Sinterklaasgedichten die net niet te ver gaan

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Op zaterdag 25 november 2006 15:57 schreef -Sandstorm- het volgende:
Jij kan echt niet rijmen kopieermachine

Jouw rijmschema: ABCD EBCA DABB Ofzo.

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"Dear Sinterklaas:
I want this letter to serve as an oasis of sanity in Mrs. Aunt Toos's desert of foolishness. Although not without overlap and simplification, I plan to identify three primary positions on Toos's activities. I acknowledge that I have not accounted for all possible viewpoints within the parameters of these three positions. Nevertheless, if Toos thinks that she can make me adopt a new world-view, then she's barking up the wrong tree.

Since most people oppose Toos's deranged machinations, she has had to silence critical debate and squelch creative brainstorming using every insipid, gin-swilling means imaginable. Because it's now in fashion and touches everyone's heart, Toos's always talking about the welfare of our children. But that doesn't stop her from wanting to give expression to that which is most destructive and most harmful to society. Nor does it negate my claim that Toos's temperamental rodomontades leave the current power structure untouched while simultaneously killing countless children through starvation and disease. Are these children her enemies? My answer is, as always, a model of clarity and the soul of wit: I don't know. However, I do know that she says that newspapers should report only on items she agrees with. That is the most despicable lie I have ever heard in my entire life. How did Toos get so domineering? I have my theories, but they're only speculation. At any rate, she contends that she is the ultimate authority on what's right and what's wrong. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from?

This should be a chance to examine and bring problems to light, to share and join in understanding, but Toos's insinuations are not witty satire, as she would have you believe. They're simply the horny, myopic ramblings of someone who has no idea or appreciation of what she's mocking. Be forewarned: Many people are shocked when I tell them that it has been a long-standing observation of mine that rambunctious demagogism and Toos's hijinks are one and the same. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that we should act and act fast. But you knew that already. So let me add that Toos's bitter attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Toos, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that she uses the word "biblicopsychological" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated. According to Toos's distortions, distractions, and outright deceptions, Toos's perversions prevent smallpox. Fortunately, most of the people who are seriously interested in preserving our civilization know that the reality is that if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong.

You may be shocked to hear this, but Toos's power-hungry dream is starting to come true. Liberties are being killed by attrition. Factionalism is being installed by accretion. The only way that we can reverse these disreputable, mawkish trends is to raise uncivilized primates out of their cultural misery and lead them to the national community as a valuable, united factor. To be precise, her claim that she acts in the name of equality and social justice is factually unsupported and politically motivated. Toos wants nothing less than to reinforce the concept of collective guilt that is the root of all prejudice, hence her repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of her uncouth, odious ebullitions. In any case, someone has been giving her brain a very thorough washing, and now Toos is trying to do the same to us. Judging by the generally self-deceiving nature of her associates, I can see that we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what Toos does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why Toos's eccentricity is surpassed only by her vanity. And her vanity is surpassed only by her empty theorizing. (Remember her theory that she can put the prisoners in charge of running the prison and get away with it?)

Let's just ignore Toos and see what she does. She will probably never understand why she scares me so much. And Toos does scare me: Her intimations are scary, her fulminations are scary, and most of all, her criticisms of my letters have never successfully disproved a single fact I ever presented. Instead, Toos's criticisms are based solely on her emotions and gut reactions. Well, I refuse to get caught up in her "I think … I believe … I feel" game. It seems ironic that I must protest her use of Pecksniffian tin-pot tyrants to achieve her unctuous goals, given that she wants all of us to believe that two wrongs make a right. That's why she sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Toos and I disagree about our civic duties. I aver that we must do our utmost to free people from the fetters of insurrectionism's poisonous embrace as expeditiously as possible. Toos, on the other hand, believes that courtesy and manners don't count for anything.

It's obviously a tragedy that Toos's goal in life is apparently to eliminate those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny. Here, I use the word "tragedy" as the philosopher Whitehead used it. Whitehead stated that "the essence of dramatic tragedy is not unhappiness. It resides in the solemnity of the remorseless working of things," which I interpret as saying that Toos seems to have recently added the word "interparenthetically" to her otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose she intends to use big words like that to obscure the fact that her reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only capricious answers, selfish resolutions to conflicts. So maybe Toos's whole approach is obtuse. Big deal. What's more important is that many people have witnessed Toos transmogrify society's petty gripes and irrational fears into "issues" to be catered to. Toos generally insists that her witnesses are mistaken and blames her irritable morals on the most nugatory lumpenproletariats you'll ever see. It's like she has no-fault insurance against personal responsibility. What's more, Toos has a natural talent for complaining. She can find any aspect of life and whine about it for hours upon hours.

Toos's intent is to prevent us from asking questions. She doesn't want the details checked. She doesn't want anyone looking for any facts other than the official facts she presents to us. I wonder if this is because most of her "facts" are false. There are two related questions in this matter. The first is to what extent Toos has tried to harvest what others have sown. The other is whether or not I have never been in favor of being gratuitously featherbrained. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to break the spell of great expectations that now binds incomprehensible, gruesome ex-cons to Toos. She is reluctant to resolve problems. She always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that I once told her that she has a near-legendary lack of common sense, decency, and manners. How did she respond to that? She proceeded to curse me off using a number of colorful expletives not befitting this letter, which serves only to show that as that last sentence suggests, I can reword my point as follows. I must, on principle, name and shame Toos's brethren for their parasitic acts of commercialism.

The largest problem, however, is that Toos is more concerned with the social acceptability of an idea than with its truth or falsity. And I can say that with a clear conscience because Toos is completely mistaken if she believes that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. I've received a smattering of mail from people who want to know the real story behind her dictatorial disquisitions, so here it is: She will stop at nothing to demand that loyalty to amoral, headlong rotters supersedes personal loyalty. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, Toos's equivocations are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to freedom? Although I haven't yet been able to concoct an acceptable answer to that question, I can suggest a tentative hypothesis. My hypothesis is that some people are responsible and others are not. Toos falls into the category of "not". To use some computer terminology, Toos's cabal has an "installed base" of hundreds of what I call avaricious pseudo-intellectuals. The implication is that all Toos does is inspire effrontive harangues. I'll probably devote a separate letter to that topic alone, but for now, I'll simply summarize by stating that Toos says that there is an international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. But then she turns around and says that all literature which opposes cronyism was forged by treasonous used-car salesmen. You know, you can't have it both ways, Toos. What, then, does "parallelogrammatical" mean? It means considerably more than any dictionary is likely to say.

So we're supposed to give Toos permission to put our liberties at risk by an incontinent-to-the-core and insincere rush to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue and hope she's rational enough not to do so? How naive! I'm inclined to think that it takes more than a mass of appalling dipsomaniacs to empower the oppressed to control their own lives. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to help people see her xenophobic expostulations for what they are.

Ladies and gentlemen, in these days of political correctness and the changing of how history is taught in schools to fulfill a particular agenda, the gloss that Toos's comrades put on Toos's initiatives unfortunately does little to treat the disease, not the symptoms. By the same token, it's possible that Toos doesn't realize this because she has been ingrained with so much of communism's propaganda. If that's the case, I recommend that we test the assumptions that underlie her prophecies. Anyone who follows today's debates on propagandism and, by happenstance, is also familiar with Toos's hostile smears, is struck by that old truism: If Toos can give us all a succinct and infallible argument proving that the media should "create" news rather than report it, I will personally deliver her Nobel Prize for Namby-pamby Rhetoric. In the meantime, Toos is utterly versipellous. When she's among plebeians, Toos warms the cockles of their hearts by remonstrating against post-structuralism. But when Toos's safely surrounded by her secret agents, she instructs them to grant obtrusive bludgers the keys to the kingdom. That type of cunning two-sidedness tells us that we can divide Toos's jeremiads into three categories: politically incorrect, feral, and obdurate. Let me end by citing my standard hate-mail response form letter:

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. One question, though: Do you actually want Mrs. Aunt Toos to pass off all sorts of eccentric and obviously soulless stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience"? Because that's what'll happen if we don't listen to others"

Long-Text-Piet

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Op zaterdag 25 november 2006 16:17 schreef -Sandstorm- het volgende:
Beste Tante Toos,

Tante Toos, met je vatsige dijen
Hoe kon de buurman nou lekker met je vrijen ?
Niet gek dat Arie je in Februari heeft verlaten
S'avonds zal het wel hebben gestonken uit al je gaten

Maar guttegut, wat was je blij met je wagen
Had je het zelf niet aan oma durven vragen ?
Nee nee, zo kennen we je al jaren smerige trien
Ik hoop dat je sterft aan een SOA, of kanker misschien

Maar goed, die kilo's make-up op je porum zal ik maar overslaan
Daar is al menig sperma overheen gegaan
Ik laat U niet langer in spanning wachten
Hier is het cadeau, waarmee U zich sneller kan laten verkrachten

Groetjes,

Sint en Pieterman

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Op zaterdag 25 november 2006 12:56 schreef Sjibble het volgende:
Zie ginds komt een stoomboot uit spanje weer aan.
Hij drukt op een knopje en vliegt naar de maan
De maan was te glad, toen viel die in bad
De bad was te heet, toen liet ie een scheet
De scheet was te dik, toen knalde zijn pik (best kansloze eindzin maargoed )