AKQ SC# 537- met manboobcorrectie en anusbleking

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Op vrijdag 30 januari 2009 13:44 schreef iamredleader het volgende:
Nee hoor

trouwens, vol, je bent toch niet zwanger?

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Op vrijdag 30 januari 2009 13:59 schreef iamredleader het volgende:
Okee, het is hier druk genoeg -> verkassen we naar de AKQ om daar "oldschool" te gaan quizzen?

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....

****

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....

********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
T he woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....

****

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started.....


****

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....

****

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started.....

****

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

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Op vrijdag 30 januari 2009 14:30 schreef iamredleader het volgende:
Nem, die zijn mooi

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A Great Recipe for a peace-filled life in 2009


1. Take a 10 to 30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It
is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about
what is going on in your life. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that
is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild
Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues
of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead
invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a
college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument.
Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years,
will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends
will stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.

24. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings.
You'll be smiling before you know it.

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Op vrijdag 30 januari 2009 14:34 schreef iamredleader het volgende:

[..]

Lekker

Leuk dat je zondag langskomt

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Op vrijdag 30 januari 2009 14:37 schreef iamredleader het volgende:

[..]

ik zeg alleen: het was Tinuviel's idee