NWS Foto-Onderschriftcompetitie #2: Hilarische actualiteiten

quote:

May I be cynical for a bit? I hope you don't mind, but with the United States of America's latest barrage of conniving, mawkish rantings, I can't resist the urge to make a few cynical comments. What follows is a set of observations I have made about morally questionable gauleiters. It is painful to write such truisms, but I've tried explaining to the United States of America's bootlickers that the United States of America's henchmen have an almost identical mentality, as if they all had been cloned from a single self-aggrandizing prototype. Unfortunately, it is clear to me in talking to them that they have no comprehension of what I'm saying. I might as well be talking to creatures from Mars. In fact, I'd bet Martians would be more likely to discern that the United States of America's cronies maintain that there should be publicly financed centers of Comstockism. This is precisely the non-equation that the United States of America is trying to patch together. What it's missing, as usual, is that it intends to create a new social class. Fork-tongued extremists, self-centered vigilantes, and unforgiving recidivists will be given aristocratic status. The rest of us will be forced into serving as their accomplices.

As part of its efforts to gain a mainstream following, the United States of America publishes the Journal of Impractical Mysticism. Included alongside articles discussing history, culture, art, religion, and philosophy are endorsements of the United States of America's plans to commit acts of immorality, dishonesty, and treason. Do you really think that we should abandon the institutionalized and revered concept of democracy, as the United States of America claims? Wake up! There are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If the United States of America finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that the United States of America never tires of trying to extinguish fires with gasoline. It presumably hopes that the magic formula will work some day. In the meantime, it seems to have resolved to learn nothing from experience, which tells us that it has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to spread the word about its polyloquent metanarratives to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers -- even to strangers. The United States of America's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, we need to educate others about the solutions and catch-phrases of caustic pamphleteers. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that the United States of America's sycophants believe that every word that leaves the United States of America's mouth is teeming with useful information. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to deal with the relevant facts. In the simplest of terms, if the United States of America's thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, it wouldn't consider it such a good idea to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Let's just ignore the United States of America and see what it does. When the United States of America hears anyone say that I can't live with cynical tightwads who rewrite history to reflect or magnify an imaginary "victimhood", its answer is to stonewall on issues in which taxpayers see a vital public interest. That's similar to taking a few drunken swings at a beehive: it just makes me want even more to make some changes here. Let's consider for a moment, though, that maybe if the United States of America is allowed to ascribe opinions to me that I don't even hold, the implications can be widespread. Then doesn't it follow that a great many thoughtful people share my concerns about it?

The practical struggle which now begins, sketched in broad outlines, takes the following course: There is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until the United States of America and its vicegerents started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that the United States of America is not just atrabilious. It is unbelievably, astronomically atrabilious. One of the United States of America's apostles once said, "A richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem." Now that's pretty funny, of course, but I didn't include that quote just to make you laugh. I included it to convince you that the United States of America can fool some of the people all of the time. It can fool all of the people some of the time. But it can't fool all of the people all of the time. If you think about it, the United States of America has an ego of galactic proportions. I mean, think about it.

It's easy to tell if the United States of America's lying. If its lips are moving, it's lying. At the risk of shocking you further, I shall point out that the United States of America's true goal is to outrage the very sensibilities of those who value freedom and fairness. All the statements that its attendants make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to provide you with a holistic and thematic history of the United States of America's unrealistic accusations. The United States of America has delivered exactly the opposite of what it had previously promised us. Most notably, its vows of liberation turned out to be masks for oppression and domination. And, almost as troubling, the United States of America's vows of equality did little more than convince people that prudence is no vice. Cowardice -- especially the United States of America's censorious form of it -- is.

If you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, I, not being one of the many flighty indecent-types of this world, have noticed of late a very strong undercurrent of insecure-to-the-core alarmism among predatory sociopaths. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, the United States of America is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to the United States of America is anarchism. Why? I once asked the United States of America that question -- I am still waiting for an answer. In the meantime, let me point out that the United States of America is the type of organization that turns up its nose at people like you and me. I guess that's because we haven't the faintest notion about the things that really matter, such as why it would be good for it to inure us to resentful metagrobolism. Although it's easy to sit in the press box and criticize, if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. If you can make any sense out the United States of America's spiteful beliefs (as I would certainly not call them logically reasoned arguments), then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did. Teenagers who want to shock their parents sometimes maintain -- with a straight face -- that the United States of America is a perpetual victim of injustice. Fortunately, most parents don't fall for this fraud because they know that some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that the United States of America evinces a bulldog-like instinct for going after the jugular of its intended victims. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation.

You've heard me say that the United States of America's forces are all the worst classes of pernicious, repressive lamebrains there are. True, that's a cheap shot, but too often, they do think and behave in ways that reinforce that image. Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that the United States of America exhibits an air of superiority. You realize, of course, that that's really just a defense mechanism to cover up its obvious inferiority. The United States of America has been trying for some time to convince people that the sky is falling. Don't believe its hype! The United States of America has just been offering that line as a means to ignite a maelstrom of larrikinism.

What the United States of America doesn't realize is that I once managed to get it to agree that the spirits of our ancestors grieve as they watch it make its witticisms a key dynamic in modern chauvinism by viscerally defining "piezocrystallization" through the experience of apolaustic, indelicate fascism. Unfortunately, a few minutes later, it did a volte-face and denied that it had ever said that. In asserting that the majority of chauvinistic doomsday prophets are heroes, if not saints, it demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision. It's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. The United States of America distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain its current opinions. The bulk of amoral hedonists are at least marginally tolerable, but not the United States of America. The United States of America is not only immoral, but amoral. If I weren't so forgiving, I'd have to say that if one believes statements like, "No one is smart enough to see through the United States of America's transparent lies," one is, in effect, supporting ill-bred buggers.

We wouldn't currently have a problem with feudalism if it weren't for the United States of America. Although it created the problem, aggravated the problem, and escalated the problem, the United States of America insists that it can solve the problem if we just grant it more power. How naïve does it think we are? Truly, many people who follow the United States of America's teachings have come to the erroneous conclusion that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. The stark truth of the matter is that it has values that are antagonistic to a traditional, moral society. If you don't believe me, see for yourself. Sure, some of the United States of America's disquisitions are valid, but that's not the point.

Unfortunately, the English language contains so few words of reprobation and invective that I cannot satisfactorily describe the United States of America's illiberal vaporings. At least our language's lexicon is sufficiently voluminous for me to explain that the United States of America's method (or school, or ideology -- it is hard to know exactly what to call it) goes by the name of "the United States of America-ism". It is an untoward and avowedly contumelious philosophy that aims to dress up the United States of America's profit motive in the cloak of selfless altruism. The United States of America's reports cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that the United States of America's views won't be used for political retribution. The surest way for the United States of America's emissaries to succeed is for them to lure the obdurate into the United States of America's little empire. Since I don't have anything more to say on that subject, I'll politely get off my soapbox now.

quote:

Op donderdag 6 september 2007 22:26 schreef Gordon_Shumway het volgende:
[afbeelding]

FOK! meets Afghanistan: Ben Laden! Schenk wat te drinken in en probeer het nog eens.

quote:

Op vrijdag 7 september 2007 16:26 schreef BaajGuardian het volgende:
Zo hé wat zijn er veel mensen zonder humor hier, schrikbarend.

quote:

Op vrijdag 7 september 2007 16:44 schreef ruud_fr het volgende:

[..]

als jij het denkt beter te kunnen moet je dat vooral doen

quote:

Op vrijdag 7 september 2007 17:00 schreef BaajGuardian het volgende:

[..]

Lees het topic eens, ik heb al meegedaan.