As the American northeast recovers from last week's massive power outage, during which an estimated 60 million people - from New York to Detroit to Toronto - were left in the dark, power metal legends Manowar have issued a statement claiming responsibility for the massive blackout.

"First of all, consider this not an Apology, for Kings of Metal grovel before no one," the statement - credited to bassist and founding member Joey DeMaio - begins. "However, Manowar wishes to acknowledge to the world their role in the Surge of Electrical Power that, much like our vaunted music, rocked the world last week. Though it was not our intention to disrupt the lives of millions of Poseurs, we consider it a Testament to Heavy Metal Might and Thunder that one power chord from our steeled hands could wreak such havoc in the lives of mortals."

According to DeMaio, guitarist Karl Logan was tuning before a rehearsal at the band's upstate New York studio, and his striking of a "particularly bitchin' and typically intense" power chord coincided with the moment the lights went out for millions of people.

"Real Men Play On Ten, and always have," Logan comments. "As I am already the fastest, loudest, and most determined heavy metal guitarist on this or any World, I can only assume that it was the power grid itself, weakened by two Decades of our Heavy Metal Assault, that finally surrendered to the Glory and the Honor of True Metal Brotherhood."

Several naysayers, including high officials in the electrical power industry, insist that an overloaded line in Ohio, or even an attack from computer hackers, are the only likely causes of the outage. "The notion that a guitar player hitting a chord could knock out the entire northeast grid is ludicrous," commented Cleveland First Energy spokesman Wiffley Snidegarb, on condition of anonymity. "I mean, maybe if it was DeMaio playing 'Flight of the Bumblebee' on bass. Maybe."

Manowar has stated that, despite their refusal to turn down or in any way betray the heavy metal cause, they do feel sympathy for the cities left hungry and powerless by the force of their might. "We hereby issue the call to all True Metal Brothers and Well-Endowed Women of Steel - come to us, to our studio, and we will teach you the primitive ways of hunting, gathering, conquering and pillaging. These old ways of survival will be useful soon, as it has become obvious that Manowar's uncompromising Sonic Savagery is too strong for civilization itself to endure. Once the Blood-Forged Might of our Victorious Anthems cause this weak-willed Society and its trappings to crumble, the World's Loudest Band will lead you all to a new era, where Real Men hunt for their meat in the woods, and Fuck their Metal Maidens with Lust and Pride near a roaring fire next to a cave, while drinking their Beer from a hollowed horn and bellowing praises to the Old Gods. The time is nearly upon us, Brothers and Sisters!"

DeMaio concluded that, should fans be unable or unwilling to shed their modern lives and move to the woods of upstate New York to live naked in a cave, that purchasing a t-shirt or mesh-backed baseball cap from the band's online store would be "almost as cool."

- Keith Bergman

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Op woensdag 27 augustus 2003 10:21 schreef Michaeltjuh het volgende:
"We consider it a Testament to Heavy Metal Might and Thunder that one power chord from our steeled hands could wreak such havoc in the lives of mortals."

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DeMaio concluded that, should fans be unable or unwilling to shed their modern lives and move to the woods of upstate New York to live naked in a cave, that purchasing a t-shirt or mesh-backed baseball cap from the band's online store would be "almost as cool."

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WARREL DANE COMMENTS ON BIG BLACKOUT OF 2003

Warrel Dane Enjoys Soup During the Great Blackout

Nevermore vocalist Warrel Dane, speaking with fanzine Iron Sword Review Monday, discussed what pundits have already tagged The Big Blackout of 2003 the startling breakdown that affected so many people last week.

I was in New York when it happened, Dane recalled. It was right around four, and I'd been up since Wednesday afternoon, downing shot after shot of Rumple Minze and chasing them with cans of Natural Light me and [bassist] Jim [Sheppard] had stolen from a Store 24 down the street from our hotel. We'd already conned one of the kitchen staff into stealing us some bottles of wine, and those were empty, all over the floor. Jim was hanging off the balcony, puking on some tourists who'd stopped in the street to take a picture, and I was running around the room wearing nothing but a bedsheet and a shower cap, waving a toilet plunger and declaring myself the Grand Premier Of Drunkass-istan. I remember thinking two things simultaneously 'oh hell, I have to do a phone interview with Digital Metal in twenty minutes'... and 'oh hell, I have to shit, like, RIGHT NOW.'

Anyway, you know how you're fucked up, and you think you've done something, but all you've really done is thought about it? I turned to run to the bathroom, and in my mind I thought I'd gotten across the room but I just kinda stood there, leaning toward the bathroom door, a good twelve feet away. All the sudden, I just let go totally shit myself. Sheppard turns around and starts yelling at me, wiping puke off his face onto the curtains and just as I'm thinking 'oh, fucking hell, I just Hormel'ed myself!' someone starts pounding on the door. We found out later it was security, they were coming up to kick us out.

Right about then, my brain just says 'night-night, Warrel' [laughs]. I could actually feel myself collapsing in slow motion, my knees buckling, the shit running down my leg, my bedsheet toga falling off. I had one of those moments of total clarity right then, and I looked over Jim is running at me to try and catch me, vomit on his shirt, and right behind him I see the alarm clock on the bureau it says 4:10pm.

That's when everything went black it was fucked up. I'm told that later I got up, pulled clothes on over my shitty ass, broke the door, went out on the streets, and told the crowds of people that 'only I knew the secret of the candles and lights.' I guess people were following me around, and then some dudes thought I was gonna take them to a generator, or something? I dunno, but when I didn't, they kicked the shit out of me Milano-style. Next thing I know, it's Saturday afternoon, I wake up and I'm bandaged, bruised to hell, I feel like I've been used as a tackle dummy for the Seahawks, and I'm laying in bed in some dude in Albany's spare room. Jim rounded me up and got me out of the city somehow I was just grateful to be alive, and to have survived the most heinous blackout I've ever been a part of or seen.

Hey, check this out, Dane concluded, gesturing to a TV tuned to CNN. I guess the power went out some place last week.

- Keith Bergman

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Lekker verhaal ook van de zanger van Nevermore...

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Though it was not our intention to disrupt the lives of millions of Poseurs, we consider it a Testament to Heavy Metal Might and Thunder that one power chord from our steeled hands could wreak such havoc in the lives of mortals."

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Brothers everywhere! Raise your fists up in the air, we're warriors, warriors of the world...

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Op woensdag 27 augustus 2003 18:49 schreef R_h_A het volgende:
Klinkt het heel fout als ik dat statement het meest sexy statement ooit vind? Ik hou van Manowar, echt waar. Zulke mongolen worden maar ene maal in een millenium geboren en ik heb gewoon het geluk om in de zelfde tijd te leven.

Brothers everywhere! Raise your fists up in the air, we're warriors, warriors of the world...

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Dit _moet_ toch haast wel de meest smakeloze hoes aller tijden zijn.

En dat Nevermore verhaal is nog vager. Waarom zouden mensen hem volgen naar een generator? tis echt nie zo dat je je broodrooster erop aan kan sluiten ofzo

toch een lacheh verhaal

Hail hail hail and kill...