"World Cup Final: Dive Diary "

quote:

World Cup Final: Dive Diary

Sunday, July 11, 2010
Posted by Alex Brown

For the World Cup Final I decided to break with the regular style of posting and do a running diary of what I consider to be soccer's biggest flaw, diving. With Spain coming out on top in extra time for their first career World Cup championship, one would think this should be considered a victory. It's not. Spain, led by Andres Iniesta, flopped all over the pitch for 90+ minutes. Antics that were constantly rewarded by a truly awful officiating crew (14 total cards) led by England's Howard Webb, and theatrics that were constantly ignored by all of FIFA's announcing crews. As a precursor, I am a soccer fan. But the amount of unchecked garbage that the players, officials, and media get away with is outrageous. As a sport, soccer is simple, accessible, and quite frankly just fun to play. But on the world stage it is ridden with corruption amongst officials, players, coaches, and presidents. The message this World Cup has sent us is that cheaters prosper, with a laundry list of offences that get swept by the wayside by fans who like the idea of fandom more than actual tangible results. So without further ado, here is the game's running dive diary. I've marked the time of the occurrence, which team it belonged to (in brackets), and the player who dove. So we're clear, I regard a dive as overt theatrics or an unnatural fall.

Pregame note- CBC studio host pontificates -- in regards to the World Cup trophy being brought out in a Louis Vuitton case -- "Cannavaro brings the symbol of affection to the pitch". What does that even mean?

First Half

0:47- (Spain) Busquets breaks the ice after being upended by a light breeze.
1:37- (Spain) Tip of the iceberg…
3:48- (Spain) Ramos, heralded as one of Spain’s toughest players, with a performance fit for Broadway.
13:00- (Spain) Puyol, nicknamed the caveman for his gruff demeanor, he evidently doesn’t share any of their tough qualities around contact.
14:05- (Spain) Capdevila actually fouled by Van Persie but then proceeded to sell the call with a prima donna performance fit for Glee.
15:58- (Netherlands) Robben’s first dive. And as one of the world’s foremost simulation experts, a surprise it came so late.
21:20- (Spain) Iniesta fouled, but goes airborne to induce a yellow on Van Bommel.
22:19- (Netherlands) Kuyt takes a tumble at Ramos’ expense for a yellow card.
24:00- (Netherlands) Robben strikes again for the Dutch with a delayed dive at least 3-4 seconds after initial contact.
24:22- (Spain) Puyol again. So easy a caveman can do it.
26:47- (Netherlands) Van Bronckhorst honours his last ever career game, and his captaincy, by feigning injury.
30:33- (Spain) David Villa.
32:04- (Netherlands) Robben strikes again. The only thing stranger than his theatrics is that he’s in his mid-20’s. He’s aged terribly.
35:40- (Netherlands) Sneijder.
38:36- (Spain) Xavi with a savvy veteran dive.
40:25- (Spain) Pedro with a savvy youthful dive.
41:36- (Double Dive) Sneijder and Sergio collide, spinning off of each other like tops. Each with at least 3 full spins. Bonus marks for pained expressions.
44:52- (Netherlands) Robben somehow steps on a trampoline and achieves full extension with impressive body control. The French judge gives top marks.

Second Half

46:35- (Spain) Iniesta with a delicate ballerina act, a sign of things to come.
48:31- (Spain) Xabi Alonso soars out of bounds after a slight forearm to the back, followed by the announcer calling this a man’s game. Hah.
50:13- (Spain) Villa.
53:08- (Spain) Ramos draws an awful yellow against the Dutch.
55:28- (Spain) Villa passes it and then appears to have been hit by a sniper in the rafters. Another yellow from the official despite replays showing he wasn’t even looking at the “foul”.
57:11- (Netherlands) Sneijder may never recover after touching another human being.
Side note: How do the announcers sleep at night? They haven’t mentioned one dive.
59:13- (Netherlands) Robben has the invisible chair pulled.
64:45- (Spain) Xavi with another savvy veteran dive. Much like how veteran players in other sports will crumple at the slightest… oh wait they don’t? Never mind then.
66:03- (Netherlands) Van Persie self trips himself on delay. Plus 3 spins for a yellow against Spain, divided by a pained expression, equals no shame.
67:28- (Double Dive) Another double dive, Iniesta vs. Van Bommel. Not exactly Rocky/Drago.
Side note: Players are sharing blankets on the bench. Not even sure what to say anymore.
72:37- (Spain) Iniesta steps on a Dutch player’s foot, dies a slow painful death.
74:28- (Spain) Ramos again.
77:31- (Spain) The broken record tour rolls on as Iniesta is down again. He has all the fortitude of a kindergartener skinning his knee during recess.
77:42- (Netherlands) Iniesta retaliates for his dive by making Van Bommel dive. This is poetry in motion.
Side note: When will a soccer game break out?
80:40- (Spain) Iniesta dives instead of trying to score in the box.
80:17- (Spain) Iniesta again? And from Robben no less. Two great performers combined on one play, much like the diner scene in Heat between Pacino and De Niro.
82:00- (Spain) Iniesta down yet again.
Side note: Robben yellow carded for complaining, otherwise known as karma.
Stoppage time- (Spain) Iniesta, Xavi, Villa.

Extra Time

91:38- (Spain) Spain dives 3 times within 2 seconds. Iniesta, Fabregas, Xavi, all in the box. Do they want to win? I'm no expert, but staying on your feet seems like it would make you more valuable in a sport where you kick a ball. But call me crazy.
96:15- (Spain) Xavi decides that nearly 5 minutes without a dive is not a game he wants to be a part of.
105:13- (Spain) Torres fresh on, fresh dive.
106:40- (Spain) Iniesta.
108:39- (Spain) Iniesta draws a red on the Dutch. His diving is like pi, it goes on forever.
110:43- (Spain) Iniesta, go figure.
113:00- (Netherlands) Dutch defender dives in his own end while defending Torres. Ray Lewis dives into running backs’ knees. Similar approaches right?
115:30- (Netherlands) Elia with a yard sale.
119:12- (Spain) Iniesta with another outrageous display of human contortion. Announcer proceeds to call him a hero. Get me a crash cart, stat.
Stoppage time- (Spain) Torres pulls up lame to milk the clock. (Netherlands) Sneijder re-enacts Willem Dafoe’s death in Platoon.

Game over. 53 dives in total.

A fitting end to a flawed tournament. Iniesta will be waxed poetic-over following his winning goal, despite cheating the entire game. The media will report this as a true victory for Africa and the world, when in reality it was a slow motion train wreck. Spain was the best team in the tournament and thoroughly outplayed the Netherlands, but they won at the cost of their dignity. Something that soccer -- at least today -- seems to care very little about.

quote:

Op woensdag 14 juli 2010 18:24 schreef Doublepain het volgende:
Trouwens:
[..]