R&P Relaties & Psychologie
Heb je relatieproblemen, of zit je in een diep psychologisch gat? Stort hier je hart uit, en heb steun aan de reacties van anderen.
Hello everyone 
,
I recently came to know about this forum and just thought of asking some advice here.
Your advice/views/suggestions would help me in taking the most important decision of my life.
And I will be very thankful for you guys if you can post your practical and sincere views here.
First of all a little bit about myself. I am an Indian and from an educated and respectable family. My last name says my grandfathers were of ruling class of the society. My dad is an advocate in India and my mother expired when I was 3 years old. So its my dad and me and two brothers. its my family. I have been living in Netherlands for about 6 years now. Its been a long time away from my home country and my parents and family. I am a well paid IT professional here. I like the job and this place and people here and will be living here forever I guess. My life is in pretty good shape at the moment. I have all I need except one thing. its marriage time!!
Time to find a girl and get settled in my life.
Lately, I have been thinking of two things; marry an Indian woman? or marry a Dutch woman?.
I can ask my dad to find a good woman from a good family in India and then marry the woman and then bring her here as my wife. But I am not comfortable with this idea. I am already someone who is living away from his parents and family. I do not want to add another one to me here who would be again living like me..away from parents and family. In these six years apart from office friends I really do not have any real connections/real relations outside in the society. I miss it and I do not want to build a family with kids living like this, without real relations around the family in the society here. Imagine, if I marry an Indian woman and bring her here as my wife, we would be a couple living alone in this country without any real relations in the society here. And then if we have kids after sometime, those kids will be again living like us, missing all the fun of being in company with grand parents and uncles and aunts. I am just trying to avoid this in my life. Easy choice is to move to India and get settled there. Then my professional aspirations will get screwed up. I can not do that.
So I am thinking of marrying a Dutch woman who has a good family here. So that I can be part of that family and have some real relations in the society. And I personally find them attractive and I do not have any problem marrying a woman of different culture. I am an atheist and never visited any religious place in my life. Humanity is my religion.
For a small snapshot of my mind, the below are my words written sometime back in my free time:
"It took ages, some 2,00,000 years, for humans to explore the entire world, to discover all the human races, cultures and religions. I feel it would not take more than even 1000 years for this world to get united and live under a single democratic multinational supreme federal government. It is only a matter of time, few more years in the future, to see such a peaceful, boundary-less, war-less, beautiful world filled with sense of respect and equality."
My heart is open enough to believe in the above words.
I believe I can find a good Dutch woman to marry and build a good family here.
I need some advice here. I hear a lot of stereotypes of Dutch women. Like, Dutch women marry several times in their life time, Dutch women can not be good wives/mothers and all etc. I personally do not believe these things. I believe there are good Dutch women out there who are good wives to their husbands and good mothers to their children. But as I am not a Dutch guy I welcome your opinions here.
One more thing I want to know is, can a Dutch woman accept an Indian as husband if she likes him?
Well I know it depends on the person, but I just want to know how open the Dutch women are? I met many Dutch women here. They are all good. But I only know them from outside. Who knows what is inside? I welcome views of Dutch women here. I agree the fact that discrimination exists in every part of the world. But there are always good people out there who do not discriminate. I just want to know what are my chances here finding such good women. I just want to have a general picture of your views here. You can discriminate me here if you like it. I welcome it too. it will also be useful to me in taking my decision.
. But before you discriminate Indians please give a thought once...India is in this state because of 200 years of robbery done by British 
...
Also please give me some tips on how a typical match searching process goes in this country. if someone wants to marry what/how do they do to find partners here?.
Thanking all of you in advance for your views...
, I recently came to know about this forum and just thought of asking some advice here.
Your advice/views/suggestions would help me in taking the most important decision of my life.
And I will be very thankful for you guys if you can post your practical and sincere views here.
First of all a little bit about myself. I am an Indian and from an educated and respectable family. My last name says my grandfathers were of ruling class of the society. My dad is an advocate in India and my mother expired when I was 3 years old. So its my dad and me and two brothers. its my family. I have been living in Netherlands for about 6 years now. Its been a long time away from my home country and my parents and family. I am a well paid IT professional here. I like the job and this place and people here and will be living here forever I guess. My life is in pretty good shape at the moment. I have all I need except one thing. its marriage time!!
Time to find a girl and get settled in my life.
Lately, I have been thinking of two things; marry an Indian woman? or marry a Dutch woman?.
I can ask my dad to find a good woman from a good family in India and then marry the woman and then bring her here as my wife. But I am not comfortable with this idea. I am already someone who is living away from his parents and family. I do not want to add another one to me here who would be again living like me..away from parents and family. In these six years apart from office friends I really do not have any real connections/real relations outside in the society. I miss it and I do not want to build a family with kids living like this, without real relations around the family in the society here. Imagine, if I marry an Indian woman and bring her here as my wife, we would be a couple living alone in this country without any real relations in the society here. And then if we have kids after sometime, those kids will be again living like us, missing all the fun of being in company with grand parents and uncles and aunts. I am just trying to avoid this in my life. Easy choice is to move to India and get settled there. Then my professional aspirations will get screwed up. I can not do that.
So I am thinking of marrying a Dutch woman who has a good family here. So that I can be part of that family and have some real relations in the society. And I personally find them attractive and I do not have any problem marrying a woman of different culture. I am an atheist and never visited any religious place in my life. Humanity is my religion.
For a small snapshot of my mind, the below are my words written sometime back in my free time:
"It took ages, some 2,00,000 years, for humans to explore the entire world, to discover all the human races, cultures and religions. I feel it would not take more than even 1000 years for this world to get united and live under a single democratic multinational supreme federal government. It is only a matter of time, few more years in the future, to see such a peaceful, boundary-less, war-less, beautiful world filled with sense of respect and equality."
My heart is open enough to believe in the above words.
I believe I can find a good Dutch woman to marry and build a good family here.
I need some advice here. I hear a lot of stereotypes of Dutch women. Like, Dutch women marry several times in their life time, Dutch women can not be good wives/mothers and all etc. I personally do not believe these things. I believe there are good Dutch women out there who are good wives to their husbands and good mothers to their children. But as I am not a Dutch guy I welcome your opinions here.
One more thing I want to know is, can a Dutch woman accept an Indian as husband if she likes him?
Well I know it depends on the person, but I just want to know how open the Dutch women are? I met many Dutch women here. They are all good. But I only know them from outside. Who knows what is inside? I welcome views of Dutch women here. I agree the fact that discrimination exists in every part of the world. But there are always good people out there who do not discriminate. I just want to know what are my chances here finding such good women. I just want to have a general picture of your views here. You can discriminate me here if you like it. I welcome it too. it will also be useful to me in taking my decision.
. But before you discriminate Indians please give a thought once...India is in this state because of 200 years of robbery done by British ...Also please give me some tips on how a typical match searching process goes in this country. if someone wants to marry what/how do they do to find partners here?.
Thanking all of you in advance for your views...
It really differs per woman at who you can apply those stereotypical thoughts to. It's like thinking that every Indian woman only wants to marry "white people" for money only instead of the relationship itself. Besides, what is in your view the stereotype of a Dutch woman (except for those that has been told to you)?
[ Bericht 0% gewijzigd door Erasmus op 29-11-2012 22:19:04 ]
[ Bericht 0% gewijzigd door Erasmus op 29-11-2012 22:19:04 ]
wie ben jij? en waar is o.us 1.0?quote:Op donderdag 29 november 2012 22:18 schreef o.us2.0 het volgende:
It really differs per woman at who you can apply those stereotypical thoughts to. It's like thinking that every Indian woman only wants to marry "white people" for money only instead of the relationship itself. Besides, what is in your view the stereotype of a Dutch woman (except for those that has been told to you)?
Op 
Heulie-meulie, wat lees ik nu.
Een Indische IT'er. Op een Engelse site was dat tenminste nog een leuk grapje geweest.
Een Indische IT'er. Op een Engelse site was dat tenminste nog een leuk grapje geweest.
For me, Dutch woman are friendly, independent, and bold. I like these characteristics.quote:
It really differs per woman at who you can apply those stereotypical thoughts to. It's like thinking that every Indian woman only wants to marry "white people" for money only instead of the relationship itself. Besides, what is in your view the stereotype of a Dutch woman (except for those that has been told to you)?
its women...quote:Op donderdag 29 november 2012 22:49 schreef rockyheadd het volgende:
[..]
For me, Dutch woman are friendly, independent, and bold. I like these characteristics.
You know there is a largue number of Hindus with those Dutch characteristics living here? They're not Indian but most of them are from Surinam and have generally almost the same lifestyle as you have. It's at least something.quote:
[..]
For me, Dutch woman are friendly, independent, and bold. I like these characteristics.
[ Bericht 3% gewijzigd door Erasmus op 29-11-2012 23:00:30 ]
Point accepted. This is also an open option to me. But as far as I find there are very few of them who are doing respectable jobs here in this country. or whose families are educated. I suppose its very hard to find one in that very small group of a small group...quote:
[..]
You know there is a largue number of Hindus with those Dutch characteristics living here? They're not Indian but most of them are from Surinam and have generally almost the same lifestyle as you have. It's at least something.
A gentle request to everyone here...Please do not make fun of this thread.
For me relationship is not a joke. it is one time in life.
For me relationship is not a joke. it is one time in life.
Are you aware of the big cultural differences that will probably there if you have a relationship with a dutch woman?
Dutch women will not typically be the respectfull, silent housewife (in general). If you expect a woman that will fit in a more traditional (indian) role, it might become difficult. If you are open for her wishes and wya of life, good luck and have fun.
If I see what you say about having an educated family; typically not a dutch way of finding a partner. Maybe you should try and get more contact with dutch people, learn the language, go to a club to get to know others. My guess is that your views of what you will find in a dutch woman will not be met easily.
Dutch women will not typically be the respectfull, silent housewife (in general). If you expect a woman that will fit in a more traditional (indian) role, it might become difficult. If you are open for her wishes and wya of life, good luck and have fun.
If I see what you say about having an educated family; typically not a dutch way of finding a partner. Maybe you should try and get more contact with dutch people, learn the language, go to a club to get to know others. My guess is that your views of what you will find in a dutch woman will not be met easily.
Whatever...
Most of The hindu's from/in Surinam have respectable jobs. Many of them are business owners or landowners.quote:
[..]
Point accepted. This is also an open option to me. But as far as I find there are very few of them who are doing respectable jobs here in this country. or whose families are educated. I suppose its very hard to find one in that very small group of a small group...
[ Bericht 0% gewijzigd door Joe-Momma op 29-11-2012 23:24:31 ]
Ik schrijf deze reactie expres in het Nederlands. Per slot van rekening woon en werk je hier nu al 6 jaar, en ben je nu voornemens een Nederlandse vrouw te gaan huwen en hier een gezinsleven op te willen bouwen. Geheel naar jouw eigen keuze.quote:Op donderdag 29 november 2012 22:11 schreef rockyheadd het volgende:
Hello everyone
I recently came to know about this forum and just thought of asking some advice here.
Your advice/views/suggestions would help me in taking the most important decision of my life.
And I will be very thankful for you guys if you can post your practical and sincere views here.
First of all a little bit about myself. I am an Indian and from an educated and respectable family. My last name says my grandfathers were of ruling class of the society. My dad is an advocate in India and my mother expired when I was 3 years old. So its my dad and me and two brothers. its my family. I have been living in Netherlands for about 6 years now. Its been a long time away from my home country and my parents and family. I am a well paid IT professional here. I like the job and this place and people here and will be living here forever I guess. My life is in pretty good shape at the moment. I have all I need except one thing. its marriage time!!
Time to find a girl and get settled in my life.
Lately, I have been thinking of two things; marry an Indian woman? or marry a Dutch woman?.
I can ask my dad to find a good woman from a good family in India and then marry the woman and then bring her here as my wife. But I am not comfortable with this idea. I am already someone who is living away from his parents and family. I do not want to add another one to me here who would be again living like me..away from parents and family. In these six years apart from office friends I really do not have any real connections/real relations outside in the society. I miss it and I do not want to build a family with kids living like this, without real relations around the family in the society here. Imagine, if I marry an Indian woman and bring her here as my wife, we would be a couple living alone in this country without any real relations in the society here. And then if we have kids after sometime, those kids will be again living like us, missing all the fun of being in company with grand parents and uncles and aunts. I am just trying to avoid this in my life. Easy choice is to move to India and get settled there. Then my professional aspirations will get screwed up. I can not do that.
So I am thinking of marrying a Dutch woman who has a good family here. So that I can be part of that family and have some real relations in the society. And I personally find them attractive and I do not have any problem marrying a woman of different culture. I am an atheist and never visited any religious place in my life. Humanity is my religion.
For a small snapshot of my mind, the below are my words written sometime back in my free time:
"It took ages, some 2,00,000 years, for humans to explore the entire world, to discover all the human races, cultures and religions. I feel it would not take more than even 1000 years for this world to get united and live under a single democratic multinational supreme federal government. It is only a matter of time, few more years in the future, to see such a peaceful, boundary-less, war-less, beautiful world filled with sense of respect and equality."
My heart is open enough to believe in the above words.
I believe I can find a good Dutch woman to marry and build a good family here.
I need some advice here. I hear a lot of stereotypes of Dutch women. Like, Dutch women marry several times in their life time, Dutch women can not be good wives/mothers and all etc. I personally do not believe these things. I believe there are good Dutch women out there who are good wives to their husbands and good mothers to their children. But as I am not a Dutch guy I welcome your opinions here.
One more thing I want to know is, can a Dutch woman accept an Indian as husband if she likes him?
Well I know it depends on the person, but I just want to know how open the Dutch women are? I met many Dutch women here. They are all good. But I only know them from outside. Who knows what is inside? I welcome views of Dutch women here. I agree the fact that discrimination exists in every part of the world. But there are always good people out there who do not discriminate. I just want to know what are my chances here finding such good women. I just want to have a general picture of your views here. You can discriminate me here if you like it. I welcome it too. it will also be useful to me in taking my decision.
Also please give me some tips on how a typical match searching process goes in this country. if someone wants to marry what/how do they do to find partners here?.
Thanking all of you in advance for your views...
Als je werkelijk deel wilt gaan uitmaken van de Nederlandse maatschappij, inclusief een Nederlandse vrouw en haar familie waarin je opgenomen zou willen worden, dan lijkt mij de eerste en belangrijkste stap daarin te zijn dat je ook de Nederlanse taal leert spreken en schrijven. Iedere relatie valt of staat met de communicatie binnen die relatie. Taal is dus heel belangrijk!
Cultureel lijkt me een relatie met een Nederlandse vrouw geen probleem te moeten zijn. In het algemeen staan Nederlanders best open voor andere culturen. Al verwachten ze andersom vaak diezelfde openheid, en aanpassingsvermogen.
Als je hier werkelijk je verdere leven wilt gaan opbouwen, ga er dan ook werkelijk voor. Beginnend met een studie om de taal te leren spreken, want dat maakt het leven hier zoveel aangenamer. En het vergroot je kansen om een geschikte partner te vinden.
Succes!
Lijkt me een goed idee, eerst de taal lerenquote:
[..]
Ik schrijf deze reactie expres in het Nederlands. Per slot van rekening woon en werk je hier nu al 6 jaar, en ben je nu voornemens een Nederlandse vrouw te gaan huwen en hier een gezinsleven op te willen bouwen. Geheel naar jouw eigen keuze.
Als je werkelijk deel wilt gaan uitmaken van de Nederlandse maatschappij, inclusief een Nederlandse vrouw en haar familie waarin je opgenomen zou willen worden, dan lijkt mij de eerste en belangrijkste stap daarin te zijn dat je ook de Nederlanse taal leert spreken en schrijven. Iedere relatie valt of staat met de communicatie binnen die relatie. Taal is dus heel belangrijk!
Cultureel lijkt me een relatie met een Nederlandse vrouw geen probleem te moeten zijn. In het agemeen staan Nederlanders best open voor andere culturen. Al verwachten ze andersom vaak diezelfde openheid, en aanpassingsvermogen.
Als je hier werkelijk je verdere leven wilt gaan opbouwen, ga er dan ook werkelijk voor. Beginnend met een studie om de taal te leren spreken, want dat maakt het leven hier zoveel aangenamer. En het vergroot je kansen om een geschikte partner te vinden.
Succes!
I do not have any problems with the cultural differences. I am pretty much like an empty cup myself. I do not care it....India is one country that is fast being westernized...and Indian women are not traditional and silent anymorequote:
Are you aware of the big cultural differences that will probably there if you have a relationship with a dutch woman?
Dutch women will not typically be the respectfull, silent housewife (in general). If you expect a woman that will fit in a more traditional (indian) role, it might become difficult. If you are open for her wishes and wya of life, good luck and have fun.
If I see what you say about having an educated family; typically not a dutch way of finding a partner. Maybe you should try and get more contact with dutch people, learn the language, go to a club to get to know others. My guess is that your views of what you will find in a dutch woman will not be met easily.
...it is impossible even in India to find traditional women...And I am also not expecting my wife to be silent and traditional....I just expect honesty and faithfulness....
A quite important question if you really are willing to share your whole life with a Dutch woman; do you have any notable struggle in developing your Dutch language skills?quote:
A gentle request to everyone here...Please do not make fun of this thread.
For me relationship is not a joke. it is one time in life.
[ Bericht 0% gewijzigd door Erasmus op 29-11-2012 23:44:47 ]
You're probably a hairy bastard so no, dutch women won't be interested.
Hoi, ik ben een lamzak met een passie voor flessen wasverzachter.
Neuk mijn oor en noem me Harry Mulisch
Neuk mijn oor en noem me Harry Mulisch
Nah.. die heb je nog welquote:
[..]
I do not have any problems with the cultural differences. I am pretty much like an empty cup myself. I do not care it....India is one country that is fast being westernized...and Indian women are not traditional and silent anymore
een silent woman wordt een beetje difficult enzo
quote:
You're probably a hairy bastard so no, dutch women won't be interested.
Dat is te erg!quote:
You're probably a hairy bastard so no, dutch women won't be interested.
