Droge humor, MEME en quotes

quote:

If “plan A” didn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Stay Cool.

Don't ask someone for their opinion and then get mad when they give it to you.

Maybe it's maybelline... or maybe it's Photoshop....

Being such a good cook that even the fire alarm cheers you on.

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes.

"You look tired" is just a polite way for someone to tell you that you look like shit.

You don't lose friends. You just learn who your real ones are.

Once upon a time.... I used to sleep. Then this thing called “Internet” happened…

Best way to kill your enemies? SMILE.

If you take things personally you will feel offended for the rest of your life.

That awkward moment when Bella has her period and Edward uses her tampons as tea bags.

Do you ever just wanna grab someone by the shoulders, look them deep in the eyes and whisper, "no one gives a fuck"

I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle.

“Everything happens for a reason.” No you just screwed up.

Lying in bed in the middle of the night trying to decide if it’s worth it to get up and pee or if you can hold it in until the morning..

A jealous woman does better research than FBI.

Old meaning of sorry. “I won’t do it again.” New meaning of sorry. “Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful.”
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No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.

I hate when celebrities get on TV and tell us to donate to some fund... you make $12 million a movie. You send money!

If you carry bricks from your past relationship to your new one... you will build the same house.
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Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook.

Those "Yeah, I know this is wrong, but I don't give a shit" moments.
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Don't bother making space in your heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.

IF THIS IS YELLING & this is talking… I woNDeR wHat THis sOUnDs LikE?

I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.

Anyone ever remember that one time, before Facebook and Twitter, when we all went outside and did stuff?

I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.

You’re good at giving advice, but not following your own.

Pregnancy tests should read: You’re Screwed! or Keep Screwing.

*In at the store* Cashier: "Are you buying all these? " Me: "Oh no, I'm stealing them. I just wanted to show you first."

You are not a photographer…..You just have an overpriced camera.

“It’s gonna be okay.”.. “Yeah you only say that because it’s not happening to you.”

Why do people always say “no offense” right before they offend you?

Getting paid to sleep…That’s my dream job.

That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.

Letting the phone ring so the person doesn’t know you’re ignoring them …

I bet crocodiles are pissed off that “crocs” no longer stands for “gigantic vicious reptile,” but now means “ugly waterproof shoe.”

People are funny. They spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t need, to impress people they don’t like.

I don’t have trust issues, I just don’t trust you.

I’ve got a time machine. I get in and it takes me a couple hours into the future. I call it… bed.

When people come over, and your mom suddenly becomes the nicest woman in the world.

Teacher "Why's your cat at school today?" Tim: "My dad said to my mom, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave' so I'm saving him!"

What's wrong? "Nothing." "Why can't you tell me?" Cause your the problem.

It's raining. I'll update and alert all my friends who don't own a window.

Hey can i have a sip? "sure." * GLUG GLUG GLUG.* "dude, what the hell?"

Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak cat.

Stop calling yourself sexy. The only thing you turn on is a microwave.

I eat when I'm sad and I'm sad because I'm fat.

*most girls on facebook* "getting starbucks with jenny!" *2 minutes later* 141 pictures and 6 videos uploaded.

School Faces: Monday Tuesday :/ Wednesday :| Thursday Friday Saturday ^.^ Sunday -_-

I hate how spiders just sit there on the walls and act like they pay rent.

*alarm*...*snooze*....*alarm*....*snooze*....*alarm*..*checks time*..."Oh shit"

"Can I help you?" "No. I just waited in line for 30 minutes to say Hi"

Me: "mom... dad.. I decided to live on my own from now on" Them: "ok, cool" Me: "your luggage is outside."

I love finding money in my clothes. It's like a gift to me from me.

If someone truly wants you. Nothing will keep them away, they will do everything they can to be with you.

I'm a smart person. I just do stupid things.

Awwwh look, my middle finger likes you!

I hate texting people first: I feel awkward, annoying, and unwanted.

I hate when people ask me to share my iPod, and then decide to insult my musical taste.

"Have a nice life" ahh who am i kidding, i hope you get hit by a moving truck.

"Coke please." "Is Pepsi ok?" "Is monopoly money ok?"

When people post statuses like “Don't text or call me! Bad mood!” Um, no one was ever going text/call you in the first place. Just sayin'

OH, I OFFENDED YOU With my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.

Bitch please, don't be proud if every guy wants you. Cheap items have many buyers.

Chips: 70% Air 30% Chips

Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.

*Friend comes over* Friend: "Do you have a bathroom?" Me: "Oh, no. We shit outside."

"Dear face wash commercials, People don't actually splash their face like that. Sincerely, my bathroom floor which is now soaking wet.

1+1=3 if you don't wear a condom.

I Hate When My Waiter asks me, "are you done" when they see my plate empty... Naw, imma eat the damn plate too.

"They said the world is going to end this year." "STFU..., They can barely predict the weather."

Je innerlijke 'ik' is niet gebonden aan regio, cultuur en kan niet vrij zijn wanneer je meer waarde toekent aan al die externe factoren.

You will become as small as your controlling desire, or as great as your dominant aspiration.

I know this is scary,but stop denying yourself the chance to get what you truly want.You deserve it & you are worth it.

Take my advice. I don't use it anyway.

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

If you understood how your thoughts are affecting your reality, you'll be afraid of being negative.

Dear Mr. Mosquito, next time, suck my fat instead of my blood, ok?

If you understood how your thoughts are affecting your reality, you'll be afraid of being negative. Don't deny them. Accept the darkness.

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple: Know what you're doing. Love what you're doing. And believe in what you're doing.

Most people ask for happiness on condition. Happiness can only be felt if you don't set any condition.

Sometimes it's not the person that you miss. It's the memories, moments, and feelings spent with them.

You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace.

Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.

We're all pilgrims on the same journey, but some pilgrims have better road maps.

Sometimes walking away is better than standing there acting like it doesn’t bother you.

It is our imagination that transforms itself into reality.

Did you ever have a choice? Or is this just the way it was meant to be? How much of our lives can we choose and how much is just who we are?

Sometimes we spend so much time giving advise to other people that we don't realize we are the ones who need to be advised.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
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Every wall is a door.

Dear Math, I'm sick of finding your "x" - Just accept the fact that she is gone. Move on, Dude.
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Wow, I haven't seen you since that time I hoped I'd never see you again.

When I was born, I was so shocked I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Dear brain, please start being able to tell the difference between hungry and bored. Sincerely, I'm getting fat!

I always wondered why W is called Double U, when it's clearly Double V...

We live in a country where people are afraid of public speaking, yet unafraid of posting half naked pictures of themselves on Facebook.

"Does this dress make me look fat?" Nah, the fat does....

You never realize what you have till it's gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Grades don’t measure intelligence and age doesn’t define maturity.

*ABRACADABRA* Nope, studying still sucks.

When I'm bored I like to eat broccoli and pretend I'm a dinosaur eating trees...

It is better to have loved and lost than to have put up with that psycho for the rest of your life.

There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.

Don't feel too special, I'm only keeping your number in my phone so I know when not to pick up when you call.