* Girls got balls. They're just a little higher up, that's all
* When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
* The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
* When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
* I've had a lovely evening. Unfortunately this wasn't it.
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Nu is het jullie beurt 
"Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before. "
"When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape. "
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. "
"Time flies when you are sick and psychotic. "
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936
"Everything worthwhile has already been invented." - director of the US Patent Office, 1899.
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." - Mitch Ratliffe
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook
"No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." - Gen. George S. Patton
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'" - Jerry Seinfeld
There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. - Salvador Dali
"Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax." "The aeroplane is scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9.
"The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives." - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945.
this fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
"If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going to stop you." - Matt Welsh
"If we can dispel the delusion that learning about computers should be an activity of fiddling with array indexes and worrying whether X is an integer or a real number, we can begin to focus on programming as a source of ideas." - Harold Abelson
"Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption." - Keith Bostic
"Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers." - Leonard Brandwein
"A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked." - John Gall
"There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult." - C.A.R. Hoare
"A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'. Frequently, crashes are followed with a message like 'ID 02'. 'ID' is an abbreviation for idiosyncrasy and the number that follows indicates how many more months of testing the product should have had." - Guy Kawasaki
"He who hasn't hacked assemply language as a youth has no heart. He who does as an adult has no brain." - John Moore
"As a rule, software systems do not work well until they have been used, and have failed repeatedly, in real applications." - Dave Parnas
"Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life." - Michael Sinz
"Programming graphics in X is like finding the square root of PI using Roman numerals." - Henry Spencer
"Don't get suckered in by the comments ... they can terribly be misleading." - Dave Storer
"C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg." - Bjarne Stroustrup
"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language." - Larry Wall
"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is responsible. Universes of virtually unlimited complexity can be created in the form of computer programs." - Joseph Weizenbaum
"If you're masochistic enough to program in ADA, we're not going to stop you." - Matt Welsh
"Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature." - Rich Kulawiec
"Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debuging Monday's code." - Dan Salomon
"It's easy to cry 'bug' when the truth is that you've got a complex system and sometimes it takes a while to get all the components to co-exist peacefully." - Doug Vargas
"As soon as we started programming, we found out to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs." - Maurice Wilkes
"Wisdom begins in wonder." - Socrates
"The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing." - Socrates
"The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher." - Socrates
"Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued." - Socrates
"Knowledge of the self is the mother of all knowledge. So it is incumbent on me to know my self, to know it completely, to know its minutiae, its characteristics, its subtleties, and its very atoms." - Kahlil Gibran, 'The Philosophy of Logic'
"Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,The proper study of Mankind is Man." - Alexander Pope, 'An Essay on Man'
"Wisdom stands at the turn in the road and calls upon us publicly, but we consider it false and despise its adherents." - Kahlil Gibran, 'Between Reality and Fantasy'
"It is astonishing with how little wisdom mankind can be governed, when that little wisdom is its own." - W. R. Inge
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." - Walter Lippman
"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions." - Naguib, Mahfouz
"The more sand that has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it." - Jean Paul
"Life is wasted on the living." - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't." - Richard Bach
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well." - Josh Billings
"The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live." - Joan Borysenko
"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - Buddha
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs
"The purpose of life is a life of purpose." - Robert Byrne
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"All life is an experiment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"It is not length of life, but depth of life." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
"It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts." - Millard Fuller
"Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." - Mahatma Gandhi
"What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." - William James
"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." - William James
"This life is worth living, we can say, since it is what we make it." - William James
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." - W. M. Lewis
"Tell me not, in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream! For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem. Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal; Dust thou art; to dust returnest, Was not spoken of the soul." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Don't take life seriously because you can't come out of it alive." - Warren Miller
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." - Jean-Paul Sartre
"Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be." - Jeremy Schwartz
"For some life lasts a short while, but the memories it holds last forever. " - Laura Swenson
"May you live every day of your life." - Jonathan Swift
Giving money and power to Government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream. --George W. Bush, during a campaign speech in LaCrosse, Wisconsin.
I don't know, maybe I made it up. Anyway, it's an arbo-tree-ist, somebody who knows about trees. -- George W. Bush, on the arbolist coming to identify trees on his ranch.
While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.-- Clueless Iraqi radio announcer, Baghdad Betty, trying to demoralize our Gulf War troops.
I want to be reincarnated as your tampon. -- Prince Charles, 1991
You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's air support.-- Air Force Colonel David Opfer, complaining to reporters about their coverage of the Vietnam War.
Capital punishment is our societies recognition of the sanctity of human life.-- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.
Don't be humble. You're not that great.-- Golda Meir
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by resorting to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.-- H. L. Mencken
I think that the undecideds could go one way or the other.-- George Bush, 1988
We may be finding that in some blacks, when the choke hold is applied, the veins or arteries do not open up like in normal people.-- Daryl Gates, former L.A. police chief and complete idiot.
I'm not against the blacks, and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that.-- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
Honest businessmen should be protected from the unscrupulous consumer.-- Lester Maddox, then governer of Georgia, on why his state should not create a consumer protection agency.
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
I did what any normal person would do at that age. You call home. You call home to mother and father and say, "I'd like to get into the National Guard."-- Dan Quayle, vice-presidential hopeful, defending his National Guard service during the Vietnam War.
Casual drug users should be taken out and shot.-- Daryl Gates, Asshole Deluxe.
I didn't inhale.-- Presidential candidate Bill Clinton
Who ever heard of Casablanca? I don't want to star opposite some unknown Swedish broad. -- George Raft, on the role of Rick in Casablanca.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.-- Aristotle
Ward, come upstairs and talk to The Beaver.-- June (Mrs. Frisky) Cleaver
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change.-- Vice-President Dan Quayle
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.-- Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate in 1978
A woman, occasionally, is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation.-- Karl Kraus
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.-- Brooke Shields, on why she wanted to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.-- Jackie Mason
Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?-- Marilyn Monroe, after being served matzo ball soup three meals in a row.
My work is done, why wait?-- Suicide note of Kodak founder George Eastman
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should be happier than others.-- Oscar Wilde
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.-- Helen Rowland
I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.--Vice-President Dan Quayle
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.-- Lenny Bruce
Bite the wax tadpole.-- Coca-Cola name as originally translated into Chinese (later changed to "May the mouth rejoice").
Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.-- Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.
If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war.-- Senior Pentagon official, explaining why the U.S. military censored footage showing Iraqi soldiers sliced in two by U.S. helicopter fire.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-- Last words of Union commander General John Sedgwick, spoken as he was watching enemy troops at the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.
I have no weakness for shoes. I wear very simple shoes which are pump shoes. It is not one of my weaknesses.-- Imelda Marcos, owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes.
Facts are stupid things.-- Ronald Reagan
Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years, with time off for good behavior?-- New York Senator James H. Donovan commenting on capital punishment.
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.-- General William Westmoreland on why the media should be controlled in wartime.
I stand by all the misstatements.-- Dan Quayle, then vice-presidential hopeful, defending his verbal gaffes.
quote:wat verwacht je nu? dat ik dat klote stuk ga lezen ofzo?
Op donderdag 1 mei 2003 15:25 schreef modestus het volgende:
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills it's pupils.
(Lie Back and Think of England)
quote:dump hier je random quote file toch?
Op donderdag 1 mei 2003 15:27 schreef Dragonfly het volgende:
wat verwacht je nu? dat ik dat klote stuk ga lezen ofzo?:P
"Na die skitter sterrenag verskyn die helder son, met al sy kleur en prag laat die dag maar kom."
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from" vind ik nog steeds erg sterk 
.
Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally will never hear. The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:
While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going?! I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!"Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?""Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out in Gatwick was definitely running high.Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751 make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able...If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
Unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern...we've already notified our caterers"
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vhere you are goink?"Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to Frankfurt before?"Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn't top."
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, vhat iss our start clearance time?"Ground (in English): "Iff you vant un answer you must speak in English."Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Vhy must I speak English?"Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"
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"The sooner you make your first five thousand mistakes, the sooner you will be able to correct them"
quote:theo maassen?
Op donderdag 1 mei 2003 20:28 schreef Treinhomo het volgende:
"Pin me er niet op vast" - J. Christus, 32 AD.
---Al Bundy---
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
quote:Iets darwinistischer:
Op donderdag 1 mei 2003 16:32 schreef imitated_error het volgende:
Wie het laatst lacht...is traag van begrip.
He who laughs last has outlived the rest of humankind.
quote:Die zijn inderdaad erg grappig
Op donderdag 1 mei 2003 16:07 schreef Beavis het volgende:
Misschien een beetje lang, maar toch errug leuk:vliegtuigjes spul
quote:PUMP UP THE VALIUM!!!!!!!
Op woensdag 7 mei 2003 08:47 schreef SmashBro het volgende:
Ze vragen me wel 's: Annie, hoe komt het toch dat jij altijd een fijne verzorgde spontane hygiënische uitgezakte leuke vrouw bent? En dan zeg ik altijd: mijn geheim van mooi zijn, is uierzalf, hygiëne, en lidmaatschap van de ANWB alarmcentrale. Dat is mijn geheim.
echte vrienden staan achter je daarom zie je ze niet
zolang mijn baas doet alof ik goed verdien, doe ik of ik hard werk
liefde maakt meer kapot dan je met drank goed kan drinken