76 RULES OF NU METAL
1. Must have spikey hair with frosted tips. 2. Must rap. 3. Must whine when not rapping.
4. Must tell people that you're real metal because you listen to Korn and Limp Bizkit. 5. All your lyrics must be about suicide, how shitty your life is and it must angry. 6. Everyone who has long hair is a hippie and gay. 7. Iron Maiden are not metal, they're "gay 70's/80's @#%$".
8. Korn are the gods metal. 9. Manson rules in your book, even though he's shock rock. 10. Must wear baggy ass pants that cover your feet so you can trip over them on stage. 11. If you don't have spikey hair, but rather dreads instead, you fuckin' rule!
12. Must tell people that not only are you "metal" but you're gothic as well. 13. Must insult your fans everytime you're on stage. 14. Must insult your band members everytime you're on stage. 15. Must think every band not on MTV or K-Rock, suck.
16. Must only be popular in the U.S. any place else would be uncivilized. 17. Must praise MTV for giving your shitty band a chance to rake in the dough. 18. Must buy a full length nu metal album just for the one hit wonder. Disregard all other songs.
19. You are only allowed to play 2 chords. Anything higher then 2 means you're too talented for the band. 20. If you don't hop up and down on stage, you suck. 21. When a new trend breaks in and you don't change, you're band is washed up and has always sucked.
22. If your favorite band is no longer popular, you must turn your back on them and make fun of them every chance you get. 23. Must make fun of every band that was popular in the past because they're no longer cool. 24. If you just recently got into In Flames, you're fuckin' bad ass.
25. Must think you're satanic, even though you don't own a satanic bible. 26. Korn's album "Life is Peachy" is so fuckin' satanic. 27. Must like at least one Britney Spears song, and the only reason you like it is because the music video was "gully".
28. When doing an interview you must talk really low, say "like" a lot, and at the same time, talk as if you were raised in the ghetto, even though you're a white boy who lived in a mansion growing up. 29. Must say you love your fans, but the second they download one of your songs off the internet, you tear them a new @#%$, because even though you have millions of dollars, your money's more important.
30. Only start a band for the money, not for the love of the music. 31. Metallica are your heroes. 32. Fat John Davis from, Korn is hot and sexy. 33. Fred Durst is bad ass because he mentions his band name in every fuckin' song, but if a band like, Manowar does it, it's not cool. 34. Must worship, Slipknot. 35. You must think Slipknot are the greatest "metal" band on the planet, even if they do suck.
36. Static-X are death metal because they toured with, Morbid Angel. You're not allowed to like them anymore. 37. One hit wonders, Drowning Pool are cool and the lead singer isn't really dead. He's just chillin'.
38. Must like at least one emo punk song. If you don't, you're a loser. 39. MTV is the greatest channel ever. 40. Carson Daly is cool. 41. That fat bald guy on MTV is soooooo metal and you worship his fatness. 42. There's no such thing as the underground. 43. Nu metal is the only metal in existence.
44. Korn's "Shoots and Ladder's" makes you cry. 45. "Shoots and Ladder's" is a power ballad that sooooo rules. 46. WWE Forceable Entry is the greatest "metal" comp. in the world. 47. Must only watch the Resident Evil movie for the music, @#%$ the games, @#%$ the story.
48. Life's a bitch. 49. Must like, Rage Against the Machine. 50. Must hate society, the government and the media, but want to be played all over MTV to make a lot of money and play big ass concerts in arena's. 51. Any music before 2001 is old.
52. I Know What You Did Last Summer and all 3 Scream movies are the best "horror" movies out there. 53. Who's Jason Voorhees? 54. You gotta like at least one rap album. 55. You hated, Ozzy Osbourne 5 years ago, but now that the Ozzfest has a band list of nu metal, he's your idol.
56. Must rip off every single "riff" from, Korn and Limp Bizkit, combine them and claim they're yours. 57. If you don't like, Pantera, you're not a bad ass and you're soooo gay. 58. Pantera were never glam, got it? 59. Black metal scares you. 60. Death metal scares you. 61. Power metal makes you fear sharp objects.
62. Glam Rock makes you cream your pants because they sing about parties and sex, but is still "gay 80's @#%$". 63. Must get into, Quiet Riot because, Manson let them play at a party of his. 64. "Faith" was written by, Fred Durst. 65. You're gay. 66. Anything loud is metal. 67. Must think people fear you, yet in reality, they are laughing at you.
68. Must drink beer just too look cool and then cry when you throw up. 69. Heh, heh, 69. 70. Must wanna @#%$, Britney Spears and then steal one of "her" songs. 71. The more you curse, the more bad ass you are. 72. The more you talk about how shitty life is, the cooler you are.
73. Linkin Park are so talented. 74. Staind are cool because they bitch about things. Bitching is cool. 75. Manowar are not the loudest band in the world, Korn are because they're popular and cool. 76. And last but not least, you must be voted the #1 greatest "metal" band of all time in Hit Parader magazine because you had one, ONE, hit and you're extremely bad ass and heavy
-Salman Rushdie-
He's gone, gone, and nothin's gonna bring him back
quote:Ik las het net voor het eerst. Inderdaad grappig. Vooral nr 24
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 21:29 schreef Zander het volgende:
Ja, deze hebben ook al een keer in een ander topic gestaan, grappig is het wel.
quote:Maar goed, volgens mij is de nu-metal weer een beetje over z'n hoogtepunt heen tegenwoordig. Ik kan er niet wakker van liggen.
One hit wonders, Drowning Pool are cool and the lead singer isn't really dead. He's just chillin'.
He's gone, gone, and nothin's gonna bring him back
quote:nee, dat waren er maar 10
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 21:29 schreef Zander het volgende:
Ja, deze hebben ook al een keer in een ander topic gestaan, grappig is het wel.
.
And for once in my life I feel complete and I still want to ruin it.
quote:Ik wilde er net om vragen, is net zo clichématig als Nu Metal IMHO.
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 21:43 schreef Kipman het volgende:
Je hebt ook zoiets over power metal en toen lag ik helemaal in een deuk.
And for once in my life I feel complete and I still want to ruin it.
de spijker op de kop
If you shake my hand better count your fingers ...
Wandelen in Noorwegen
"Onze doelgroep is dan natuurlijk ook vooral jongeren die nog echt keihard Loosch kunnen gaan"
- Pim Derks, 1 juni 2005
quote:zeg dat wel, en volgens mij was dat niet eens zo heeel lang geleden.
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 21:29 schreef Zander het volgende:
Ja, deze hebben ook al een keer in een ander topic gestaan, grappig is het wel.
quote:Ik zal eens kijken of ik die kan vinden. Deze heb ik gewoon van een ander forum. En dan zoek ik ook meteen degene van black metal
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 22:32 schreef Pietjuh het volgende:
Kan iemand die powermetal lijst posten dan?
quote:ke hier komt the ultime sucking opmerking: OUD!!!
Op donderdag 10 oktober 2002 21:25 schreef Kipman het volgende:
76 RULES OF NU METAL
73. Linkin Park are so talented. 74. Staind are cool because they bitch about things. Bitching is cool. 75. Manowar are not the loudest band in the world, Korn are because they're popular and cool. 76. And last but not least, you must be voted the #1 greatest "metal" band of all time in Hit Parader magazine because you had one, ONE, hit and you're extremely bad ass and heavy
quote:Maar wel beter
is net zo clichématig als Nu Metal IMHO.
Ik moet zeggen dat ik de True metal gastjes al achter hun computer zie zitten hoor om maar zoveel mogelijk die nu-metal gastjes af te zeiken.
vooral deze vind ik erg zielig
59. Black metal scares you. 60. Death metal scares you. 61. Power metal makes you fear sharp objects.
wooohoooo we hebben hier echt met bad ass motherfuckers te maken want zij vinden echt black death en power metal vet. WOW man dat zijn de echt :R
Ik geloof niet in God, maar ik geloof wel dat er iets is, citeerde Harry de halve wereld bevolking
quote:Wordt er eens iets om te lachen gepost, is het weer niet goed
Op vrijdag 11 oktober 2002 21:16 schreef anima het volgende:
Ik vond die van de "dont do this @ a concert top 100" veel en veel leuker.Ik moet zeggen dat ik de True metal gastjes al achter hun computer zie zitten hoor om maar zoveel mogelijk die nu-metal gastjes af te zeiken.
vooral deze vind ik erg zielig
59. Black metal scares you. 60. Death metal scares you. 61. Power metal makes you fear sharp objects.wooohoooo we hebben hier echt met bad ass motherfuckers te maken want zij vinden echt black death en power metal vet. WOW man dat zijn de echt :R
Enne, elke vorm van muziek heeft wel z'n tegenstellingen of vooroordelen hoor, ja ook Black, Death en Power Metal 
.
Ik denk dat ik die van dont do's @ a concert ga posten
Ik geloof niet in God, maar ik geloof wel dat er iets is, citeerde Harry de halve wereld bevolking
quote:Man, ik weet toch ook wel dat die lijst niet opgaat voor de echte nu metal liefhebber! Het is gewoon grappig. En ik luister graag naar power metal en ik kan ook erg lachen om de grappen die daar over gemaakt worden. Want het is namelijk niet serieus.
Op vrijdag 11 oktober 2002 21:16 schreef anima het volgende:
wooohoooo we hebben hier echt met bad ass motherfuckers te maken want zij vinden echt black death en power metal vet. WOW man dat zijn de echt :R
115 RULES OF POWER METAL:
1. Be As Cheesy As Possible
2. Wear Armour On Stage
3. Always wear leather pants & have thick sideburns
4. Own every Bruce Dickinson solo album and listen to none of them
5. Make sure your singer can hit a high-note that can shatter glass
6. Swords make you more metal
7. Control Denied is the only acceptable American power metal band
8. Write one ballad or more per album
9. Always carry a shield
10. Make references to Lord Of The Rings or King Arthur whenever possible
11. Always speak about the enchaned land of Kamelot
12. Be sure to refer to 'Steel' in every song
13. Rob Halford is god
14. Wear as many chains as Rob Halford
15. Always wear leather pants
16. Film all of your music videos in front of a castle
17. The longer your hair, the cooler you are
18. Live in a castle
19. Make sure you have the same hair style as Bruce Dickinson from 1987
20. The singer must wear a robe and crown on stage
21. The band must come out on horseback on stage
22. You are more metal if your first name is King
23. Always ride a white horse and wear white satin
24. Go on crusades
25. Must worship Helloween
26. Must own a pegazus
27. Ride a unicorn
28. Answer the riddle of the sphinx
29. Worship oedipus
30. Only cover Judas Priest, Rush and Accept
31. NEVER tour with Cannibal Corpse
32. The more guitarists the cooler the band
33. Have atleast 5 songs per album with 20 back-up singers
34. The more medieval, the better the band
35. Go on a quest for the holy grail
36. The higher the vocals are, the better the band
37. Be as CHEESY as possible
38. The tighter the leather, the better the band
39. The thicker the sideburns, the cooler you are
40. The more armor you wear, the cooler you are
41. Wear a cross neck-lace around your neck
42. Refer to your girlfriend or wife as your "faire young maiden"
43. Refer to her father as "The Royal Ugly Dude"
44. IRON MAIDEN!!! EXCELLENT!
45. Fear the guillotine and beheadings
46. Name band after a medieval torture device
47. Public hangings are common
48. Heretics of power metal will be burned at the stake
49. Witches are still among us
50. We must defend the Queen
51. The America don't exist yet
52. Atleast 3 songs per album must be about a dragon
53. Watch Pete And The Dragon atleast 5 times a day
54. If not wearing armor on stage, wear a poet shirt or chain mail
55. If you can't find any of those to wear, improvise with a soccer jersey of a
European team
56. Malmstein is god
57. ALWAYS wash hair with conditioner
58. Make hair as pretty as possible
59. Videotaping ballad music videos in the snow is Very medieval
60. Matt Barlow is too dirty looking to be a power metal singer
61. Anyone that thinks Iced Earth is power metal should be dragged out into the street and shot
62. Hansi Kirsh is the best looking one of all
63. Write about the snow and stars
64. The rest of Blind Guardian are ugly (see rule 62)
65. King Diamond is satan.
66. Death metal is blasphemy, and can make your ears bleed
67. Never wear black and white make-up, Only women's make-up
68. Look like Dee Snider
69. Keep hair as shiny as possible
70. Grow hair out, no matter how curly
71. Condition your thick sideburns aswell
72. Example : Janick Gers (see rule 71)
73. Carry a bow and arrow at all times
74. Robin Hood and his merry men are the most feared of gangs
75. If not wearing leather pants, wear tights and knee high boots
76. Don't ever curse
77. Manowar are the undefeated kings of metal
78. Worship the Demons & Wizards cd
79. Don't think Iced Earth is power metal (see rules 60 & 61)
80. Own every Rhapsody album, listen to none of them
81. Hate Jag Panzer for absolutely no reason
82. Own all of the Queen cds
83. Protect the queen
84. Do Beach Boys covers
85. Songs from the 50's rule
86. Tour America as little as possible, and when you do, Only play half hour sets, and in your home town play 3-hour sets.
87. Russians LOVE power metal
88. Come from Germany
89. Come from Sweeden
90. American power metal doesn't exist
91. Worship Dio
92. Tarja is the queen
93. Bands like Children Of Bodom and In Flames are "evil power metal"
94. Always put the toilet seat down
95. Say your prayers every night
96. Drink ONLY Non-alcoholic beer
97. Go to church
98. If you have a tatoo, it better be religious
99. Steve Harris is Jesus
100. Drink milk
101. Steve Harris came to save us from the evilness of King Diamond
102. Stryper are your role models
103. Make sure your parish priest is on your role model
104. Talk to your mom every night
105. Jeweish people are evil
106. If you don't love Jesus, you're death metal
107. No sex before marriage
108. No freaky four play neither
109. Always have sex by the book
110. Have sex once a year
111. Be a one-woman-man
112. Refer to your penis as your "Templar Of Steel"
113. Volunteer work is very power metal
114. Know every lyric to every Helloween and Gamma Ray song know to existence
115. Hate HammerFall for no apparent reason
quote:ROFL
Op vrijdag 11 oktober 2002 21:51 schreef Kipman het volgende:
Alsjeblieft!115 RULES OF POWER METAL:
61. Anyone that thinks Iced Earth is power metal should be dragged out into the street and shot
Puntje 61 btw, ik heb ooit gezegd dat ik The Horror show van Iced Earth wel Power Metal vond. Wie wilt me nu aan een zwaard rijgen, om in de Power Metal spirit te blijven. Gelieve graag door iemand met een schild, gekleed in een chainmail armour, met veel kettingen om zijn nek en erg lang haar. Ik wil zo true mogelijk doodgaan weet je 
1. Put the fleur (Quebec symbol) in your band logo.
2. Always put at least one really horrible ballad on each cd.
3. Make that ballad so horrible that no one ever listens to it or even knows the name.
4. Have a tank of helium handy so you can hit those high notes.
5. Have at least one of the following on your cd cover: A key, two large hands in the sky, a castle, some variation of the yinyang symbol, the words Free, Glory, or Time.
6. Be from Finland or Germany. No one cares about you otherwise
7. Name your band Johndude
8. Have a lead guitarist/songwriter with an ego the size of the atlantic ocean.
9. Sound like total SH.IT on your live cds!
10. add echos and a choir to your chorus to sound epical
11. watch lord of the rings over and over and when not watching it,reading it
12. Always put cheesy instrumental intros in your CDs
13. use fantasy names like "warrior from the northern kingdom"
14. dont be Eric Adams
15. make your songs as similar as possible to "eagle fly free" - especially the chorus
16. whenever interviewed, state that your metal is the only TRUE METAL existing
17. three words that have to be in everey songtext: Steel, Power, Warriors
18. Have at least one song on everey album that entitles "The Sword of..."
19. Remember to make your songs less complex as you become a little famouse
20. At live shows use at least 1/3 of the time for interacting with the audience between the songs
21. Don't come and play anywhere near the area where I live
22. Taking a picture? Dress yourself pompously and hold a sword!
23. You have to know how to sing in Latin to make good intros!
24. some more words that can be handy in the lyrics: kings, dragons, keys, rings, magic, knights.
25. sing with a strong foreign accent, preferably german. or if your'e scandinavian pronounce every "v" as "w" and vice versa.
26. use a lot of double-bass
27. try to be as repetitive as possible
28. You're wearing those leather pants and silken shirt, right? Aye, rightly so
29. at least your singer must look as gay as possible (the whole band would be better)
30. to following colors for your guitarr are an option: light blue, green and pink. When you are famouse, you may use black guitarrs.
31. long hair also helps
32. The thing about Eric Adams applies still
33. If they ask you what you've got for a good book? you MUST SAY you'd preferably read Tolkien's!
34. Next step, you can cite something from Tolkien's books in your songs
35. A really huge next step, a concept album totally based on Tolkien's books!
36. DONT! be eric adams
37. Invite Michael Kiske to take a part in a duet with you! But you'll have to tell everyone that It wasn't Michael Kiske, It was another guy called Ernie or Arnie who impressively sings just like Michael Kiske!
38. hey, this is power metal, so why are you still sober? Go, get some beer at once!!!!
39. Have a tour in Japan
40. Btw, your CD's must have a bonus track exclusive to the Japanese release!
41. Make a videoclip featuring one of the following: elf, gnome, troll, knight or princess
42. Make another videoclip, featuring your lead singer as one of the following: elf, gnome, troll, knight or princess
43. While it might be hard to play in full armor, it still makes ya look cool.
44. Talk "Ye olde Englisch" or better, write a song in it.
45. Try to tell a story which lasts for minimum 3 albums, but 4-5 would be better, so at the end no one ever knows what U are talking about...
46. Don't forget to have a castle picture at the back of the stage when U perform Live
47. Still when U perform live, don't forget to have lots of fireworks.
48. Fireworks between each songs would be better, not just at the end of the show
49. oh, and try to be for some years on the first part of famous bands, and only later be the headliner, and invite little bands to open the gig!
50. then be proud of saying (during the gig, at least 10 times): "that's our first tour in *name of the country U are in* as headliner, it's so great being in *name of the country*, we love U *name of the coutry*"
51. Goint out on tour? Don't forget to bring along with you all those tapes with the pre-recorded orchestral parts, because of low budget you just could hardly invite an entire orchestra to your show!
52. During the recording of your album, do not forget to write funny diaries about the day-after-day life in the studio. Aftwards, It can be published in your band's site!
53.Give up going touring through the US! They don't like power-bombastic-symphonic-melodic-doom-gothic heavy metal!
54. Your first recording won't sound that good. It'll appear that it was all-in-all home-made stuff *and It may be that trully it's all home-made stuff*! Hopefully, the album will sell well, say 150 copies *those ones for-free you sent to your relatives, friend and friends of your friends also included!* -- perchance you band will be given a chance to finally enter in a real studio!
55. Remember that this fuc.king old world is getting smaller & power metal bands is something very common nowadays! Your band will probably set out on tour with bands from overseas countries. Be sure they are not cannibals!
56. Don't forget to meet the female fans at the end of every gig, and bring them in the tour bus for a little party...
57. Be constantly drunk
58. Don't be afraid to be silly! Despite you're a grown man, you can still tell the kids that you believe in dwarves, dragons etc!
59. it is not your fouldt that your leather shirts are a little tight around your beer belly.......it was a prodution error
60. Stop sending your band's videos to MTV, you are not Back Street fuc.king Boys! They don't mind about you!
61. make many grammar or typing mistakes in your lyrics. and pronounce the words wrong, e.g. "sheep" instead of "ship," etc.
62. Try to figure out how to say 'Thank you!', 'Where is the bathroom?', 'How much do you want for this?', 'Do you want to have sex with me?' in the very country's language which you've been touring through!
63. Touring through a different country, better bring together
with you your own supply of water and food!
64. Do you want to try a different country's food? Better take a good care, in Mexico, for instance, they think that avocado blended together with pepper & tomato is a really healthy food!
65. You must always be gentle to your fans. They don't want to hear you complaining about the 17 tiresome hours you spent inside a crappy plane with no confort at all! You will only a time to rest after signing all the CD's, t-shirts, bootlegs *bootlegs?*, taking some pictures, prooving the local beer etc.
66. About bootlegs! There is nothing you can do about this!
67. Follow the formula of success: Hire an operatic female vocalist. A really beautiful one! She'll have to be dressed in the same fashion ppl used to dress themselves a few centuries ago!
68. DON'T YOU EVER, NEVER, try to mix gothic-melodic-doom-with'opera'like'female'vocals-hello,mom!-about'dwarves'dragons'and'others'winged'beings'-bombastic-atmospheric heavy metal with
rap or hip-hop! This is nu-metal and new metal is not good!
69. If you are thanking ppl for the support you'll have add some funny remarks to their names.
70. Make sure to wear more than five kilogramms of metal on your body.
71. Each songtitle has to contain the words "of the".
72. Make sure not to hire a singer who has been in a cover band that played your own songs.
73. use little kids or old guys when you have to say a poem without melody like Nightwish did with Bless the child, the pharaoh, kinslayer, dead boys poem, etc, etc
74. your live album has to be called "live in japan" or anything with japan, you can also use the word in the east
75. make sure the whole band knows about mythology.
76. if not, they must be able resembling someone knowing about mythology.
77. do session photos in forests.
78. mask you as a knight. use a sword.
79. if the sword isn't genuine, don't care. nobody sees.
80. don't make your songs shorter than 10 minutes. it's not epic otherwise.
81. Rule #251 While playing live, always announce the name of the next song in your very high singing voice. Example "Father TIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" (Taken from Stratovarius' Visions of Europe)
Wandelen in Noorwegen
quote:Rock on!
Op zaterdag 12 oktober 2002 18:13 schreef hoppe het volgende:
Hail Spinal Tap
www.last.fm/user/JimmyShelter
Jimmy Shelter
Sleazerock.nl
quote:haha en volgens mij klopt het meeste ook nog
Op zaterdag 12 oktober 2002 17:12 schreef Pietjuh het volgende:
Hier nog eentje van powermetal die ik van het nightwish forum geript heb
[hele zooi text]
Dit soort dingen is wel waarom die muziekstromingen niet altijd serieus genomen worden door iedereen.
Daarnaast hou ik niet echt van clichés...
Verder boeit het me geen fuck
Komakie: "Van sneeuwballen gooien komt boemsen!"
Shaun Farmer: "That's gnarly"
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