaar, ik ben gewoon een uitdaging 💖
ik denk dat dit nog wel geloofwaardig is ook...quote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
onderstaande is, naar 'men' beweert, ook waargebeurd:
qantas maintenance humor
after every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. the mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. by the way, qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(p = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(s = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
p: left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
s: almost replaced left inside main tire.
p: test flight ok, except auto-land very rough.
s: auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
p: something loose in cockpit.
s: something tightened in cockpit.
p: dead bugs on windshield.
s: live bugs on back-order.
p: autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
s: cannot reproduce problem on ground.
p: evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
s: evidence removed.
p: dme volume unbelievably loud.
s: dme volume set to more believable level.
p: friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
s: that's what they're there for.
p: iff inoperative.
s: iff always inoperative in off mode.
p: suspected crack in windshield.
s: suspect you're right.
p: number 3 engine missing.
s: engine found on right wing after brief search.
p: aircraft handles funny.
s: aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
p: target radar hums.
s: reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
p: mouse in cockpit.
s: cat installed.
p: noise coming from under instrument panel. sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
s: took hammer away from midget.
komt een andere man bij dezelfde dokter:quote:op vrijdag 30 december 2005 08:05 schreef robar het volgende:
komt een man bij de dokter:
dokter: "meneer ik heb goed nieuws en slecht nieuw voor u, wat wilt u het eerste horen?"
man: "doet u mij dan maar eerst het goede nieuws."
dokter: "u heeft aids en u heeft nog maar een paar weken te leven."
man: "mijn hemel, wat is het goede nieuws dan, als dat nog bestaat?"
dokter: "u heeft ook nog alzheimer, dus u bent het morgen allemaal weer vergeten."
dokter: ik heb goed nieuws en slecht nieuws
man: doe eerst maar het goede nieuws
dokter: u heeft nog 24 uur te leven
man: en het slechte ?
dokter: ik ben u gisteren vergeten te bellen
Honey ! Take me drunk, i am home !
vliegt een duif over een koe, zegt die duif: "roekoeee"
zegt die koe: "roeduif"
zegt die koe: "roeduif"
Im hung like Einstein
And Smart as a Horse
And Smart as a Horse
komt een pyromaan bij een wegrestaurant, weg restaurantquote:op vrijdag 30 december 2005 07:30 schreef mobster273 het volgende:
loopt een vent op de ventweg, valt er een boom op de ventweg, vent weg....
Drink ik, dan bederf ik.
Drink ik niet, dan sterf ik.
Beter gedronken en bedorven
Dan niet gedronken en toch gestorven...
Drink ik niet, dan sterf ik.
Beter gedronken en bedorven
Dan niet gedronken en toch gestorven...
omg, ik heb buikpijn, te grappigquote:op donderdag 12 januari 2006 08:18 schreef nt-t.bartman het volgende:
[..]
ik denk dat dit nog wel geloofwaardig is ook...
onderstaande is, naar 'men' beweert, ook waargebeurd:
qantas maintenance humor
-knip-
die is best typerend voor amerikanen.quote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
.
..
...
....
..
...
....
ik vind em ijzersterkquote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians vs americans
-knip-
[b]Dingen doen met dingen, da's machtig mooi
Twitch: <a href="https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden" target="_blank" rel="nofollow norererer noopener" >https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden</a>[/b]
Twitch: <a href="https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden" target="_blank" rel="nofollow norererer noopener" >https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden</a>[/b]
dit is vooral zo typischquote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states
Geen commentaar
het is zwart en zit voorin het vliegtuig?
SPOILEROm spoilers te kunnen lezen moet je zijn ingelogd. Je moet je daarvoor eerst gratis Registreren. Ook kun je spoilers niet lezen als je een ban hebt.Nee, ik ben geen fiets bellert! Maar ik bel wel als het nodig is! Als ik er langs wil bijvoorbeeld..
- Recente studies wijzen uit dat 100% van alle rokers sterft.
- Niet moeilijk doen als het makkelijk kan!
quote:op donderdag 12 januari 2006 10:17 schreef peterh het volgende:
het is zwart en zit voorin het vliegtuig?ook sterkSPOILEROm spoilers te kunnen lezen moet je zijn ingelogd. Je moet je daarvoor eerst gratis Registreren. Ook kun je spoilers niet lezen als je een ban hebt.[b]Dingen doen met dingen, da's machtig mooi
Twitch: <a href="https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden" target="_blank" rel="nofollow norererer noopener" >https://www.twitch.tv/drizzt_dourden</a>[/b]
waarom vallen duikers altijd achterover van de boot om het water in te duiken?
SPOILEROm spoilers te kunnen lezen moet je zijn ingelogd. Je moet je daarvoor eerst gratis Registreren. Ook kun je spoilers niet lezen als je een ban hebt.A.F.C.A.
Op woensdag 13 juni 2007 09:49 schreef Kuno_van_Dijk het volgende:
knuffelnegertje van de SC! ^O^
bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "axis of evil", libya, china and syria today announced that they had formed the "axis of just as evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid iran-iraq-north korea axis president bush warned of in his state of the union address. axis of evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "right. they are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared north korean leader kim jong-il. "everybody knows we're the best evils. best at being evil. we're the best." diplomats from syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the axis of evil. "they told us it was full," said syrian president bashar al-assad. "an axis can't have more than three countries", explained iraqi president saddam hussein. "this is not my rule, it's tradition. in world war ii you had germany, italy, and japan in the evil axis. so, you can only have
three, and a secret handshake. "ours is wickedly cool." international reaction to bush's axis of evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, france surrendered. elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical
chairs. cuba, sudan and serbia announced that they had formed the "axis of somewhat
evil", forcing somalia to join with uganda and myanmar in the "axis of occasionally evil", while bulgaria, indonesia and russia established the "axis of not so much evil really as just generally disagreeable". with the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, sierra leone, el salvador, and rwanda applied to be called the "axis of countries that aren't the worst but certainly won't be asked to host the olympics". canada, mexico and australia formed the "axis of nations that are actually quite nice but secretly have some nasty thoughts about america", while scotland, new zealand and spain established the "axis of countries that want sheep to wear lipstick". "that's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said scottish executive first minister jack mcconnell. while wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "axis of countries whose names end in 'guay'", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. officials from paraguay, uruguay, and chadguay denied the charges. israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "right. they are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared north korean leader kim jong-il. "everybody knows we're the best evils. best at being evil. we're the best." diplomats from syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the axis of evil. "they told us it was full," said syrian president bashar al-assad. "an axis can't have more than three countries", explained iraqi president saddam hussein. "this is not my rule, it's tradition. in world war ii you had germany, italy, and japan in the evil axis. so, you can only have
three, and a secret handshake. "ours is wickedly cool." international reaction to bush's axis of evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, france surrendered. elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical
chairs. cuba, sudan and serbia announced that they had formed the "axis of somewhat
evil", forcing somalia to join with uganda and myanmar in the "axis of occasionally evil", while bulgaria, indonesia and russia established the "axis of not so much evil really as just generally disagreeable". with the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, sierra leone, el salvador, and rwanda applied to be called the "axis of countries that aren't the worst but certainly won't be asked to host the olympics". canada, mexico and australia formed the "axis of nations that are actually quite nice but secretly have some nasty thoughts about america", while scotland, new zealand and spain established the "axis of countries that want sheep to wear lipstick". "that's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said scottish executive first minister jack mcconnell. while wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "axis of countries whose names end in 'guay'", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. officials from paraguay, uruguay, and chadguay denied the charges. israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
leuk verhaal, maar hier en daar een lege regel ertussen zou het een stuk leesbaarder maken!quote:op donderdag 12 januari 2006 11:04 schreef iamredleader het volgende:
bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "axis of evil",
[...]
only because no one asked them.
de nieuwe head&shoulders is er voor asielzoekers.............quote:op dinsdag 27 december 2005 15:39 schreef sessy het volgende:
head & shoulders heeft een speciale nieuwjaarsactie voor al haar gebruikers! head&shoulders christmas - nu zal je roos in de vorm van sneeuwvlokjes vallen!
wash and go
't enige wat ik wil is de mogelijkheid om te bewijzen dat veel geld niet gelukkig maakt....
quote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
õmfg, hoe typisch vooral dat stukje '2na grootste schip, 4 begeleiders, optyfen, ik ben groterquote:op woensdag 11 januari 2006 17:51 schreef mazaru het volgende:
this is the actual radio conversation of a us naval ship with
canadian authorities of the coast of newfoundland in october 1995.
radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations,
10-10-95.
canadians: please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to
avoid a collision.
americans: recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
canadians: negative. you will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
americans: this is the captain of a us navy ship. i say again,
divert your course.
canadians: no, i say again, you divert your course.
americans: this is the aircraft carrier us lincoln, the second
largest ship in the united states atlantic fleet. we are
accompanied with three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. i demand that you change your course 15 degrees
north. i say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-
measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
canadians: this is a lighthouse. your call.
Een befaamde Fransoos zei ooit: Qui ceci lit est un fou.
for some time, many of us have wondered just who is jack schitt? we find ourselves at a loss when someone says "you don't know jack schitt!". well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
jack schitt is the only son of awe schitt. awe schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married o. schitt, the owner of knee-deep n. schitt, inc. they had one son, jack.
in turn, jack schitt married noe schitt. the deeply religious couple produced six children: holie schitt, giva schitt, fulla schitt, bull schitt, and the twins deap schitt and dip schitt. against her parents' objections, deap schitt married dumb schitt, the high-school dropout.
after being married 15 years, jack schitt and noe schitt divorced. noe schitt later married ted sherlock and, because her kids were living with her, wanted to keep her previous name. she
was then known as noe schitt-sherlock.
meanwhile, dip schitt married loda schitt, and they produced a son with a nervous disposition named chicken schitt. two of the other six children, fulla and giva schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the two happens brothers in a joint ceremony. the
wedding announcement in the papers happily told of the schitt-happens nuptials.
the schitt-happens children were dawg, byrd and hoarse. bull schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. he recently returned home with his new italian bride, pisa schitt.
jack schitt is the only son of awe schitt. awe schitt, the fertiliser magnate, married o. schitt, the owner of knee-deep n. schitt, inc. they had one son, jack.
in turn, jack schitt married noe schitt. the deeply religious couple produced six children: holie schitt, giva schitt, fulla schitt, bull schitt, and the twins deap schitt and dip schitt. against her parents' objections, deap schitt married dumb schitt, the high-school dropout.
after being married 15 years, jack schitt and noe schitt divorced. noe schitt later married ted sherlock and, because her kids were living with her, wanted to keep her previous name. she
was then known as noe schitt-sherlock.
meanwhile, dip schitt married loda schitt, and they produced a son with a nervous disposition named chicken schitt. two of the other six children, fulla and giva schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the two happens brothers in a joint ceremony. the
wedding announcement in the papers happily told of the schitt-happens nuptials.
the schitt-happens children were dawg, byrd and hoarse. bull schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. he recently returned home with his new italian bride, pisa schitt.
godgloeiende, ik heb niet vaak zo in een deuk gelegenquote:op donderdag 12 januari 2006 08:18 schreef nt-t.bartman het volgende:
[..]
ik denk dat dit nog wel geloofwaardig is ook...
onderstaande is, naar 'men' beweert, ook waargebeurd:
qantas maintenance humor
after every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. the mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. by the way, qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(p = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(s = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
p: left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
s: almost replaced left inside main tire.
p: test flight ok, except auto-land very rough.
s: auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
p: something loose in cockpit.
s: something tightened in cockpit.
p: dead bugs on windshield.
s: live bugs on back-order.
p: autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
s: cannot reproduce problem on ground.
p: evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
s: evidence removed.
p: dme volume unbelievably loud.
s: dme volume set to more believable level.
p: friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
s: that's what they're there for.
p: iff inoperative.
s: iff always inoperative in off mode.
p: suspected crack in windshield.
s: suspect you're right.
p: number 3 engine missing.
s: engine found on right wing after brief search.
p: aircraft handles funny.
s: aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
p: target radar hums.
s: reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
p: mouse in cockpit.
s: cat installed.
p: noise coming from under instrument panel. sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
s: took hammer away from midget.
...houdt toch vooral van bier
Realiteit is een illusie die ontstaat bij een gebrek aan alcohol
Sober: a disturbing period of time between drinking sessions
Realiteit is een illusie die ontstaat bij een gebrek aan alcohol
Sober: a disturbing period of time between drinking sessions
wat is het toppunt van arrogantie?
SPOILEROm spoilers te kunnen lezen moet je zijn ingelogd. Je moet je daarvoor eerst gratis Registreren. Ook kun je spoilers niet lezen als je een ban hebt.
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