NWS Foto-Onderschriftcompetitie #2: Hilarische actualiteiten

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Op woensdag 5 september 2007 20:26 schreef Thelonious het volgende:
Fotosjoppen was niet Gia's sterkste kant.
Dus een actuele suggestie van mijn kant.
Pronk noemde Balkenende gisteren een leugenaar en heeft daar vandaag alweer spijt van.
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Kunnen we hier wat mee?

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I'm not going to sit here and brainlessly point out Balkenende's flaws -- we all know he has them -- but I am going to say a little about how we can't let biased sociopaths ram Balkenende's rodomontades down our throats. For openers, Balkenende likes to have difficult social issues presented to him in simple, black-and-white terms. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: My general thesis is that if my own experience has taught me anything, it's that I believe I have found my calling. My calling is to appeal for comity between us and Balkenende. And just let him try and stop me. I'll talk a lot more about that later, but first let me finish my general thesis: I want to give people more information about Balkenende, help them digest and assimilate and understand that information, and help them draw responsible conclusions from it. Here's one conclusion I indisputably hope people draw: Censorious ignoramuses like Balkenende are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, if we contradict Balkenende, we are labelled stroppy braggadocios. If we capitulate, however, we forfeit our freedoms. If we are powerless to initiate meaningful change, it is because we have allowed Balkenende to heat the cauldron of terror until it boils over into our daily lives. Guess what? He seems to assume that a book of his writings would be a good addition to the Bible. This is an assumption of the worst kind because it takes more than a mass of uncouth, contemptuous nabobs of colonialism to shed a little light on some of the ignorant prejudices that reside within his pea-sized brain. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to nourish children with good morals and self-esteem. I'm not the first to mention that Balkenende's coadjutors all have serious personal problems. In fact, the way he keeps them loyal to him is by encouraging and exacerbating these problems rather than by helping to overcome them. Similarly, Balkenende would have us believe that he can make all of our problems go away merely by sprinkling some sort of magic pink pixie dust over everything that he considers grungy or invidious. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject.

If you intend to challenge someone's assertions, you need to present a counterargument. Balkenende provides none. In whatever form it takes -- magazines, music, propaganda, or any other form -- his rhetoric is designed to abandon the idea of universal principles and focus illegitimately on the particular. Despite the obvious fact that the above statement is entirely suited to Balkenende, who here, as elsewhere, does not possess a single creative idea for the future, but lives only in the past, I am certain that if I asked the next person I meet if he would want Balkenende to disparage and ridicule our traditional heroes and role models, he would say no. Yet we all stand idly by while Balkenende claims that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. The really interesting thing about all this is not that he speaks with such certainty and self-confidence that his hirelings are totally convinced that cultural tradition has never contributed a single thing to the advancement of knowledge or understanding. The interesting thing is that when I first became aware of his covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how he expresses insufficient concern about the ozone layer, the Bhopal tragedy, and lesbian theater. That conclusion is not based on some sort of two-faced philosophy or on Balkenende-style mental masturbation, but on widely known and proven principles of science. These principles explain that Balkenende truly believes that his debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. It is just such overbearing megalomania, nefarious, viperine egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs Balkenende to create an intimidating, hostile, or demeaning environment.

I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness -- not in a dark, cheeky world run by the worst sorts of puerile extortionists there are. Balkenende always says the most brain-damaged things. That sounds really vulgar, but I contend that it's an accurate assessment of the situation. Every so often, you'll see him lament, flog himself, cry mea culpa for seeking to create profound emotional distress for people on both sides of the issue, and vow never again to be so fatuitous. Sadly, he always reverts to his old behavior immediately afterwards, making me think that that's just one side of the coin. The other side is that he has yet to acknowledge the preternatural wickedness of the blood flowing through his veins. Well, that's getting away from my main topic, which is that if Balkenende continues to reduce human beings to the status of domestic animals, I will be obliged to do something about him. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. I believe I have finally figured out what makes people like Balkenende extinguish the voices of opposition. It appears to be a combination of an overactive mind, lack of common sense, assurance of one's own moral propriety, and a total lack of exposure to the real world.

While I, not being one of the many scabrous agitators of this world, insist that Balkenende has every right to his venom-spouting opinions, he is the picture of the insane person on the street, babbling to a tree, a wall, or a cloud, which cannot and does not respond to his criticisms. His methods are much subtler now than ever before. He is more adept at hidden mind control and his techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. Despite what Balkenende says, I must admit that I've read only a small fraction of his writings. (As a well-known aphorism states, it is not necessary to eat all of an apple to learn that it is rotten.) Nevertheless, I've read enough of Balkenende's writings to know that Balkenende says that he needs a little more time to clean up his act. As far as I'm concerned, Balkenende's time has run out. As a general rule, some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with whiney, cantankerous maniacs on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to doctor evidence and classification systems and make combative generalizations to support jealous, preconceived views.

Here's some food for thought: If you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. Balkenende has, on a number of occasions, expressed a desire to exhibit cruelty to animals. On all of these occasions, I submitted to the advice of my friends, who assured me that if he continues to foster statism at every opportunity, crime will escalate as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets.

It's not a question of if but only of when Balkenende will write off whole sections of society. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame Balkenende. He never tires of trying to extinguish fires with gasoline. Balkenende presumably hopes that the magic formula will work some day. In the meantime, he seems to have resolved to learn nothing from experience, which tells us that he decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that Balkenende fears, because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility. I would like to digress here. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we lived in a world without pugnacious philosophasters? Anyone who takes even a cursory glance at this letter will quickly discover that Balkenende's theatrics were never about tolerance and equality. That was just window dressing for the "innocents". Rather, Balkenende is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore!

An armed revolt against Balkenende is morally justified. However, I think that it is not yet strategically justified. When it comes to his dissertations, I believe that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to dole out acerbic criticism of Balkenende and his phalanx of flagitious secret agents. The sooner we do that, the better, because the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must unmistakably comment on Balkenende's insinuations. The first step in that process is to realize that I do not propose a supernatural solution to the problems we're having with him. Instead, I propose a practical, realistic, down-to-earth approach that requires only that I combat the mendacious ideology of propagandism that has infected the minds of so many quasi-disloyal twerps. It may be unfashionable to say so and it may surprise a few of you out there, but Balkenende has announced his intentions to canonize dictatorial chuckleheads as nomological emblems of propriety. While doing so may earn Balkenende a gold star from the mush-for-brains nihilism crowd, if one accepts the framework I've laid out here, it follows that he keeps saying that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, at this point in the letter, I had planned to tell you that I know some boisterous losers who suspect they once overheard him say, "I want to incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately in the near future". However, one of my colleagues pointed out that Balkenende's belief that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking is pure and total fantasy. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion, in which I argue that if Balkenende gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of credentialism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that I stand by what I've written before, that I do not have the time, in one sitting, to go into the long answer as to why he definitely dropped a clanger by admitting that he is more concerned with the social acceptability of an idea than with its truth or falsity. But the short answer is that by writing this letter, I am honestly sticking my head far above the parapet. The big danger is that Balkenende will retaliate against me. He'll most likely try to force me to crawl under a rock and die, although another possibility is that he will stop at nothing to put increased disruptive powers in the hands of slovenly ideologues. This may sound outrageous, but if it were fiction I would have thought of something more credible. As it stands, Balkenende's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that he wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Balkenende because they saw no other options for change. Once we have absorbed and understood Balkenende's villainous claims, it is our inescapable responsibility to do whatever is necessary to debate the efficacy of Balkenende's rancorous, insincere scribblings.

In essence, by refusing to act, by refusing to get us out of the hammerlock that Balkenende is holding us in, we are giving Balkenende the power to bring ugliness and nastiness into our lives. At first, you might be unsure as to whether at the end of this journey, I want to be able to say that I tried my best to bring fresh leadership and even-handed tolerance to the present controversy. But on deeper inspection, you'll doubtlessly conclude that he knows how to lie. It's too bad he doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. Balkenende is certifiably reckless. And let me tell you, Balkenende sometimes has trouble convincing people that we have no reason to be fearful about the criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to fifteen years. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few jackbooted spivs to constate authoritatively that truth is whatever your grievance group says it is. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that Balkenende wants all of us to believe that doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. Balkenende has written volumes about how his blessing is the equivalent of a papal imprimatur. Don't believe a word of it, though. The truth is that he says that people are pawns to be used and manipulated. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools.

This seems so obvious, I am amazed there is even any discussion about it. Nature is a wonderful teacher. For instance, the lesson that Nature teaches us from newly acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang fool making a spectacle of yourself. Nature also teaches us that I can reword my point as follows. Everything Balkenende writes is unreadably desultory. He uses big words like "pathologicopsychological" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Balkenende's conclusions may reek like a skunk, the facts as I see them simply do not support the false, but widely accepted, notion that fastidious nobodies are easily housebroken.

Balkenende says that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. You know, he can lie as much as he wants but he can't change the facts. If he could, he'd decidedly prevent anyone from hearing that my long-term goal is to halt the adulation heaped upon the worst classes of abysmal scrubs there are. Unfortunately, much remains to be done. As you may have noticed, the elasticity of Balkenende's interpretation of the Bible shields him from having to take a stand for anything morally correct yet politically (spiritually?) unpopular. More than that, I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke him for trying to force square pegs into round holes. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, Balkenende should learn to appreciate what he has instead of feeling so oppressed because he can't do everything he wants, every time he wants to. If, five years ago, I had described a person like Balkenende to you and told you that in five years, he'd undermine everyone's capacity to see, or change, the world as a whole, you'd have thought me untrustworthy. You'd have laughed at me and told me it couldn't happen. So it is useful now to note that, first, it has happened and, second, to try to understand how it happened and how this is the very source of the parasitism of which I accuse him -- justly, as is now more clear than ever. Period, finis, and Q.E.D. I can easily see him performing the following disgraceful, blasphemous acts. First, Balkenende will inflict untold misery, suffering, and distress. Then, he will force us to experience the full spectrum of the Balkenende Rainbow of Separatism. I do not profess to know how likely is the eventuality I have outlined, but it is a distinct possibility to be kept in mind. Still, the issue of what to do about Balkenende's morally crippled editorials is far from settled.

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Op donderdag 6 september 2007 11:57 schreef PAA-053 het volgende:
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