Parijs #8 - La Ville-lumiere

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Here are some additional traveling tips I thought you might find useful.

The following advisory for American travelers heading for France. Was
compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the
Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food
and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very
expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is
intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of
accuracy is ensured or intended.


General Overview
****************
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of
Europe. It is an important member of the world community, although not
nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain,
Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or
shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many
treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions
to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the
guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as
a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to
impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for
American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking
French, although many will speak a few words of English if shouted at
repeatedly.


The People
**********
France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and
smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously over-sexed
and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people
are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and
undisciplined. Those are their good points. Most French citizens are
Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior.
Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men
sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when
they hand out medals. American travelers are advised to travel in
groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual
recognition. All French women have small breasts, and don't shave
their armpits or their legs.


Safety
******
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are
advised that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition,
the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary
shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting
baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors
generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France to
Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years
to make it easier for the French government to flee to London when
the Germans invade.


History
*******
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other
important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of
Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for
many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have
had their asses kicked by just about every other country in the
world.


Government
**********
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are
held more or less continuously and always result in a run-off. For
administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions,
departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages,
cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers,
the Upper and Lower (although, confusingly, they are both on the
ground floor), whose members are either Gaullists or communists,
neither of whom can be trusted. According to the most current State
Department intelligence, the current President is someone named
Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.

Culture
*******
The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy
to see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly
ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the nude
scenes.


Cuisine
*******
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just
a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are
excellent although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce
this word. American travelers are therefore advised to stick to
cheeseburgers at McDonald's or the restaurant at the Holiday Inn.


Economy
*******
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's
economy in Europe, which is surprising since the French hardly seem to
work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch,
they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and
tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the
economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles,
champagne, fighter jets, grenade launchers, attack aircraft, and
cheese.


Conclusion
**********
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and
a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if
French people didn't inhabit it. The best thing that can be said for
it is that it is not Germany. Remember no one ordered you to go there.

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Disclaimer: deze post is geen weergave van mijn persoonlijke mening over Frankrijk/Parijs.

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Op maandag 23 april 2007 20:33 schreef travelwoman het volgende:
Wat is dan wèl je persoonlijke mening over Frankrijk/ Parijs?

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Op maandag 23 april 2007 20:49 schreef DutchTrain het volgende:

[..]

* DutchTrain sluit uit voorzorg nu het topic

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Op maandag 23 april 2007 20:52 schreef travelwoman het volgende:
Meen je dat, het wordt waarschijnlijk nu pas interessant.

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Op maandag 23 april 2007 20:33 schreef travelwoman het volgende:

[..]

Wat is dan wèl je persoonlijke mening over Frankrijk/ Parijs?

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Op maandag 23 april 2007 21:01 schreef Fogel het volgende: maar ik probeer koste wat kost te vermijden dat ik er heen moet (is helaas niet gelukt deze keer, en dus ben ik er eind mei).

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 13:29 schreef tim2308 het volgende:
Wat is eigenlijk het Franse equivalent van Fok? Ik ken wel www.bladi.net, maar dat is voor de (semi)-marokaanse jeugd

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 13:45 schreef Delicieux het volgende:
Ben je er klaar voor? Voor Vrijdag? Bora-Bora?
De oranje kleding al uit het vet gehaald? :-)

nieuwe spelling...

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 14:23 schreef tim2308 het volgende:
Arrghhh wat spijt het me dat ik niet kan komen... doen ze maandag de 30ste niets in Klein Holland ofzo? Trouwens vaag cafe, ze hebben niet eens orangina, fanta of sisi. Ben maar weer weggegaan...

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 15:22 schreef Bora-Bora het volgende:

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Oh geen idee; daar kom ik eigenlijk nooit... Maar het lijkt me van wel hoor. Daarvoor is het tenslotte een "Hollands" café!

Hebben ze er toevallig wel kipsateh??

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 14:23 schreef tim2308 het volgende:
Arrghhh wat spijt het me dat ik niet kan komen... doen ze maandag de 30ste niets in Klein Holland ofzo? Trouwens vaag cafe, ze hebben niet eens orangina, fanta of sisi. Ben maar weer weggegaan...

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Op woensdag 25 april 2007 20:22 schreef Delicieux het volgende:
* in Amsterdam is de 30ste!

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Op donderdag 26 april 2007 01:56 schreef Bora-Bora het volgende:

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In "Le Port d'Amsterdam" of in de stad Amsterdam, bedoel je?