Quote *hier* grappige verhaaltjes van bash.org

* Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
- Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something.

quote:

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<doobie> where do you sickos get these fucking links
<doobie> i mean seroiusly, do you type in
<doobie> horribly disfigured penis into google?
<Diablo> no
<Diablo> actually i was searching for penises in mouse traps

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quote:

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* KiLLerMiK has joined #tonyhawksproskater
<KiLLerMiK> are we talking about tony hawk?
<bens0nio> mmm wendy's bacon cheeseburger
<KiLLerMiK> best combo?
<bens0nio> best combo is #2

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quote:

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:36 schreef klnvntrbyt het volgende:
<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK

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al eens op een andere plek een zooi verzameld :

http://www.bash.org/?latest

quote:

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<Diamond> But what's truly awesome is my new Radeon 9500 Pro.
<tidalblaze> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
<Diamond> That I will treat as if it were my first-born child.
<tidalblaze> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
<Diamond> ...Apparently when I have kids I'm going to stick them inside a small aluminum box.
<Diamond> And have them process numbers for me all day.
<Diamond> So I can watch porn.

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<WrmSlayer> The AI in the matrix got it all wrong
<WrmSlayer> they should have just used cows instead of humans
<WrmSlayer> no chance of rebelion
<Reverend> yeah
<Reverend> stupid AI
<WrmSlayer> and the mootrix would have just been a big sunny infinite field of grass

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<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

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<Bizznatch> my dick is 3 inches long
<chris> thats small.
<DrunkenMaster> sad
<Bizznatch> yus
<deathazre> chris: not for a 3 year old
<Bizznatch> death
<chris> ...
<Bizznatch> so you look at 3 year old\'s cocks every once in a while
<chris>
* deathazre has quit IRC (Quit: )
<Bizznatch> THE TRUTH HURTS
<Bizznatch> ...
<Bizznatch>
<incubus_chick> o.O

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quote:

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<Kokanshu> does anyone else have the urge to call the operators up and say 'I NEED AN EXIT, FAST!'

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<Yuri> heh damn man
<Yuri> 93.1mb
<Yuri> this is the mightiest log i\'ve ever posessed
<xerDM> heheh
<Yuri> this is a sociology report waiting to happen
<Yuri> heh
<xerDM> hehe
<Yuri> and excellent fodder for legal lawsuits from assorted companies wanting to protect their intellectual property...
* Yuri find/replace warez|iso|bin|nrg|ccd/fluffy bunnies
<Dorn> aha
<xerDM> haha
<Yuri> \"wow these guys LOVE bunnies!\"
<Yuri> \"yeah they share em too!\"
<Dorn> course
<Yuri> \"over the INTERNET! to FTPS!\"
<Yuri> \"aww bunny videos!\"
<Yuri> hot rodent on rodent action
<Dorn> you\'d get stuff like \"Man sitting on that desert island sure made me feel fluffy bunnieslated\"
<Dorn> :E

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<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

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<Big_Mike> Science teachers are either really good or complete nutcases.
<DS> sometimes both.
<CurvyEm> I'm actually topless now, i couldn't be arsed to wear a top anymore
<DS> it is a fine line.
<DS> Well, that was a nice random interjection into a completely random conversation.

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<m[e]ntor> Does anyone know where I can buy 100 m of wireless lan cable?
<insight> Well, you could try NASA's "things not yet and never will be invented"-department or something

---

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<Shempo> ...do I have to set the drive to like...master..slave..blahblahblahb...o.O
<ShadowRage> slave
<ShadowRage> look at the jumpers on it
<ShadowRage> there will either be an M or an S, or just mater or slave
<ShadowRage> pop the jumpter on slave
<ShadowRage> jumper*
<ShadowRage> if it's the primary hd, then master
<Shempo> Well...Rawr..
<Shempo> I plugged the bitch im
<Shempo> in8
<Shempo> in*
<Shempo> it rawred at me
<Shempo> CLIIIKC CLICKCLIIICCK
<Shempo> ..now what?
<ShadowRage> access the bios
<ShadowRage> (either escape, f1 or delete when your computer first powers on)
<Shempo> yea..
<Shempo> and?
<ShadowRage> what kinda BIOS do you have?
<Shempo> dunno
<ShadowRage> this is on an older machine?
<Shempo> 1 year
<ShadowRage> hmmm
<ShadowRage> ok, are you in the bios?
<Shempo> ..no
<Shempo> That'd require restarting.
<ShadowRage> ... you added this HD with the computer on?!
<Shempo> >.>
<Shempo> <.<
<Shempo>
<ShadowRage> ..on your current machine?
<ShadowRage> right now?
<Shempo> o.o
<ShadowRage> .....................................................
<Shempo> Run?
<ShadowRage> lowkey: give me the learnin' stick.
<Shempo> ...
<Shempo>
<Shempo> The 2x4?
* ShadowRage smacks Shempo with a 2 by 4
<Shempo>
<Shempo> Yea...dumb mistake..
<ShadowRage> ....you seriously plugged it in with the machine ON?!
<Shempo> Possibly harmful?
<ShadowRage> ......
<ShadowRage> yes
<ShadowRage> very
<Shempo> o.o
<ShadowRage> ..it's a surprise your computer didnt explode and kill you in the process.

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<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

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<Sopabuena> I will name my children after my testicles
<Sopabuena> Left and Right
<GreenJeanz> .........
<Mort> I don't think 'small' and 'smaller' are very good names.

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< LittleJon> heh.... Kim just asked me what "bukkake" is.... so I told
her to type the word in Google & hit "I'm feeling lucky."
< Lord_Pryo> lol!
< LittleJon> ....and she did it on Tixer's computer.
* Slide rofl!
< Lord_Pryo>
< Lord_Pryo> please tell me Tixer was there
< LittleJon> he came in towards the end, and said, "I'm gonna get in
trouble!"

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too_much_prozak: ooowee girl you sho-nuff is hot stuff..c'mon over my house an sit on my face
eye_doan_know: Where you live big man? I'll think about it.
too_much_prozak: I'm in san diego..where U?
eye_doan_know: dont that beat all ...I'm in diego too
too_much_prozak: ...NO!...yer joshin.....for real?
eye_doan_know: real deal big guy.......you wanna hook up tonite?
too_much_prozak: sounds like a plan....your place? my place? or??
too_much_prozak: no..wait cant be my place...my g'friend is here.
eye_doan_know: cant be my place either...my boyfriend is downstairs.
too_much_prozak: ...what a co-ink-ee-dink my girlfriend is upstairs...........uh-oh-
too_much_prozak left the room

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<preda> hehe my penis slowly rolling off my desk and when it falls off its going to hit my cat
<preda> err pen is

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<arturo> so i shouldn't knock watching gay sex in a fish tank till ive tried it?

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<Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
<Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
<Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
<Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
<Ich> and I actually laughed out loud

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<KyleYankan> I got CD-RW mini-dicks

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<dsbnh|VC> saw chocolate boxer shorts yesterday
<dsbnh|VC> first thing that hit me was "may contain nuts"

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<[Knob]> So anyway, I was in this pub yesterday night, and there was music playing. So my friend suddenly says to me "This is good music to jerk off to" I'm like "What the fuck?" and he goes "Yeah, doesn't everyone have a song that they jerk off to?" - And while he said that, the music was turned off and he screamed it throughout the entire pub. Everyone was looking mighty strange at me...

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[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door Knut op 13-08-2003 01:43]

code:

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 <tag> Ouroboros: lets play Pong
 <Ouroboros> Ok.
 <tag> |    .
 <Ouroboros> .    |
 <tag> |  .
 <Ouroboros>    . |
 <tag> | .
 <Ouroboros>      | .
 <Ouroboros> Whoops

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:36 schreef klnvntrbyt het volgende:
<ohm> damn
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> DAMN
<ohm> i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
<ohm> FUCK
<ohm> i go like this to her
<ohm> "i want to suck on your clit"
<ohm> FUCK

---

quote:

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:39 schreef Knut het volgende:
lay-out verneukende tekst

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<DigiGnome> Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome> I need my socks.

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:40 schreef Xebrozius het volgende:

[..]

Dooddoener.

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|
V

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<scirDSL> I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:46 schreef klnvntrbyt het volgende:
<studdud> what the fuck is wtf

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Ja dus.

Voor de nerds: Leuke chatlogs :)Deel 1

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:47 schreef MaartenGrendel het volgende:
Erg amusante site inderdaad...maar was daar niet al een topic over?

Ja dus.

Voor de nerds: Leuke chatlogs :)Deel 1

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och ja...

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<Alcaron> You should set yourself up a webcam. I don't know why, but I get this feeling we'll catch you doing something stupid.
<Longi> Alcaron: thats exactly the reason i wont set one up, the high probablity of me doing someone extremely embarassing
<Longi> err?
<Longi> THING
<Longi> someTHING!

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<NES> lol
<NES> I download something from Napster
<NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
<NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
<NES> "getting my song back fucker"

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Op woensdag 13 augustus 2003 01:46 schreef Tessje het volgende:

[..]

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<TheHood> yea, 2nd best team in baseball what motha fukaz
<TheHood> ws champs what motha fuckaz
<TheHood> yea
<TheHood> yea
<TheHood> wha
*** TheHood has left #baseball
* Legalize- takes off his bulletproof vest
<Legalize-> i feel so much safer now.
<Legalize-> damn irc.

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bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 chicken of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
--------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

---

<MisterQ> I found a way you can call people for free while on the internet
<shilantra> oh really
<Republica> It's called "Your Neighbor's Phone"

quote:

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*** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood)

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<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a concentration camp......!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck

#2456 +(747)- [X]

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

<Spekkosaurus> C: drive looks happier than D: drive

#85935 +(132)- [X]

BobbyC> I mean, I wouldn't be attracted to them if they weren't my friends moms.
BobbyC> But there's something about, "Here kids, have a snack..." you know?
BobbyC> Is ANYONE with me on this?

#21784 +(31)- [X]

<user> uhhh.
<IJ> Hi.
<user> hi. I'm still having problems with the akick.
<IJ> On which channel?
<user> I was opped, then I got disconnected, and now my ghost just permbanned me.

quote:

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t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG BTICH
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT FAG
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

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quote:

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<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

---

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door J-Will op 13-08-2003 12:00]

<poke> i'm not afraid of flying.
<poke> i'm afraid of being 35,000 feet in the air and suddenly *not* flying.

#85402 +(42)- [X]

<enid> laz. sounds like you just need to get sex.
<enid> hold on, i'll scan my tits for you.
<^Laz> yeah... theres been a serious lack of that lately for me
<^Laz> lately being the last 20 years

#32381 +(163)- [X]

<qurve> She's all like "We're in a relationship, you can't go around having
sex with people"
<qurve> Then we get into this huge debate about what defines 'people'

#1104 +(73)- [X]

<var> 40 ping dont mean shit if it jerks and stops like a fucking epileptic in a strobe light

#41331 +(58)- [X]

<dunn> why am i sometimes online, and sometimes not online
<uno> are you getting philosophical on us dunn?

#6759 +(37)- [X]

<Superf0Rk> you're cute.. i'd do you
<Superf0Rk> i'd do my bed if it had a hole in it too but anyways..

#30268 +(29)- [X]

<Mougly> you cant fire me...slaves have to be sold!

#5300 +(3400)- [X]

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

#62230 +(29)- [X]

<Vang> Hmm, he's suddenly awfully quiet.
<Paul> its tough typing with 1 hand.
<Paul> quote me on that and die, pigs.

#35307 +(7)- [X]

<Night> bitches fall for everything.
<CptPlanet> i know. dumb sluts.
<Night> it's genetic that they are cuter and stupider.
<CptPlanet> yeah. it's because cute smart chicks don't like to fuck, and dumb ugly chicks don't get hit on.
<CptPlanet> natural selection.

#2839 +(97)- [X]

<drBoston> DGMage : asl
<DGMage> You seriously need a new pickup line.
<drBoston> never
<drBoston> you don't fuck with perfection

#53179 +(207)- [X]

<@TheRef>My girlfriend caught me sleep-wanking last night
<hoochy>lol, typo. i'm a post that to bash
<@TheRef>Dude, that wasn't a typo.

#81959 +(96)- [X]

<Teratogen> The French Government announced today that it is enforcing a ban on the use of fireworks at Disneyland Paris. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists .

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door oheng op 13-08-2003 12:52]

quote:

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<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

---

<jomamaugly14> i cant get on irc!@!!!
<jomamaugly14> im banned
<Xenon> you *are* on irc !!!

<RikI> Havent had sex in sooooooo long
<RikI> It's gotten to the point where i masturbate thinking of other times i masturbated.
<Vorm> ...

#139697 +(757)- [X]

<frank> can you help me install GTA3?
<knightmare> first, shut down all programs you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
<knightmare> ...

#141222 +(174)- [X]

* deflux- has joined #bondage
<deflux-> I've got ducttape, some pliers and watermelon. Let's do this thing.

quote:

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<Nash> YES&#8230;they caught the bastard who made the blaster virus
<Nash> looks like he will be getting 10 yrs max in prison
<DDR4life> serves him right
<DROSS> Someone is soon going to discover how strangely painful the shower hour in prison is
<FiringSquad> He&#8217;ll probably catch a different type of virus in prison
<LexiusTheGenuis> poor kids virginity is going to the recycle bin
<Sczoyd> cellmates will probably be giving him some rather large uploads
<Antibig> theyll be installing some new hardware in his rectum
<FiringSquad> looks like his unprotected port is going to be probed
<Sczoyd> I hope he doesnt mind other men using his hard drive
<JSP> a roll like him is going to get rolled a lot
<Sczoyd> his prison mates are going to have a lot of fun with their new laptop
<ShinKurro> someone will find out a new way to spread viruses
<Nash> okay, that wasn&#8217;t really called for.

---

<`sILVeR_> zijn er nog mensen geil hier?
<seQ`> <-
<PX_> <-
<epoxje> <-
<cer`w0rk> <-
<chellee> <-
<epoxje> lol pc gaf alarm bel.. highlight met sound
<PX_> goed, dit laat wel erg zien hoe desperate #DD is...
<DP> ow
<DP> <-

------------------

<Doc> hmm.. IE crashed
<Doc> but i suppose it was my fault... after all, i did press teh "Back" button
<Doc> what was i thinking...
<cactoid> you madman
<Tippytoes> risktaker
<Doc> i like to live on the edge

--------------------

<D3adlode> I was a mistake you jackass
<Quasar> We all got birth certificates, d3 got an apology letter from durex

------------------

@bicky) ik moet nog de rest van Friends leechen
(@bicky) I give pron in return
(+ment`) lol pervert
(@bicky) ik word liever verzamelaar genoemd

-----------------

<@_DP> aan die tuningmeetings kan ik ook nix leuks aan vinden
<@_DP> lekker met ze allen op iemand motorkap rukken ofzo
<@_DP> "mooiiiee uitlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat"

----------------

<dRC> Qwanta!!!!
<Qwanta> D!!!!!!!!
<Qwanta>
<Qwanta> wauzer
<Qwanta> wazaaa
<dRC> net gesmoked
<dRC> zit ijsje te eten
<Qwanta> heheh
<Qwanta> en lekker dat die is
<dRC> ja heus
<Qwanta> de ene lik nog lekkerder dan de andere
<dRC> hehe
<dRC> ga door
<Qwanta> en dan ineens zegt je hoofd
<Qwanta> "Alles"
<Qwanta> en HAP
<Qwanta> daar gaat die
<dRC> LOL
<dRC> ROFL

<@Oedipus> Hoe chit.
<@Oedipus> Another winning porno idea.
<@Oedipus> "The Crying Game"
<@Oedipus> We get some poor dude to come and do it with some chick.
<@Oedipus> When everything is getting all sexy and intimate they get naked.
<@Oedipus> BAM!
<@Oedipus> Shemale willy!

Er staat ook een hele grove tussen .

quote:

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<cooksii> incest is at least something the whole family can do.

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quote:

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<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns

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<|NEO|> and she was sucking it so hard the sheets were going up my ass

quote:

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Op woensdag 26 november 2003 21:29 schreef schatje het volgende:
#178383 +(112)- [X]

<|NEO|> and she was sucking it so hard the sheets were going up my ass

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quote:

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Op woensdag 26 november 2003 21:29 schreef schatje het volgende:
#178383 +(112)- [X]

<|NEO|> and she was sucking it so hard the sheets were going up my ass

---

#205825 +(64)- [X]
* Quits: Serge (Connection reset by peer)
* Joins: Abe
<Locke|Away> Have you considred sacrificing a pig to appease the evil spirits plaguing your internet connection, Serge? Western medicine seems to have failed you.
<Abe> well, right now it all comes down to the network engineer's bad back. if he hadn't hurt his back, he would have fixed it by now; as it is, he's off until monday
<Locke|Away> Well, have you considered sacrificing a pig for his back? An evil dab may have followed him home from work. It might be eating his marrow.
<Locke|Away> Look, I'm hungry and I want some fucking bacon. Just kill a pig already.

#205595 +(64)- [X]
<The`Artful`Dodger> My fucking physics teacher has a spongebob squarepants poster in his class :|
<The`Artful`Dodger> It says "E = MC Squaredpants"

#205408 +(608)- [X]
<malaclypse> The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"

#204432 +(316)- [X]
<Ruth> hmmm first thing to do when one gets home is .... check spam for emails

#204248 +(901)- [X]
< tcowher> personally I'm annoyed that they can get 11KBps from mars but can't get me a stable 5KBps over 17 miles.

#203786 +(268)- [X]
< DiEsElBoY-DnB> i gotta a pretty hot woman, she cooks and cleans for me too
<@Scruffypoo> DiEsElBoY-DnB: and every night you kiss her before she tucks you in, cause you love your mommy

#203288 +(379)- [X]
<shortyz> call your isp
<shortyz> god help whoever has to help your sorry ass
<bette> how do i call internet explorer?

<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world...

#219761 +(92)- [X]
<Tremolo> They tried to shove Christianity down my throat
<Zenith> That's not where you're supposed to *shove* Christianity! Look at the priests! They know what they're doing.

#219349 +(435)- [X]
<myliw0rk> There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
<myliw0rk> This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

#219186 +(264)- [X]
* Ardham refuses to put flamable objects in close proximity to his manhood.... though it may have prevented the 3 kids he has now.
<Tierrie_> Its not too late to put flamable objects near your kids

#218577 +(184)- [X]
<dngnand> Never tell your hairdresser "Make me look like a porn star!"
<nick> espeically without specifying what gender or what decade

#218267 +(213)- [X]
<@Majistic> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 39 is:
<@Majistic> (Geography) What is the basic unit of currency for Syria ?
<MEBKlaymen> children
<evol> women

218099 +(68)- [X]
[+Silus]: is there anywhere you can fix graphics cards ? Pm me plz
[@foulkesaway]: what u mean 'fix'
[@madmk]: like.. he snapped it in-half and needs some special graphics-card glue

[Dit bericht is gewijzigd door oheng op 16-02-2004 03:42]

quote:

Op maandag 29 maart 2004 17:56 schreef L.Denninger het volgende:
Zucht, kom op, laten we een quote-site gaan quoten !

zal ik dan maar een topic openen waarin we weer gaan quoten uit dit topic..?

quote:

<Th3No0b> Im going to be the next hitler
<Th3No0b> Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
<RageAgainsttheAmish> why the clown
<Th3No0b> See? no one cares about the jews
<RageAgainsttheAmish> lmao

quote:

#9041 +(264)- [X]

<phatmike> i want hard boiled eggs
<phatmike> why is that?
<Dayv> Your body is craving extra fat and protein.
<Dayv> Obviously, you are preparing for mitosis.

quote:

Op zaterdag 3 april 2004 15:47 schreef Etcetera het volgende:
#4753 +(4623)- [X]

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

#23601 +(3519)- [X]

<mage> what should I give sister for unzipping?
<Kevyn> Um. Ten bucks?
<mage> no I mean like, WinZip?


#15641 +(2727)- [X]

<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?!

quote:

Op woensdag 14 april 2004 11:48 schreef Da hopman het volgende:
#244321 +(2831)- [X]

<Cthon98> hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
<Cthon98> ********* see!
<AzureDiamond> hunter2
<AzureDiamond> doesnt look like stars to me
<Cthon98> <AzureDiamond> *******
<Cthon98> thats what I see
<AzureDiamond> oh, really?
<Cthon98> Absolutely
<AzureDiamond> you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
<AzureDiamond> haha, does that look funny to you?
<Cthon98> lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
<Cthon98> yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
<AzureDiamond> awesome!
<AzureDiamond> wait, how do you know my pw?
<Cthon98> er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
<AzureDiamond> oh, ok.

quote:

Op zaterdag 3 april 2004 15:18 schreef oheng het volgende:
Zo laag als deze hieronder heb ik ze nog niet gezien op Bash

#261931 +(1240)- [X]
Phoenix> Dude, wanna hear a fucked up story?
Phoenix> So, Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night.
Phoenix> Anyway I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed.
Phoenix> So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life.
Phoenix> All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a litte. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
Phoenix> I wake up to piss and I find myself covered in shit. It was all over the bed,sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world.
Phoenix> She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.
Phoenix> I get dressed and leave... This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.

#262314 +(673)- [X]
<paRaLyX> what's long, hard and fucked two girls from my science class last week?
<Slax0r> omg...
<qwog> you didn't!
<paRaLyX> the mid-term physics exam

#262353 +(1368)- [X]
<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard

#262417 +(1310)- [X]
<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

#263967 +(525)- [X]
<mcsim02> you know...one day the word pron is actually going to replace the word porn for good...and then in the year 2055 some internet geek is gonna think hes really funny by calling it 'porn' instead of 'pron'...and it will be a horrible horrible cycle

quote:

#2456 +(1547)- [X]

<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free

#177638 +(1434)- [X]

<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest>
<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'

#50891 +(1434)- [X]

<Eticam> I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
<Eticam> And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
<Eticam> When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
<Eticam> Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
<Eticam> The girl started crying and left class ^^
#217425 +(1393)- [X]

<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12‹61912›)

#245718 +(1391)- [X]

<+mOrphz> damn it :/
<@Lego> damn it :/
<+mOrphz> stop that
<@Lego> stop that
<+mOrphz>
<@Lego>
<+mOrphz> Lego smells
<@Lego> Lego smells
<+mOrphz> /quit
quit: (Lego) (~leet@apex|Lego.user.gamesnet) (Quit)

#1443 +(1373)- [X]

<Graeme> yeah, don't be nasty. my grandad died in a concentration camp......!
<Graeme> he fell out a guard tower. broke his neck

quote:

#257878 +(278)- [X]

<drag0n> Subject: threat level raised
<drag0n> Due to explosives that were found under a rail bed in France, the Chirac government has raised the threat level in France to the second highest level. The President of France announced that as of 10:00 a.m., the threat level will officially go from "run" to "hide."

#167054 +(220)- [X]

(@[e]space) going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion


#72891 +(243)- [X]

<VodkaV> lol, french tanks have six gears, 5 reverse, and one forward in case they are ever attacked from behind

#10203 +(223)- [X]

<DIguana> Canada: Home of the largest French population never to surrender to Germany.

#10626 +(560)- [X]

<CompuMan> The tragedy of Canada is they could have had British culture, French cooking, and American technology, but instead they got American culture, British cooking, and French technology.

#16760 +(262)- [X]

<theTrick> Canada volunteered 10 Battleships, 4 Jet Fighters, and 200 Soldiers to the U.S. anti-terrorism cause, after the exchange rate, that came up to 4 canoes, 2 flying squirrels and 3 canadian mounties

quote:

Op woensdag 28 april 2004 12:19 schreef deliberator het volgende:
#287414 +(475)- [X]

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

quote:

<Stormrider> I should bomb something
<Stormrider> ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider> Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann> I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI> We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

quote:

<MercyBeat> For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
<MercyBeat> 1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
<MercyBeat> 2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
<MercyBeat> 3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
<MercyBeat> 4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
<MercyBeat> 5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
<MercyBeat> 6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
<MercyBeat> 7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
<MercyBeat> 8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
<MercyBeat> 9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
<MercyBeat> 10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
<MercyBeat> 11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
<MercyBeat> 12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
<MercyBeat> 13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
<MercyBeat> 14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
<MercyBeat> 15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
<MercyBeat> 16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
<MercyBeat> 17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
<MercyBeat> 18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
<MercyBeat> 19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
<MercyBeat> 20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

quote:

<Jakosin> what is a .tar
<Rivicen> its used to patch .road files

quote:

<@Methical> did anyone else hear about the new dual-proc board for low-end AMD processors? it's optimized for playing 80's mp3's.
<@Methical> They call it the Duron-Duron.

quote:

[Turtle] hmm
[Turtle] ctfmon.exe
[Turtle] no jamacians capturing any flags on my computer that i know of

quote:

<Evil Steve> Theres an advert in MSN Messenger: "Buy your winning lottery ticket here"
<Evil Steve> I reckon thats false advertising
<Evil Steve> I should buy one then sue them when I loose
<AnonymousPosterChild> I can represent you in court
<AnonymousPosterChild> I got my law degree online

quote:

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

quote:

Op dinsdag 18 mei 2004 01:47 schreef bolivian het volgende:

[..]

Mother of all quotes!

*snif

quote:

<TheShadowHunter> I wish I wore an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> itd give me that air of mystery that the ladies find irresistible
<Saria> Ahahaha
<Saria> Wtf
<Saria> Yeah, eyepatches totally up teh sekz0r fact0r
<TheShadowHunter> psssh you say that now
<TheShadowHunter> but wait till youre milling around at a party
<TheShadowHunter> and all of a sudden the doors open and I walk in wearing a tux and an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> and people gasp
<TheShadowHunter> and an uncomfortable buzz fills the room as people try to return to their former joviality
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost that eye defending an orphanage from a killer!"
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost it deep in the amazon!"
<TheShadowHunter> "Hes so mysterious!"
<TheShadowHunter> "So sexy!"
<TheShadowHunter> and all the ladies would want me
<TheShadowHunter> till I tell them I was running with silverware and stabbed myself in the eye with a fork

quote:

(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.

quote:

<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany.

quote:

ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel?
ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him.
ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel.
ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a steam roller.

quote:

Op maandag 28 juni 2004 01:47 schreef Freeloader het volgende:
<Jeedo> hey baby, whats up?
<Indidge> umm....nothing?
<Jeedo> So....want me to like come over today so we can fuck?
<Indidge> Wait....did you want to speak to my daughter?
<Jeedo> Yes Mrs.Miller.. :-/

quote:

<Blitz> Start=>Run, type in "command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
<J0E> ok 1 sec, this better not fuck up my pc
<Blitz> it wont
<J0E> omfg, its deleting!
<Blitz> no, its scanning
<J0E> it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect

quote:

<born1986> why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this shit always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that shit out tha window

. . .

<born1986> OMG i fuckin did it!!!
<born1986> FUCK!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass>
<born1986> FUCK SHIT FUCK
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb

. . .

<born1986> shit
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass>
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that fucking disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now

. . .

<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb