I am writing to apply for the General management master at the University of SH starting in the autumn of 2011. I am currently completing the CE bachelor at the Amsterdam business school. This study fit me perfectly, as I was selected for different external consultancy projects because of my high grades, thus I will be graduating in August 2011. herschrijf deze zin, niet meer dan 1 komma per zin
At this moment I am writing my thesis at ING Amsterdam. Alongside writing my thesis, I am project coordinator of the project ‘ETC.’. As selection criteria for internships at international companies //like of such as// ING //are// very challenging, I am very pleased I am able to graduate on my research topics of Strategy, Finance and Marketing.
As I like to travel and //experience// different cultures, these were //[my primary]// motives to do my internship in South America in the third year of the CE course. Living there extended my knowledge of the English and Spanish language; shed//wat is dit?// my friends and my dealings with other cultures. In addition, the completion of tasks during the internship were highly successful, revenues doubled last year after the changes I made during my //stay// at Expomundo.
Besides traveling, I like outdoor activities. I'm an avid member of //a// soccer club in Rotterdam, where I often run survival courses and // practice oid // mountain biking together with friends.These sports have contributed to my perseverance and cooperation with others. I try to practice as much as I can, but due a busy schedule at this moment I sometimes have to prioritize and choose between studies and sports.
I am convinced that the university of SH can assist me in increasing my knowledge and skills, and my dealings with other cultures can contribute to //a good// atmosphere and professionalism of the University of SH.
Zomaar wat ideetjes, een aantal dingen waren duidelijk grammaticaal fout en sommige zinnen lopen niet echt. Hou de regel aan dat een zin nooit meer dan 1 komma moet bevatten, anders wordt de zin te onoverzichtelijk.
Beneath the gold, bitter steel