SPOILER

Tried these when a well meaning wife tried to get us to eat a more healthy diet.

The "intestinal discomfort" is really an understatement. The sugar alcohols in these vile candies will reap a mighty vengeance on your entire digestive tract if you eat more than a handful. Like a nuclear reaction, there is a critical mass of bears that need to enter your system before it tries to rid itself of the poison in a violent and spectacular way. I'm not sure what that is, since my tiny wife managed two handfuls before succumbing, while I only needed one.

Side effects include:
-painful intestinal cramps (I'm dead serious, I thought we had food poisoning before looking these nasty things up on the interwebs)
-explosive and prolonged flatus that smells like an overflowing septic tank
-sweats and chills
-MOAB blast diarrhea (that's the only way I can explain it, apparently the force of the bears exiting your system creates a hypersonic detonation that can somehow clear the air gap between the seat and porcelain toilet bowl)

There is no time frame for the symptoms and there is no warning, but the window to intestinal genocide seems to be 6-24 hours. You go from minding your own business to the most painful intestinal cramps and flatus this side of a bowel obstruction or appendicitis. You will be glued to the toilet (both figuratively and literally) for hours trying to purge your system.

This is the price for playing God and perverting foods to suit our own prideful needs.

SPOILER

I originally bought a large bag of these at a local market after a diabetic friend moved into a new apartment and the house warming party was mostly "bring him food so the poor bachelor doesn't starve" based.

His small one bedroom, one bathroom, and maybe half a living room and kitchen place was stocked. to. the. brim by the end of the night. Not hard, considering there are one car garages larger than his place (love you, Jordan, nothing personal).

Anyway, with alcohol flowing, snacks abounding, and happy feelings flying, a few of us decided to experiment with the mostly untouched sugarfree/low sugar treats. Muffins became sandwich bread, an apple or two got hollowed out badly and recapped full with booze, werthers tossed around like finger footballs, tame little ideas. And then...the bag appeared. Unopened. Full of innocent looking gummies, little bears like the teddy bears we all hugged to us at night as children.

"It must be opened", we said.
"It must be eaten", we said.
Like Everest, the bag sat before us, challenging our gummy chewing abilities with its bouncy, fruity bear-faces.
We were unafraid. (we were 'something' all right...)
"Remember those giant 5 lb single gummy bears?", one of us asked.
"That would be so awesome.", someone replied.
"This place has glass bowls", the genius of the group responded.

And thus, ended the life of the writer. At least the social life.

For melt those bears we did. Like butter in the newly minted microwave, at 10 second intervals...10 seconds by 10 seconds closer to an unexpected doom.
A challenge from the crowd appeared. "How much do you think you can get down in 30 seconds?"
"By myself?"
"Pansy. Fine, a race to the finish? You and me, right here, right now. Last one done has to pick up trash."
"You're on."

The first bite when it cooled was delicious. The slow, short cooking had enabled most of the gumminess to remain without becoming goop. Slowly but surely I filled my stomach full of formerly-bear glop, not bothering to fully chew. I would win this. And then I would "accidentally" knock over the trash can. Take that.

And I did. I won. True, he only quit mere bites before I did, but it was victory none-the-less. Stubborn-ness had me achieving victory, and victory tasted like multi-flavored chewy bears, and it was sweet.

And the party continued.
And the booze and talk continued.
And the food and fun continued.
And I stopped.
And walked...breathing through the pain ever so calmly to the door of the one bathroom in this shiny new apartment.
And knocked...ever so politely.
And I heard what I can only describe as a hippo mating under water with a sperm whale while someone in the background is being beaten in time with the rhythm.
It Scared me.
And then I smelled it, and the only thing I can compare it to is when female berthing had a sewage back-up after taco night. 65 females, 3 toilets, and not nearly enough ventilation. I imagine it smells a lot like dead bodies covered in four day old spoiled milk.
It Horrified me.
And then I FELT it, that first squeek of release followed by massive stomach cramping and sudden, frantic prayers.
One bathroom.
One toilet.
And it was being used by the man I had beaten fair and square not two hours earlier. And he didn't sound like he was getting up.
I needed in there.
And a second squeek was felt.
And then I didn't care about the toilet. I just couldn't be seen while this was happening.
I banged on the neighbors door. No answer.
I lived an hour away and if I bent into a car this would be over and No Car Cleaner On Earth could fix it.
No shrubbery to hide behind.
No gas station close by.
I knocked on the bathroom door, once again. I instructed him to "Open the door, I don't care. PLEASE."
Because while he may not have a second toilet, he did have a shower stall.

Now a days I live a quiet life, with my cats Beezle, Tom, and Finklemyer. As a social outcast I now have all the time in the world to sit on my toilet. And I do. Just in case. The cats have 3 litterboxes as well, just in case.

SPOILER

I LOST 26 LBS ON THIS DIET! These bears cleaned out my system entirely.

watch out for hemorrhoids and don't consume with Indian cuisine.

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:13 schreef Catkiller het volgende:
Ja, want jij hebt vast nog nooit gummiberen op. Ga toch weg met je oude linkdump, kneus.

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:15 schreef Gutanoth het volgende:

[..]

Dit zijn geen normale Gummyberen, dit zijn gummyberen uit de hel

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:16 schreef Catkiller het volgende:

[..]

Volgens mij komen normale gummiberen net zo goed uit de hel wanneer je er een kilo van op eet in zeer korte tijd,

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:17 schreef Gutanoth het volgende:

[..]

Ik heb nog nóóit aan de scheit gezeten na 1 kilo normale beertjes :s

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:18 schreef Catkiller het volgende:

[..]

Nou, knap dan.

Je zegt in je OP misschien iets voor Braddie maar je bent zelf ook een fattie volgens mij.

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:13 schreef Dingflofbips het volgende:
Miet gewoon vreten

bovendien schijt iedereen zn darmen uit zn lijf na carnaval

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:19 schreef Gutanoth het volgende:

[..]

Hihi, oordelen zonder iemands Fobo te bekijken Ecto

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 15:21 schreef Catkiller het volgende:

[..]

Je hebt geen FoBo en al had je die wel dan kon het mij nog geen reet schelen en zou ik niet eens kijken, dat haalt het plezier er een beetje uit.

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 16:12 schreef Le_Professeur het volgende:
Reviews over snoep lezen, op internet zoeken naar snoep.

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bear Challenge (Warning: Intestinal Exorcism Guaranteed)

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 17:55 schreef Aberella het volgende:
Op niet gelezen, gaat dit over gummyberen in vodka?

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 17:03 schreef Nikmans het volgende:

[..]

Deze duivelse beren niet kennen

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bear Challenge (Warning: Intestinal Exorcism Guaranteed)

L.A. BEAST EATS A CACTUS

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 18:56 schreef BarendWubboJagermanJansen het volgende:

[..]

Die is gek! Hier is er nog één van hem.

L.A. BEAST EATS A CACTUS

Oh ja, de titel klopt niet. Hij eet er twee

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 19:20 schreef MsMessy het volgende:
Haal bij eerste de beste supermarkt suikervrij snoep en zorg dat er een laxerende zoetstof in zit. Eet een handje er van en gegarandeerd dat je helemaal leeg loopt. Alles met polyolen staat garant voor een mailbom uit darmstad.

quote:

Op woensdag 5 maart 2014 19:21 schreef probeer het volgende:

[..]

Good to know ...