ONZ Onzin voor je leven!
Vrolijkheid troef in dit lieve forum vol humor.
Drunken Language...
Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate
Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
Er was eens een hoer die een tatoeage langs haar benen had getatoeëerd. Op haar ene been had ze Zidane getatoeëerd en op haar andere been Beckham.
Dan komt er een Fransman langs. De vrouw zegt : Als jij weet wie deze twee voetballers zijn dan mag jij een keer gratis jeweetwellen. Zegt die Fransman :Ja, die ene weet ik wel, dat is Zidane. Maar die andere ken ik niet. De volgende dag komt er een Engelsman binnen en die zegt: Ja die ene ken ik wel, dat is Beckham, maar die andere ken ik niet.
De volgende dag komt er een Nederlander. Het hoertje vraagt opnieuw:als jij weet wie deze 2 zijn mag jij me gratis jeweetwellen. De man zegt : Die 2 buitenste ken ik niet, maar die middelste, dat is Michael Reiziger!
Dan komt er een Fransman langs. De vrouw zegt : Als jij weet wie deze twee voetballers zijn dan mag jij een keer gratis jeweetwellen. Zegt die Fransman :Ja, die ene weet ik wel, dat is Zidane. Maar die andere ken ik niet. De volgende dag komt er een Engelsman binnen en die zegt: Ja die ene ken ik wel, dat is Beckham, maar die andere ken ik niet.
De volgende dag komt er een Nederlander. Het hoertje vraagt opnieuw:als jij weet wie deze 2 zijn mag jij me gratis jeweetwellen. De man zegt : Die 2 buitenste ken ik niet, maar die middelste, dat is Michael Reiziger!
Op dinsdag 28 februari 2006 13:50 schreef Avery het volgende:
ik ben dan nieuw ik zie zo dat jij irritant ben jpg
PieAir
Ik denk altijd heel goed na voor ik iets stoms zeg...
ik ben dan nieuw ik zie zo dat jij irritant ben jpg
PieAir
Ik denk altijd heel goed na voor ik iets stoms zeg...
Real Or Not?!
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All Polar bears are left-handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish haven't got brains.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All Polar bears are left-handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish haven't got brains.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.
Ik vind em wel leukquote:Op woensdag 1 juni 2005 01:04 schreef freddygonzales het volgende:
Hoe heet het geile zusje van roodkapje?
Afzuigkapje
een hele moooie, de gemiddelde Fokker haakt af na een zin , gooi ik er even een platte tegenin. t rijmt ook nog.quote:Op zaterdag 1 september 2007 20:33 schreef Snakey het volgende:
Real Or Not?!
de gemiddelde Fokker haakt af na een zin , gooi ik er even een platte tegenin. t rijmt ook nog.Jip en Janneke
Jip en Janneke hebben een boom in de tuin staan.
Zegt Jip tegen Janneke : Als jij in de boom klimt krijg je €50,-
De volgende dag zegt Jip hetzelfde tegen Janneke : Als je in de boom klimt krijg je €50,-.
Janneke rent naar om en zegt oma ik heb €100,- euro van Jip gekregen omdat ik in de boom geklommen ben.
Oma zegt : maar janneke snap je het niet dat doet hij alleen omdat hij je onderbroek wil zien.
De volgende dag klimt Janneke weer in de boom en krijgt weer €50,-.
Ze rent weer naar oma en zegt oma ik heb weer €50,- van Jip gekregen.
Zegt oma weer : Dat doet hij alleen om je omdat hij je onderbroek wil zien. Waarop Janneke antwoord : maar deze keer had ik geen onderbroek aan.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
De Puta Madre
Moet ik nu gaan vertellen welke waar zijn en welke niet? .quote:Op zaterdag 1 september 2007 20:33 schreef Snakey het volgende:
Real Or Not?!
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All Polar bears are left-handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
I am. is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn white.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the '30s lobbied against hemp farmers, they saw it as competition.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Starfish haven't got brains.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."
The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
The sentence, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the English language.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.
I'm super sonic man
Do you wanna buy a rocket
Do you wanna buy a rocket
ik ben super-benieuwd!quote:Op maandag 3 september 2007 08:11 schreef Queen_Bee het volgende:
[..]
Moet ik nu gaan vertellen welke waar zijn en welke niet? .
ik ben super-benieuwd!
Op dinsdag 28 februari 2006 13:50 schreef Avery het volgende:
ik ben dan nieuw ik zie zo dat jij irritant ben jpg
PieAir
Ik denk altijd heel goed na voor ik iets stoms zeg...
ik ben dan nieuw ik zie zo dat jij irritant ben jpg
PieAir
Ik denk altijd heel goed na voor ik iets stoms zeg...
Sisters of Mercy...
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.
quote:
Zijn in ider geval niet waar, geen zin om de rest nu bij langs te gaan.quote:Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure
The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.
I liked it. I was good at it. It made me feel alive.
1st Day Cab Driver...
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral Van for the last 25 years."
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral Van for the last 25 years."
Met een string in je spleet
zie je veel
en toch geen reet.
zie je veel
en toch geen reet.
Zwaar werk is lekker, hoef ik niet meer naar de sportschool.
Komen 2 mannen uit een cafe, de een heeft een bochel en de andere een houten poot. Ze lopen samen een stukje op weg tot de man met de bochel zegt:"Ik ga via het kerkhof dat scheelt 10 minuten lopen!!" De man met de houten poot kijkt hem verschrikt aan en zegt: "Ik ga echt niet via het kerkhof!! Ze zeggen dat het daar spookt!! De man met de bochel lacht hem uit en loopt het kerkhof op. Na een tijdje ziet hij een witte schim boven een grafsteen hangen, De schim vraagt hem naderbij te komen en wanneer de man bij hem staat zegt de schim:"Mijn zoon, wat heb je daar op je rug?" "Een bochel" zegt de man. "Geef die bochel maar aan mij" Zegt de schim. De man voelt aan zijn rug en tot zijn verbazing is de bochel weg!!
De volgende avond ontmoeten de beide mannen elkaar weer in de kroeg en de man met de houten poot vraagt aan de man nu zonder bochel: "Hey waar is je bochel gebleven?" De man zonder bochel verteld het verhaal en de man met de houten poot besluit maar eens op het kerkhof te gaan kijken. Op het kerkhof ziet hij ook de schim. Hij loopt er opaf en de schim vraagt" Mijn zoon, wat heb je daar op je rug?" Waarop de man antowoord: "eh niks, hoezo?" "Hier" zegt de schim "heb je een bochel"
De volgende avond ontmoeten de beide mannen elkaar weer in de kroeg en de man met de houten poot vraagt aan de man nu zonder bochel: "Hey waar is je bochel gebleven?" De man zonder bochel verteld het verhaal en de man met de houten poot besluit maar eens op het kerkhof te gaan kijken. Op het kerkhof ziet hij ook de schim. Hij loopt er opaf en de schim vraagt" Mijn zoon, wat heb je daar op je rug?" Waarop de man antowoord: "eh niks, hoezo?" "Hier" zegt de schim "heb je een bochel"
Komt tijd komt Grolsch
waarom al die flauwe copy/paste grappen in het engels
Vergeef mij de spelfouten, maar ik fok op een mobieltje
Funny Puns...quote:Op vrijdag 14 september 2007 16:47 schreef gebruikersnaam het volgende:
waarom al die flauwe copy/paste grappen in het engels
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
True, geen meerwaarde en het is niet eens grappig.quote:Op vrijdag 14 september 2007 16:47 schreef gebruikersnaam het volgende:
waarom al die flauwe copy/paste grappen in het engels
Ontopic:
In zoeen leeg cafe stapt een aap naar binnen. Hij gaat aan de bar zitten en besteld een biertje. De barkeeper denktzo van, ik kan wel wat verdienen aan die aap, het cafe liep toch al slecht. Hij brengt het biertje en zegt: dat is dan 20 euro. De aap trekt ergens uit z'n vacht een briefje van 20. Vervolgens bestelt de aap nog een pilsje en de barkeeper zegt: dat is weer 20 euro. Zo gaat dat een tijdje door tot de aap 5 biertjes heeft gedronken. De barkeeper wil nu toch wel eens een praatje met de aap maken. Hij stapt op hem toe en zegt: dat gebeurt niet vaak, dat een aap in dit cafe komt. Nee zegt de aap, vind je het gek als je 20 euro voor een biertje moet betalen!
D'r waren zo twee dominee's, die gingen in een schoolklas wat vertellen en ze hadden het over tragedies. Op een gegeven moment vroegen ze aan de klas of iemand misschien een voorbeeld had van een tragedie.
Kleine Pietje steekt zijn vingertje op, en dominee Karels zegt 'Ja, zeg het eens.' 'Nou,'zegt Pietje, 'Ik heb een vriend, en die woont op de boerderij, en als die nou onder de tractor kwam. Dat is wel een tragedie.' 'Nou,' zegt die dominee Pietersen,' dat is eigenlijk meer een ongeluk. Heeft iemand anders misschien een ander voorbeeld.'
Kleine Marietje stak haar vinger op. 'Als nou een schoolbus vol met schoolkinderen een ravijn in rijdt. En iedereen is dood, dat is wel een tragiede.' 'Ja, ja zit in de buurt, maar da's meer een groot verlies. Nog iemand?'
Het blijft even stil totdat Jan, achterin de klas zijn vinger omhoog steekt. 'Stel nou dat dominee Pietersen en dominee Karels in een vliegtuig zaten, en dat vliegtuig explodeert.' 'Ja, precies! En kun je ook uitleggen waaom?'
'Nou, een groot verlies is het niet, en een ongeluk zal het ook wel niet geweest zijn!'
Kleine Pietje steekt zijn vingertje op, en dominee Karels zegt 'Ja, zeg het eens.' 'Nou,'zegt Pietje, 'Ik heb een vriend, en die woont op de boerderij, en als die nou onder de tractor kwam. Dat is wel een tragedie.' 'Nou,' zegt die dominee Pietersen,' dat is eigenlijk meer een ongeluk. Heeft iemand anders misschien een ander voorbeeld.'
Kleine Marietje stak haar vinger op. 'Als nou een schoolbus vol met schoolkinderen een ravijn in rijdt. En iedereen is dood, dat is wel een tragiede.' 'Ja, ja zit in de buurt, maar da's meer een groot verlies. Nog iemand?'
Het blijft even stil totdat Jan, achterin de klas zijn vinger omhoog steekt. 'Stel nou dat dominee Pietersen en dominee Karels in een vliegtuig zaten, en dat vliegtuig explodeert.' 'Ja, precies! En kun je ook uitleggen waaom?'
'Nou, een groot verlies is het niet, en een ongeluk zal het ook wel niet geweest zijn!'
Ik zit van de week in de bus, zit er een vrouw tegenover me. Vreselijk zenuwachtig, te zuchten, met haar handen te friemelen, enorm. Ik vraag aan haar: "ben je zenuwachtig?".
"Ja" zegt de vrouw, "ik moet straks examen doen".
"Wat voor examen?" vraag ik.
Waarop ze antwoord: "examen voor prostituee".
"Dat kan toch nooit zo moeilijk zijn?" zeg ik.
Waarop zij zegt: "nou dat moet je niet zeggen hoor, mijn vriendin heeft zich vorige week nog in het mondeling verslikt".
"Ja" zegt de vrouw, "ik moet straks examen doen".
"Wat voor examen?" vraag ik.
Waarop ze antwoord: "examen voor prostituee".
"Dat kan toch nooit zo moeilijk zijn?" zeg ik.
Waarop zij zegt: "nou dat moet je niet zeggen hoor, mijn vriendin heeft zich vorige week nog in het mondeling verslikt".
Op maandag 19 februari 2007 15:27 schreef Mister_Monkeyman het volgende:
OoooOOoh, the bitch is back! Ga kinderen baren en schoonmaken.
OoooOOoh, the bitch is back! Ga kinderen baren en schoonmaken.
quote:Op vrijdag 14 september 2007 20:05 schreef Snakey het volgende:
[..]
Funny Puns...
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Zitten leuke jokes tussen _!~
Op woensdag 30 juni 2010 20:32 schreef afcajos het volgende:
Verrassend. Een topic over het regelen van te jonge smatjes en C_N en Lakitu zijn er als de kippen bij.
Verrassend. Een topic over het regelen van te jonge smatjes en C_N en Lakitu zijn er als de kippen bij.
quote:Op vrijdag 14 september 2007 20:05 schreef Snakey het volgende:
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Ik heb Hem niet uit vrees voor de hel noch uit liefde voor het paradijs gediend, want dan zou ik als de slechte huurling zijn geweest; ik heb hem veeleer gediend in liefde tot Hem en in verlangen naar Hem.
-Rabia Al-Basri
-Rabia Al-Basri
Wat is de overeenkomst tussen een tweeling en een massagraf...
SPOILEROm spoilers te kunnen lezen moet je zijn ingelogd. Je moet je daarvoor eerst gratis Registreren. Ook kun je spoilers niet lezen als je een ban hebt.
| Forum Opties | |
|---|---|
| Forumhop: | |
| Hop naar: | |