The Great British Bake Off - UK series 4

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Great British Bake Off: Muffin huffin' produces a whole lot of nuffin' in Bread Week, as almost every batch comes out underbaked


Will our Great British Bake Off bakers RISE to the occasion and PROVE they’ve got what it takes to make the upper CRUST of the competition?

“Welcome to yeast,” says Paul, in the voice of an evil village shopkeeper just before he drowns you in the duck pond. D’ough.

Yeah, it’s bread week.

An underlying fear runs through all Bake Off fans: that one day, quite soon, they will just run out of things to bake. They’ll have to start plumbing the depths of obscurity for new challenges, and by series seven, we might be tuning in to watch them make a five-minute microwave mug cake that one of the producers found on Pinterest.

There were already hints of barrel-scraping in the last series with those marshmallow teacakes (nobody actually makes marshmallow teacakes, they’re laid by a chocolate chicken at the Tunnock’s factory), and now I’m worried again because this week’s signature challenge is breadsticks.

Who bakes their own breadsticks? They’re barely even food. They were demoted as dip accessories in the early noughties when we realised tortilla chips gave a much fuller scoop, and now they’re comedy walrus fangs at best, ear-plungers at worst.

But of course our contestants are getting stuck in with all the zeal of the Breadstick Appreciation Society. It’s nigella seeds for Kimberley, ras el hanout for Howard, and blue cheese for adorable Ali, who admits bread isn’t his forte. “I know what I’m doing, but not necessarily why I’m doing it,” he tells Paul, whose eyes briefly glow red.

Beca has bigger problems than bread – she’s wearing the same top as Mary Berry, which is a bit like turning up at a Buckingham Palace garden party in a crown. Of course, being of the same excellent breeding as the Queen, Mary has spared Beca’s blushes by putting a blazer on top.

Frances, who for the purposes of easy hair identification I will be calling Silky Bob 1, is following up last week’s conceptual sandwich cake with breadsticks that look like giant matchsticks. It’s all fun and games on week two, but you can’t help wondering if by week six she’ll be weeping as she carves the complete works of Shakespeare onto individual macaroons, served in a replica Globe Theatre made of spun sugar. Leave yourself somewhere to go, love.


Meanwhile Lucy’s dough is too soggy and she doesn’t know how to fix it. Paul indulges her with a round of eyebrow charades. “Flour?” she tries. Eyebrow wiggle. “Fridge?” Eyebrow wiggle. “Chilled? The Fonz? Sounds like? Two words? BRIEF ENCOUNTER?” Christmases round Hollywood’s house are a riot.

Onto the technical challenge, a much more bready and far less pointless offering – English muffins. Sue has adopted a new way of shouting “bake!” that is part neigh, part Duchess from Alice in Wonderland. I’m going to call it muffin the mewl.

The kneading begins, and builder Mark is vying for the role of ‘thinking viewer’s crumpet’ by announcing, “the only muffins I’ve had before were from a popular fast food burger restaurant.” Mary Berry has probably never gone greasier than a Wimpy, and only then after a night on the gooseberry fizz.

Hoorah, it’s the historical interlude! Copy books open, as Mel guides us through the history of muffin men. It turns out that like just about every delicious thing there is, muffins were first invented by the working classes. Apparently the aristocracy were so lethargic they never stretched much beyond putting an apple in the mouth of a roast swan and calling it dinner.

Back in the Marquee of Dreams, the muffin huffin’ has produced a whole lot of nuffin’, as almost every batch comes out underbaked. Kimberley gets top spot for her result, but most of the gang are left feeling flat as they head into round three.



This week’s showstopper challenge is a decorative loaf. In my day this was the wheatsheaf someone’s show-off mum would make for Harvest Festival, but now apparently it means baking bread in the shape of Paul the psychic octopus from the 2010 World Cup.

“The tentacles all have to be the same length as the football,” says last week’s star baker Rob, a phrase you’ll never find in a Martha Stewart recipe. It is possible Rob peaked too early.

Horticulturalist Lucy needs to make up for her wonky grissini and duff muffins and hopes impress the judges by using her own homegrown sourdough starter – but what’s DIY yeast next to a white chocolate peacock? We can all grow our own live culture if we try, Lucy. The yoghurt ads have taught me that.

It’s time for the final tasting of the weekend. Deborah, AKA Silky Bob 2, has under-baked her walnut loaf, and Rob’s octopus cake goes down like a damp, er, squid. But Kimberley, Howard and Christine all get the Berrywood twinkle of approval, and Ruby is crowned star baker while poor Lucy is sent home, starter (or non-starter) in hand.

Bake Off anoraks among you will note that there is a tradition of bread week’s star baker going on to win the whole thing, so Ruby could definitely be one to watch. I’d ask Paul the psychic octopus to give us his prediction, but, in a wheelie bin somewhere in Somerset, a fox has just eaten his head.

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Op donderdag 5 september 2013 08:50 schreef minilot het volgende:
at least that what she said it was

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Op donderdag 5 september 2013 16:09 schreef uniekhoorn het volgende:
Wie wil mij dm'en waar ik s2 en s3 kan zien, cq hengelen

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Op dinsdag 10 september 2013 21:18 schreef Pietverdriet het volgende:

Kimberly

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Op dinsdag 10 september 2013 21:57 schreef Boy_Zonderman het volgende:
Ahw... Ali

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Op dinsdag 10 september 2013 21:58 schreef computergirl het volgende:

[..]

Ik vond het terecht

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Op woensdag 11 september 2013 13:06 schreef MaximusTG het volgende:
Overigens; met deze plugin:

http://hola.org/

Kun je vanuit NL gewoon via BBC iplayer kijken.

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Op woensdag 11 september 2013 13:06 schreef MaximusTG het volgende:
Overigens; met deze plugin:

http://hola.org/

Kun je vanuit NL gewoon via BBC iplayer kijken.

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Op dinsdag 17 september 2013 22:05 schreef Postbus100 het volgende:
Dat koekoekshuisje was erg schattig.
En ik heb zo de indruk dat bepaalde personen koste wat het kost niet naar huis mogen. Daarom werd Kimberly gespaard en moet Howard de volgende keer naar huis (dat was nu al het plan, maar hij dwarsboomde dat plan met een perfecte toren). Of die man van die groteske baksels moet volgende keer weg. De rest is veilig.

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Op dinsdag 24 september 2013 21:59 schreef motorbloempje het volgende:
Jawel! Maar niet met de laptop erbij

Howard

Het was wel tussen hem en Glenn, maar had eigenlijk verwacht dat ze Glenn zouden wegsturen

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Op dinsdag 24 september 2013 22:19 schreef Pietverdriet het volgende:
Had ze beide weggestuurd